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Subject: "Why black women struggle to find a mate.(this argument again...)" Previous topic | Next topic
double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21602 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 11:45 AM

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"Why black women struggle to find a mate.(this argument again...)"
Wed Aug-26-15 12:09 PM by double negative

  

          

http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/live-news/2015/6/african-american-women-struggle-to-find-marry.html


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MBD4uuksxg


whats the stance again? propaganda/stacked argument?


I hear the argument but then I kinda roll my eyes

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
The ones that don't get married probably don't want to be married
Aug 26th 2015
1
yep. same tired argument
Aug 26th 2015
4
      Why do some brothers get so upset about valid, verifiable statistics?
Aug 26th 2015
5
           Several reasons.
Aug 26th 2015
10
           No one is forcing you socialize or even sympathize with these women
Aug 26th 2015
12
                it's natural to socialize with them, why wouldn't it be??
Aug 26th 2015
16
                     I don't form longstanding social relationships with adults who complain
Aug 26th 2015
19
                          wait, your social circle doesnt have that many Black American Women
Aug 26th 2015
22
                          It does. It's just not STRICTLY that. You really sit in conversations
Aug 26th 2015
23
                               I'm not talking about ALL Black groups tho...
Aug 26th 2015
26
                                    You should be arguing with the people who taught you to read, not me
Aug 26th 2015
29
                                         #22 your social circle doesnt have that many Black W's?
Aug 26th 2015
33
                          It's not about "complaining a lot"
Aug 26th 2015
79
                               I think dude was dead set on an ALL Black bitching circle....
Aug 27th 2015
159
                                    You really don't get it. People are less likely discuss these issues in...
Aug 27th 2015
160
           I get upset because its becoming quite the dead horse
Aug 26th 2015
13
                It's not a dead horse for single women who are struggling to find a mate
Aug 26th 2015
18
                     ive found that alot of cats seem mad insensitive to this issue...
Aug 26th 2015
62
                          Women generally don't date down very far
Aug 26th 2015
64
                               well my sis has a phd and is pretty intellectual, so i thk her main thin...
Aug 26th 2015
66
                                    So what's funny is some women (who are feminists) on Twitter were
Aug 26th 2015
73
                                         well using my sis as an example, i know for a fact that she is pretty we...
Aug 26th 2015
83
                                         Yeah, I completely get that too. Nothing wrong with it
Aug 27th 2015
170
                                         *cough*pussy*cough*
Aug 27th 2015
158
Video won't play. What's it say?
Aug 26th 2015
2
whoops! added a youtube link^^^
Aug 26th 2015
3
      Yea. Same shit.
Aug 26th 2015
6
I don't really have any opinion at this point. I mean I do but I don't
Aug 26th 2015
7
How can anyone who is not a black woman even speak on it?
Aug 26th 2015
8
1. valid point 2. explain the assimilation angle a bit more
Aug 26th 2015
9
      yeah, i want to know wtf he talking about...
Aug 26th 2015
11
      If you look at other groups that have 'assimilated' i.e. become white
Aug 26th 2015
28
           This is kinda wrong
Aug 26th 2015
39
           RE: This is kinda wrong
Aug 26th 2015
65
                yeah... in Pittsburgh they had festivals, native dishes, etc...
Aug 27th 2015
184
                     I'll have to disagree. Let's look at the numbers.
Aug 27th 2015
204
           Wow.
Aug 26th 2015
94
           Interesting take on white supremacy that I dont hear much
Aug 27th 2015
156
                I know right?
Aug 27th 2015
185
                     Re: Giving up ethnicity in exchange for supremacy
Aug 27th 2015
202
Topic has been done to death and the solution to it is always being igno...
Aug 26th 2015
14
its not propaganda
Aug 26th 2015
15
I think a lot of it is racial/economical too, it seems like white...
Aug 26th 2015
21
      oh?
Aug 26th 2015
24
      she got "issues" is the main one
Aug 26th 2015
27
           my issue is my exes are stupid
Aug 26th 2015
30
           agreed. im not 35 yet but its around the corner
Aug 26th 2015
32
           if a guy said all his ex GF's were stupid would you buy it?
Aug 26th 2015
34
           right, lol
Aug 26th 2015
37
           no because women aren't stupid.
Aug 26th 2015
43
           okay... you a little special.
Aug 26th 2015
67
           and if they're ALL stupid we need a word with the selection cmte...
Aug 26th 2015
46
           who chose those exes for you?
Aug 26th 2015
36
           not like this...
Aug 26th 2015
40
           uh oh
Aug 26th 2015
41
           clearly I've chosen the wrong frogs to kiss.
Aug 26th 2015
49
           no shade but have you ever sat down and analyzed why you chose...
Aug 26th 2015
51
                yes and yes
Aug 26th 2015
56
                     why is that?
Aug 26th 2015
70
                          for whatever reason....
Aug 26th 2015
118
                               You choose these guys and waste time with them...
Aug 26th 2015
122
                                    yes, i hoped things would work out and they didnt
Aug 26th 2015
127
                                         worth fighting for? What magazine did you get that bullshit from?
Aug 26th 2015
132
                                         omg your relationship insights are amazing!!
Aug 26th 2015
140
                                         I SMELL SARCASM
Aug 27th 2015
149
                                         "You have to EARN me!" Olivia Pope got these chicks gassed up, lmao
Aug 27th 2015
189
                                         You don't have to...
Aug 26th 2015
135
                                              there some truth in what you're saying.
Aug 26th 2015
143
           swag.
Aug 28th 2015
254
           There's something wrong with everyone.
Aug 26th 2015
77
                true
Aug 26th 2015
85
           everyone has issues. married or not married
Aug 26th 2015
71
           Not just relationship status but FITNESS for a relationship...
Aug 26th 2015
109
           :/
Aug 26th 2015
107
           Its like a dude with 4 degrees and always out of work...
Aug 26th 2015
131
                Cept you know 0 men like that and a bunch of women
Aug 26th 2015
138
                     true... i was just saying IF there was a guy like that...lol
Aug 27th 2015
157
           Smh
Aug 27th 2015
208
      If women would understand this, they'd be *way* ahead of the game
Aug 26th 2015
52
      #RealTalk
Aug 26th 2015
84
      Not an issue particular to black women...
Aug 26th 2015
112
           Yeah idk why guys always say this
Aug 28th 2015
236
      RE: I think a lot of it is racial/economical too, it seems like white...
Aug 26th 2015
74
      Honestly it's just different nowadays
Aug 27th 2015
218
I think some of these women set their standards entirely too high
Aug 26th 2015
17
i was bothered by that too
Aug 26th 2015
20
      I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating
Aug 26th 2015
25
           I mean... there's some high paying blue collar jobs out there.
Aug 26th 2015
53
                yup. They see a uniform or hear plumber, garbage man, construction worke...
Aug 26th 2015
86
                     Construction workers stay looted up
Aug 26th 2015
90
                     guys all of this has been talked about before and ran into the ground
Aug 26th 2015
93
                     Like there's an overabundance of black men in skilled
Aug 26th 2015
110
                          No, unless the are socially maladjusted or only want women
Aug 26th 2015
142
                               I think the whole "league" concept is idiotic and more one-sided
Aug 27th 2015
163
                                    Its not. Someone who busted their ass and went to college
Aug 27th 2015
165
                                         I'm not even close to 50, thank you... Shit, I'm not even 45.
Aug 27th 2015
168
                                         leagues are not just about jobs and education...
Aug 27th 2015
226
                                              PS, this "wifeable" nonsense ain't nothing but Prince Charming for nigga...
Aug 28th 2015
227
...
Aug 26th 2015
31
lol
Aug 26th 2015
35
This news report is bullshit...
Aug 26th 2015
38
People love their woe is a black woman stories.
Aug 26th 2015
42
i also think part of the problem is the the blame game
Aug 26th 2015
47
Yup. Its never a universal relationship conflict. its black men/women su...
Aug 26th 2015
69
Oh they're definitely talking abt how white men are getting fewer degree...
Aug 26th 2015
125
RE: People love their woe is a black woman stories.
Aug 26th 2015
92
The same reason Blacks are 50% of the prison population
Aug 26th 2015
44
I haveny gotten married because i dont see the benefit of marraige
Aug 26th 2015
45
nice avi.. no snark, that is a nice photo
Aug 26th 2015
48
Thanks.
Aug 26th 2015
116
statistically, it benefits us far less than it does men.
Aug 26th 2015
54
tired of this topic so I usually ignore but I have one question
Aug 26th 2015
50
A fair number of black women on this board date white dudes
Aug 26th 2015
55
no. not any more anyway
Aug 26th 2015
68
      thats good to hear, and they should
Aug 27th 2015
153
It's a trajectory issue. No more, no less.
Aug 26th 2015
57
Nah. There are stats that show the odds aren't even.
Aug 26th 2015
59
Stats which point to what exactly?
Aug 26th 2015
60
Prison statistics. Interracial marriage stats. Education stats.
Aug 26th 2015
80
      We're talking men who are "marriage material" in eyes of the women in ?
Aug 26th 2015
82
dude i lovehate your sig. gets me every time
Aug 26th 2015
63
It sums up the song it's from (Genius "Come Do Me"). Such a disingenuous
Aug 26th 2015
76
Stats can be such bullshit though, no idea how you take them so
Aug 26th 2015
81
      but he has a woman.
Aug 26th 2015
101
           ummm
Aug 27th 2015
154
           What's that mean, "he has a woman?"
Aug 27th 2015
166
This is what I believe as well
Aug 26th 2015
61
I agree. especially as it pertains to black women. just my opinion
Aug 26th 2015
115
everyone who REALLY REALLY wants to talk about this issue
Aug 26th 2015
58
black women just rather be single
Aug 26th 2015
72
There is very little social stigma to still fucking randoms
Aug 26th 2015
75
I agree with all of this, or at least this is what I see too
Aug 26th 2015
78
Good post.
Aug 26th 2015
87
all this is true. marriage is not normalized.
Aug 26th 2015
98
lol its hard as shit to get a black man off the freak train
Aug 26th 2015
120
I wonder if most black men doing online dating...
Aug 26th 2015
126
i totally agree which is why i stopped doing it.
Aug 26th 2015
128
      in our natural birthing class 5 white couples met on Eharmony
Aug 26th 2015
133
           I've tried eharmony. The last 2 three month periods...
Aug 26th 2015
136
           I've spent A LOT of money on eharmony
Aug 26th 2015
139
           I've got much better results from tinder...
Aug 26th 2015
141
                yeah but that dont mean shit
Aug 27th 2015
145
                     There is 0 chance I will meet my soulmate
Aug 27th 2015
146
           also, key word: white
Aug 27th 2015
144
                true
Aug 27th 2015
151
                     Online dating for black men
Aug 27th 2015
155
...
Aug 26th 2015
134
man.
Aug 28th 2015
255
marriage is an economic institution, more than anything
Aug 27th 2015
150
as a 34 y/o single dude...this actually made me think for a second
Aug 27th 2015
175
Yes to all of this
Aug 27th 2015
220
oh snap
Aug 29th 2015
275
I thought they didn't need a man anymore.
Aug 26th 2015
88
When has America ever wanted Blacks to be functional and self loving
Aug 26th 2015
89
RE: When has America ever wanted Blacks to be functional and self loving
Aug 26th 2015
91
No kidding. Subjugate and imprison a huge number of black men
Aug 26th 2015
96
      I don't think there's something wrong w/ me. Black men seem to tho
Aug 26th 2015
108
      man, this part KILLS ME EVERYTIME
Aug 27th 2015
152
      Shit. Yea, it is bad for both of us, for sure for sure.
Aug 27th 2015
171
these studies and articles be focusing on the wrong things.
Aug 26th 2015
95
no blacks divorce at a higher rate
Aug 26th 2015
97
      ???
Aug 26th 2015
99
           sorry i should have just said white people don't
Aug 26th 2015
100
                idk why. i never said they did. maybe you should not have replied to me
Aug 26th 2015
103
                     you know damn well she wasn't gonna let you shame white people
Aug 26th 2015
130
Black only have themselves to blame to be honest
Aug 26th 2015
102
that was cold as ice. shit.
Aug 26th 2015
104
You sure about that?
Aug 26th 2015
119
      i was talking about being rick rolled
Aug 27th 2015
164
           I wasn't sure, that's why I phrased it that way
Aug 27th 2015
167
                yeah, I didnt want to ruin the surprise. you never ruin a RR!
Aug 27th 2015
174
Nah there are no black men who are really having a hard time
Aug 26th 2015
105
      Yep to this
Aug 26th 2015
113
      If anything they are mesmerized and confused by all the options...
Aug 26th 2015
117
           which is why I always tell sistas to tread softly on those dating sites
Aug 26th 2015
123
           That's a good point...
Aug 26th 2015
124
           RE: If anything they are mesmerized and confused by all the options...
Aug 27th 2015
161
                but that's a lot of NYC in a nutshell
Aug 27th 2015
176
                     its outside of NY now
Aug 28th 2015
235
      I disagree completely.
Aug 26th 2015
121
      Bullshit.
Aug 27th 2015
162
      I actually think this statement here is pretty accurate
Aug 27th 2015
182
           Here's My Thing about it.....
Aug 27th 2015
186
           I think your explanation that you're a hermit explains it all
Aug 27th 2015
193
           i love how your definition of decent has "great" in it numerous times
Aug 28th 2015
269
      I honestly don't think it gets this way until LATE, though....
Aug 27th 2015
177
About 50-60% of black men graduate high school...
Aug 26th 2015
106
RE: About 50-60% of black men graduate high school...
Aug 26th 2015
111
No I didn't.
Aug 26th 2015
114
You're in Nebraska, right?
Aug 27th 2015
172
like dude said... we all make choices
Aug 27th 2015
200
lol @ all the percentages...
Aug 29th 2015
277
either they don't know, don't show, or don't care Β©
Aug 26th 2015
129
People who are single choose to be single
Aug 26th 2015
137
True, but there is one problem...
Aug 27th 2015
148
      I hear you...
Aug 27th 2015
169
           100%
Aug 27th 2015
180
           Nailed It.
Aug 27th 2015
183
           Please 87% of college ed women age 22-29 in manhattan are unmarried
Aug 27th 2015
195
           It's because they are "having fun" and going on Tinder dates
Aug 27th 2015
198
           Yeah. NYC is a bad example. Nobody's trying to settle down until 30's
Aug 27th 2015
201
           1) you dont live in manhattan
Aug 27th 2015
199
           it's low for black women. it's low everywhere.
Aug 27th 2015
210
           Where are you gettings your stats from?
Aug 28th 2015
262
                That azzzz
Aug 29th 2015
274
           **best post in here**
Aug 27th 2015
207
           lol @ "choosing to be single"
Aug 27th 2015
219
                Not sure what is finny, but ok.."Lol"
Aug 27th 2015
222
                     RE: Not sure what is finny, but ok.."Lol"
Aug 28th 2015
228
                          Let me explain something to you.
Aug 28th 2015
230
                               we will have to agree to disagree
Aug 28th 2015
234
                               I see no issue with agreeing to disagree
Aug 28th 2015
242
                                    i do embrace the fact that i have a choice
Aug 28th 2015
246
                                         Glad to hear that
Aug 28th 2015
247
                                         Thank you as well :)
Aug 28th 2015
250
                                         It's highly unlikely you could take a homeless
Aug 28th 2015
256
                                         You are a gem
Aug 28th 2015
263
                                         RE: i do embrace the fact that i have a choice
Aug 28th 2015
259
                                              I can go months without a guy asking me out on a date
Aug 28th 2015
261
                                                   1) you choose to live in Omaha even tho you work from home
Aug 28th 2015
267
                                                        And a lot of women don't and they're still single
Aug 28th 2015
270
                                                             Just sayin'.. if you have only been asked our 3 times in 7 years irl...
Aug 29th 2015
273
                               I think you're missing her point
Aug 28th 2015
237
                                    No, we just don't see eye to eye of this topic
Aug 28th 2015
239
                                         I'm not really trying to compare women to men tbh
Aug 28th 2015
264
                                              It's amazing they can look at a situation where 70%
Aug 28th 2015
265
                                              I understand
Aug 28th 2015
266
"They" love pushing this narrative lol.
Aug 27th 2015
147
It's an issue for educated women in Western society
Aug 27th 2015
173
Women still make less (overall) and it wold seem white couples differ
Aug 27th 2015
178
BLACK WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO MARRY DOWN...
Aug 27th 2015
181
lol, you stay bashing Black men tho
Aug 27th 2015
187
It's not bashing to look at the reality
Aug 27th 2015
190
      The reality may be more that there is a shortage of men period
Aug 27th 2015
206
           i have no idea what you're talking about
Aug 27th 2015
209
                The truth is there is a shortage of black men.
Aug 27th 2015
217
is that term used in reference to white dating dynamics?
Aug 27th 2015
192
      Yeah it's used or something like assortive mating or mixed collar
Aug 27th 2015
194
           Disagree
Aug 27th 2015
205
Those stats do not include men who are not in the workforce
Aug 28th 2015
233
But why aren't they accounting for the fact that men tend to have
Aug 27th 2015
179
      Because college degrees are an arbitrary standard they can use
Aug 27th 2015
196
Times like this I choose to stay in my bubble.
Aug 27th 2015
188
thank yew
Aug 27th 2015
191
^^^
Aug 27th 2015
197
"But that's not even 1% of all women!!!!" - I've heard this type respons...
Aug 27th 2015
212
      yeah that's why I call it my bubble. I can't speak for outside of that.
Aug 27th 2015
215
           where do you live?
Aug 27th 2015
221
                Baltimore
Aug 27th 2015
223
                     that explains it
Aug 28th 2015
229
                          lol..nahhh...not at all...this is a top 10 city for single men
Aug 28th 2015
249
man. okp loves to shit on women. sorry ya'll.
Aug 27th 2015
203
Can you quote where someone is shitting on women here?
Aug 28th 2015
231
      Caping for no damn reason
Aug 28th 2015
268
      nah. reasons b.
Aug 29th 2015
272
      maybe i meant to say "mansplain"
Aug 29th 2015
271
Marriage is probably not in my future, and I'm fine with that.
Aug 27th 2015
211
nah, i can see it happening for you in the next two years
Aug 27th 2015
214
      I mean it sounds good but..
Aug 27th 2015
216
           My 2 best friends found their wives in ATL.
Aug 27th 2015
224
                They're guys right?
Aug 28th 2015
232
lead paint poisoning
Aug 27th 2015
213
Well I already expect to die alone
Aug 27th 2015
225
choose wisely
Aug 28th 2015
238
this is the hard bitter truth HOWEVER
Aug 28th 2015
240
RE: this is the hard bitter truth HOWEVER
Aug 28th 2015
243
      what the fuck?
Aug 28th 2015
245
whet??
Aug 28th 2015
244
RE: whet??
Aug 28th 2015
248
      ok, yea. most people get married around that time, so yea
Aug 28th 2015
251
           RE: ok, yea. most people get married around that time, so yea
Aug 28th 2015
258
:watches as my hourglass runs out:
Aug 28th 2015
252
people always say this, but i'm 34 and
Aug 28th 2015
253
listen dont worry about what im saying
Aug 28th 2015
260
This is true.
Aug 29th 2015
276
yall really don't want to talk about anything else
Aug 28th 2015
241
I dont gloat about being married, but I dont envy single people at all.
Aug 28th 2015
257
I can't wait to get married so I can renounce all given fucks on this to...
Aug 30th 2015
278

flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
12901 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 11:55 AM

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1. "The ones that don't get married probably don't want to be married"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-26-15 11:56 AM by flipnile

          

At least, they don't want to marry any of their available options. Personally, I think that "Husband Store" joke best describes what happens.

Edit: I didn't watch that video. I'm guessing it says that most black men are in jail, not interesting in women romantically, don't have jobs, have mad baby momma, etc. The stereotypical stuff.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21602 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 12:10 PM

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4. "yep. same tired argument"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

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https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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micMajestic
Charter member
22848 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 12:17 PM

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5. "Why do some brothers get so upset about valid, verifiable statistics?"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

>

Do you seriously feel like this type of discussion is a personal attack? From what I've seen in my lifetime, I feel like I can find a suitable mate easier than an African American woman of comparable attributes and educational level.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51978 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 12:27 PM

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10. "Several reasons."
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

It depends on who the guy is, but as a whole, it tends to lead to typical gender wars. "Y'ALL men aren't focused enough" "Y'all men don't want to settle down" "Maybe if y'all wanted to date Black women instead of only wanting a White or Asian girl" "Y'all don't even make it to college" "Y'all get locked up."

And of course, that turns into us being defensive in some way, and if we tell them that we don't represent those types, it's "well y'all need to be helping your fellow Black men because they are still lost, even if you aren't."

It's also a major shot to the Black men who never got play from Black women, and many of them even have a Mike Jones attitude about it all. "Y'all used to chase thugs and all the wrong guys, but now you're older and single, and blaming us, when you could have had us before." I've met plenty guys who fit this bill...some got zero play growing up or even in college because they didn't have the personality, style, or anything to attract women...and now, they have a great career, and seem to still have something against (Black) women.

Additionally, most men tend to know women who are single for reasons that aren't just due to statistics, yet we feel the stats may be a copout for SOME of the women. I know some women who are so focused career-wise, that they don't seem to entertain any men who are out there. Or, those women who actually attract great men, but they seem to find a problem with literally every man who is into them. Of course, they shouldn't just be into a guy because he wants them...but when EVERY, every every single guy who tries seems to have something wrong in their eyes? It's just harder for us to feel sympathy or believe it's truly about statistics.

I can go on and on, but yeah. For me, personally? I feel that it's a mixture of everything, but the root cause isn't the fault of Black men OR women. It's a much deeper argument and issue, but the fact that Black men aren't as educated or focused isn't because we're naturally born to be lazy or shiftless.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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micMajestic
Charter member
22848 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 12:58 PM

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12. "No one is forcing you socialize or even sympathize with these women"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

Your dating options won't change regardless of whether you watch the video or not. Neither should your dating outlook. People with major dating hang-ups & reservations generally expose themselves rather quickly. I do understand there's some justification behind their statements (which is why I don't get mad or defensive), but ultimately complainers are undesirable. I wouldn't even entertain any of these women telling ME what I need to do to fix THEIR dating problems. Those just aren't the type of people that I'd enjoy spending time around, maybe your social circle is different, I dunno. In my life, gender wars have only really existed in sibling relationships, in rap music, and online. I make it a habit not to deal with people who are subject to a lot of peer influence.


Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51978 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 01:11 PM

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16. "it's natural to socialize with them, why wouldn't it be?? "
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

Being that I'm 30, Black, single, and have so many interconnected circles of like minded men and women...these debates and discussions come up all the time. Even when I'm dating a woman, it comes up in regards to why they're single, or why their friends/cousins are single.

It's not about my personal options, but just about the topic itself whenever it comes up.

------------------------------

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micMajestic
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19. "I don't form longstanding social relationships with adults who complain "
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

>Being that I'm 30, Black, single, and have so many
>interconnected circles of like minded men and women...these
>debates and discussions come up all the time. Even when I'm
>dating a woman, it comes up in regards to why they're single,
>or why their friends/cousins are single.
>
>It's not about my personal options, but just about the topic
>itself whenever it comes up.

alot. Male or female, justifiable or not. It's just not healthy for me, but again to each their own. And do you really ask women "why are you single?". Seems like a really awkward question.
I guess I'll just chalk it up to different social circles then. I guess I've never had an all Black with a capital B social circle, there were always Latins, Caribbeans & Africans in the mix. And people who don't have much in common with me might find me difficult to get along with, maybe that has helped me in some ways.


Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Wed Aug-26-15 01:34 PM

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22. "wait, your social circle doesnt have that many Black American Women "
In response to Reply # 19


          

but you all up in here telling people who have ties to them to not talk about it?

okay

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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micMajestic
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23. "It does. It's just not STRICTLY that. You really sit in conversations "
In response to Reply # 22
Wed Aug-26-15 01:44 PM by micMajestic

  

          

>but you all up in here telling people who have ties to them
>to not talk about it?
>
>okay

with groups of women telling you how to fix their dating problems? Let me know bruh.
You saw where I said "all Black". You should now what "all" means at this point in your life. C'mon.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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legsdiamond
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26. "I'm not talking about ALL Black groups tho..."
In response to Reply # 23


          

You listed off every other group but Black women being in your social circle.

I'm not going to argue with you on this tho..

you got it all figured out.



****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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micMajestic
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29. "You should be arguing with the people who taught you to read, not me"
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

>You listed off every other group but Black women being in
>your social circle.
>
>I'm not going to argue with you on this tho..
>
>you got it all figured out.

Here's is the quote that you seem to be having a whole lotta trouble with
"I guess I've never had an all Black with a capital B social circle, there were always Latins, Caribbeans & Africans in the mix"

I don't see how this reads as "My social circle had everything but Af-Ams". I just said it wasn't ALL "Af-Am"/"Black", and I named the backgrounds of the people who were in my social circles that weren't "Af-Am".

  

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legsdiamond
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Wed Aug-26-15 02:17 PM

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33. "#22 your social circle doesnt have that many Black W's? "
In response to Reply # 29


          



I never asked if it was an ALL Black circle bruh...



****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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79. "It's not about "complaining a lot""
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

And hell naw, I'll never ask someone why they're single.

I get it now, if you don't have the types of circles I have, you'd never get it. Hell, you don't even have to have "all-Black" circles, but just knowing a few and being open with them, it's a pretty common topic. Most of them aren't bitching or complaining at that level, either.

------------------------------

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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159. "I think dude was dead set on an ALL Black bitching circle...."
In response to Reply # 79


          

being the only way this discussion could go down.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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micMajestic
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160. "You really don't get it. People are less likely discuss these issues in..."
In response to Reply # 159
Thu Aug-27-15 10:39 AM by micMajestic

  

          

>being the only way this discussion could go down.

mixed company. That's why I said what I said. I asked you if YOU had to deal with these conversations often in your everyday life, and I got no response. So you probably don't and just want to bicker....

And you had such a hard time understanding the fact that I answered your question from #22 in #23. There's just too much that you are missing, you shouldn't even bother trying figure me out, or jump into a back and forth that you weren't involved in.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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Wed Aug-26-15 01:01 PM

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13. "I get upset because its becoming quite the dead horse"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

there is the point that I cant possibly belittle the struggle of people but I do feel slighted because it feels like yet another voice about why I am not shit, why black men are not shit.....and for the record Im talking about the people I grew up with that overcame despite the obstacles

so when I hear this argument that has been said forever and ever I'm like....


yeah.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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micMajestic
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18. "It's not a dead horse for single women who are struggling to find a mate"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

>there is the point that I cant possibly belittle the struggle
>of people but I do feel slighted because it feels like yet
>another voice about why I am not shit, why black men are not
>shit.....and for the record Im talking about the people I grew
>up with that overcame despite the obstacles
>
>so when I hear this argument that has been said forever and
>ever I'm like....
>
>
>yeah.

I still don't understand why you guys feel defensive. Do you think the woman that you make happy everyday is going to constantly bring up the plight of her single friends? Do you have women in your social circle constantly taking you to task about this? lol c'mon....
And as many Black single mothers as there are out there doing the most to keep their sons happy (sometimes overdoing it), how can you truly believe, that they believe we ain't shit?

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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mikediggz
Member since Dec 02nd 2003
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:19 PM

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62. "ive found that alot of cats seem mad insensitive to this issue..."
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

but i have several friends and fam who are wonderful women, successful and are single..hell my sister is a beautiful girl who has her own nice ass townhouse, car and phd but she says dudes are reluctant to approach her because they assume shes involved...or when they see she is independent and doesnt "need" them for anything outside of companionship etc they have trouble processing that. my best female friend who ive known since high school is in the same boat...got a nice house, car, job, etc but alot of black men seem to have trouble dealing with that for some reason... sad state of affairs.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:24 PM

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64. "Women generally don't date down very far"
In response to Reply # 62


          

>but i have several friends and fam who are wonderful women,
>successful and are single..hell my sister is a beautiful girl
>who has her own nice ass townhouse, car and phd but she says
>dudes are reluctant to approach her because they assume shes
>involved...or when they see she is independent and doesnt
>"need" them for anything outside of companionship etc they
>have trouble processing that. my best female friend who ive
>known since high school is in the same boat...got a nice
>house, car, job, etc but alot of black men seem to have
>trouble dealing with that for some reason... sad state of
>affairs.

Deep down, these guys probably know that and act accordingly. She has a PHD... the odds of her respecting a man with a bachelor's (or less) is probably very low. How long before the "I need a man on my level" thoughts begin? How long before she feels "stifled" by his lack of intellectual conversation? Or feeling bad that he can't afford to buy things that she can?

  

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mikediggz
Member since Dec 02nd 2003
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:28 PM

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66. "well my sis has a phd and is pretty intellectual, so i thk her main thin..."
In response to Reply # 64
Wed Aug-26-15 03:28 PM by mikediggz

  

          

is finding a man that she can relate to...my friend didnt finish college but did complete alot of course work...she just had a great job. but my sis wouldnt have a prob dating a guy with a BA for sure

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:46 PM

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73. "So what's funny is some women (who are feminists) on Twitter were"
In response to Reply # 66


  

          

talking about how men need to accept that there's ALWAYS women who are out of their league. They literally said that except for the President, EVERY man has thousands of women who are out of their league, and that they need to act accordingly.

They said "men feel entitled to think they can holler at ANY woman, as if they are qualified enough for them." One even said "a guy who paints the White House will say 'damn Michelle, you think you too good just because you live in there, huh?'"

When I challenged them, and basically said that it reeks of low self esteem for a man to assume a woman is better than him, they didn't agree at all. They wouldn't specify what makes a woman out of a man's league, but said it's a combo of culture, education, career, and several other things.

------------------------------

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mikediggz
Member since Dec 02nd 2003
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Wed Aug-26-15 04:38 PM

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83. "well using my sis as an example, i know for a fact that she is pretty we..."
In response to Reply # 73


  

          

connected in the academic community in our area which is pretty strong...we have several hbcus and top notch pwis in the area.. as a result, she attends alot of high profile type functions and events...some are dress up affairs etc. im sure at a minimum she would want a guy who could mix with that type of crowd and feel comfortable mingling and networking etc. i dont think its an unreasonable request nor a bad reflection on her if her desire of having a man that can roll in those types of environments happens to exclude some ppl

>talking about how men need to accept that there's ALWAYS
>women who are out of their league. They literally said that
>except for the President, EVERY man has thousands of women who
>are out of their league, and that they need to act
>accordingly.
>
>They said "men feel entitled to think they can holler at ANY
>woman, as if they are qualified enough for them." One even
>said "a guy who paints the White House will say 'damn
>Michelle, you think you too good just because you live in
>there, huh?'"
>
>When I challenged them, and basically said that it reeks of
>low self esteem for a man to assume a woman is better than
>him, they didn't agree at all. They wouldn't specify what
>makes a woman out of a man's league, but said it's a combo of
>culture, education, career, and several other things.

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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170. "Yeah, I completely get that too. Nothing wrong with it"
In response to Reply # 83


  

          

>connected in the academic community in our area which is
>pretty strong...we have several hbcus and top notch pwis in
>the area.. as a result, she attends alot of high profile type
>functions and events...some are dress up affairs etc. im sure
>at a minimum she would want a guy who could mix with that type
>of crowd and feel comfortable mingling and networking etc. i
>dont think its an unreasonable request nor a bad reflection on
>her if her desire of having a man that can roll in those types
>of environments happens to exclude some ppl

I think she's all good and will be good soon, even if it takes a while to find a match.

------------------------------

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Thu Aug-27-15 09:56 AM

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158. "*cough*pussy*cough*"
In response to Reply # 73


          

>They wouldn't specify what
>makes a woman out of a man's league, but said it's a combo of
>culture, education, career, and several other things.

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:06 PM

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2. "Video won't play. What's it say?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

------------------------------

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:09 PM

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3. "whoops! added a youtube link^^^"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MBD4uuksxg

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:18 PM

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6. "Yea. Same shit."
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

------------------------------

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:20 PM

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7. "I don't really have any opinion at this point. I mean I do but I don't"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:22 PM

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8. "How can anyone who is not a black woman even speak on it?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And yes propaganda. I feel like there is an effort or message to force black people into assimilating via supporting white supremacy e.g. adopting a "bootstraps" mentality or some other such frame of thinking that in turn pits those who assimilate vs those who cannot or will not. All the while both sides remain prey for the system of white supremacy.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:24 PM

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9. "1. valid point 2. explain the assimilation angle a bit more"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

>And yes propaganda. I feel like there is an effort or message
>to force black people into assimilating via supporting white
>supremacy e.g. adopting a "bootstraps" mentality or some other
>such frame of thinking that in turn pits those who assimilate
>vs those who cannot or will not. All the while both sides
>remain prey for the system of white supremacy.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Wed Aug-26-15 12:51 PM

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11. "yeah, i want to know wtf he talking about..."
In response to Reply # 9


          

assimilate as in good job, works for white company???

and gotdamn that white supremacy

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Aug-26-15 02:08 PM

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28. "If you look at other groups that have 'assimilated' i.e. become white "
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

Irish, Italians, Germans, various Eastern European groups, certain Central and South American, etc. It appears that the process of identifying as white means the sacrifice of whatever one's original cultural identity is.

