http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/live-news/2015/6/african-american-women-struggle-to-find-marry.html


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MBD4uuksxg


whats the stance again? propaganda/stacked argument?


I hear the argument but then I kinda roll my eyes

At least, they don't want to marry any of their available options. Personally, I think that "Husband Store" joke best describes what happens.

Edit: I didn't watch that video. I'm guessing it says that most black men are in jail, not interesting in women romantically, don't have jobs, have mad baby momma, etc. The stereotypical stuff.

>

Do you seriously feel like this type of discussion is a personal attack? From what I've seen in my lifetime, I feel like I can find a suitable mate easier than an African American woman of comparable attributes and educational level.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

It depends on who the guy is, but as a whole, it tends to lead to typical gender wars. "Y'ALL men aren't focused enough" "Y'all men don't want to settle down" "Maybe if y'all wanted to date Black women instead of only wanting a White or Asian girl" "Y'all don't even make it to college" "Y'all get locked up."

And of course, that turns into us being defensive in some way, and if we tell them that we don't represent those types, it's "well y'all need to be helping your fellow Black men because they are still lost, even if you aren't."

It's also a major shot to the Black men who never got play from Black women, and many of them even have a Mike Jones attitude about it all. "Y'all used to chase thugs and all the wrong guys, but now you're older and single, and blaming us, when you could have had us before." I've met plenty guys who fit this bill...some got zero play growing up or even in college because they didn't have the personality, style, or anything to attract women...and now, they have a great career, and seem to still have something against (Black) women.

Additionally, most men tend to know women who are single for reasons that aren't just due to statistics, yet we feel the stats may be a copout for SOME of the women. I know some women who are so focused career-wise, that they don't seem to entertain any men who are out there. Or, those women who actually attract great men, but they seem to find a problem with literally every man who is into them. Of course, they shouldn't just be into a guy because he wants them...but when EVERY, every every single guy who tries seems to have something wrong in their eyes? It's just harder for us to feel sympathy or believe it's truly about statistics.

I can go on and on, but yeah. For me, personally? I feel that it's a mixture of everything, but the root cause isn't the fault of Black men OR women. It's a much deeper argument and issue, but the fact that Black men aren't as educated or focused isn't because we're naturally born to be lazy or shiftless.

Your dating options won't change regardless of whether you watch the video or not. Neither should your dating outlook. People with major dating hang-ups & reservations generally expose themselves rather quickly. I do understand there's some justification behind their statements (which is why I don't get mad or defensive), but ultimately complainers are undesirable. I wouldn't even entertain any of these women telling ME what I need to do to fix THEIR dating problems. Those just aren't the type of people that I'd enjoy spending time around, maybe your social circle is different, I dunno. In my life, gender wars have only really existed in sibling relationships, in rap music, and online. I make it a habit not to deal with people who are subject to a lot of peer influence.


Let my love slide in and never slip out

Being that I'm 30, Black, single, and have so many interconnected circles of like minded men and women...these debates and discussions come up all the time. Even when I'm dating a woman, it comes up in regards to why they're single, or why their friends/cousins are single.

It's not about my personal options, but just about the topic itself whenever it comes up.

>Being that I'm 30, Black, single, and have so many
>interconnected circles of like minded men and women...these
>debates and discussions come up all the time. Even when I'm
>dating a woman, it comes up in regards to why they're single,
>or why their friends/cousins are single.
>
>It's not about my personal options, but just about the topic
>itself whenever it comes up.

alot. Male or female, justifiable or not. It's just not healthy for me, but again to each their own. And do you really ask women "why are you single?". Seems like a really awkward question.
I guess I'll just chalk it up to different social circles then. I guess I've never had an all Black with a capital B social circle, there were always Latins, Caribbeans & Africans in the mix. And people who don't have much in common with me might find me difficult to get along with, maybe that has helped me in some ways.


Let my love slide in and never slip out

but you all up in here telling people who have ties to them to not talk about it?

okay

>but you all up in here telling people who have ties to them
>to not talk about it?
>
>okay

with groups of women telling you how to fix their dating problems? Let me know bruh.
You saw where I said "all Black". You should now what "all" means at this point in your life. C'mon.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

You listed off every other group but Black women being in your social circle.

I'm not going to argue with you on this tho..

you got it all figured out.

>You listed off every other group but Black women being in
>your social circle.
>
>I'm not going to argue with you on this tho..
>
>you got it all figured out.

Here's is the quote that you seem to be having a whole lotta trouble with
"I guess I've never had an all Black with a capital B social circle, there were always Latins, Caribbeans & Africans in the mix"

I don't see how this reads as "My social circle had everything but Af-Ams". I just said it wasn't ALL "Af-Am"/"Black", and I named the backgrounds of the people who were in my social circles that weren't "Af-Am".

I never asked if it was an ALL Black circle bruh...

And hell naw, I'll never ask someone why they're single.

I get it now, if you don't have the types of circles I have, you'd never get it. Hell, you don't even have to have "all-Black" circles, but just knowing a few and being open with them, it's a pretty common topic. Most of them aren't bitching or complaining at that level, either.

being the only way this discussion could go down.

>being the only way this discussion could go down.

mixed company. That's why I said what I said. I asked you if YOU had to deal with these conversations often in your everyday life, and I got no response. So you probably don't and just want to bicker....

And you had such a hard time understanding the fact that I answered your question from #22 in #23. There's just too much that you are missing, you shouldn't even bother trying figure me out, or jump into a back and forth that you weren't involved in.

there is the point that I cant possibly belittle the struggle of people but I do feel slighted because it feels like yet another voice about why I am not shit, why black men are not shit.....and for the record Im talking about the people I grew up with that overcame despite the obstacles

so when I hear this argument that has been said forever and ever I'm like....


yeah.

>there is the point that I cant possibly belittle the struggle
>of people but I do feel slighted because it feels like yet
>another voice about why I am not shit, why black men are not
>shit.....and for the record Im talking about the people I grew
>up with that overcame despite the obstacles
>
>so when I hear this argument that has been said forever and
>ever I'm like....
>
>
>yeah.

I still don't understand why you guys feel defensive. Do you think the woman that you make happy everyday is going to constantly bring up the plight of her single friends? Do you have women in your social circle constantly taking you to task about this? lol c'mon....
And as many Black single mothers as there are out there doing the most to keep their sons happy (sometimes overdoing it), how can you truly believe, that they believe we ain't shit?

Let my love slide in and never slip out

but i have several friends and fam who are wonderful women, successful and are single..hell my sister is a beautiful girl who has her own nice ass townhouse, car and phd but she says dudes are reluctant to approach her because they assume shes involved...or when they see she is independent and doesnt "need" them for anything outside of companionship etc they have trouble processing that. my best female friend who ive known since high school is in the same boat...got a nice house, car, job, etc but alot of black men seem to have trouble dealing with that for some reason... sad state of affairs.

>but i have several friends and fam who are wonderful women,
>successful and are single..hell my sister is a beautiful girl
>who has her own nice ass townhouse, car and phd but she says
>dudes are reluctant to approach her because they assume shes
>involved...or when they see she is independent and doesnt
>"need" them for anything outside of companionship etc they
>have trouble processing that. my best female friend who ive
>known since high school is in the same boat...got a nice
>house, car, job, etc but alot of black men seem to have
>trouble dealing with that for some reason... sad state of
>affairs.

Deep down, these guys probably know that and act accordingly. She has a PHD... the odds of her respecting a man with a bachelor's (or less) is probably very low. How long before the "I need a man on my level" thoughts begin? How long before she feels "stifled" by his lack of intellectual conversation? Or feeling bad that he can't afford to buy things that she can?

is finding a man that she can relate to...my friend didnt finish college but did complete alot of course work...she just had a great job. but my sis wouldnt have a prob dating a guy with a BA for sure

talking about how men need to accept that there's ALWAYS women who are out of their league. They literally said that except for the President, EVERY man has thousands of women who are out of their league, and that they need to act accordingly.

They said "men feel entitled to think they can holler at ANY woman, as if they are qualified enough for them." One even said "a guy who paints the White House will say 'damn Michelle, you think you too good just because you live in there, huh?'"

When I challenged them, and basically said that it reeks of low self esteem for a man to assume a woman is better than him, they didn't agree at all. They wouldn't specify what makes a woman out of a man's league, but said it's a combo of culture, education, career, and several other things.

connected in the academic community in our area which is pretty strong...we have several hbcus and top notch pwis in the area.. as a result, she attends alot of high profile type functions and events...some are dress up affairs etc. im sure at a minimum she would want a guy who could mix with that type of crowd and feel comfortable mingling and networking etc. i dont think its an unreasonable request nor a bad reflection on her if her desire of having a man that can roll in those types of environments happens to exclude some ppl

>talking about how men need to accept that there's ALWAYS
>women who are out of their league. They literally said that
>except for the President, EVERY man has thousands of women who
>are out of their league, and that they need to act
>accordingly.
>
>They said "men feel entitled to think they can holler at ANY
>woman, as if they are qualified enough for them." One even
>said "a guy who paints the White House will say 'damn
>Michelle, you think you too good just because you live in
>there, huh?'"
>
>When I challenged them, and basically said that it reeks of
>low self esteem for a man to assume a woman is better than
>him, they didn't agree at all. They wouldn't specify what
>makes a woman out of a man's league, but said it's a combo of
>culture, education, career, and several other things.