The Irish for example are culturally very different from Americans of European descent, but in coming to the US and ultimately being accepted into white society the vast majority of their cultural distinctions over a relatively short amount of time became non-existent. In other words in order to claim whiteness they had to let go of being Irish, French, German, Polish, etc. to some degree (and to a large one with perhaps the exception of Italians).

With a certain percentage of successful black people you seem to hear more of the "bootstraps, pant's up, respect yourself, speak properly" type of mentality. All of it seeming to say that in order to "make it" i.e. live like most whites-- you must give up these certain things that are often common within areas of the black experience and or culture. This to me looks like support for white supremacy (because as we know white people who behave in similar fashion need not give up much if any aspect of their cultural experience in order to be successful) masked as a type of self bias or self criticism.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Wed Aug-26-15 02:36 PM

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39. "This is kinda wrong"
In response to Reply # 28
Wed Aug-26-15 02:44 PM by legsdiamond

          

but maybe it's because I grew up in Pittsburgh where they have Polish Hill, Irish, Jews, Germans, Italians who all have strong ties to their culture.

I think those groups didn't assimilate, they just passed the hate along to us... but maybe that is assimilating to a certain extent?

ionno... but these groups still hold onto their culture in certain communities



I think as long as you have someone black in the room... you become "white"

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:26 PM

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65. "RE: This is kinda wrong"
In response to Reply # 39


  

          

>but maybe it's because I grew up in Pittsburgh where they
>have Polish Hill, Irish, Jews, Germans, Italians who all have
>strong ties to their culture.

They could be outliers though. Like the Amish communities, but I see your point. I mean they can still claim white, but are they really about that European culture? Are the German folks doing anything more than Oktoberfest? Are the Irish observing more than just St. Patrick's? If they're really holding to the cultural norms and all then I would think they're more likely to identify as Polish, German, or whatever first before white. Did you find that to be the case?


>I think those groups didn't assimilate, they just passed the
>hate along to us... but maybe that is assimilating to a
>certain extent?

They very well may have not, but it sounds like your describing enclaves almost like Native American's on reservations who still observe their traditional ways.

>ionno... but these groups still hold onto their culture in
>certain communities

Certainly, but do they practice traditional dances and certain rites of passage or festivals?

>
>I think as long as you have someone black in the room... you
>become "white"

Yes and no. What if you're a north African who only identifies as white in skin tone? But ass far as white supremacy is concerned sure.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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184. "yeah... in Pittsburgh they had festivals, native dishes, etc..."
In response to Reply # 65


          

we had something called Nationality Days where they blocked of the road for a week and everyone set up good tents with their food and each night was dedicated to a different nationality and had dances, speeches, costumes, etc.

In Charlotte there is a Greek Festival that is huge every year.

I think you missed on this one.




****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Thu Aug-27-15 03:41 PM

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204. "I'll have to disagree. Let's look at the numbers."
In response to Reply # 184
Thu Aug-27-15 03:43 PM by Atillah Moor

  

          

245,918,582 people as of 2013 classify as white. A Greek festival here and there or a Polish day in a handful of major cities simply can't take a large enough number out of that total to make an impact.

I'd agree that there are these areas with pockets of preserved culture which perhaps newly arrived emigrants help in keeping the culture alive, but I'd say there are just as many that come and end up quickly assimilating. The Tsaranev brothers are a good example in support of your claim, but I'd wager had the younger of the two finished school and tasted success in Boston he'd quickly drop that muslim business and start filling in white on his applications.

Even if you're 100% correct about there being whites who still function as culturally this or that (and I'd say that would include regular observance of customs, traditions, and language not just a day or week to celebrate here and there) they are a minority. And 38% of that number classified as white/hispanic/latino e.g. Louis CK types. So that leaves about 198,127,454 people of which I wouldn't even say 1/3rd are "keeping it real" so to speak

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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denny
Member since Apr 11th 2008
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Wed Aug-26-15 06:51 PM

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94. "Wow."
In response to Reply # 28
Wed Aug-26-15 07:15 PM by denny

          

That's a very interesting and profound characterization. I totally see that....and haven't really thought about it in that way. Good post

Here's a random observation I've had that speaks to that. During the world cup alot of 'white' people cheer for the country of their heritage. So they'll have irish flags on the car windows. Or French, Dutch, English, etc. There is ALWAYS an eventual backlash. I will have at least 3 or 4 rants on my facebook feed about people neglecting their Canadian identity. 'If you like Germany so much than move back there'....that type of thing. It's like they're threatened in some way by people celebrating their heritage. It's like clockwork every four years with the exact same rants from the same people. I've always wondered what motivates that....it totally fits your characterization though. It's basically a way of putting people back in line.

In so many words....'You're white now. You're not French anymore. Don't take that heritage shit too far lest we revoke the privilege inherited in your new white Canadian identity. Fall in line'.

Another way I've noticed it. I grew up with this guy John who was greek. When we were kids....he didn't really care about his heritage. He was absorbing the anglo-saxon culture around him....hockey, kraft dinner, etc. But when he turned 13 he had a bit of a cultural awakening. He started hanging out with more Greek people....started listening to Greek music....spoke Greek outside the house. This was met with alot of resistance from his friends. "What's with John....since when did he become 'Mr Greek' about everything? What a poser." It's like they resented him for exploring his heritage....and you can sense that they feel threatened by it somehow. Underneath their resistance...you can see how they're basically saying 'John, you're white. Cut it out with that Greek stuff'.

  

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Alphabet
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156. "Interesting take on white supremacy that I dont hear much"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

...I can see how that would be the case..I have seen where some 'white' folks that have some type of ethinic heritage sort of downplay it at times, and other times wave the flag..(mostly when they are around other ethinicities like us, on some well you know I'm not "WHITE white, Im irish or italian..ect).


#PicABeat Audio Photo series. Where the beat is inspired by the photo.
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β€œI love these bitches, man. I really do.”
- Andre 3000

  

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denny
Member since Apr 11th 2008
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185. "I know right?"
In response to Reply # 156


          

eh Atilla.....did you study sociology or something like that? Is there a particular idealogical theory or book that you've culled these views from? I'd like to read more about the frameworks/philosophies that you mention on here.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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202. "Re: Giving up ethnicity in exchange for supremacy "
In response to Reply # 185
Thu Aug-27-15 03:23 PM by Atillah Moor

  

          

My outlook is largely formed from the overall historic record of US Emigration, combined with my experiences with and observations of White culture.

The PBS documentary on prohibition I think gives a good amount of insight into how in the beginning those arriving from Europe were barely accepted at all by the majority of American Whites and touches on a facet of how they became accepted, however the race aspect is not really given much attention but the ethnic conflict is.

Any historic reference on the Irish who came to America during the potato famine and found themselves initially working alongside than competing against blacks for jobs-- which in and of itself is an overarching theme when it comes to black and newly immigrant interaction. Any book on that is as good a place as any to start, but I can't think of any one resource in regard to that though.

There is a book I've been meaning to read myself but have discussed with those who have read it which is:

How Jews Became White Folks and What That Says About Race in
by Karen Brodkin

I grew up around a good amount of Jewish culture though so I thought I pretty much knew the gist of it, but I do plan to read it.

*Did you know tap dance is the product of Irish and African American interaction? I learned that from a white dance major who specialized in Irish dance. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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ShinobiShaw
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14. "Topic has been done to death and the solution to it is always being igno..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

What is the solution you say?

Marry whoever the hell you want, fuck everybody else.

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NikaMandela
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15. "its not propaganda"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-26-15 01:16 PM by NikaMandela

          

all the reasons are valid and true.

but i also agree with the point made that a lot of black men get married much later.

in general, black men aren't as relationship/family/marriage-oriented as other men. not because "they aint shit," but because most of us grow up in broken families. we dont have many models of solid 2-parent homes growing up.

i also think a lot of black woman who remain single are too fixated on the idea of marrying "someone on my level or better." i think that a lot of black men either marry "up" or "out."

  

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ThaTruth
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21. "I think a lot of it is racial/economical too, it seems like white..."
In response to Reply # 15


          

people get married sooner because they have stronger support systems going in.

I hear young white people that get married always talk about "mom AND dad" paying for everything, the wedding, major appliances or furniture for their new house, the down payment on the house, or living in their parents house or rental property for cheap or free, a new car, no student loans, just a ton of different things that give them a head start out of the gate.

Conversely a lot of black folks go in debt from the wedding alone before you get to any of the other stuff.

For that reason, a lot of black people look to get married later. Black men in particular tend to wait until their more "established". A lot of black women want the finished product and sometimes won't give a brother a chance when he is working his way up. But once the brother is established he has a LOT more options and women in his age range often get passed over for younger women and even other races.

I always say a woman over 35 that is still single is single for a reason.

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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NikaMandela
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24. "oh?"
In response to Reply # 21


          


>I always say a woman over 35 that is still single is single
>for a reason.

what might those reasons be?

  

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legsdiamond
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27. "she got "issues" is the main one"
In response to Reply # 24


          

especially if she is fine. I know it sounds messed up but dudes think something HAS to be off for her to be by herself.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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NikaMandela
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30. "my issue is my exes are stupid"
In response to Reply # 27
Wed Aug-26-15 02:13 PM by NikaMandela

          

aint nothing wrong with me.

ppl need to stop repeating this nonsense.

  

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MzOnyxVI
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32. "agreed. im not 35 yet but its around the corner"
In response to Reply # 30


          

and i take extreme offense to the notion that there's something wrong with ME because i've not yet wed/am single

  

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legsdiamond
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34. "if a guy said all his ex GF's were stupid would you buy it? "
In response to Reply # 30


          


****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ThaTruth
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37. "right, lol "
In response to Reply # 34


          

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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NikaMandela
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43. "no because women aren't stupid."
In response to Reply # 34


          

women are crazy. men are stupid.

if he said all his exes were crazy, and thats why he's single, i'b be like yeah i feel you.

  

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legsdiamond
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67. "okay... you a little special. "
In response to Reply # 43


          

cause most women ain't buying that line even if he said they were all crazy

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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LegacyNS
Member since Jan 16th 2004
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46. "and if they're ALL stupid we need a word with the selection cmte..."
In response to Reply # 34


  

          

lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<---- 5....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlgiritpmfo

=======================================

  

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ThaTruth
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36. "who chose those exes for you?"
In response to Reply # 30


          

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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select_from_where
Member since Jan 03rd 2011
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40. "not like this..."
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

I feel you,

but not like this

  

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legsdiamond
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41. "uh oh"
In response to Reply # 36


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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NikaMandela
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49. "clearly I've chosen the wrong frogs to kiss."
In response to Reply # 36


          

but does that make me dumber than a woman who has kissed fewer frogs or just not as lucky?

my point is ppl need to stop saying there is something wrong with a woman if she is single after a certain age.

  

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ThaTruth
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51. "no shade but have you ever sat down and analyzed why you chose..."
In response to Reply # 49


          

those men in the first place?

And have there been men that you passed on and thought later..."damn, I blew that one."

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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NikaMandela
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56. "yes and yes"
In response to Reply # 51
Wed Aug-26-15 03:18 PM by NikaMandela

          

but i dont think my choices have been much different than other womens choices.

I've seen other ppls relationships survive things that my relationships weren't able to.

  

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ThaTruth
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70. "why is that?"
In response to Reply # 56


          


>I've seen other ppls relationships survive things that my
>relationships weren't able to.

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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NikaMandela
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118. "for whatever reason...."
In response to Reply # 70


          

sometimes shit just dont work out.

sometimes shit just dont work out over and over and over again.

somethings wrong with me because my relationships dont be working out? when MOST relationships dont work out at some point?

lol

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 09:07 PM

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122. "You choose these guys and waste time with them..."
In response to Reply # 118


          

Like that last guy who told you the sob story about his kid and baby momma and custody battle and couldn't see you for a month or two (even for sex!) even though he lived 10 minutes away. It took an extraordinary level of denial for you to believe that. It should have really been irrelevant to you whether the story was true or not. You should have had the self worth to say hey this is not the kind of relationship I want so bye and you could have moved on to dating someone else who could have been the one. We all have issues. None of us are totally blameless even if the deck a stacked against us and we're dating idiots. We did choose them after all.

  

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NikaMandela
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127. "yes, i hoped things would work out and they didnt"
In response to Reply # 122


          

im not going to beat myself up for that.

your reply is funny to me because people love making judgements from the outside looking in. then they get in relationships and make DIFFERENT stupid decisions and other people judge them from the outside looking in.

i have friends that have endured relationship situations that I would never put up with and i'm sure they would say the same thing about me. no relationship is perfect. at the end of the day, its all about how much people are willing to go through together. i haven't met a man who was willing to fight for me yet. that isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship's potential. that particular guy was stupid for not fighting for me.

also, timing is a MF.

  

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legsdiamond
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Wed Aug-26-15 10:41 PM

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132. "worth fighting for? What magazine did you get that bullshit from?"
In response to Reply # 127
Wed Aug-26-15 10:43 PM by legsdiamond

          

i haven't met a man who was willing to fight for me
>yet. that isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship's
>potential. that particular guy was stupid for not fighting for
>me.
>

no snark.. that shit sounds corny as hell. No one fights for someone they barely know.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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NikaMandela
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140. "omg your relationship insights are amazing!!"
In response to Reply # 132
Wed Aug-26-15 11:35 PM by NikaMandela

          

you and ndibs should start a relationship advice business!

  

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legsdiamond
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149. "I SMELL SARCASM"
In response to Reply # 140


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ThaTruth
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189. ""You have to EARN me!" Olivia Pope got these chicks gassed up, lmao"
In response to Reply # 132


          

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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135. "You don't have to..."
In response to Reply # 127
Wed Aug-26-15 11:20 PM by ndibs

          

>im not going to beat myself up for that.
>
>your reply is funny to me because people love making
>judgements from the outside looking in. then they get in
>relationships and make DIFFERENT stupid decisions and other
>people judge them from the outside looking in.

This is true but at some point a little self reflection is in order, don't you think? Most men would rather chew off their right arm then tell you, you're not the one. Passive aggressive behavior is the norm, not the exception when guys are not interested. I can't look back and see how naive I was to think otherwise.

>i have friends that have endured relationship situations that
>I would never put up with and i'm sure they would say the same
>thing about me. no relationship is perfect. at the end of the
>day, its all about how much people are willing to go through
>together. i haven't met a man who was willing to fight for me
>yet. that isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship's
>potential. that particular guy was stupid for not fighting for
>me.

If a guy isn't willing to make time for you, there's no potential. You're not going to endure your way through neglect or mistreatment by guys into a loving happy relationship. You might get some kind of dysfunctional painful time wasting bs.

At some point you have to have standards, be responsible for your own happiness, acknowledge your needs and if someone is not able or willing to meet them for whatever reason (seemingly reasonable or not) just bounce.

  

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NikaMandela
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143. "there some truth in what you're saying."
In response to Reply # 135
Wed Aug-26-15 11:59 PM by NikaMandela

          

even though you are making a lot of wild assumptions.

i learned a lot from that relationship. it wasn't as bad as you seem to think it was, but in any case, i will never ever continue to date a guy who isn't absolutely nuts about me.

  

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atruhead
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254. "swag."
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
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77. "There's something wrong with everyone. "
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

Even you.

Which is just another way of saying no one's perfect.

And that's alright.
______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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legsdiamond
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85. "true"
In response to Reply # 77


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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MizClayton
Member since Feb 22nd 2003
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71. "everyone has issues. married or not married"
In response to Reply # 27
Wed Aug-26-15 03:34 PM by MizClayton

  

          

some of the most issue ridden people I know are married

the extra judgment placed on women and their relationship status is so irksome


  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 08:26 PM

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109. "Not just relationship status but FITNESS for a relationship..."
In response to Reply # 71


          

>some of the most issue ridden people I know are married
>
>the extra judgment placed on women and their relationship
>status is so irksome

All of this talk implies black women are inherently more unfit.

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
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107. ":/"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

>especially if she is fine. I know it sounds messed up but
>dudes think something HAS to be off for her to be by herself.
>
>
>

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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legsdiamond
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131. "Its like a dude with 4 degrees and always out of work..."
In response to Reply # 107


          

something gotta be wrong with him right?

that's how we think. sorry

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 11:29 PM

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138. "Cept you know 0 men like that and a bunch of women"
In response to Reply # 131


          

>something gotta be wrong with him right?
>
>that's how we think. sorry

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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157. "true... i was just saying IF there was a guy like that...lol"
In response to Reply # 138


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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208. "Smh"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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52. "If women would understand this, they'd be *way* ahead of the game"
In response to Reply # 21


          

>A lot of black women want the finished product
>and sometimes won't give a brother a chance when he is working
>his way up. But once the brother is established he has a LOT
>more options and women in his age range often get passed over
>for younger women and even other races.