>connected in the academic community in our area which is
>pretty strong...we have several hbcus and top notch pwis in
>the area.. as a result, she attends alot of high profile type
>functions and events...some are dress up affairs etc. im sure
>at a minimum she would want a guy who could mix with that type
>of crowd and feel comfortable mingling and networking etc. i
>dont think its an unreasonable request nor a bad reflection on
>her if her desire of having a man that can roll in those types
>of environments happens to exclude some ppl

I think she's all good and will be good soon, even if it takes a while to find a match.

>They wouldn't specify what
>makes a woman out of a man's league, but said it's a combo of
>culture, education, career, and several other things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MBD4uuksxg

And yes propaganda. I feel like there is an effort or message to force black people into assimilating via supporting white supremacy e.g. adopting a "bootstraps" mentality or some other such frame of thinking that in turn pits those who assimilate vs those who cannot or will not. All the while both sides remain prey for the system of white supremacy.

>And yes propaganda. I feel like there is an effort or message
>to force black people into assimilating via supporting white
>supremacy e.g. adopting a "bootstraps" mentality or some other
>such frame of thinking that in turn pits those who assimilate
>vs those who cannot or will not. All the while both sides
>remain prey for the system of white supremacy.

assimilate as in good job, works for white company???

and gotdamn that white supremacy

Irish, Italians, Germans, various Eastern European groups, certain Central and South American, etc. It appears that the process of identifying as white means the sacrifice of whatever one's original cultural identity is.

The Irish for example are culturally very different from Americans of European descent, but in coming to the US and ultimately being accepted into white society the vast majority of their cultural distinctions over a relatively short amount of time became non-existent. In other words in order to claim whiteness they had to let go of being Irish, French, German, Polish, etc. to some degree (and to a large one with perhaps the exception of Italians).

With a certain percentage of successful black people you seem to hear more of the "bootstraps, pant's up, respect yourself, speak properly" type of mentality. All of it seeming to say that in order to "make it" i.e. live like most whites-- you must give up these certain things that are often common within areas of the black experience and or culture. This to me looks like support for white supremacy (because as we know white people who behave in similar fashion need not give up much if any aspect of their cultural experience in order to be successful) masked as a type of self bias or self criticism.

but maybe it's because I grew up in Pittsburgh where they have Polish Hill, Irish, Jews, Germans, Italians who all have strong ties to their culture.

I think those groups didn't assimilate, they just passed the hate along to us... but maybe that is assimilating to a certain extent?

ionno... but these groups still hold onto their culture in certain communities



I think as long as you have someone black in the room... you become "white"

>but maybe it's because I grew up in Pittsburgh where they
>have Polish Hill, Irish, Jews, Germans, Italians who all have
>strong ties to their culture.

They could be outliers though. Like the Amish communities, but I see your point. I mean they can still claim white, but are they really about that European culture? Are the German folks doing anything more than Oktoberfest? Are the Irish observing more than just St. Patrick's? If they're really holding to the cultural norms and all then I would think they're more likely to identify as Polish, German, or whatever first before white. Did you find that to be the case?


>I think those groups didn't assimilate, they just passed the
>hate along to us... but maybe that is assimilating to a
>certain extent?

They very well may have not, but it sounds like your describing enclaves almost like Native American's on reservations who still observe their traditional ways.

>ionno... but these groups still hold onto their culture in
>certain communities

Certainly, but do they practice traditional dances and certain rites of passage or festivals?

>
>I think as long as you have someone black in the room... you
>become "white"

Yes and no. What if you're a north African who only identifies as white in skin tone? But ass far as white supremacy is concerned sure.

we had something called Nationality Days where they blocked of the road for a week and everyone set up good tents with their food and each night was dedicated to a different nationality and had dances, speeches, costumes, etc.

In Charlotte there is a Greek Festival that is huge every year.

I think you missed on this one.

245,918,582 people as of 2013 classify as white. A Greek festival here and there or a Polish day in a handful of major cities simply can't take a large enough number out of that total to make an impact.

I'd agree that there are these areas with pockets of preserved culture which perhaps newly arrived emigrants help in keeping the culture alive, but I'd say there are just as many that come and end up quickly assimilating. The Tsaranev brothers are a good example in support of your claim, but I'd wager had the younger of the two finished school and tasted success in Boston he'd quickly drop that muslim business and start filling in white on his applications.

Even if you're 100% correct about there being whites who still function as culturally this or that (and I'd say that would include regular observance of customs, traditions, and language not just a day or week to celebrate here and there) they are a minority. And 38% of that number classified as white/hispanic/latino e.g. Louis CK types. So that leaves about 198,127,454 people of which I wouldn't even say 1/3rd are "keeping it real" so to speak

That's a very interesting and profound characterization. I totally see that....and haven't really thought about it in that way. Good post

Here's a random observation I've had that speaks to that. During the world cup alot of 'white' people cheer for the country of their heritage. So they'll have irish flags on the car windows. Or French, Dutch, English, etc. There is ALWAYS an eventual backlash. I will have at least 3 or 4 rants on my facebook feed about people neglecting their Canadian identity. 'If you like Germany so much than move back there'....that type of thing. It's like they're threatened in some way by people celebrating their heritage. It's like clockwork every four years with the exact same rants from the same people. I've always wondered what motivates that....it totally fits your characterization though. It's basically a way of putting people back in line.

In so many words....'You're white now. You're not French anymore. Don't take that heritage shit too far lest we revoke the privilege inherited in your new white Canadian identity. Fall in line'.

Another way I've noticed it. I grew up with this guy John who was greek. When we were kids....he didn't really care about his heritage. He was absorbing the anglo-saxon culture around him....hockey, kraft dinner, etc. But when he turned 13 he had a bit of a cultural awakening. He started hanging out with more Greek people....started listening to Greek music....spoke Greek outside the house. This was met with alot of resistance from his friends. "What's with John....since when did he become 'Mr Greek' about everything? What a poser." It's like they resented him for exploring his heritage....and you can sense that they feel threatened by it somehow. Underneath their resistance...you can see how they're basically saying 'John, you're white. Cut it out with that Greek stuff'.

...I can see how that would be the case..I have seen where some 'white' folks that have some type of ethinic heritage sort of downplay it at times, and other times wave the flag..(mostly when they are around other ethinicities like us, on some well you know I'm not "WHITE white, Im irish or italian..ect).

eh Atilla.....did you study sociology or something like that? Is there a particular idealogical theory or book that you've culled these views from? I'd like to read more about the frameworks/philosophies that you mention on here.

My outlook is largely formed from the overall historic record of US Emigration, combined with my experiences with and observations of White culture.

The PBS documentary on prohibition I think gives a good amount of insight into how in the beginning those arriving from Europe were barely accepted at all by the majority of American Whites and touches on a facet of how they became accepted, however the race aspect is not really given much attention but the ethnic conflict is.

Any historic reference on the Irish who came to America during the potato famine and found themselves initially working alongside than competing against blacks for jobs-- which in and of itself is an overarching theme when it comes to black and newly immigrant interaction. Any book on that is as good a place as any to start, but I can't think of any one resource in regard to that though.

There is a book I've been meaning to read myself but have discussed with those who have read it which is:

How Jews Became White Folks and What That Says About Race in
by Karen Brodkin

I grew up around a good amount of Jewish culture though so I thought I pretty much knew the gist of it, but I do plan to read it.

*Did you know tap dance is the product of Irish and African American interaction? I learned that from a white dance major who specialized in Irish dance. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it.

What is the solution you say?

Marry whoever the hell you want, fuck everybody else.

all the reasons are valid and true.

but i also agree with the point made that a lot of black men get married much later.

in general, black men aren't as relationship/family/marriage-oriented as other men. not because "they aint shit," but because most of us grow up in broken families. we dont have many models of solid 2-parent homes growing up.

i also think a lot of black woman who remain single are too fixated on the idea of marrying "someone on my level or better." i think that a lot of black men either marry "up" or "out."

people get married sooner because they have stronger support systems going in.

I hear young white people that get married always talk about "mom AND dad" paying for everything, the wedding, major appliances or furniture for their new house, the down payment on the house, or living in their parents house or rental property for cheap or free, a new car, no student loans, just a ton of different things that give them a head start out of the gate.

Conversely a lot of black folks go in debt from the wedding alone before you get to any of the other stuff.

For that reason, a lot of black people look to get married later. Black men in particular tend to wait until their more "established". A lot of black women want the finished product and sometimes won't give a brother a chance when he is working his way up. But once the brother is established he has a LOT more options and women in his age range often get passed over for younger women and even other races.

I always say a woman over 35 that is still single is single for a reason.

>I always say a woman over 35 that is still single is single
>for a reason.

what might those reasons be?

especially if she is fine. I know it sounds messed up but dudes think something HAS to be off for her to be by herself.

aint nothing wrong with me.

ppl need to stop repeating this nonsense.

and i take extreme offense to the notion that there's something wrong with ME because i've not yet wed/am single

women are crazy. men are stupid.

if he said all his exes were crazy, and thats why he's single, i'b be like yeah i feel you.

cause most women ain't buying that line even if he said they were all crazy

lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<---- 5....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlgiritpmfo

=======================================

I feel you,

but not like this

but does that make me dumber than a woman who has kissed fewer frogs or just not as lucky?

my point is ppl need to stop saying there is something wrong with a woman if she is single after a certain age.

those men in the first place?

And have there been men that you passed on and thought later..."damn, I blew that one."

but i dont think my choices have been much different than other womens choices.

I've seen other ppls relationships survive things that my relationships weren't able to.

>I've seen other ppls relationships survive things that my
>relationships weren't able to.

sometimes shit just dont work out.

sometimes shit just dont work out over and over and over again.

somethings wrong with me because my relationships dont be working out? when MOST relationships dont work out at some point?

lol

Like that last guy who told you the sob story about his kid and baby momma and custody battle and couldn't see you for a month or two (even for sex!) even though he lived 10 minutes away. It took an extraordinary level of denial for you to believe that. It should have really been irrelevant to you whether the story was true or not. You should have had the self worth to say hey this is not the kind of relationship I want so bye and you could have moved on to dating someone else who could have been the one. We all have issues. None of us are totally blameless even if the deck a stacked against us and we're dating idiots. We did choose them after all.

im not going to beat myself up for that.

your reply is funny to me because people love making judgements from the outside looking in. then they get in relationships and make DIFFERENT stupid decisions and other people judge them from the outside looking in.

i have friends that have endured relationship situations that I would never put up with and i'm sure they would say the same thing about me. no relationship is perfect. at the end of the day, its all about how much people are willing to go through together. i haven't met a man who was willing to fight for me yet. that isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship's potential. that particular guy was stupid for not fighting for me.

also, timing is a MF.

i haven't met a man who was willing to fight for me
>yet. that isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship's
>potential. that particular guy was stupid for not fighting for
>me.
>

no snark.. that shit sounds corny as hell. No one fights for someone they barely know.

you and ndibs should start a relationship advice business!

>im not going to beat myself up for that.
>
>your reply is funny to me because people love making
>judgements from the outside looking in. then they get in
>relationships and make DIFFERENT stupid decisions and other
>people judge them from the outside looking in.

This is true but at some point a little self reflection is in order, don't you think? Most men would rather chew off their right arm then tell you, you're not the one. Passive aggressive behavior is the norm, not the exception when guys are not interested. I can't look back and see how naive I was to think otherwise.

>i have friends that have endured relationship situations that
>I would never put up with and i'm sure they would say the same
>thing about me. no relationship is perfect. at the end of the
>day, its all about how much people are willing to go through
>together. i haven't met a man who was willing to fight for me
>yet. that isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship's
>potential. that particular guy was stupid for not fighting for
>me.

If a guy isn't willing to make time for you, there's no potential. You're not going to endure your way through neglect or mistreatment by guys into a loving happy relationship. You might get some kind of dysfunctional painful time wasting bs.

At some point you have to have standards, be responsible for your own happiness, acknowledge your needs and if someone is not able or willing to meet them for whatever reason (seemingly reasonable or not) just bounce.

even though you are making a lot of wild assumptions.

i learned a lot from that relationship. it wasn't as bad as you seem to think it was, but in any case, i will never ever continue to date a guy who isn't absolutely nuts about me.

Even you.

Which is just another way of saying no one's perfect.

And that's alright.
______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

some of the most issue ridden people I know are married

the extra judgment placed on women and their relationship status is so irksome

>some of the most issue ridden people I know are married
>
>the extra judgment placed on women and their relationship
>status is so irksome

All of this talk implies black women are inherently more unfit.

>especially if she is fine. I know it sounds messed up but
>dudes think something HAS to be off for her to be by herself.
>
>
>

something gotta be wrong with him right?

that's how we think. sorry

>something gotta be wrong with him right?
>
>that's how we think. sorry

>A lot of black women want the finished product
>and sometimes won't give a brother a chance when he is working
>his way up. But once the brother is established he has a LOT
>more options and women in his age range often get passed over
>for younger women and even other races.

Especially young women. Unfortunately, for whatever reason many refuse to understand this simple concept.

A 35yo man that's finally got his shit together and doing well can and will date 27yo women. He also has more options at this point than ever (usually).

>Especially young women. Unfortunately, for whatever reason
>many refuse to understand this simple concept.
>
>A 35yo man that's finally got his shit together and doing well
>can and will date 27yo women. He also has more options at this
>point than ever (usually).

Black women are way more likely than other women to marry below their social/economic/educational status. So we are more open minded than women of other races. My cousin got herself pregnant by a guy who was in college in his 20s, he never finished and became a bum who she can't even get child support from. Just saying we take chances on guys who seem to have potential when it comes to income or committing or whatever all the time. But most guys aren't interested in committing until they are set. So you can try and lock a black guy down while he's in college, but good luck with that. Very few black ppl on these boards married hs or college sweethearts.

Sure there are some women like this, but plenty if not most Black women date guys that are a work in progress on a regulag basis. I think it's some shit guys saw on TV and thought was real lol because that's really the only time I see shit like this go down

>people get married sooner because they have stronger support
>systems going in.
>
>I hear young white people that get married always talk about
>"mom AND dad" paying for everything, the wedding, major
>appliances or furniture for their new house, the down payment
>on the house, or living in their parents house or rental
>property for cheap or free, a new car, no student loans, just
>a ton of different things that give them a head start out of
>the gate.
>
>Conversely a lot of black folks go in debt from the wedding
>alone before you get to any of the other stuff.
>
>For that reason, a lot of black people look to get married
>later. Black men in particular tend to wait until their more
>"established". A lot of black women want the finished product
>and sometimes won't give a brother a chance when he is working
>his way up. But once the brother is established he has a LOT
>more options and women in his age range often get passed over
>for younger women and even other races.
>
>I always say a woman over 35 that is still single is single
>for a reason.

Boom

I'm sure that may be the case for some people, but a lot of these guys out here are very guarded. They won't even give you the opportunity to support them because they really dont want to share what it is that they have going on in their life...guys out here have a lot of baggage and use being a player or whatever to cover it up.

Dating in general is way different than it used to be. A lot of dudes out here date like teenagers lol not even trying to bash men or anything, but I can't even tell u how many dudes in the last few months I've heard say that they really don't see the point in being in a relationship. They don't like to really get close to anyone...and when they do they kinda freak out at the idea of letting go of all the potentials they haven't even met yet. I was just reading an article about this the other day that blamed a lot of this behavior on dating sites and social media etc.

I was just talking to a friend about this the other day telling him not be the old man in the club and I could literally see the internal struggle he had going on lol smh. I think a lot of guys assume that marriage means a shitload of responsibilities and that his whole life will have to change (and that's true for a lot of folks), but at the same time I know a ridiculous amount of women that ain't even looking for it to be all that and wouldn't have an issue with being a supportive mate. Guys say they want that but a lot of them will have it and not even know what to do with a woman like that

The two chicks in the video talk about how they would NEVER get with a guy that has a record. That means these two see these men as nothing more than their past crime and not as the man standing before them at that moment and they will always be defined by that crime.

That's some straight up bullshit.

People change. The person that committed that crime may no longer exist. If a man has fucked up in the past but got his shit together how do you look down at him as if he's unworthy of you? There are plenty of men out there who now have degrees and a good career that once led a criminal life. Who, exactly the fuck, do these two chicks think they are that they can pass judgement on someone's past like that?

My little sister is that type. She's now in her late 30's, never been married, barely scraping by, but she has a degree in AA Studies (aka an "I went to college" degree that's pretty meaningless in the business world) and has the nerve to look down on men that are doing far better than her professionally and financially but don't have a degree (like her own brother, the engineer). Don't let dude have a past criminal record either, he gets no play then despite the fact that her 24/7 weed habit is a criminal act in itself.