Especially young women. Unfortunately, for whatever reason many refuse to understand this simple concept.

A 35yo man that's finally got his shit together and doing well can and will date 27yo women. He also has more options at this point than ever (usually).

  

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ThaTruth
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Wed Aug-26-15 04:59 PM

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84. "#RealTalk"
In response to Reply # 52


          


>Especially young women. Unfortunately, for whatever reason
>many refuse to understand this simple concept.
>
>A 35yo man that's finally got his shit together and doing well
>can and will date 27yo women. He also has more options at this
>point than ever (usually).

________________________________________
Watch For The Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy9Fun9CuZ4

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:40 PM

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112. "Not an issue particular to black women..."
In response to Reply # 52


          

Black women are way more likely than other women to marry below their social/economic/educational status. So we are more open minded than women of other races. My cousin got herself pregnant by a guy who was in college in his 20s, he never finished and became a bum who she can't even get child support from. Just saying we take chances on guys who seem to have potential when it comes to income or committing or whatever all the time. But most guys aren't interested in committing until they are set. So you can try and lock a black guy down while he's in college, but good luck with that. Very few black ppl on these boards married hs or college sweethearts.

  

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Mahogany
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Fri Aug-28-15 10:03 AM

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236. "Yeah idk why guys always say this"
In response to Reply # 112


  

          

Sure there are some women like this, but plenty if not most Black women date guys that are a work in progress on a regulag basis. I think it's some shit guys saw on TV and thought was real lol because that's really the only time I see shit like this go down

BUY SOMETHING PLEASE ---> www.estherwoovintage.com

"people... please refrain from gnr'ing me. im an avid lol'er and am completely fine wit the service."

"I’m just a dreamer,
turned true to life leaner...
Born to do good so others can be believers"

  

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ILLwiLL132
Member since Jul 14th 2011
217 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 03:48 PM

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74. "RE: I think a lot of it is racial/economical too, it seems like white..."
In response to Reply # 21


          

>people get married sooner because they have stronger support
>systems going in.
>
>I hear young white people that get married always talk about
>"mom AND dad" paying for everything, the wedding, major
>appliances or furniture for their new house, the down payment
>on the house, or living in their parents house or rental
>property for cheap or free, a new car, no student loans, just
>a ton of different things that give them a head start out of
>the gate.
>
>Conversely a lot of black folks go in debt from the wedding
>alone before you get to any of the other stuff.
>
>For that reason, a lot of black people look to get married
>later. Black men in particular tend to wait until their more
>"established". A lot of black women want the finished product
>and sometimes won't give a brother a chance when he is working
>his way up. But once the brother is established he has a LOT
>more options and women in his age range often get passed over
>for younger women and even other races.
>
>I always say a woman over 35 that is still single is single
>for a reason.

Boom

I'm for truth no matter who tells it. I'm for justice no matter who it's for or against. - el Hajj Malik el Shabazz

  

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Mahogany
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Thu Aug-27-15 05:25 PM

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218. "Honestly it's just different nowadays"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

I'm sure that may be the case for some people, but a lot of these guys out here are very guarded. They won't even give you the opportunity to support them because they really dont want to share what it is that they have going on in their life...guys out here have a lot of baggage and use being a player or whatever to cover it up.

Dating in general is way different than it used to be. A lot of dudes out here date like teenagers lol not even trying to bash men or anything, but I can't even tell u how many dudes in the last few months I've heard say that they really don't see the point in being in a relationship. They don't like to really get close to anyone...and when they do they kinda freak out at the idea of letting go of all the potentials they haven't even met yet. I was just reading an article about this the other day that blamed a lot of this behavior on dating sites and social media etc.

I was just talking to a friend about this the other day telling him not be the old man in the club and I could literally see the internal struggle he had going on lol smh. I think a lot of guys assume that marriage means a shitload of responsibilities and that his whole life will have to change (and that's true for a lot of folks), but at the same time I know a ridiculous amount of women that ain't even looking for it to be all that and wouldn't have an issue with being a supportive mate. Guys say they want that but a lot of them will have it and not even know what to do with a woman like that

BUY SOMETHING PLEASE ---> www.estherwoovintage.com

"people... please refrain from gnr'ing me. im an avid lol'er and am completely fine wit the service."

"I’m just a dreamer,
turned true to life leaner...
Born to do good so others can be believers"

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 01:11 PM

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17. "I think some of these women set their standards entirely too high"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

The two chicks in the video talk about how they would NEVER get with a guy that has a record. That means these two see these men as nothing more than their past crime and not as the man standing before them at that moment and they will always be defined by that crime.

That's some straight up bullshit.

People change. The person that committed that crime may no longer exist. If a man has fucked up in the past but got his shit together how do you look down at him as if he's unworthy of you? There are plenty of men out there who now have degrees and a good career that once led a criminal life. Who, exactly the fuck, do these two chicks think they are that they can pass judgement on someone's past like that?

My little sister is that type. She's now in her late 30's, never been married, barely scraping by, but she has a degree in AA Studies (aka an "I went to college" degree that's pretty meaningless in the business world) and has the nerve to look down on men that are doing far better than her professionally and financially but don't have a degree (like her own brother, the engineer). Don't let dude have a past criminal record either, he gets no play then despite the fact that her 24/7 weed habit is a criminal act in itself.

By the logic of these women, Charles Dutton could never be marriage material (spent 7 years in prison for a murder)


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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NikaMandela
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Wed Aug-26-15 01:26 PM

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20. "i was bothered by that too"
In response to Reply # 17


          

but i do see where she's coming from.

i would date someone coming out of prison.

its funny because theres a thin line btwn the brother who has done time and the brother who hasn't. the criminal justice system preys off of black men so much its almost like a dude AND his entire circle has to be squeaky clean in order for him to stay completely out of it. beyond that, it can be a matter or one bad decision, even a minor decision. and sometimes just bad luck.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 01:57 PM

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25. "I don't think there is anything wrong with not dating"
In response to Reply # 20


          

someone who went to jail.

but my issue is the women who go out of their way to let you know that Black men are the reason they are single. Especially when their less attractive frumpier friends all have rings on their fingers.

and like dude said above. A lot of women frown on men who didn't go to college or work a blue collar job.

Life is too short to be single with a long ass list.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 03:01 PM

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53. "I mean... there's some high paying blue collar jobs out there."
In response to Reply # 25


  

          

so why immediately discount a man's viability because he's an HVAC technician or elevator repairman or something like that?


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 05:05 PM

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86. "yup. They see a uniform or hear plumber, garbage man, construction worke..."
In response to Reply # 53
Wed Aug-26-15 05:07 PM by legsdiamond

          

and be like NEXT

plumber making 40 an hour getting looked over for a suit and tie making 17 an hour after taxes.

and the guy in the suit and tie has 3 side pieces because he got that suit and tie.

blue collar dude going straight home cause he is tired as Shit.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 05:50 PM

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90. "Construction workers stay looted up"
In response to Reply # 86


  

          

elevator repairman makes $70K/yr+. There's degree holding men and women that don't make $70k/yr.

I made just over 6 figures at my last job, no degree, all self taught.

A lot of these chicks foolin themselves thinking that a blue collar man can't hold his own financially.

---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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ShinobiShaw
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Wed Aug-26-15 06:25 PM

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93. "guys all of this has been talked about before and ran into the ground"
In response to Reply # 90


  

          

They still doing the same shit.

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:28 PM

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110. "Like there's an overabundance of black men in skilled "
In response to Reply # 86


          

Trades that can't find women?

Like how many do you know?

Are these guys really being overlooked?

  

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Sarah_Bellum
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7488 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 11:36 PM

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142. "No, unless the are socially maladjusted or only want women "
In response to Reply # 110


  

          

way outta their league.




___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 10:59 AM

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163. "I think the whole "league" concept is idiotic and more one-sided"
In response to Reply # 142


  

          

I could see a white collar guy hollering at a chick that works at Walmart sooner than I would see a white collar woman doing the same.

The idea that one person is above another is pretty fucked up. That one could honestly believe that their academic accomplishments and career status gives them a legitimate reason to look down on the next person to the point where they are not "worthy" of your presence pretty much makes the person believing that a scum bucket piece of shit.

---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 11:12 AM

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165. "Its not. Someone who busted their ass and went to college"
In response to Reply # 163
Thu Aug-27-15 11:15 AM by ndibs

          

Is likely to have different values and experiences than someone who is working at wal mart.

Ppl connect on shared values and experiences.

You're like 50. Men are not marrying waitresses and cashiers like they used to back when you were dating.

Black white yellow college educated men are looking for someone similar.

They may holler at a Wendy's cashier who's doing nothing with her life and knock her up ESP if he's black, but they're not marrying her.

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 11:51 AM

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168. "I'm not even close to 50, thank you... Shit, I'm not even 45."
In response to Reply # 165


  

          

>Is likely to have different values and experiences than
>someone who is working at wal mart.
>
>Ppl connect on shared values and experiences.
>
>You're like 50. Men are not marrying waitresses and cashiers
>like they used to back when you were dating.

I married a secretary. Granted, when the opportunity appeared I helped her move into the mortgage industry (where I was already working in IT but had also worked on the lending side of the house) where she stayed for years until the market crashed. Now she's an artist and finishing her degree.

The point here is that a cashier, waitress, or secretary today can be something more tomorrow. Who are you to judge the station a person is in right at this moment?

>
>Black white yellow college educated men are looking for
>someone similar.

Not always. In fact, a lot of dudes may want a stay-at-home wife, something I've seen a lot of with the Mexican cats I've worked with in IT and engineering.

>
>They may holler at a Wendy's cashier who's doing nothing with
>her life and knock her up ESP if he's black, but they're not
>marrying her.

maybe them low budget cats are doing that (and not just black, 'cause a whooooole lotta white dudes got babies out here), but dudes trying to make something of themselves ain't trying to have kids like that.


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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Sarah_Bellum
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Thu Aug-27-15 11:10 PM

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226. "leagues are not just about jobs and education..."
In response to Reply # 165


  

          

We all know dudes with not much going for themselves who consistently pull super fine women and well educated. Matter of fact, that's all 7 of my uncles.
What I see more of is dudes with shitty personality who look like this....https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1689398143/sloth_in_a_box.jpg
and not enough other positives or detracting factors to make up for it who think no chick is wifeable is she doesn't look like this https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/97/Beyonce.jpg.

___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

  

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Sarah_Bellum
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Fri Aug-28-15 12:16 AM

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227. "PS, this "wifeable" nonsense ain't nothing but Prince Charming for nigga..."
In response to Reply # 226


  

          

They are both are really harmful tropes that lead to people searching for some conceptual ideal human that they've never met but are so SURE exist. If you ask people what is wifeable... half of them will say "Ill know it when I see it" like they themselves can't even imagine it or point to some celebrity without a fully formed personality. All that shit does not enable people to connect fully with a normal ass quality person. All I ever hear is that for one reason or another a girl is "good on paper" but never quite "right." That's because you're looking for the "wifeable" fantasy. A wifeable woman is a mythical creature like a unicorn. Only two on earth and one got left behind in Noah's flood.
Of the married people I know, most of them are compatible and in love but they are not special snowflakes with all these magical qualities. They are regular ass basic people who decided to throw their lot in together. Her ass sags something terrible, his balls are ripe 3 days a week. She ain't a great cook, he ain't that handy. He lacks ambition, she keeps a messy house. They are a pair of sixes to the world but 10's to each other fully committed to being regular and reasonably happy together. They are not special snowflakes but realistic, compatible and in love. Not that I'm saying just put a ring on anything walking but the wifeable trope has given a lot of dudes who never had married parents a way to deflect that they have no idea how to realistically choose a partner just like women looking for Prince Charmings. If your over 30 and talking about being women being wifeable, that's probably you unless you're an extremely late bloomer with poor social skills.
The scarcity of marriage among black folks makes us think husband and wife "material" must be otherworldly, when frankly it's never been that way since the beginning of time.
I know there are lots of horror stories in marriages but many of those people weren't compatible or crazy in very basic fundamental ways, it wasn't that they were regular quality people.
___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 02:13 PM

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31. "..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

http://i.imgur.com/XujHL.gif


~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Dstl1
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Wed Aug-26-15 02:31 PM

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35. "lol"
In response to Reply # 31


          

.

when I threw the rifle in the river,
it looked like Bol Bol was diving in the river - Action Bronson

  

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select_from_where
Member since Jan 03rd 2011
4320 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 02:35 PM

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38. "This news report is bullshit..."
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-26-15 02:35 PM by select_from_where

  

          

It makes black men seem like a fucking car that black women want to buy but can't find a model to suit their needs.

There is this constant theme of "I don't want to put up with that" as if black women bring zero baggage to the table that men have to "choose" to accept. Marriage is a constant compromise. People have to be true to themselves but this shit is borderline Kahmeelah assed list.

It looks at the numbers as proof that somehow we as a community can't have productive relationships and marriage.


fuck this.

  

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BigReg
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62390 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 02:41 PM

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42. "People love their woe is a black woman stories. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

1)The main point, that black women aren't marrying, is another case of when white america sneezes black america ends up catching the full fucking cold; millennials ain't marrying each other neither.

http://time.com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/

2)The idea that black women are losing black men to interracial marriage. We may date outside of the race more, but that says more about black women's low levels of dating outside of the race PERIOD then a general run away of black men. On top of the fact that interracial marriage in America is pretty low in general

http://www.prb.org/Publications/Articles/2010/usintermarriage.aspx

3)Like its been pointed out above the prison industrial complex apparently makes men undateable also. While many of us succumb to the traps in our 20's, our rates of incarceration start to dip in the 30's. By 40 the recidivism rate is really fucking low. It's another reason why society just forgets black men once they've gotten fucked by the system so in addition to getting a job and voting, we can add 'dating' to the list.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 02:49 PM

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47. "i also think part of the problem is the the blame game "
In response to Reply # 42


          

when you say whites are marrying as much you rarely see women say it's because the white man ain't shit or because white women be sucking too much D.

but our stories always have a list of reasons why it's the man or woman's fault or the report is written with a slant that implies its our fault.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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BigReg
Charter member
62390 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 03:30 PM

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69. "Yup. Its never a universal relationship conflict. its black men/women su..."
In response to Reply # 47


  

          

>when you say whites are marrying as much you rarely see women
>say it's because the white man ain't shit or because white
>women be sucking too much D.
>
>but our stories always have a list of reasons why it's the man
>or woman's fault or the report is written with a slant that
>implies its our fault.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 09:29 PM

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125. "Oh they're definitely talking abt how white men are getting fewer degree..."
In response to Reply # 47


          

These days. Listen the npr shows on tinder in the last week or so and how romance is dead/hookup culture etc. Also lots of discussion on declining wages, student loan debt career prospects etc and how that's effecting dating/mating. But a lot of the blame is on men for maturing later, spend all their time playing video games and smoking weed, are unsuitable mates etc and there have been a few articles in places like the Atlantic on this.

  

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ILLwiLL132
Member since Jul 14th 2011
217 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 06:15 PM

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92. "RE: People love their woe is a black woman stories. "
In response to Reply # 42


          

>1)The main point, that black women aren't marrying, is
>another case of when white america sneezes black america ends
>up catching the full fucking cold; millennials ain't marrying
>each other neither.
>
>http://time.com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/

Millenials are just not getting married because people are smart. They see how the divorce rate has risen over the last 10 years. Why get married when you know you have a high likelihood you will get a divorce?


>3)Like its been pointed out above the prison industrial
>complex apparently makes men undateable also. While many of
>us succumb to the traps in our 20's, our rates of
>incarceration start to dip in the 30's. By 40 the recidivism
>rate is really fucking low. It's another reason why society
>just forgets black men once they've gotten fucked by the
>system so in addition to getting a job and voting, we can add
>'dating' to the list.

Clearly this is designed. I hope black women get this or else we will continue to have men who resent their women and men who resent their men. YT wants the women to not like us while we are going thru our tribulations but once we are triumphant the women all want our love then and we don't want to give it to you because alot of us are hurt and resent the treatment we received when we were down.

I'm for truth no matter who tells it. I'm for justice no matter who it's for or against. - el Hajj Malik el Shabazz

  

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Musa
Member since Mar 08th 2006
15592 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 02:46 PM

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44. "The same reason Blacks are 50% of the prison population"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

the same reason why unemployment rates are 25% or higher in Black areas

the same reason high school drop out rates are 50% in predominantly black schools.

the same reason drugs and guns were flooded in predominantly black areas

the same reason pre dominantly black areas were formerly undesirable areas(landfills, dumps, swamps, wastelands etc)

same reason Black women are given office jobs where they are everything plus eye candy to the corporation.
LETS SAYS IT ALL TOGETHER

The perpetuated myth of white supremacy which creates all kinds of adverse conditions for aboriginal people.