By the logic of these women, Charles Dutton could never be marriage material (spent 7 years in prison for a murder)


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

but i do see where she's coming from.

i would date someone coming out of prison.

its funny because theres a thin line btwn the brother who has done time and the brother who hasn't. the criminal justice system preys off of black men so much its almost like a dude AND his entire circle has to be squeaky clean in order for him to stay completely out of it. beyond that, it can be a matter or one bad decision, even a minor decision. and sometimes just bad luck.

someone who went to jail.

but my issue is the women who go out of their way to let you know that Black men are the reason they are single. Especially when their less attractive frumpier friends all have rings on their fingers.

and like dude said above. A lot of women frown on men who didn't go to college or work a blue collar job.

Life is too short to be single with a long ass list.

so why immediately discount a man's viability because he's an HVAC technician or elevator repairman or something like that?


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

and be like NEXT

plumber making 40 an hour getting looked over for a suit and tie making 17 an hour after taxes.

and the guy in the suit and tie has 3 side pieces because he got that suit and tie.

blue collar dude going straight home cause he is tired as Shit.

elevator repairman makes $70K/yr+. There's degree holding men and women that don't make $70k/yr.

I made just over 6 figures at my last job, no degree, all self taught.

A lot of these chicks foolin themselves thinking that a blue collar man can't hold his own financially.

---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

They still doing the same shit.

Trades that can't find women?

Like how many do you know?

Are these guys really being overlooked?

way outta their league.




___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

I could see a white collar guy hollering at a chick that works at Walmart sooner than I would see a white collar woman doing the same.

The idea that one person is above another is pretty fucked up. That one could honestly believe that their academic accomplishments and career status gives them a legitimate reason to look down on the next person to the point where they are not "worthy" of your presence pretty much makes the person believing that a scum bucket piece of shit.

---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

Is likely to have different values and experiences than someone who is working at wal mart.

Ppl connect on shared values and experiences.

You're like 50. Men are not marrying waitresses and cashiers like they used to back when you were dating.

Black white yellow college educated men are looking for someone similar.

They may holler at a Wendy's cashier who's doing nothing with her life and knock her up ESP if he's black, but they're not marrying her.

>Is likely to have different values and experiences than
>someone who is working at wal mart.
>
>Ppl connect on shared values and experiences.
>
>You're like 50. Men are not marrying waitresses and cashiers
>like they used to back when you were dating.

I married a secretary. Granted, when the opportunity appeared I helped her move into the mortgage industry (where I was already working in IT but had also worked on the lending side of the house) where she stayed for years until the market crashed. Now she's an artist and finishing her degree.

The point here is that a cashier, waitress, or secretary today can be something more tomorrow. Who are you to judge the station a person is in right at this moment?

>
>Black white yellow college educated men are looking for
>someone similar.

Not always. In fact, a lot of dudes may want a stay-at-home wife, something I've seen a lot of with the Mexican cats I've worked with in IT and engineering.

>
>They may holler at a Wendy's cashier who's doing nothing with
>her life and knock her up ESP if he's black, but they're not
>marrying her.

maybe them low budget cats are doing that (and not just black, 'cause a whooooole lotta white dudes got babies out here), but dudes trying to make something of themselves ain't trying to have kids like that.


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

We all know dudes with not much going for themselves who consistently pull super fine women and well educated. Matter of fact, that's all 7 of my uncles.
What I see more of is dudes with shitty personality who look like this....https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1689398143/sloth_in_a_box.jpg
and not enough other positives or detracting factors to make up for it who think no chick is wifeable is she doesn't look like this https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/97/Beyonce.jpg.

___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

They are both are really harmful tropes that lead to people searching for some conceptual ideal human that they've never met but are so SURE exist. If you ask people what is wifeable... half of them will say "Ill know it when I see it" like they themselves can't even imagine it or point to some celebrity without a fully formed personality. All that shit does not enable people to connect fully with a normal ass quality person. All I ever hear is that for one reason or another a girl is "good on paper" but never quite "right." That's because you're looking for the "wifeable" fantasy. A wifeable woman is a mythical creature like a unicorn. Only two on earth and one got left behind in Noah's flood.
Of the married people I know, most of them are compatible and in love but they are not special snowflakes with all these magical qualities. They are regular ass basic people who decided to throw their lot in together. Her ass sags something terrible, his balls are ripe 3 days a week. She ain't a great cook, he ain't that handy. He lacks ambition, she keeps a messy house. They are a pair of sixes to the world but 10's to each other fully committed to being regular and reasonably happy together. They are not special snowflakes but realistic, compatible and in love. Not that I'm saying just put a ring on anything walking but the wifeable trope has given a lot of dudes who never had married parents a way to deflect that they have no idea how to realistically choose a partner just like women looking for Prince Charmings. If your over 30 and talking about being women being wifeable, that's probably you unless you're an extremely late bloomer with poor social skills.
The scarcity of marriage among black folks makes us think husband and wife "material" must be otherworldly, when frankly it's never been that way since the beginning of time.
I know there are lots of horror stories in marriages but many of those people weren't compatible or crazy in very basic fundamental ways, it wasn't that they were regular quality people.
___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

http://i.imgur.com/XujHL.gif


~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

.

It makes black men seem like a fucking car that black women want to buy but can't find a model to suit their needs.

There is this constant theme of "I don't want to put up with that" as if black women bring zero baggage to the table that men have to "choose" to accept. Marriage is a constant compromise. People have to be true to themselves but this shit is borderline Kahmeelah assed list.

It looks at the numbers as proof that somehow we as a community can't have productive relationships and marriage.


fuck this.

1)The main point, that black women aren't marrying, is another case of when white america sneezes black america ends up catching the full fucking cold; millennials ain't marrying each other neither.

http://time.com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/

2)The idea that black women are losing black men to interracial marriage. We may date outside of the race more, but that says more about black women's low levels of dating outside of the race PERIOD then a general run away of black men. On top of the fact that interracial marriage in America is pretty low in general

http://www.prb.org/Publications/Articles/2010/usintermarriage.aspx

3)Like its been pointed out above the prison industrial complex apparently makes men undateable also. While many of us succumb to the traps in our 20's, our rates of incarceration start to dip in the 30's. By 40 the recidivism rate is really fucking low. It's another reason why society just forgets black men once they've gotten fucked by the system so in addition to getting a job and voting, we can add 'dating' to the list.

when you say whites are marrying as much you rarely see women say it's because the white man ain't shit or because white women be sucking too much D.

but our stories always have a list of reasons why it's the man or woman's fault or the report is written with a slant that implies its our fault.

>when you say whites are marrying as much you rarely see women
>say it's because the white man ain't shit or because white
>women be sucking too much D.
>
>but our stories always have a list of reasons why it's the man
>or woman's fault or the report is written with a slant that
>implies its our fault.

These days. Listen the npr shows on tinder in the last week or so and how romance is dead/hookup culture etc. Also lots of discussion on declining wages, student loan debt career prospects etc and how that's effecting dating/mating. But a lot of the blame is on men for maturing later, spend all their time playing video games and smoking weed, are unsuitable mates etc and there have been a few articles in places like the Atlantic on this.

>1)The main point, that black women aren't marrying, is
>another case of when white america sneezes black america ends
>up catching the full fucking cold; millennials ain't marrying
>each other neither.
>
>http://time.com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/

Millenials are just not getting married because people are smart. They see how the divorce rate has risen over the last 10 years. Why get married when you know you have a high likelihood you will get a divorce?


>3)Like its been pointed out above the prison industrial
>complex apparently makes men undateable also. While many of
>us succumb to the traps in our 20's, our rates of
>incarceration start to dip in the 30's. By 40 the recidivism
>rate is really fucking low. It's another reason why society
>just forgets black men once they've gotten fucked by the
>system so in addition to getting a job and voting, we can add
>'dating' to the list.

Clearly this is designed. I hope black women get this or else we will continue to have men who resent their women and men who resent their men. YT wants the women to not like us while we are going thru our tribulations but once we are triumphant the women all want our love then and we don't want to give it to you because alot of us are hurt and resent the treatment we received when we were down.

the same reason why unemployment rates are 25% or higher in Black areas

the same reason high school drop out rates are 50% in predominantly black schools.

the same reason drugs and guns were flooded in predominantly black areas

the same reason pre dominantly black areas were formerly undesirable areas(landfills, dumps, swamps, wastelands etc)

same reason Black women are given office jobs where they are everything plus eye candy to the corporation.
LETS SAYS IT ALL TOGETHER

The perpetuated myth of white supremacy which creates all kinds of adverse conditions for aboriginal people.

A sick black "community" is a haven for exploitation broken families, people, included.

miss me with the bullshit article tho.

Has nothing to do with anyone being gay or locked up or not interested in me.
🙋
Music is almost everything.

🙋
Music is almost everything.

so i hear you.

d

Do most black women only want and wait for black men?

Sometimes I wonder if that is the main factor that holds them back. As a black man myself, my parents told me to marry whoever makes you happy and it doesn't matter skin color (gimmicky of course) but it seems that most black men think this way to, hence not having this issue. what say you? help me understand this.