A sick black "community" is a haven for exploitation broken families, people, included.

miss me with the bullshit article tho.

<----

Soundcloud.com/aquil84

(HIP HOP)
http://aquil.bandcamp.com

  

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godleeluv
Member since Jun 11th 2013
5779 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 02:47 PM

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45. "I haveny gotten married because i dont see the benefit of marraige"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Has nothing to do with anyone being gay or locked up or not interested in me.
πŸ™‹
Music is almost everything.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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48. "nice avi.. no snark, that is a nice photo"
In response to Reply # 45


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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godleeluv
Member since Jun 11th 2013
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116. "Thanks."
In response to Reply # 48


  

          


πŸ™‹
Music is almost everything.

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
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54. "statistically, it benefits us far less than it does men."
In response to Reply # 45


          

so i hear you.

d

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
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Wed Aug-26-15 02:56 PM

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50. "tired of this topic so I usually ignore but I have one question"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Do most black women only want and wait for black men?

Sometimes I wonder if that is the main factor that holds them back. As a black man myself, my parents told me to marry whoever makes you happy and it doesn't matter skin color (gimmicky of course) but it seems that most black men think this way to, hence not having this issue. what say you? help me understand this.

we keep it moving,

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:09 PM

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55. "A fair number of black women on this board date white dudes"
In response to Reply # 50


          

They ain't waiting for anyone. Since we're talking myths, let's not act like the average Black woman isn't out and about "dating." It's not like they are sitting home sad and lonely while looking out the window longingly. Let's also not act like they don't have mad potential suitors.

It's about choice, and black women are choosing to not put themselves in a position to be married.

  

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MizClayton
Member since Feb 22nd 2003
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68. "no. not any more anyway"
In response to Reply # 50


  

          

I see more black women dating outside their race more than ever now

and it's generally encouraged to date outside our race (most black women I talk to are open to it, have done it, or currently doing it)

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
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Thu Aug-27-15 08:23 AM

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153. "thats good to hear, and they should"
In response to Reply # 68


          

we keep it moving,

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:13 PM

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57. "It's a trajectory issue. No more, no less."
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-26-15 03:15 PM by Overqualified

  

          

During the time men are pressed...women are chilling
By the time women get pressed...men are chilling.

*shrug*

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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micMajestic
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59. "Nah. There are stats that show the odds aren't even."
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

>During the time we're pressed...you're chilling
>By the time you get pressed...we're chilling.
>
>*shrug*

So all that "no more, no less" talk doesn't make much sense.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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60. "Stats which point to what exactly?"
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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micMajestic
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80. "Prison statistics. Interracial marriage stats. Education stats. "
In response to Reply # 60
Wed Aug-26-15 04:10 PM by micMajestic

  

          

It's not even. And because they aren't even, all that "no more, no less" talk goes right out the window. It doesn't mean that you aren't right in some instances. But there's no way that what you said is the official word on this topic.
That's all I'm trying to convey to you.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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Overqualified
Member since May 03rd 2006
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82. "We're talking men who are "marriage material" in eyes of the women in ?"
In response to Reply # 80


  

          

Not that a convicted felon/someone without a degree isn't worthy of marriage...but there's a pretty specific type that these women are thinking of when saying "I can't find a good man".

Streets won't let me chill.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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63. "dude i lovehate your sig. gets me every time"
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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micMajestic
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76. "It sums up the song it's from (Genius "Come Do Me"). Such a disingenuous"
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

and lowkey hilarious attempt at a commercial record.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Wed Aug-26-15 04:14 PM

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81. "Stats can be such bullshit though, no idea how you take them so"
In response to Reply # 59


  

          

seriously.

Hell, even the whole "Black women are more educated" doesn't equate to what you might assume. For example, my boy is a mechanic, and has been doing it since age 20. His girlfriend went to USC, has her Masters in Social Work. At age 25, he makes more...but on paper, statistics and all that would show that he's underqualified and not on her level because he doesn't have a Bachelors or Master's degree.

And THIS is very common. Even my boss at work...only had an AA, yet he had a very high position in IT at DIRECTV, just as several others have. He made three times the amount of his wife, who had her Bachelor's.

Of course, some folks will run in and say "but, but but, education isn't just about salary" and I'll laugh at that, because that's usually the correlation that's made. Education = career potential = earning potential = stability = value as a spouse.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 07:38 PM

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101. "but he has a woman."
In response to Reply # 81


          

black woman are way more likely to marry men who make less and have less education than white women. so the black women are picky myth has to be put away.

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
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Thu Aug-27-15 08:29 AM

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154. "ummm"
In response to Reply # 101


          

>black woman are way more likely to marry men who make less
>and have less education than white women. so the black women
>are picky myth has to be put away.

This is highly debatable. I usually see the opposite of what you said.

we keep it moving,

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Thu Aug-27-15 11:32 AM

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166. "What's that mean, "he has a woman?""
In response to Reply # 101


  

          

>black woman are way more likely to marry men who make less
>and have less education than white women. so the black women
>are picky myth has to be put away.

I don't see what this point has to do with what I said...I feel like you're just projecting your issues on this in the wrong spot.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
12901 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 03:18 PM

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61. "This is what I believe as well"
In response to Reply # 57


          

>During the time men are pressed...women are chilling
>By the time women get pressed...men are chilling.
>
>*shrug*

  

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Lach
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115. "I agree. especially as it pertains to black women. just my opinion"
In response to Reply # 57


  

          

  

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Rjcc
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58. "everyone who REALLY REALLY wants to talk about this issue"
In response to Reply # 0


          

sucks

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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MizClayton
Member since Feb 22nd 2003
33309 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 03:36 PM

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72. "black women just rather be single"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-26-15 03:54 PM by MizClayton

  

          

than marry the options they have

i don't know too many black women with NO options

I hate these videos

  

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Sarah_Bellum
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Wed Aug-26-15 03:58 PM

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75. "There is very little social stigma to still fucking randoms"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-26-15 04:20 PM by Sarah_Bellum

  

          

and having a stable past 25 for black men... educated, felonious or otherwise. That's a big part of it.
Just about all the white dudes I went to school high school with married their high school or college sweethearts. They looked at marriage as part and parcel of being successful, including the working class ones. It doesnt mean they didn't wild out before they got married but they seemed to be willing to put it down much earlier than their black male counter parts. The white dudes who where still on the prowl at our 10 year high school reunion were looked at as kinda immature by other white folks, regardless of their other successes. Not saying they had as much stigma as white women who where unmarried but their was enough there to incentivize it.
In contrast, Blacks as a whole don't look at a grown unmarried black man as a sign post of immaturity, especially if he has a job. There are a lot of things that we earmark as success like having a good job and education but marriage ain't on the list no where for men. A grown unmarried woman with everything in the world except a husband... something must be wrong with her.
You can see how these expectations lead to a mismatch in marriage priorities.
Also, kids out of wedlock has really disincentives marriage. If you're able to have kids whenever with whoever without a true commitment why bother committing?

I definitely know some black men who are grinding to get to a certain level before they marry because they want to be able to take care of their family in a certain way but most of them don't have kids.

  

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micMajestic
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Wed Aug-26-15 04:03 PM

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78. "I agree with all of this, or at least this is what I see too"
In response to Reply # 75


  

          

>and having a stable past 25 for black men... educated,
>felonious or otherwise. That's a big part of it.
>Just about all the white dudes I went to school high school
>with married their high school or college sweethearts. They
>looked at marriage as part and parcel of being successful,
>including the working class ones. It doesnt mean they didn't
>wild out before they got married but they seemed to be willing
>to put it down much earlier than their black male counter
>parts. The white dudes who where still on the prowl at our 10
>year high school reunion were looked at as kinda immature by
>other white folks, regardless of their other successes. Not
>saying they had as much stigma as white women who where
>unmarried but their was enough that to incentivize it.
> In contrast, Black as a whole don't look at a grown unmarried
>black man as a sign post of immaturity, especially if he has a
>job. There are a lot of things that we earmark as success like
>having a good job and education but marriage ain't on the list
>no where for men. A grown unmarried woman with everything in
>the world except a husband... something must be wrong with
>her.
>You can see how these expectations lead to a mismatch in
>marriage priorities.
>Also, kids out of wedlock has really disincentives marriage.
>If you're able to have kids whenever with whoever without a
>true commitment why bother committing?
>
>I definitely know some black men who are grinding to get to a
>certain level before they marry because they want to be able
>to take care of their family in a certain way but most of them
>don't have kids.


Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 05:17 PM

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87. "Good post. "
In response to Reply # 75


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:24 PM

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98. "all this is true. marriage is not normalized."
In response to Reply # 75


          

there's no social more for being married if you're a black man.

and being a weekend dad, having kids with random women and leaving them to do most of the work is completely acceptable, but still very much looked down on in white america.

it's like you're a failure if you're white and doing that.

you as a woman can be open to dating all kinds of guys, that doesn't mean his dream is going to be married to you and having to do the daily work of being in a marriage and raising kids...

esp when almost every guy already has a kid or two they're paying child support for by age 25-30 and is satisfied with the number of kids they have...

prison record of not. us having high standards isn't what's keeping us single.

  

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NikaMandela
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120. "lol its hard as shit to get a black man off the freak train"
In response to Reply # 75


          


thats why i say he's not getting off unless a woman is essentially out of his league.

if he wants kids he can just knock someone up and be single (and fucking randoms) for life and be good.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 09:45 PM

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126. "I wonder if most black men doing online dating..."
In response to Reply # 120
Wed Aug-26-15 09:47 PM by ndibs

          

Are using it to just have an endless supply of women, so you're selecting from the worst, least likely to commit if you're dating black men from online dating sites. Basically what lach is saying.

  

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NikaMandela
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128. "i totally agree which is why i stopped doing it."
In response to Reply # 126


          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Wed Aug-26-15 10:47 PM

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133. "in our natural birthing class 5 white couples met on Eharmony"
In response to Reply # 128


          

so maybe y'all need to try those sites instead of the cool hook up sites like Tinder.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 11:16 PM

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136. "I've tried eharmony. The last 2 three month periods..."
In response to Reply # 133


          

I tried I had 0 matches and almost no communication. I've done it for a total of a few years and spent several hundred dollars on it and got one date about five years ago. I think he was maybe a touch autistic, because he spoke so little and seemed emotionally so flat. Match was somewhat better but it's been killed by tinder so I can't imagine how dead eharmony is at this point for me at least.

  

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NikaMandela
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139. "I've spent A LOT of money on eharmony"
In response to Reply # 133
Wed Aug-26-15 11:29 PM by NikaMandela

          

got pretty much the same results as i did from tinder.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Wed Aug-26-15 11:34 PM

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141. "I've got much better results from tinder..."
In response to Reply # 139


          

Tinder I can turn on and get a date any night of the week in 30-45 minutes. Maybe less.

  

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NikaMandela
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145. "yeah but that dont mean shit"
In response to Reply # 141


          

tinder is all about quantity and playing the numbers game.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Thu Aug-27-15 12:21 AM

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146. "There is 0 chance I will meet my soulmate "
In response to Reply # 145


          

Sitting at home for hours typing back and forth to ppl on online dating sites and hardly ever meeting anyone. Anything is better than 0. So for me it does. It also frees up hours every week I can be out socializing. The time money / investment is just not worth it on other sites.

  

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NikaMandela
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144. "also, key word: white"
In response to Reply # 133


          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Thu Aug-27-15 08:05 AM

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151. "true"
In response to Reply # 144


          

but I wonder if those match and eharmony have a higher success rate due to their online model

but yeah, like you or ndibs said. Black dudes may not be on those sites looking for long term or lasting relationships.

I was just amazed at how many people met online and ended up married and pregnant in our class.

prolly 15 couples and and 1/3 met online. the other 2/3 were mostly thru mutual friends

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
763 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 08:33 AM

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155. "Online dating for black men"
In response to Reply # 151


          

Online, when I used OKC,Tinder, or eHarmony, my request came 1 black women to every 15 white women. Different really find any that I was interested in online though.

we keep it moving,

  

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Sarah_Bellum
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134. "..."
In response to Reply # 120
Wed Aug-26-15 11:22 PM by Sarah_Bellum

  

          


My single black girlfriends tell me they're hearing the same stuff from never married negros in their 30's and 40's that we heard back when we were 20...."Oh, I'm just looking to have a good time" or "I'm not looking to be tied down." But the dudes are all tied down to kids out of wedlock, no problem and swear for God they a catch because they gotta 401k and get to keep a 3rd of their pay check... after taxes.



___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

  

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atruhead
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255. "man."
In response to Reply # 120


  

          

RE: lol its hard as shit to get a black man off the freak train

>thats why i say he's not getting off unless a woman is
>essentially out of his league.
>
>if he wants kids he can just knock someone up and be single
>(and fucking randoms) for life and be good.

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15812 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 08:04 AM

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150. "marriage is an economic institution, more than anything"
In response to Reply # 75


          

think about the economics of the black community post 1980, ESPECIALLY re: black men.

Marriage to white Americans means something different because they quite literally live in a different social and economic reality than we do.

Throw in the fact that most of us know/grew up in varying degrees of dysfunctional environments, and there you go.

Also, there's never a discussion about the emotional health of men AND women. Just because a woman's resume makes her marriageable, doesn't mean she'll be attractive/right as a mate for everyone/anyone, or a healthy parent.

But, meh.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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175. "as a 34 y/o single dude...this actually made me think for a second"
In response to Reply # 75


  

          

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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Mahogany
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220. "Yes to all of this"
In response to Reply # 75


  

          

This is what I was trying to say above...


BUY SOMETHING PLEASE ---> www.estherwoovintage.com

"people... please refrain from gnr'ing me. im an avid lol'er and am completely fine wit the service."

"I’m just a dreamer,
turned true to life leaner...
Born to do good so others can be believers"

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
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Sat Aug-29-15 08:05 PM

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275. "oh snap"
In response to Reply # 75


  

          

This explains a lot of white school friends and coworkers

Most did NOT play when it came to settle down
And it felt almost random
And yep mostly from the suburbs
Some divorces since then too though

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Shaun Tha Don
Member since Nov 19th 2005
18010 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 05:36 PM

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88. "I thought they didn't need a man anymore. "
In response to Reply # 0


          

Now they're struggling to find a man? SMH.

Rest In Peace, Bad News Brown

  

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Musa
Member since Mar 08th 2006
15592 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 05:50 PM

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89. "When has America ever wanted Blacks to be functional and self loving"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

yall stupid.

<----

Soundcloud.com/aquil84

(HIP HOP)
http://aquil.bandcamp.com

  

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ILLwiLL132
Member since Jul 14th 2011
217 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 05:52 PM

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91. "RE: When has America ever wanted Blacks to be functional and self loving"
In response to Reply # 89


          

>yall stupid.

Exactly.

I'm for truth no matter who tells it. I'm for justice no matter who it's for or against. - el Hajj Malik el Shabazz

  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:15 PM

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96. "No kidding. Subjugate and imprison a huge number of black men"
In response to Reply # 89


          

and now the women think there is something wrong with them because they can't find someone. It's simple MATH, the odds are stacked against them, if they aren't willing to date interracially. Even as a white man that will date interracially I feel some type of way about the whole process, given the larger context. Middle class white people that don't understand why a thriving black population would also help them immensely really frustrate me, and this is pretty much all of them, because they aren't smart enough to see the big picture.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:20 PM

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108. "I don't think there's something wrong w/ me. Black men seem to tho "
In response to Reply # 96


          

I don't see many on this board who will consider the incarceration rates and the effect that has on the black marriage market as a real issue. It is all about us and what we're doing wrong.

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15812 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 08:13 AM

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152. "man, this part KILLS ME EVERYTIME"
In response to Reply # 96


          

> Middle class white people that don't
>understand why a thriving black population would also help
>them immensely really frustrate me, and this is pretty much
>all of them, because they aren't smart enough to see the big
>picture.

the reality of this, and what this ultimately means, is terrifying to me

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51978 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:16 PM

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171. "Shit. Yea, it is bad for both of us, for sure for sure."
In response to Reply # 96


  

          

>and now the women think there is something wrong with them
>because they can't find someone. It's simple MATH, the odds
>are stacked against them, if they aren't willing to date
>interracially. Even as a white man that will date
>interracially I feel some type of way about the whole process,
>given the larger context. Middle class white people that don't
>understand why a thriving black population would also help
>them immensely really frustrate me, and this is pretty much
>all of them, because they aren't smart enough to see the big
>picture.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:06 PM

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95. "these studies and articles be focusing on the wrong things."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

white people marry more often and earlier etc
but they divorce at a high rate and be miserable as hell
so who is winning and who is losing?
everybody bc american culture is fucked up in general
and the family structure is suffering all around
across races and financial status.
so the constant scrutiny of the black woman in articles like this one
IMO just serves to disparage us (AND black men, really) through the media
i ignore all articles like this one
even this one
i'm really just responding to what i've read so far in the replies
same old shit apparently.

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:17 PM

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97. "no blacks divorce at a higher rate"
In response to Reply # 95


          

or marriages involving blacks are likelier to end in divorce.

a white person is undoubtedly more likely to be divorced because they are more likely to have been married 1-2+ times... while blacks are more likely to stay unmarried.

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:31 PM

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99. "???"
In response to Reply # 97


  

          

i didn't say white people divorce at a higher rate. i said they divorce at a high rate. they're the same people always quoting the 50% divorce rate and filling up marriage counseling sessions.

please read and respond to what i actually wrote.

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:35 PM

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100. "sorry i should have just said white people don't"
In response to Reply # 99


          

divorce at a higher rate.

  

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SHAstayhighalways
Member since Sep 03rd 2014
3696 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:42 PM

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103. "idk why. i never said they did. maybe you should not have replied to me"
In response to Reply # 100


  

          

at all?

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 10:31 PM

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130. "you know damn well she wasn't gonna let you shame white people"
In response to Reply # 103


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41687 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:40 PM

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102. "Black only have themselves to blame to be honest"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

They stay passing up good men for minor flaws.

This dude is a perfect example of the type of dude black women consistently pass up.

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21602 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:50 PM

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104. "that was cold as ice. shit. "
In response to Reply # 102


  

          

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41687 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:58 PM

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119. "You sure about that? "
In response to Reply # 104
Wed Aug-26-15 08:59 PM by Cold Truth

  

          

I'm betting it's pretty accurate if you pay attention to the entire post.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21602 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 11:10 AM

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164. "i was talking about being rick rolled"
In response to Reply # 119


  

          

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41687 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 11:34 AM

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167. "I wasn't sure, that's why I phrased it that way"
In response to Reply # 164


  

          

I'm lowkey bummed ndibs didn't hook the line on that though

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21602 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:21 PM

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174. "yeah, I didnt want to ruin the surprise. you never ruin a RR!"
In response to Reply # 167


  

          

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 07:52 PM

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105. "Nah there are no black men who are really having a hard time "
In response to Reply # 102


          

Finding someone decent to marry.

Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a myth.

Most black men have higher standards than black women.

We'd never expect a college educated black man to get with a woman who has a high school degree or criminal record.

  

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Lach
Charter member
43810 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:41 PM

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113. "Yep to this"
In response to Reply # 105


  

          

>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>myth.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:56 PM

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117. "If anything they are mesmerized and confused by all the options..."
In response to Reply # 113


          

And have a hard time choosing just one.

I think the fact that black women age slower doesn't help.

White guys feel pressure to lock a white girl down in her 20s before she starts showing a lot of age or all the good ones are snapped up.

If you're a white guy 35-40+ (depending on your city) few 20 something white girls are checking for you because you're probably showing just as much age. Also you may have kids.

A black man who's 35-40+ can date 20 somethings super easily and he's got the option of 30 something's that look 20 something. And your kids don't matter to the vast majority of black women.

  

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Lach
Charter member
43810 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 09:09 PM

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123. "which is why I always tell sistas to tread softly on those dating sites"
In response to Reply # 117


  

          

The idea that there's this 30 year old perfect brother online needing help to get a woman seems very fishy.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 09:20 PM

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124. "That's a good point..."
In response to Reply # 123


          

>The idea that there's this 30 year old perfect brother online
>needing help to get a woman seems very fishy.

To some degree in the last few years though I think everyone's doing it. It being online dating. At the same time, I'm never contacted by these perfect brothers. So this only concerns me so much. In cities with an active black social scene, that's something to think about.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 10:47 AM

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161. "RE: If anything they are mesmerized and confused by all the options..."
In response to Reply # 117


  

          

>And have a hard time choosing just one.
>
>I think the fact that black women age slower doesn't help.
>
>White guys feel pressure to lock a white girl down in her 20s
>before she starts showing a lot of age or all the good ones
>are snapped up.
>
>If you're a white guy 35-40+ (depending on your city) few 20
>something white girls are checking for you because you're
>probably showing just as much age. Also you may have kids.
>
>A black man who's 35-40+ can date 20 somethings super easily
>and he's got the option of 30 something's that look 20
>something. And your kids don't matter to the vast majority of
>black women.
>

most men are in general
that vanity fair social media dating piece clued me into what happened

instead of giving women more options for relationships
it gave everyone more fucking options

everyone ended up with how NY dating works with these apps


NY dating is shallow as hell
its literally not pretty on the inside or out

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:37 PM

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176. "but that's a lot of NYC in a nutshell"
In response to Reply # 161


  

          


>NY dating is shallow as hell
>its literally not pretty on the inside or out

I don't know when it'll sink in that NYC is an anomaly when it comes to pretty much anything. A lot of the issues people in NYC face when it comes to meeting people, talking to people, or dating simply don't exist outside of NYC or exist in tiny pockets of another city.




---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 09:27 AM

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235. "its outside of NY now"
In response to Reply # 176


  

          

>
>>NY dating is shallow as hell
>>its literally not pretty on the inside or out
>
>I don't know when it'll sink in that NYC is an anomaly when it
>comes to pretty much anything. A lot of the issues people in
>NYC face when it comes to meeting people, talking to people,
>or dating simply don't exist outside of NYC or exist in tiny
>pockets of another city.


these apps gave that access
or the illusion of that access
btw this may account for the crazy dudes as well
dudes are mad because they figured once they saw all of the options they could access what they wanted
this happens in NY as well
its illusory in NY as well
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41687 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 09:01 PM

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121. "I disagree completely. "
In response to Reply # 105


  

          

Or I agree 100%.

Or you missed something pertinent

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
17682 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 10:54 AM

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162. "Bullshit. "
In response to Reply # 105


  

          

>Finding someone decent to marry.
>
>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>myth.

I usually bypass this convo, but I hate the fact that everything is focused on what's wrong with Black men, and it seems to be no accountability for Black women.

I'll just say this: it ain't sweet out here for either side. Seemingly decent black woman can go batshit on you in a heartbeat.

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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Lach
Charter member
43810 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 01:53 PM

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182. "I actually think this statement here is pretty accurate"
In response to Reply # 162


  

          

>>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>>myth.

A decent black man usually has his pick of the litter in my opinion. Say a man is 35, great personality, and has a great job. He has a problem weeding threw the endless droves of black women out there looking for a good man?

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
17682 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:01 PM

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186. "Here's My Thing about it....."
In response to Reply # 182
Thu Aug-27-15 02:03 PM by WarriorPoet415

  

          

>>>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>>>myth.
>
>A decent black man usually has his pick of the litter in my
>opinion. Say a man is 35, great personality, and has a great
>job. He has a problem weeding threw the endless droves of
>black women out there looking for a good man?

Given there are variables, but being a decent guy with all those qualities doesn't always guarantee a bevy of women at your door. Nor is that what every guy wants. Plus for some women, all that stuff STILL isn't enough.

Secondly, all those women aren't necessarily marriage material. That's the thing that gets me, is that all the women moaning about being single aren't really cut out for much else.

Then again, i'm a hermit, so what do I know.


______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:20 PM

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193. "I think your explanation that you're a hermit explains it all"
In response to Reply # 186


          

There simply aren't a lot of options if you choose not to leave your house no matter your race or gender. But if you make an effort, you'll probably be okay.

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
45200 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 09:46 PM

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269. "i love how your definition of decent has "great" in it numerous times"
In response to Reply # 182


  

          

o...k...

that's an exceptional ass decent man

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51978 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:42 PM

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177. "I honestly don't think it gets this way until LATE, though...."
In response to Reply # 105


  

          

>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>myth.

In College, this SUUUUUUUUUUUUURELY wasn't the case. Even age 23-25, it isn't like this.

By 30-35? Sure, but that's late in the game. Most of the decent single men I've known weren't getting the same type of attention or notice early on. The ones who got play, naturally seemed to become more "players" or the types that didn't settle down for real.

As for us having to date incarcerated women, come on...just seeing what J-Stew says, we all know it's a whole different thing when it comes to the way they lock up Black men.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:12 PM

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106. "About 50-60% of black men graduate high school..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

It varies a bit depending on the city. Some places it may be in the 60s or higher.

Still something like 70% of black women manage to get married at some point in their lives.

So women are not that picky. We're marrying those without degrees or great jobs and criminal records.

When it comes to women in that degreed percentile seeking similar mates you're looking at something like 20% of 6.5 percentage of the population that's black and male AND degreed.

So like 1% of the population AND a good portion of that 1% is simply not going to be in your age range or single. Less in some cities more elsewhere. But it shouldn't be surprising or put down to pickiness of black women that they have a hard time finding a mate. Remove the degree criteria, you're still at a tiny percent of the population.

I have way lower standards for black men and still I'm rarely asked out by them, probably just cause the numbers aren't in my favor. I did go on a date with a 6'7 North African engineer last weekend and we're talking, but for the most part I have no idea how I would meet these guys.

Now that we're not segregated by neighborhoods, schools, churches, stores etc it's just really hard to meet people. But personally it's not bc I'm picky.

  

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PoppaGeorge
Member since Nov 07th 2004
10384 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:34 PM

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111. "RE: About 50-60% of black men graduate high school..."
In response to Reply # 106


  

          

>I have way lower standards for black men and still I'm rarely
>asked out by them, probably just cause the numbers aren't in
>my favor. I did go on a date with a 6'7 North African
>engineer last weekend and we're talking, but for the most part
>I have no idea how I would meet these guys.

They street hollered and you ignored them.

>
>Now that we're not segregated by neighborhoods, schools,
>churches, stores etc it's just really hard to meet people.
>But personally it's not bc I'm picky.

see above...


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 08:46 PM

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114. "No I didn't. "
In response to Reply # 111


          

I don't live in a place where men do that.

I got hollered at at goodwill and the guy was in a brown velour jumpsuit and had a prison record for felony sexual assault.

I remember you saying I should give him a chance, but I wasn't ready to be a guinea pig.

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51978 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:18 PM

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172. "You're in Nebraska, right?"
In response to Reply # 106


  

          

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 03:18 PM

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200. "like dude said... we all make choices"
In response to Reply # 172


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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PimpTrickGangstaClik
Member since Oct 06th 2005
15070 posts
Sat Aug-29-15 10:44 PM

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277. "lol @ all the percentages..."
In response to Reply # 106


  

          

like you did some actual analysis or something.

_______________________________________
You ain't the only one whose got problems. You ain't the only one who knows pain. Get up off your ass and just solve them. You still got a chance to try to change, try the shit again.
Devin tha Dude

  

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2.tears.in.a.bucket
Member since Sep 04th 2009
6185 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 10:17 PM

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129. "either they don't know, don't show, or don't care Β©"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

.

β™šβ™šβ™šβ™š

#BYLUG >>> https://goo.gl/1ooFp6

β™šβ™šβ™šβ™š

screamin' mothafuck a 12 /
bitches ain't shit /
cops ain't neither /
they huntin' my people /

- i. rashad

β™šβ™šβ™šβ™š

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Wed Aug-26-15 11:21 PM

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137. "People who are single choose to be single"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Doesn't matter if they are Black or not, woman or not, educated or not, successful or not, emotionally stable or not, religious or not, etc..

I didn't view the video because I see no need to do so. I do know that people have choices in life. I also know that some people struggle finding mates more so than others as well as those who struggle keeping mates than others.

When the time is right, the person meant to be in your life will come. They may or may not stay when they do come into your life.

One thing I do wish will happen. I wish people will stop shaming those who may be single at a certain age of their lives. It isn't right nor fair to compare those people to other people's life. We all have our individual paths in life, so let those who choose to be single be single and figure Thor situation out. When they are reading to mingle, then they will do what they have to do to get what they want out of life.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 06:08 AM

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148. "True, but there is one problem..."
In response to Reply # 137


          

some of these women BLAME men for being single

which makes men blame women for their singleness

Its like watching Tennis.

I agree tho, its wrong of us to wonder what is wrong when a woman is pretty and cant keep a man.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:01 PM

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169. "I hear you..."
In response to Reply # 148


  

          

>some of these women BLAME men for being single
>
>which makes men blame women for their singleness
>
>Its like watching Tennis.
>
>I agree tho, its wrong of us to wonder what is wrong when a
>woman is pretty and cant keep a man.

However, this is how I see it..

Those women can blame men for their singleness all day long, but at the end of the day, they are single! That is on them! They still chose to be single.

I will keep it 100 with you,

I do NOT have sympathy for ANY woman under 50 years old who pisses and moans about being single! That includes Black women, non-Black women, (un)educated women, (un)attractive, fat, skinny, toned, religious, (un)successful or any other category you can think of. Those women can get a man if they REALLY wanted one.

Also, this is just my opinion, but..

Women who blame others for their problems are not mature. Adults, grown ups, grown folks take ownership for the choices and decisions they make in life. They also understand that said choices and decisions may not work in their favor, sometimes. They know that life comes with risks as well as rewards. But, nothing in life just magically happens for them.

In order to get things, one has to make it happen or put themselves in a position for things to happen. Truth be told, if a woman comes to you on some woe is me shit, then perhaps she needs to be single or stay single until she change her mindset. It isn't your concern to worry about their situation when you have your own situation to deal with, not to mention that you really have no control over what happens in their lives.

But, I understand what you are saying. It gets old hearing people bitch about certain people not doing this or that, being this or that, not having this or that. You don't care, I don't care, other people don't care(with exceptions for friends, loved ones and some others).

Just my take on it

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 01:49 PM

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180. "100%"
In response to Reply # 169


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
17682 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 01:58 PM

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183. "Nailed It."
In response to Reply # 169


  

          


______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:28 PM

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195. "Please 87% of college ed women age 22-29 in manhattan are unmarried "
In response to Reply # 169


          

It's like looking at a country with a 90% unemployment rate and being like if people want to work, they'd find jobs. All these people are just bums.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
12901 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:41 PM

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198. "It's because they are "having fun" and going on Tinder dates"
In response to Reply # 195


          

>Please 87% of college ed women age 22-29 in manhattan are unmarried
>It's like looking at a country with a 90% unemployment rate
>and being like if people want to work, they'd find jobs. All
>these people are just bums.

These women aren't trying to settle down, at all. *they* have too many "fun" options at that age.

You're not even trying to be objective here.

  

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BigReg
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Thu Aug-27-15 03:22 PM

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201. "Yeah. NYC is a bad example. Nobody's trying to settle down until 30's"
In response to Reply # 198


  

          

white black, etc. Moving in to go half on the rent is the NYC equivalent of marriage everywhere else.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 03:14 PM

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199. "1) you dont live in manhattan"
In response to Reply # 195


          

2) you don't live in the state of NY

3) 95% of women living in Manhattan at that age are trying to live the Sex in the City fantasy.

you just reaching for stats that ain't got shit to do with anything. You live in Omaha. What is the marriage rate for women in that age range where you live?

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 04:36 PM

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210. "it's low for black women. it's low everywhere."
In response to Reply # 199


          

  

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ShinobiShaw
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Fri Aug-28-15 04:19 PM

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262. "Where are you gettings your stats from?"
In response to Reply # 195


  

          

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Sat Aug-29-15 11:29 AM

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274. "That azzzz"
In response to Reply # 262


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Johnny
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4329 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 04:30 PM

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207. "**best post in here**"
In response to Reply # 169


          


  

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NikaMandela
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Thu Aug-27-15 05:49 PM

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219. "lol @ "choosing to be single""
In response to Reply # 169


          

that line of thinking is simplistic and inaccurate.

thats basically implying that married women chose to be married so they got married. and unamrried women chose to be single so they dont marry.

inaccurate because women who are more indifferent to marriage tend to make it happen easier than women who are eager for it, because these women tend to scare men away with their desperation.

the reality is EVERY woman chooses to be single until she finds someone she can love and who can LOVE HER BACK enough to marry her.

so its about numbers, timing, AND choices.

there are plenty of women who have no standards, and will take any man that comes her way. there are plenty of women who stay in fucked up relationships just to say they have a man. this is also under the banner of "choosing to be married."

single women dont need sympathy, but we also dont need ppl to assume theres something wrong or wrongER with us because we are single.

as for myself and i'm sure for most others, its a combination of factors. ive made good choices with dating and i've made bad choices. just like anyone else. i will keep improving myself and making better choices, but ultimately i know that when the right man comes along, whatever is "wrong" with me or whatever "bad decisions" i might make wont really matter like they did with the men who were wrong for me.