They ain't waiting for anyone. Since we're talking myths, let's not act like the average Black woman isn't out and about "dating." It's not like they are sitting home sad and lonely while looking out the window longingly. Let's also not act like they don't have mad potential suitors.

It's about choice, and black women are choosing to not put themselves in a position to be married.

I see more black women dating outside their race more than ever now

and it's generally encouraged to date outside our race (most black women I talk to are open to it, have done it, or currently doing it)

During the time men are pressed...women are chilling
By the time women get pressed...men are chilling.

*shrug*

>During the time we're pressed...you're chilling
>By the time you get pressed...we're chilling.
>
>*shrug*

So all that "no more, no less" talk doesn't make much sense.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

It's not even. And because they aren't even, all that "no more, no less" talk goes right out the window. It doesn't mean that you aren't right in some instances. But there's no way that what you said is the official word on this topic.
That's all I'm trying to convey to you.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

Not that a convicted felon/someone without a degree isn't worthy of marriage...but there's a pretty specific type that these women are thinking of when saying "I can't find a good man".

and lowkey hilarious attempt at a commercial record.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

seriously.

Hell, even the whole "Black women are more educated" doesn't equate to what you might assume. For example, my boy is a mechanic, and has been doing it since age 20. His girlfriend went to USC, has her Masters in Social Work. At age 25, he makes more...but on paper, statistics and all that would show that he's underqualified and not on her level because he doesn't have a Bachelors or Master's degree.

And THIS is very common. Even my boss at work...only had an AA, yet he had a very high position in IT at DIRECTV, just as several others have. He made three times the amount of his wife, who had her Bachelor's.

Of course, some folks will run in and say "but, but but, education isn't just about salary" and I'll laugh at that, because that's usually the correlation that's made. Education = career potential = earning potential = stability = value as a spouse.

black woman are way more likely to marry men who make less and have less education than white women. so the black women are picky myth has to be put away.

>black woman are way more likely to marry men who make less
>and have less education than white women. so the black women
>are picky myth has to be put away.

This is highly debatable. I usually see the opposite of what you said.

>black woman are way more likely to marry men who make less
>and have less education than white women. so the black women
>are picky myth has to be put away.

I don't see what this point has to do with what I said...I feel like you're just projecting your issues on this in the wrong spot.

>During the time men are pressed...women are chilling
>By the time women get pressed...men are chilling.
>
>*shrug*

sucks

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

than marry the options they have

i don't know too many black women with NO options

I hate these videos

and having a stable past 25 for black men... educated, felonious or otherwise. That's a big part of it.
Just about all the white dudes I went to school high school with married their high school or college sweethearts. They looked at marriage as part and parcel of being successful, including the working class ones. It doesnt mean they didn't wild out before they got married but they seemed to be willing to put it down much earlier than their black male counter parts. The white dudes who where still on the prowl at our 10 year high school reunion were looked at as kinda immature by other white folks, regardless of their other successes. Not saying they had as much stigma as white women who where unmarried but their was enough there to incentivize it.
In contrast, Blacks as a whole don't look at a grown unmarried black man as a sign post of immaturity, especially if he has a job. There are a lot of things that we earmark as success like having a good job and education but marriage ain't on the list no where for men. A grown unmarried woman with everything in the world except a husband... something must be wrong with her.
You can see how these expectations lead to a mismatch in marriage priorities.
Also, kids out of wedlock has really disincentives marriage. If you're able to have kids whenever with whoever without a true commitment why bother committing?

I definitely know some black men who are grinding to get to a certain level before they marry because they want to be able to take care of their family in a certain way but most of them don't have kids.

>and having a stable past 25 for black men... educated,
>felonious or otherwise. That's a big part of it.
>Just about all the white dudes I went to school high school
>with married their high school or college sweethearts. They
>looked at marriage as part and parcel of being successful,
>including the working class ones. It doesnt mean they didn't
>wild out before they got married but they seemed to be willing
>to put it down much earlier than their black male counter
>parts. The white dudes who where still on the prowl at our 10
>year high school reunion were looked at as kinda immature by
>other white folks, regardless of their other successes. Not
>saying they had as much stigma as white women who where
>unmarried but their was enough that to incentivize it.
> In contrast, Black as a whole don't look at a grown unmarried
>black man as a sign post of immaturity, especially if he has a
>job. There are a lot of things that we earmark as success like
>having a good job and education but marriage ain't on the list
>no where for men. A grown unmarried woman with everything in
>the world except a husband... something must be wrong with
>her.
>You can see how these expectations lead to a mismatch in
>marriage priorities.
>Also, kids out of wedlock has really disincentives marriage.
>If you're able to have kids whenever with whoever without a
>true commitment why bother committing?
>
>I definitely know some black men who are grinding to get to a
>certain level before they marry because they want to be able
>to take care of their family in a certain way but most of them
>don't have kids.


Let my love slide in and never slip out

there's no social more for being married if you're a black man.

and being a weekend dad, having kids with random women and leaving them to do most of the work is completely acceptable, but still very much looked down on in white america.

it's like you're a failure if you're white and doing that.

you as a woman can be open to dating all kinds of guys, that doesn't mean his dream is going to be married to you and having to do the daily work of being in a marriage and raising kids...

esp when almost every guy already has a kid or two they're paying child support for by age 25-30 and is satisfied with the number of kids they have...

prison record of not. us having high standards isn't what's keeping us single.

thats why i say he's not getting off unless a woman is essentially out of his league.

if he wants kids he can just knock someone up and be single (and fucking randoms) for life and be good.

Are using it to just have an endless supply of women, so you're selecting from the worst, least likely to commit if you're dating black men from online dating sites. Basically what lach is saying.

so maybe y'all need to try those sites instead of the cool hook up sites like Tinder.

I tried I had 0 matches and almost no communication. I've done it for a total of a few years and spent several hundred dollars on it and got one date about five years ago. I think he was maybe a touch autistic, because he spoke so little and seemed emotionally so flat. Match was somewhat better but it's been killed by tinder so I can't imagine how dead eharmony is at this point for me at least.

got pretty much the same results as i did from tinder.

Tinder I can turn on and get a date any night of the week in 30-45 minutes. Maybe less.

tinder is all about quantity and playing the numbers game.

Sitting at home for hours typing back and forth to ppl on online dating sites and hardly ever meeting anyone. Anything is better than 0. So for me it does. It also frees up hours every week I can be out socializing. The time money / investment is just not worth it on other sites.

but I wonder if those match and eharmony have a higher success rate due to their online model

but yeah, like you or ndibs said. Black dudes may not be on those sites looking for long term or lasting relationships.

I was just amazed at how many people met online and ended up married and pregnant in our class.

prolly 15 couples and and 1/3 met online. the other 2/3 were mostly thru mutual friends

Online, when I used OKC,Tinder, or eHarmony, my request came 1 black women to every 15 white women. Different really find any that I was interested in online though.

My single black girlfriends tell me they're hearing the same stuff from never married negros in their 30's and 40's that we heard back when we were 20...."Oh, I'm just looking to have a good time" or "I'm not looking to be tied down." But the dudes are all tied down to kids out of wedlock, no problem and swear for God they a catch because they gotta 401k and get to keep a 3rd of their pay check... after taxes.



___________________________________________________________


DJTB YOMM

RE: lol its hard as shit to get a black man off the freak train

>thats why i say he's not getting off unless a woman is
>essentially out of his league.
>
>if he wants kids he can just knock someone up and be single
>(and fucking randoms) for life and be good.

think about the economics of the black community post 1980, ESPECIALLY re: black men.

Marriage to white Americans means something different because they quite literally live in a different social and economic reality than we do.

Throw in the fact that most of us know/grew up in varying degrees of dysfunctional environments, and there you go.

Also, there's never a discussion about the emotional health of men AND women. Just because a woman's resume makes her marriageable, doesn't mean she'll be attractive/right as a mate for everyone/anyone, or a healthy parent.

But, meh.

This is what I was trying to say above...

This explains a lot of white school friends and coworkers

Most did NOT play when it came to settle down
And it felt almost random
And yep mostly from the suburbs
Some divorces since then too though

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

Now they're struggling to find a man? SMH.

yall stupid.

>yall stupid.

Exactly.

and now the women think there is something wrong with them because they can't find someone. It's simple MATH, the odds are stacked against them, if they aren't willing to date interracially. Even as a white man that will date interracially I feel some type of way about the whole process, given the larger context. Middle class white people that don't understand why a thriving black population would also help them immensely really frustrate me, and this is pretty much all of them, because they aren't smart enough to see the big picture.

I don't see many on this board who will consider the incarceration rates and the effect that has on the black marriage market as a real issue. It is all about us and what we're doing wrong.