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 07:20 PM

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222. "Not sure what is finny, but ok.."Lol""
In response to Reply # 219


  

          

>that line of thinking is simplistic and inaccurate.

How so, besides who is to say that this should be complex? As for inaccuracy, we can most definitely agree to disagree.


>thats basically implying that married women chose to be
>married so they got married. and unamrried women chose to be
>single so they dont marry.

Basically, it is what it is. Are you suggesting that women are forced to be married and had no choice in the matter? If so, who forced them and what recourse of action would have been taken against them, if they refused to marry their spouse? Same goes with single women? Who forced them to be single?

>inaccurate because women who are more indifferent to marriage
>tend to make it happen easier than women who are eager for it,
>because these women tend to scare men away with their
>desperation.

Your assertions did not disprove anything I said. Women who are indifferent to marriage ain't tripping if they marry or not, but that has nothing to do with their ability or inability to find a man. As for certain eager women claiming to scare men off, well perhaps those men did not consider them to be marriage material for themselves? Also, if they were scared off, them that tells me that they listened to their gut rather than her but and dodged a bullet. Believe it or not, but some women are not worth the hassle and headache that some of them bring into the game. I am sure the same can be said about men.
>
>the reality is EVERY woman chooses to be single until she
>finds someone she can love and who can LOVE HER BACK enough to
>marry her.

Ok, so what was it again that I said that was inaccurate? I said that women choose to be single. I never said that being single is bad. I know that singledom can be the best thing for anyone, especially if they are going through some personal issues.

>so its about numbers, timing, AND choices.

I made my point quite clear. I somewhat defended single women in a prior post addressed to Legs stating that it isn't right nor fair to shame someone who is single at a certain age. Shit happens and people get into as well as out of situation at different stages of their lives.

>there are plenty of women who have no standards, and will take
>any man that comes her way. there are plenty of women who stay
>in fucked up relationships just to say they have a man. this
>is also under the banner of "choosing to be married."

All of which are choices. Besides what is deemed to be no, low to high standards is relative. But, it is their choice to make, good or not.


>single women dont need sympathy, but we also dont need ppl to
>assume theres something wrong or wrongER with us because we
>are single.

I agree. They certainly won't get it from me. What a woman does or do it with has nothing to do with me nor is it any of my business. I only concern myself with me and mines as well as those who chose to deal with me. The rest are on their own. They get what they get, good or bad.

>as for myself and i'm sure for most others, its a combination
>of factors. ive made good choices with dating and i've made
>bad choices. just like anyone else. i will keep improving
>myself and making better choices, but ultimately i know that
>when the right man comes along, whatever is "wrong" with me or
>whatever "bad decisions" i might make wont really matter like
>they did with the men who were wrong for me.
>
>
I honestly don't understand what you disagreed about my post? I don't believe in shaming someone who chooses to be single. I don't even say anything about those who are in relationships. To each one's own is what I live by. Perhaps your issue lies with those who really don't know your situation or don't care enough to know. Not sure.

  

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NikaMandela
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Fri Aug-28-15 02:14 AM

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228. "RE: Not sure what is finny, but ok.."Lol""
In response to Reply # 222


          

i do think its kinda funny.

theres a world of difference btwn a) the person that says they dont want a relationship and theyre not going to do anything to pursue or encourage one and b) the person that says they do want a relationship so theyre going to do everything in their power to pursue or encourage one. they are both technically choosing to be single, but i think its simplistic to paint them with the same broad brush.

so what is the value of the statement "single people choose to be single"? in this convo, paired with you expressing your lack of sympathy, it actually does come across as blaming the person for a situation that he or she may not want to be in. i dont think the word blame is appropriate because there are many factors that are beyond ones control.

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 04:33 AM

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230. "Let me explain something to you."
In response to Reply # 228
Fri Aug-28-15 04:59 AM by BabyYoda

  

          

I know about being single. What you are talking about is women who have a certain level of expectations that they place upon the men they date and if said expectations isn't met by these men, then said men is the problem, not the woman nor her expectations. Basically, these women place conditions upon shit, then get pissy when they don't get what they want by pointing the finger at these men while conveniently ignoring the remaining fingers pointing back at themselves.

In life, you will meet many people who will not fit your mold and vice versa, but when it comes down to brass tax, you do have choices. You can choose to modify your list of conditions and expectations as well as broaden your dating pool or you can continue to be disappointed when the vast majority of men you will encounter does not meet all of your conditions and expectations.

I didn't even touch on some women who uses a risk averse approach to dating yet expect miracles nor have I touched on some women who have a minimal effort-maximum gain attitude when they date men. I do know that these women have choices like everyone else. However, I do understand that there are circumstances where someone may desire a relationship (on their terms of course) and may be disappointed when their ideal mate (based on conditions and expectations set) hasn't came into their lives.

As for the blame game, I don't blame women for being single. I will blame them for criticizing and shaming certain men who may very well be into these women, but may not meet and/or exceed said women's conditions and expectations. That is the problem and it also pertains to men.

So, I don't see your issue with anything I said. Single folks, like folks who are spoken for, choose their romantic situation whether you want to accept it or not. That's your choice to make.

  

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NikaMandela
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Fri Aug-28-15 08:50 AM

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234. "we will have to agree to disagree"
In response to Reply # 230


          

it seems like youre placing all the weight of that persons choices/decisions as the reason why they are single.

im saying there are a variety of factors that lead up to a person being single, choices/decisions being one of those factors.

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 12:01 PM

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242. "I see no issue with agreeing to disagree"
In response to Reply # 234


  

          

>it seems like youre placing all the weight of that persons
>choices/decisions as the reason why they are single.
>
>im saying there are a variety of factors that lead up to a
>person being single, choices/decisions being one of those
>factors.
>
>
I am saying that we, as adults, have choices. That is a fact. I am also saying that men and women are not being totally honest when it comes to these topics. The bottom line is that it doesn't matter why one is single. Everyone has a reason why they are single, married, divorced, in a monogamous or polygamous relationship, etc.

But, I do hope one day you will understand that being single is a choice that should be embraced, if you really care about your overall well being. It is healthy to be single and grow from within that way when a person who fits your mold comes into your life, then you will be ready to receive him and appreciate him for who he is, not what you want or expect him to be. Same can be said from that man's side as well.

  

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NikaMandela
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Fri Aug-28-15 01:22 PM

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246. "i do embrace the fact that i have a choice"
In response to Reply # 242
Fri Aug-28-15 01:46 PM by NikaMandela

          

i embrace that i wasnt forced to marry a 50 year old man when i was a teenager.

i embrace that even now, i could take a homeless man off the street, clean him up, and make him my husband. or i could wait for someone that i feel is more suitable and hope he finds me suitable as well. those are both choices.

i also embrace the fact that there are things i cant control. that homeless dude might reject me. the guy i wait for might end up being abusive. i can only shift and adjust based on what comes back to me from my efforts. but the reality is that i do not have complete control over my romantic life. no one does. people dont have A reason why theyre single, married, etc...they have multiple reasons, many of which are beyond their control. which is my point.

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 01:47 PM

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247. "Glad to hear that"
In response to Reply # 246


  

          

>i embrace that i wasnt forced to marry a 50 year old man when
>i was a teenager.
>
>i embrace that even now, i could take a homeless man off the
>street, clean him up, and make him my husband. or i could wait
>for someone that i feel is more suitable and hope he finds me
>suitable as well. those are both choices.
>
>i also embrace the fact that there are things i cant control.
>that homeless dude might reject me. the guy i wait for might
>end up being abusive. i can only shift and adjust based on
>what comes back to me from my efforts. but the reality is that
>i do not have complete control over my romantic life. no one
>does. which is my point.

As for your last point, of course we have no control over other people's thoughts and actions towards us. But, that doesn't translate to not having control over our romantic lives. I can admit that I am single by choice because I refuse to settle, not to mention, I have become even more selective on who I deal with on a romantic level.

I have learned that not every person I communicate with, meet, greet, etc. is worth my time and effort. Also, because I am coming to an age where health could be an issue down the line, in addition to my career situation, if I am going to deal with someone, then they need to be at a certain level that I find acceptable, otherwise it will not work.

Lastly, I understand about nuances and other circumstances which makes dating and relationships difficult to establish, but I also understand that it is a part of the game that I have to learn to accept and deal with because if I don't, then I will end up going crazy. Life has its challenges, but it comes down to how you deal with said challenges. In the meantime, I got a mortgage, taxes, utilities, bills, groceries and other obligations that need to be tended to. That is a fact! Dating and relationships, although is desired and is a priority will take a back seat, if it becomes to emotionally and financially taxing. I literally have no time for bullshit nor bullshitters. Either someone who comes into my life choose to rock with me and accept me for me or chooses to not do so and move on.

Btw, whatever is going on in your romantic life, I wish you well. Thanks for the respectful dialogue.

  

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NikaMandela
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Fri Aug-28-15 02:09 PM

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250. "Thank you as well :)"
In response to Reply # 247


          

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 03:06 PM

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256. "It's highly unlikely you could take a homeless "
In response to Reply # 246
Fri Aug-28-15 03:14 PM by ndibs

          

Man home with you and he'd stop smoking crack or being mentally Ill and just be so damn happy about his come up he'd happily stay with you. Half of them probably are or were married. Most could be in shelters or in programs if they wanted to be.

He'd be out smoking crack within a week or month. Just like a lot of professional men, marriage and responsibilities (even as small as being there) it's just not what they want. The idea that you could lower your standards super low and get someone might be comforting but is not really based in reality.

While you might consider yourself a great catch, you may have nothing to
Offer someone you consider way below your station in life. They may not get your jokes or cultural references, you may not share the same interests or view in the world. I've definitely been dismissed after guys talked to me for 10 seconds and decided I "you don't put up with much huh?" Or I just walked by and they were like she only dates white guys and this is after I said hello.

The women should just settle paradigm is so tired.

  

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ShinobiShaw
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Fri Aug-28-15 04:24 PM

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263. "You are a gem"
In response to Reply # 256


  

          

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

  

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ILLwiLL132
Member since Jul 14th 2011
217 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 03:39 PM

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259. "RE: i do embrace the fact that i have a choice"
In response to Reply # 246


          

>i embrace that i wasnt forced to marry a 50 year old man when
>i was a teenager.
>
>i embrace that even now, i could take a homeless man off the
>street, clean him up, and make him my husband. or i could wait
>for someone that i feel is more suitable and hope he finds me
>suitable as well. those are both choices.
>
>i also embrace the fact that there are things i cant control.
>that homeless dude might reject me. the guy i wait for might
>end up being abusive. i can only shift and adjust based on
>what comes back to me from my efforts. but the reality is that
>i do not have complete control over my romantic life. no one
>does. people dont have A reason why theyre single, married,
>etc...they have multiple reasons, many of which are beyond
>their control. which is my point.


I think the basic premise of what he is saying is that you do have control over whether or not you are in a relationship. The point he is making is that these women tend to bypass relationships with people that want to be with them for a plethora reasons. That is THEIR fault if THEY choose to disregard individuals who are trying and making progress in their life. THEY want Mr. Perfect but Mr. Perfect has many women chasing him and he doesn't want to settle. They want to be with the MVP but don't want to be with him while he's shooting in the gym. Well ladies, it's up to you to see the potential in an individual and snag him if you like him and push him to become the MVP that you want. Most the time you see the humble guy that's trying but maybe had some bumps and bruises and you want nothing to do with him until he's fitting your mold. Well guess what men aren't completely stupid and we're looking at women like well you didn't want me then but you want me now, So you can get this "D" but I don't wanna be your man. Simple.

I'm for truth no matter who tells it. I'm for justice no matter who it's for or against. - el Hajj Malik el Shabazz

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 03:47 PM

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261. " I can go months without a guy asking me out on a date "
In response to Reply # 259
Fri Aug-28-15 03:53 PM by ndibs

          

And years without being asked out on a second date AND that second date happening. So not quite. I have done experiments where I reply to every guy on match and okcupid for several months even if he's not my type or whatever and I will only go on maybe 3-4 dates a year. Despite talking to 30 guys at a time and investing hours a day. I've gone out with 1 out of 3 guys who asked me out irl in the last 7 years . One I rejected didn't speak english so he sent his sister over to talk to me. The other was a registered sex offender. Maybe other women have an endless supply of suitors. I do not.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 08:00 PM

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267. "1) you choose to live in Omaha even tho you work from home"
In response to Reply # 261


          

2) you do date white dudes

3) if you arent getting second dates its prolly because of the way you conduct yourself on the first date.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Fri Aug-28-15 11:07 PM

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270. "And a lot of women don't and they're still single "
In response to Reply # 267
Fri Aug-28-15 11:09 PM by ndibs

          

.....I'm sure it's my fault, but everyone who does online dating goes on endless first dates. Except for maybe white ppl on eharmony because that site charges something like $70 a month.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Sat Aug-29-15 11:22 AM

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273. "Just sayin'.. if you have only been asked our 3 times in 7 years irl..."
In response to Reply # 270


          

It may be due to where you live

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Mahogany
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Fri Aug-28-15 10:20 AM

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237. "I think you're missing her point"
In response to Reply # 230
Fri Aug-28-15 10:31 AM by Mahogany

  

          

And like Nika said it seems like you're putting it all on the woman which isn't fair. At the end of the day you can't be in a relationship by yourself. It really has nothing to do with expectations for a lot of women out here. If anything what u described is more of a reflection of the behavior I see displayed by men. How is it a woman's fault if she is putting a reasonable amount of effort into dating and constantly finding herself with men that don't want a relationship, are just looking for a good time/cuddle buddy etc?

I keep seeing people in here mentioning women and our expectations, but let's just be real there are A LOT of women out here tolerating ridiculous levels of bullshit/mediocrity because that's all they're being offered. Men tend to make us feel guilty about having standards, but as long as you're not looking for someone to be perfect is that really such a bad thing? Most women out here just want a dude that is a decent human being, has a job and doesn't play games...like most women out here ain't on that Hillary Banks (and if you really wanna go there most of the women I know that are like this stay in a relationship). Or maybe it's just that men pay more attention to those kind of women...Idk but yeah being single most definitely isn't always a choice and a lot of men are out here not doing what they should be doing and they know it. They also know that they can get away with it which is why they continue to do it...if that's what you mean by expectations then I don't see anything wrong with calling a guy out when it comes to shit like that or makin a choice to not tolerate that kind of behavior. It's always kinda weird to hear guys speak on this kinda thing because at the end of the day yall don't date men. You may not be the guy I'm describing but plenty out here are...

>I know about being single. What you are talking about is
>women who have a certain level of expectations that they place
>upon the men they date and if said expectations isn't met by
>these men, then said men is the problem, not the woman nor her
>expectations. Basically, these women place conditions upon
>shit, then get pissy when they don't get what they want by
>pointing the finger at these men while conveniently ignoring
>the remaining fingers pointing back at themselves.
>
>In life, you will meet many people who will not fit your mold
>and vice versa, but when it comes down to brass tax, you do
>have choices. You can choose to modify your list of conditions
>and expectations as well as broaden your dating pool or you
>can continue to be disappointed when the vast majority of men
>you will encounter does not meet all of your conditions and
>expectations.
>
>I didn't even touch on some women who uses a risk averse
>approach to dating yet expect miracles nor have I touched on
>some women who have a minimal effort-maximum gain attitude
>when they date men. I do know that these women have choices
>like everyone else. However, I do understand that there are
>circumstances where someone may desire a relationship (on
>their terms of course) and may be disappointed when their
>ideal mate (based on conditions and expectations set) hasn't
>came into their lives.
>
>As for the blame game, I don't blame women for being single. I
>will blame them for criticizing and shaming certain men who
>may very well be into these women, but may not meet and/or
>exceed said women's conditions and expectations. That is the
>problem and it also pertains to men.
>
>So, I don't see your issue with anything I said. Single folks,
>like folks who are spoken for, choose their romantic situation
>whether you want to accept it or not. That's your choice to
>make.

BUY SOMETHING PLEASE ---> www.estherwoovintage.com

"people... please refrain from gnr'ing me. im an avid lol'er and am completely fine wit the service."

"I’m just a dreamer,
turned true to life leaner...
Born to do good so others can be believers"

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
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Fri Aug-28-15 11:41 AM

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239. "No, we just don't see eye to eye of this topic"
In response to Reply # 237


  

          

>And like Nika said it seems like you're putting it all on the
>woman which isn't fair. At the end of the day you can't be in
>a relationship by yourself. It really has nothing to do with
>expectations for a lot of women out here. If anything what u
>described is more of a reflection of the behavior I see
>displayed by men. How is it a woman's fault if she is putting
>a reasonable amount of effort into dating and constantly
>finding herself with men that don't want a relationship, are
>just looking for a good time/cuddle buddy etc?


I am not putting it all on women. However, what I am putting on women is self accountability which is owed to them, just like men. I really believe that women struggle when it comes to self accountability on certain things. You really expect me to believe that women, in general, puts forth a reasonable amount of effort into their dates? Let me share something to you..THEY DON'T!!!!!

Women play the same bullshit game that men play in the dating game. I am telling you this, as a Black man in his mid 40s who has dealt with women from various backgrounds and age groups for decades and a good amount of change. What I can agree with you and Nika is that women, who are interested in a specific man, may put forth a reasonable amount of effort, has manners, isn't feeling herself too much, etc. into a date as well as genuinely and sincerely likes the guy, but that is IF the aforementioned happens. But, if not, then they can, have and will treat men like shit, talk to them like shit and put them through some shit with ZERO fucks given!

My whole point in this discussion is to say that it does not matter why women are single because at the end of the day, it was their choice to be single. There is no way to go around it! Btw, I know relationships is a two way street, but let's not play that game where one demographic gets to drive on these streets and is exempt from obeying the traffic laws, while at they same time, is getting pissed off when they see another demographic committing traffic violations. I am too old to fall for the okey doke.


>I keep seeing people in here mentioning women and our
>expectations, but let's just be real there are A LOT of women
>out here tolerating ridiculous levels of bullshit/mediocrity
>because that's all they're being offered.

What makes you believe that only women goes through this? What makes you believe that men don't tolerate ridiculous levels of bullshit and mediocrity? Didn't you say that relationships is a two way street? There are laws to these streets. Not everyone abides by them, but certainly nobody is above consequences when they commit infractions and above.

Men tend to make us
>feel guilty about having standards, but as long as you're not
>looking for someone to be perfect is that really such a bad
>thing?

Once again, women are not the only ones who have standards. Men also have standards. But, standards has to be reasonable and people have to be flexible, otherwise, it will be a difficult journey when trying to establish rapport and chemistry with someone. I believe that there are many women out there who really do not know how to date. They think that the whole premise of dating and relationships is for the man to please them and win their hearts when that shit goes both ways. All parties involved has to gain something out of it otherwise it will not work.

Most women out here just want a dude that is a decent
>human being, has a job and doesn't play games...like most
>women out here ain't on that Hillary Banks (and if you really
>wanna go there most of the women I know that are like this
>stay in a relationship). Or maybe it's just that men pay more
>attention to those kind of women...Idk but yeah being single
>most definitely isn't always a choice and a lot of men are out
>here not doing what they should be doing and they know it.
>They also know that they can get away with it which is why
>they continue to do it...if that's what you mean by
>expectations then I don't see anything wrong with calling a
>guy out when it comes to shit like that or makin a choice to
>not tolerate that kind of behavior. It's always kinda weird to
>hear guys speak on this kinda thing because at the end of the
>day yall don't date men. You may not be the guy I'm describing
>but plenty out here are...

I don't believe that most women are like this. I believe that women will act right and do right by a man when she finds one she is interested in. Same can be said about men. But, like men, women meet, greet, date and cohabitate with people who may not fit their mold. But, the choice comes in when a person decides to either put up with whatever is given to them or charges that person to the game and move on to other things.

I think the conflict with these discussions is the unwillingness of men and women to see the POV of the other party. Also, the problem lies with people, men and women, placing a negative stigma upon those who may not have a significant other and placing societal standards upon these people which creates unnecessary stress upon the single person. But, single people need to understand that no person who isn't walking in their shoes should have the power to influence them nor place a value on their worth based on the shit they may see on the surface without taking into account the subtle nuances and circumstances surrounding their relationship and dating situation.

Lastly, being single is not a bad thing! Truth be told, there are many people who are in relationships who should not be in them. Some of them do not need to be in one, others do not deserve to be in one and the rest who are in a good position to be in one need to simply mind their business and tend to their relationships and stop worrying about those they aren't fucking nor trying to fuck, in other words.

Having the liberty to choose is freedom that never should be frowned upon. Own your shit and learn from your mistakes. If meant to be, it will be. When the time is right, then Mr. Right4U will come around.
>

  

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Mahogany
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Fri Aug-28-15 04:33 PM

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264. "I'm not really trying to compare women to men tbh"
In response to Reply # 239
Fri Aug-28-15 04:35 PM by Mahogany

  

          

I'm just telling you as a woman that actually dates men...to a man that doesn't (I'm assuming) that a lot of what you're saying isn't the case for most women nowadays. Sure women have to take responsibility for whatever role they may play in this, but i would say that lowered standards is more of an issue than women expecting too much. Of course there are other factors that come into play, but for most women that are like 27+ a lot of what you're saying isn't accurate and there are plenty of women that don't necessarily fall into the category that you're talking about. *shrug*

If you're in your 40s then yes you may see things differently because when you were around my age the game was different and women did seem to have the upper hand a Lil more than men I won't even disagree with that. But nowadays in 2015 the dating game is totally different. Idk how it is for 40 yr olds, but what I'm saying is mostly true for women/men in their late 20s/early-mid 30s. Like a lot of dudes don't even want to take women on real dates anymore lol its rough out here for a lot of women and the pickings are slim.

BUY SOMETHING PLEASE ---> www.estherwoovintage.com

"people... please refrain from gnr'ing me. im an avid lol'er and am completely fine wit the service."

"I’m just a dreamer,
turned true to life leaner...
Born to do good so others can be believers"

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 05:00 PM

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265. "It's amazing they can look at a situation where 70% "
In response to Reply # 264
Fri Aug-28-15 05:05 PM by ndibs

          

Of black children are born out of wedlock and say women are just too picky and demanding about who they get involved with and black women are more single than white women because they have higher standards.

A lot of black women will play house, cook clean, raise your kids do everything a wife will do and still not get a ring, commitment, monogamy or even a partner in the end. If anything the fact that it's very easy to find a black woman to do all these things and very difficult to find a white or Asian one who will keeps black women single.

It's not like doing everything and expecting nothing is getting those woman married. The less educated baby mammas of the world with lower expectations are even less likely to be married.

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Fri Aug-28-15 06:47 PM

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266. "I understand"
In response to Reply # 264


  

          

>I'm just telling you as a woman that actually dates men...to
>a man that doesn't (I'm assuming) that a lot of what you're
>saying isn't the case for most women nowadays. Sure women have
>to take responsibility for whatever role they may play in
>this, but i would say that lowered standards is more of an
>issue than women expecting too much. Of course there are other
>factors that come into play, but for most women that are like
>27+ a lot of what you're saying isn't accurate and there are
>plenty of women that don't necessarily fall into the category
>that you're talking about. *shrug*
>
>If you're in your 40s then yes you may see things differently
>because when you were around my age the game was different and
>women did seem to have the upper hand a Lil more than men I
>won't even disagree with that. But nowadays in 2015 the dating
>game is totally different. Idk how it is for 40 yr olds, but
>what I'm saying is mostly true for women/men in their late
>20s/early-mid 30s. Like a lot of dudes don't even want to take
>women on real dates anymore lol its rough out here for a lot
>of women and the pickings are slim.

I see things through my own lens, just like yourself and anyone else. One thing I do not want to do is argue against other people's experiences. In addition, I don't expect you to agree with my points, but I do hope that you will at least try to understand my perspective because what I experience with women is actual, factual and real to me.

I made several points discussing the need for people to stop shaming people who are having a difficult time finding a mate and/or those who are single. I also stated a few times that there is nothing wrong with being single. I even shared a personal account that I am single and it is by choice. Yes, I make efforts to date women and establish relationships, but I also use more discretion when I do so because I am at a certain stage in my life where I feel I can not afford to invest time, effort, emotion and finances in someone who is not worthy. What I will add that as much as I have my own sets of standards and expectations, I do make concessions or will make them on some things w/o compromising my basic necessities. In essence, I will only deal with women who has the basics covered that I expect from them in addition to some other attributes, but the basics need to be covered! I used to compromise on the basics and the shit is taxing!

So, I contend that whatever situation I am dealing with or whatever situation the women I am dealing with is in, the both of us have choices and we will exercise said choices at our discretion until we get what we want. If that means that we hit it off, then great. If not, then cool. We all want what we want when we want it with whoever we want it with.

I guess we can simply agree to disagree which is cool, but I vehemently believe that we have choices. I also feel the same about personal accountability. In all, when I decide that I need a specific individual in my life, then I will do what I do in order to have them in my life, assuming they will let me.

  

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SP1200
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Thu Aug-27-15 12:31 AM

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147. ""They" love pushing this narrative lol."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

smh.

http://i54.tinypic.com/2j51hj4.jpg

  

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Cocobrotha2
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Thu Aug-27-15 12:20 PM

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173. "It's an issue for educated women in Western society"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Black women are just leading the way.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonkblog/wp/2015/08/26/a-new-book-answers-why-its-so-hard-for-educated-women-to-find-dates/

***
The main idea is that women have been attending college at much higher rates than men since the 1980s, in the U.S. and in other countries around the world. That has led to a big demographic mismatch for people who want to date and marry others of the same educational level. The dating pool for college-educated people in their 30s now has five women for every four men. For people in their 20s, it's four women for every three men.

The gap is even more extreme in certain places. In Manhattan, there are 38 percent more female college grads under the age of 25 than college-grad men, according to Birger's data. The gap is 49 percent in Raleigh, N.C., 86 percent in Miami, 49 percent in Washington and 37 percent in Los Angeles. And it’s not just cities – many rural areas also have these β€œeducated man deficits.”

........

The last year in the U.S. that more men than women graduated from college was 1981. Since then, the college gender gap has been getting wider every year. In 2012, there were 34 percent more women than men who graduated from college. By 2023, that gap is expected to reach 47 percent.

********

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13825 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 12:51 PM

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178. "Women still make less (overall) and it wold seem white couples differ "
In response to Reply # 173
Thu Aug-27-15 12:54 PM by Atillah Moor

  

          

in that a degree holding white woman will marry and have kids with a successful plumber, hvac tech, etc. Culturally speaking-- white women do "seem" to be more likely to see the whole board. Meaning-- a guy may not be as educated, but his earning potential may be higher in addition to his ability to be a (relatively) stable provider.

This may also be common among "black" couples, but I couldn't really speak to that from observation.

So in a sense at least for the dominant culture there is a type of balance. Or at least the balance still being in favor of men marrying women of higher education. What counters this IMO is the increasing divorce rate, but not so much educated white women shunning less educated white men.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Thu Aug-27-15 01:52 PM

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181. "BLACK WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO MARRY DOWN..."
In response to Reply # 178


          

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=&bih=&q=black+women+are+more+likely+to+marry+down

seriously can we stop blaming black women for being too picky or pretending they're pickier than white women when the data says the exact reverse?

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
68480 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:03 PM

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187. "lol, you stay bashing Black men tho"
In response to Reply # 181


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Thu Aug-27-15 02:13 PM

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190. "It's not bashing to look at the reality "
In response to Reply # 187
Thu Aug-27-15 02:38 PM by ndibs

          

A lot or black men aren't marriage material because they can't keep or hold the sort of jobs necessary to support a family because they never finished hs or have criminal records.

It just a reality. I'm not saying these guys are bad, but they're not trying to marry anyone and that's a reality.

It's also a reality that MOST black women 51% with college degrees marry a guy without a degree. Still despite the norm being to consider guys with less education 60% of black women 25-35 with degrees are unmarried.

http://www.diversityinc.com/news/college-educated-black-women-least-likely-to-have-a-well-educated-spouse-2/

Apparently black women are well aware of the realities and not waiting for a Prince Charming, and black men are the ones being selective and marrying up.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Thu Aug-27-15 04:12 PM

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206. "The reality may be more that there is a shortage of men period"
In response to Reply # 190
Thu Aug-27-15 04:12 PM by Atillah Moor

  

          

So this statement may not be accurate:

>A lot or black men aren't marriage material because they can't keep >or hold the sort of jobs necessary to support a family because they >never finished hs or have criminal records.

>It just a reality. I'm not saying these guys are bad, but they're >not trying to marry anyone and that's a reality.

41,777,674 black folks as of 2013

25.7% of the black population is at or below poverty which in and of itself does not equate to records or jail time, but I digress.

So that's some 10 million some odd people written off the majority of which are women if the propaganda piece is to be believed so there's likely a shortage of men just in that group alone.

So of about 31,040,812 people above poverty-- again the majority of which are women and that would seem to indicate a shortage of black men. The majority of which are likely successful as It's also been proven that more black men are in college than in jail and overall only about 2% of black people marry other ethnic groups.

I'd wage there are more white women than men as well.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Thu Aug-27-15 04:36 PM

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209. "i have no idea what you're talking about"
In response to Reply # 206


          

too many extrapolations and your use of personal pronouns is too sloppy. sorry.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Thu Aug-27-15 05:17 PM

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217. "The truth is there is a shortage of black men."
In response to Reply # 209


  

          

The majority of which are not in prison or former convicts.

There have probably always been more women than men for any ethnic group in the U.S. The margin as far as the ratio of eligible men to eligable women has likely been worsened to some degree by the increase in incarcerated men who women such as the one from a strong black household would likely find unsuitable.

Hopefully that is much more easier to digest.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Thu Aug-27-15 02:16 PM

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192. "is that term used in reference to white dating dynamics? "
In response to Reply # 181


  

          

First if one is using the term 'dating down' there's already a problem. The phrase itself suggests that one is in some sort of position of superiority when the fact that women make less than men for the same money and that education does not directly translate to higher status or success e.g. Bill Gates, Kanye West, and other successful college drop outs tend to paint the concept of "dating down" is a fallacy.

One can date people poor in financial resources, language skills, or various types of intelligence, but a high earning construction worker who can be a stable provider is in no way "down" from a college educated women who may make the same or less. If one is dating someone with fewer resources than they have hopefully chosen that person for other reasons the find more valuable.

Second I don't recall directing anything in my post towards black women or at least that was not my intent. In fact I said I couldn't speak on it due to lack of observance. Personally I don't believe that for the majority of those whites who have high earning blue collar spouses that their partners consider it as having "dated down" this phrase is IMO another tool of white supremacy to divide black people and couples by portraying successful (that is the key word) blue collar black men as undesirable.

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Thu Aug-27-15 02:24 PM

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194. "Yeah it's used or something like assortive mating or mixed collar "
In response to Reply # 192


          

Marriages. The semantics are really unimportant.

And lol @ using 1 in a billion type ppl like bill gates or Kanye west as examples of why education isn't important.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Thu Aug-27-15 03:48 PM

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205. "Disagree"
In response to Reply # 194
Thu Aug-27-15 03:48 PM by Atillah Moor

  

          

>Marriages. The semantics are really unimportant.

Actually the semantics are important in this case. Have you noticed that the word(s) down, below, under, beneath, etc. are not used in those phrases?

>
>And lol @ using 1 in a billion type ppl like bill gates or
>Kanye west as examples of why education isn't important.

I was anticipating that response and I used them because if I used the names of everyday black and white folks I know who are married with houses and jobs and successful spouses you would be like "who"?

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Fri Aug-28-15 08:23 AM

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233. "Those stats do not include men who are not in the workforce "
In response to Reply # 178


          

Yeah if you look at everyone in the workforce black men make more than black women.

But in a city like NYC only 50% of the men are in the workforce.

That does not include those in prison - prisons are mostly upstate.

So those stats do not really reflect reality where we all know black women in the workforce outnumber men.

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Thu Aug-27-15 12:55 PM

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179. "But why aren't they accounting for the fact that men tend to have"
In response to Reply # 173


  

          

more jobs that don't require the same type of education, even beyond the regular "average paying" Blue Collar positions?

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
12901 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:34 PM

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196. "Because college degrees are an arbitrary standard they can use"
In response to Reply # 179


          

If they went by income, for instance, I don't think that "he's not on my level" argument would hold up.

  

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daryloneal
Member since Jan 08th 2005
9267 posts
Thu Aug-27-15 02:07 PM

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188. "Times like this I choose to stay in my bubble."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Aug-27-15 02:08 PM by daryloneal

  

          

My grandparents were married (grandmother passed last year), my parents are married, my brother is married, I'm married, my wife's parents are married, my sister in law (wife's sister) is married (although her other older sister isn't), my sister in law's (brother's wife) parents were married (father passed last year), and my closest homeboys are both in long term relationships with kids and will likely be married at some point.

Additionally, I'm a photographer and I shoot black weddings all the time. I have one tomorrow as a matter of fact.

I see no issue.

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but have you ever checked out my website? www.dtaylorimages.com

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
21602 posts