> Middle class white people that don't
>understand why a thriving black population would also help
>them immensely really frustrate me, and this is pretty much
>all of them, because they aren't smart enough to see the big
>picture.

the reality of this, and what this ultimately means, is terrifying to me

>and now the women think there is something wrong with them
>because they can't find someone. It's simple MATH, the odds
>are stacked against them, if they aren't willing to date
>interracially. Even as a white man that will date
>interracially I feel some type of way about the whole process,
>given the larger context. Middle class white people that don't
>understand why a thriving black population would also help
>them immensely really frustrate me, and this is pretty much
>all of them, because they aren't smart enough to see the big
>picture.

white people marry more often and earlier etc
but they divorce at a high rate and be miserable as hell
so who is winning and who is losing?
everybody bc american culture is fucked up in general
and the family structure is suffering all around
across races and financial status.
so the constant scrutiny of the black woman in articles like this one
IMO just serves to disparage us (AND black men, really) through the media
i ignore all articles like this one
even this one
i'm really just responding to what i've read so far in the replies
same old shit apparently.

or marriages involving blacks are likelier to end in divorce.

a white person is undoubtedly more likely to be divorced because they are more likely to have been married 1-2+ times... while blacks are more likely to stay unmarried.

i didn't say white people divorce at a higher rate. i said they divorce at a high rate. they're the same people always quoting the 50% divorce rate and filling up marriage counseling sessions.

please read and respond to what i actually wrote.

divorce at a higher rate.

at all?

They stay passing up good men for minor flaws.

This dude is a perfect example of the type of dude black women consistently pass up.

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

I'm betting it's pretty accurate if you pay attention to the entire post.

I'm lowkey bummed ndibs didn't hook the line on that though :(

Finding someone decent to marry.

Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a myth.

Most black men have higher standards than black women.

We'd never expect a college educated black man to get with a woman who has a high school degree or criminal record.

>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>myth.

And have a hard time choosing just one.

I think the fact that black women age slower doesn't help.

White guys feel pressure to lock a white girl down in her 20s before she starts showing a lot of age or all the good ones are snapped up.

If you're a white guy 35-40+ (depending on your city) few 20 something white girls are checking for you because you're probably showing just as much age. Also you may have kids.

A black man who's 35-40+ can date 20 somethings super easily and he's got the option of 30 something's that look 20 something. And your kids don't matter to the vast majority of black women.

The idea that there's this 30 year old perfect brother online needing help to get a woman seems very fishy.

>The idea that there's this 30 year old perfect brother online
>needing help to get a woman seems very fishy.

To some degree in the last few years though I think everyone's doing it. It being online dating. At the same time, I'm never contacted by these perfect brothers. So this only concerns me so much. In cities with an active black social scene, that's something to think about.

>And have a hard time choosing just one.
>
>I think the fact that black women age slower doesn't help.
>
>White guys feel pressure to lock a white girl down in her 20s
>before she starts showing a lot of age or all the good ones
>are snapped up.
>
>If you're a white guy 35-40+ (depending on your city) few 20
>something white girls are checking for you because you're
>probably showing just as much age. Also you may have kids.
>
>A black man who's 35-40+ can date 20 somethings super easily
>and he's got the option of 30 something's that look 20
>something. And your kids don't matter to the vast majority of
>black women.
>

most men are in general
that vanity fair social media dating piece clued me into what happened

instead of giving women more options for relationships
it gave everyone more fucking options

everyone ended up with how NY dating works with these apps


NY dating is shallow as hell
its literally not pretty on the inside or out

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

>NY dating is shallow as hell
>its literally not pretty on the inside or out

I don't know when it'll sink in that NYC is an anomaly when it comes to pretty much anything. A lot of the issues people in NYC face when it comes to meeting people, talking to people, or dating simply don't exist outside of NYC or exist in tiny pockets of another city.




---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

>
>>NY dating is shallow as hell
>>its literally not pretty on the inside or out
>
>I don't know when it'll sink in that NYC is an anomaly when it
>comes to pretty much anything. A lot of the issues people in
>NYC face when it comes to meeting people, talking to people,
>or dating simply don't exist outside of NYC or exist in tiny
>pockets of another city.


these apps gave that access
or the illusion of that access
btw this may account for the crazy dudes as well
dudes are mad because they figured once they saw all of the options they could access what they wanted
this happens in NY as well
its illusory in NY as well
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

Or I agree 100%.

Or you missed something pertinent :)

>Finding someone decent to marry.
>
>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>myth.

I usually bypass this convo, but I hate the fact that everything is focused on what's wrong with Black men, and it seems to be no accountability for Black women.

I'll just say this: it ain't sweet out here for either side. Seemingly decent black woman can go batshit on you in a heartbeat.

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

>>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>>myth.

A decent black man usually has his pick of the litter in my opinion. Say a man is 35, great personality, and has a great job. He has a problem weeding threw the endless droves of black women out there looking for a good man?

>>>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>>>myth.
>
>A decent black man usually has his pick of the litter in my
>opinion. Say a man is 35, great personality, and has a great
>job. He has a problem weeding threw the endless droves of
>black women out there looking for a good man?

Given there are variables, but being a decent guy with all those qualities doesn't always guarantee a bevy of women at your door. Nor is that what every guy wants. Plus for some women, all that stuff STILL isn't enough.

Secondly, all those women aren't necessarily marriage material. That's the thing that gets me, is that all the women moaning about being single aren't really cut out for much else.

Then again, i'm a hermit, so what do I know.


______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

There simply aren't a lot of options if you choose not to leave your house no matter your race or gender. But if you make an effort, you'll probably be okay.

o...k...

that's an exceptional ass decent man

>Decent black men who can't find someone else decent are a
>myth.

In College, this SUUUUUUUUUUUUURELY wasn't the case. Even age 23-25, it isn't like this.

By 30-35? Sure, but that's late in the game. Most of the decent single men I've known weren't getting the same type of attention or notice early on. The ones who got play, naturally seemed to become more "players" or the types that didn't settle down for real.

As for us having to date incarcerated women, come on...just seeing what J-Stew says, we all know it's a whole different thing when it comes to the way they lock up Black men.

It varies a bit depending on the city. Some places it may be in the 60s or higher.

Still something like 70% of black women manage to get married at some point in their lives.

So women are not that picky. We're marrying those without degrees or great jobs and criminal records.

When it comes to women in that degreed percentile seeking similar mates you're looking at something like 20% of 6.5 percentage of the population that's black and male AND degreed.

So like 1% of the population AND a good portion of that 1% is simply not going to be in your age range or single. Less in some cities more elsewhere. But it shouldn't be surprising or put down to pickiness of black women that they have a hard time finding a mate. Remove the degree criteria, you're still at a tiny percent of the population.

I have way lower standards for black men and still I'm rarely asked out by them, probably just cause the numbers aren't in my favor. I did go on a date with a 6'7 North African engineer last weekend and we're talking, but for the most part I have no idea how I would meet these guys.

Now that we're not segregated by neighborhoods, schools, churches, stores etc it's just really hard to meet people. But personally it's not bc I'm picky.

>I have way lower standards for black men and still I'm rarely
>asked out by them, probably just cause the numbers aren't in
>my favor. I did go on a date with a 6'7 North African
>engineer last weekend and we're talking, but for the most part
>I have no idea how I would meet these guys.

They street hollered and you ignored them.

>
>Now that we're not segregated by neighborhoods, schools,
>churches, stores etc it's just really hard to meet people.
>But personally it's not bc I'm picky.

see above...


---------------------------

"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

I don't live in a place where men do that.

I got hollered at at goodwill and the guy was in a brown velour jumpsuit and had a prison record for felony sexual assault.

I remember you saying I should give him a chance, but I wasn't ready to be a guinea pig.

like you did some actual analysis or something.

.

Doesn't matter if they are Black or not, woman or not, educated or not, successful or not, emotionally stable or not, religious or not, etc..

I didn't view the video because I see no need to do so. I do know that people have choices in life. I also know that some people struggle finding mates more so than others as well as those who struggle keeping mates than others.

When the time is right, the person meant to be in your life will come. They may or may not stay when they do come into your life.

One thing I do wish will happen. I wish people will stop shaming those who may be single at a certain age of their lives. It isn't right nor fair to compare those people to other people's life. We all have our individual paths in life, so let those who choose to be single be single and figure Thor situation out. When they are reading to mingle, then they will do what they have to do to get what they want out of life.

some of these women BLAME men for being single

which makes men blame women for their singleness

Its like watching Tennis.

I agree tho, its wrong of us to wonder what is wrong when a woman is pretty and cant keep a man.

>some of these women BLAME men for being single
>
>which makes men blame women for their singleness
>
>Its like watching Tennis.
>
>I agree tho, its wrong of us to wonder what is wrong when a
>woman is pretty and cant keep a man.

However, this is how I see it..

Those women can blame men for their singleness all day long, but at the end of the day, they are single! That is on them! They still chose to be single.

I will keep it 100 with you,

I do NOT have sympathy for ANY woman under 50 years old who pisses and moans about being single! That includes Black women, non-Black women, (un)educated women, (un)attractive, fat, skinny, toned, religious, (un)successful or any other category you can think of. Those women can get a man if they REALLY wanted one.

Also, this is just my opinion, but..

Women who blame others for their problems are not mature. Adults, grown ups, grown folks take ownership for the choices and decisions they make in life. They also understand that said choices and decisions may not work in their favor, sometimes. They know that life comes with risks as well as rewards. But, nothing in life just magically happens for them.

In order to get things, one has to make it happen or put themselves in a position for things to happen. Truth be told, if a woman comes to you on some woe is me shit, then perhaps she needs to be single or stay single until she change her mindset. It isn't your concern to worry about their situation when you have your own situation to deal with, not to mention that you really have no control over what happens in their lives.

But, I understand what you are saying. It gets old hearing people bitch about certain people not doing this or that, being this or that, not having this or that. You don't care, I don't care, other people don't care(with exceptions for friends, loved ones and some others).

Just my take on it

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

It's like looking at a country with a 90% unemployment rate and being like if people want to work, they'd find jobs. All these people are just bums.

>Please 87% of college ed women age 22-29 in manhattan are unmarried
>It's like looking at a country with a 90% unemployment rate
>and being like if people want to work, they'd find jobs. All
>these people are just bums.

These women aren't trying to settle down, at all. *they* have too many "fun" options at that age.

You're not even trying to be objective here.

white black, etc. Moving in to go half on the rent is the NYC equivalent of marriage everywhere else.

2) you don't live in the state of NY

3) 95% of women living in Manhattan at that age are trying to live the Sex in the City fantasy.

you just reaching for stats that ain't got shit to do with anything. You live in Omaha. What is the marriage rate for women in that age range where you live?

that line of thinking is simplistic and inaccurate.

thats basically implying that married women chose to be married so they got married. and unamrried women chose to be single so they dont marry.

inaccurate because women who are more indifferent to marriage tend to make it happen easier than women who are eager for it, because these women tend to scare men away with their desperation.

the reality is EVERY woman chooses to be single until she finds someone she can love and who can LOVE HER BACK enough to marry her.

so its about numbers, timing, AND choices.

there are plenty of women who have no standards, and will take any man that comes her way. there are plenty of women who stay in fucked up relationships just to say they have a man. this is also under the banner of "choosing to be married."

single women dont need sympathy, but we also dont need ppl to assume theres something wrong or wrongER with us because we are single.

as for myself and i'm sure for most others, its a combination of factors. ive made good choices with dating and i've made bad choices. just like anyone else. i will keep improving myself and making better choices, but ultimately i know that when the right man comes along, whatever is "wrong" with me or whatever "bad decisions" i might make wont really matter like they did with the men who were wrong for me.

>that line of thinking is simplistic and inaccurate.

How so, besides who is to say that this should be complex? As for inaccuracy, we can most definitely agree to disagree.


>thats basically implying that married women chose to be
>married so they got married. and unamrried women chose to be
>single so they dont marry.

Basically, it is what it is. Are you suggesting that women are forced to be married and had no choice in the matter? If so, who forced them and what recourse of action would have been taken against them, if they refused to marry their spouse? Same goes with single women? Who forced them to be single?

>inaccurate because women who are more indifferent to marriage
>tend to make it happen easier than women who are eager for it,
>because these women tend to scare men away with their
>desperation.

Your assertions did not disprove anything I said. Women who are indifferent to marriage ain't tripping if they marry or not, but that has nothing to do with their ability or inability to find a man. As for certain eager women claiming to scare men off, well perhaps those men did not consider them to be marriage material for themselves? Also, if they were scared off, them that tells me that they listened to their gut rather than her but and dodged a bullet. Believe it or not, but some women are not worth the hassle and headache that some of them bring into the game. I am sure the same can be said about men.
>
>the reality is EVERY woman chooses to be single until she
>finds someone she can love and who can LOVE HER BACK enough to
>marry her.

Ok, so what was it again that I said that was inaccurate? I said that women choose to be single. I never said that being single is bad. I know that singledom can be the best thing for anyone, especially if they are going through some personal issues.

>so its about numbers, timing, AND choices.

I made my point quite clear. I somewhat defended single women in a prior post addressed to Legs stating that it isn't right nor fair to shame someone who is single at a certain age. Shit happens and people get into as well as out of situation at different stages of their lives.

>there are plenty of women who have no standards, and will take
>any man that comes her way. there are plenty of women who stay
>in fucked up relationships just to say they have a man. this
>is also under the banner of "choosing to be married."

All of which are choices. Besides what is deemed to be no, low to high standards is relative. But, it is their choice to make, good or not.


>single women dont need sympathy, but we also dont need ppl to
>assume theres something wrong or wrongER with us because we
>are single.

I agree. They certainly won't get it from me. What a woman does or do it with has nothing to do with me nor is it any of my business. I only concern myself with me and mines as well as those who chose to deal with me. The rest are on their own. They get what they get, good or bad.

>as for myself and i'm sure for most others, its a combination
>of factors. ive made good choices with dating and i've made
>bad choices. just like anyone else. i will keep improving
>myself and making better choices, but ultimately i know that
>when the right man comes along, whatever is "wrong" with me or
>whatever "bad decisions" i might make wont really matter like
>they did with the men who were wrong for me.
>
>
I honestly don't understand what you disagreed about my post? I don't believe in shaming someone who chooses to be single. I don't even say anything about those who are in relationships. To each one's own is what I live by. Perhaps your issue lies with those who really don't know your situation or don't care enough to know. Not sure.

i do think its kinda funny.

theres a world of difference btwn a) the person that says they dont want a relationship and theyre not going to do anything to pursue or encourage one and b) the person that says they do want a relationship so theyre going to do everything in their power to pursue or encourage one. they are both technically choosing to be single, but i think its simplistic to paint them with the same broad brush.

so what is the value of the statement "single people choose to be single"? in this convo, paired with you expressing your lack of sympathy, it actually does come across as blaming the person for a situation that he or she may not want to be in. i dont think the word blame is appropriate because there are many factors that are beyond ones control.

I know about being single. What you are talking about is women who have a certain level of expectations that they place upon the men they date and if said expectations isn't met by these men, then said men is the problem, not the woman nor her expectations. Basically, these women place conditions upon shit, then get pissy when they don't get what they want by pointing the finger at these men while conveniently ignoring the remaining fingers pointing back at themselves.

In life, you will meet many people who will not fit your mold and vice versa, but when it comes down to brass tax, you do have choices. You can choose to modify your list of conditions and expectations as well as broaden your dating pool or you can continue to be disappointed when the vast majority of men you will encounter does not meet all of your conditions and expectations.

I didn't even touch on some women who uses a risk averse approach to dating yet expect miracles nor have I touched on some women who have a minimal effort-maximum gain attitude when they date men. I do know that these women have choices like everyone else. However, I do understand that there are circumstances where someone may desire a relationship (on their terms of course) and may be disappointed when their ideal mate (based on conditions and expectations set) hasn't came into their lives.

As for the blame game, I don't blame women for being single. I will blame them for criticizing and shaming certain men who may very well be into these women, but may not meet and/or exceed said women's conditions and expectations. That is the problem and it also pertains to men.

So, I don't see your issue with anything I said. Single folks, like folks who are spoken for, choose their romantic situation whether you want to accept it or not. That's your choice to make.

it seems like youre placing all the weight of that persons choices/decisions as the reason why they are single.

im saying there are a variety of factors that lead up to a person being single, choices/decisions being one of those factors.

>it seems like youre placing all the weight of that persons
>choices/decisions as the reason why they are single.
>
>im saying there are a variety of factors that lead up to a
>person being single, choices/decisions being one of those
>factors.
>
>
I am saying that we, as adults, have choices. That is a fact. I am also saying that men and women are not being totally honest when it comes to these topics. The bottom line is that it doesn't matter why one is single. Everyone has a reason why they are single, married, divorced, in a monogamous or polygamous relationship, etc.

But, I do hope one day you will understand that being single is a choice that should be embraced, if you really care about your overall well being. It is healthy to be single and grow from within that way when a person who fits your mold comes into your life, then you will be ready to receive him and appreciate him for who he is, not what you want or expect him to be. Same can be said from that man's side as well.

i embrace that i wasnt forced to marry a 50 year old man when i was a teenager.

i embrace that even now, i could take a homeless man off the street, clean him up, and make him my husband. or i could wait for someone that i feel is more suitable and hope he finds me suitable as well. those are both choices.

i also embrace the fact that there are things i cant control. that homeless dude might reject me. the guy i wait for might end up being abusive. i can only shift and adjust based on what comes back to me from my efforts. but the reality is that i do not have complete control over my romantic life. no one does. people dont have A reason why theyre single, married, etc...they have multiple reasons, many of which are beyond their control. which is my point.

>i embrace that i wasnt forced to marry a 50 year old man when
>i was a teenager.
>
>i embrace that even now, i could take a homeless man off the
>street, clean him up, and make him my husband. or i could wait
>for someone that i feel is more suitable and hope he finds me
>suitable as well. those are both choices.
>
>i also embrace the fact that there are things i cant control.
>that homeless dude might reject me. the guy i wait for might
>end up being abusive. i can only shift and adjust based on
>what comes back to me from my efforts. but the reality is that
>i do not have complete control over my romantic life. no one
>does. which is my point.

As for your last point, of course we have no control over other people's thoughts and actions towards us. But, that doesn't translate to not having control over our romantic lives. I can admit that I am single by choice because I refuse to settle, not to mention, I have become even more selective on who I deal with on a romantic level.

I have learned that not every person I communicate with, meet, greet, etc. is worth my time and effort. Also, because I am coming to an age where health could be an issue down the line, in addition to my career situation, if I am going to deal with someone, then they need to be at a certain level that I find acceptable, otherwise it will not work.

Lastly, I understand about nuances and other circumstances which makes dating and relationships difficult to establish, but I also understand that it is a part of the game that I have to learn to accept and deal with because if I don't, then I will end up going crazy. Life has its challenges, but it comes down to how you deal with said challenges. In the meantime, I got a mortgage, taxes, utilities, bills, groceries and other obligations that need to be tended to. That is a fact! Dating and relationships, although is desired and is a priority will take a back seat, if it becomes to emotionally and financially taxing. I literally have no time for bullshit nor bullshitters. Either someone who comes into my life choose to rock with me and accept me for me or chooses to not do so and move on.

Btw, whatever is going on in your romantic life, I wish you well. Thanks for the respectful dialogue. :-)

Man home with you and he'd stop smoking crack or being mentally Ill and just be so damn happy about his come up he'd happily stay with you. Half of them probably are or were married. Most could be in shelters or in programs if they wanted to be.

He'd be out smoking crack within a week or month. Just like a lot of professional men, marriage and responsibilities (even as small as being there) it's just not what they want. The idea that you could lower your standards super low and get someone might be comforting but is not really based in reality.

While you might consider yourself a great catch, you may have nothing to
Offer someone you consider way below your station in life. They may not get your jokes or cultural references, you may not share the same interests or view in the world. I've definitely been dismissed after guys talked to me for 10 seconds and decided I "you don't put up with much huh?" Or I just walked by and they were like she only dates white guys and this is after I said hello.

The women should just settle paradigm is so tired.

>i embrace that i wasnt forced to marry a 50 year old man when
>i was a teenager.
>
>i embrace that even now, i could take a homeless man off the
>street, clean him up, and make him my husband. or i could wait
>for someone that i feel is more suitable and hope he finds me
>suitable as well. those are both choices.
>
>i also embrace the fact that there are things i cant control.
>that homeless dude might reject me. the guy i wait for might
>end up being abusive. i can only shift and adjust based on
>what comes back to me from my efforts. but the reality is that
>i do not have complete control over my romantic life. no one
>does. people dont have A reason why theyre single, married,
>etc...they have multiple reasons, many of which are beyond
>their control. which is my point.


I think the basic premise of what he is saying is that you do have control over whether or not you are in a relationship. The point he is making is that these women tend to bypass relationships with people that want to be with them for a plethora reasons. That is THEIR fault if THEY choose to disregard individuals who are trying and making progress in their life. THEY want Mr. Perfect but Mr. Perfect has many women chasing him and he doesn't want to settle. They want to be with the MVP but don't want to be with him while he's shooting in the gym. Well ladies, it's up to you to see the potential in an individual and snag him if you like him and push him to become the MVP that you want. Most the time you see the humble guy that's trying but maybe had some bumps and bruises and you want nothing to do with him until he's fitting your mold. Well guess what men aren't completely stupid and we're looking at women like well you didn't want me then but you want me now, So you can get this "D" but I don't wanna be your man. Simple.

And years without being asked out on a second date AND that second date happening. So not quite. I have done experiments where I reply to every guy on match and okcupid for several months even if he's not my type or whatever and I will only go on maybe 3-4 dates a year. Despite talking to 30 guys at a time and investing hours a day. I've gone out with 1 out of 3 guys who asked me out irl in the last 7 years . One I rejected didn't speak english so he sent his sister over to talk to me. The other was a registered sex offender. Maybe other women have an endless supply of suitors. I do not.

2) you do date white dudes

3) if you arent getting second dates its prolly because of the way you conduct yourself on the first date.

.....I'm sure it's my fault, but everyone who does online dating goes on endless first dates. Except for maybe white ppl on eharmony because that site charges something like $70 a month.

It may be due to where you live

And like Nika said it seems like you're putting it all on the woman which isn't fair. At the end of the day you can't be in a relationship by yourself. It really has nothing to do with expectations for a lot of women out here. If anything what u described is more of a reflection of the behavior I see displayed by men. How is it a woman's fault if she is putting a reasonable amount of effort into dating and constantly finding herself with men that don't want a relationship, are just looking for a good time/cuddle buddy etc?

I keep seeing people in here mentioning women and our expectations, but let's just be real there are A LOT of women out here tolerating ridiculous levels of bullshit/mediocrity because that's all they're being offered. Men tend to make us feel guilty about having standards, but as long as you're not looking for someone to be perfect is that really such a bad thing? Most women out here just want a dude that is a decent human being, has a job and doesn't play games...like most women out here ain't on that Hillary Banks (and if you really wanna go there most of the women I know that are like this stay in a relationship). Or maybe it's just that men pay more attention to those kind of women...Idk but yeah being single most definitely isn't always a choice and a lot of men are out here not doing what they should be doing and they know it. They also know that they can get away with it which is why they continue to do it...if that's what you mean by expectations then I don't see anything wrong with calling a guy out when it comes to shit like that or makin a choice to not tolerate that kind of behavior. It's always kinda weird to hear guys speak on this kinda thing because at the end of the day yall don't date men. You may not be the guy I'm describing but plenty out here are...

>I know about being single. What you are talking about is
>women who have a certain level of expectations that they place
>upon the men they date and if said expectations isn't met by
>these men, then said men is the problem, not the woman nor her
>expectations. Basically, these women place conditions upon
>shit, then get pissy when they don't get what they want by
>pointing the finger at these men while conveniently ignoring
>the remaining fingers pointing back at themselves.
>
>In life, you will meet many people who will not fit your mold
>and vice versa, but when it comes down to brass tax, you do
>have choices. You can choose to modify your list of conditions
>and expectations as well as broaden your dating pool or you
>can continue to be disappointed when the vast majority of men
>you will encounter does not meet all of your conditions and
>expectations.
>
>I didn't even touch on some women who uses a risk averse
>approach to dating yet expect miracles nor have I touched on
>some women who have a minimal effort-maximum gain attitude
>when they date men. I do know that these women have choices
>like everyone else. However, I do understand that there are
>circumstances where someone may desire a relationship (on
>their terms of course) and may be disappointed when their
>ideal mate (based on conditions and expectations set) hasn't
>came into their lives.
>
>As for the blame game, I don't blame women for being single. I
>will blame them for criticizing and shaming certain men who
>may very well be into these women, but may not meet and/or
>exceed said women's conditions and expectations. That is the
>problem and it also pertains to men.
>
>So, I don't see your issue with anything I said. Single folks,
>like folks who are spoken for, choose their romantic situation
>whether you want to accept it or not. That's your choice to
>make.

>And like Nika said it seems like you're putting it all on the
>woman which isn't fair. At the end of the day you can't be in
>a relationship by yourself. It really has nothing to do with
>expectations for a lot of women out here. If anything what u
>described is more of a reflection of the behavior I see
>displayed by men. How is it a woman's fault if she is putting
>a reasonable amount of effort into dating and constantly
>finding herself with men that don't want a relationship, are
>just looking for a good time/cuddle buddy etc?


I am not putting it all on women. However, what I am putting on women is self accountability which is owed to them, just like men. I really believe that women struggle when it comes to self accountability on certain things. You really expect me to believe that women, in general, puts forth a reasonable amount of effort into their dates? Let me share something to you..THEY DON'T!!!!!

Women play the same bullshit game that men play in the dating game. I am telling you this, as a Black man in his mid 40s who has dealt with women from various backgrounds and age groups for decades and a good amount of change. What I can agree with you and Nika is that women, who are interested in a specific man, may put forth a reasonable amount of effort, has manners, isn't feeling herself too much, etc. into a date as well as genuinely and sincerely likes the guy, but that is IF the aforementioned happens. But, if not, then they can, have and will treat men like shit, talk to them like shit and put them through some shit with ZERO fucks given!

My whole point in this discussion is to say that it does not matter why women are single because at the end of the day, it was their choice to be single. There is no way to go around it! Btw, I know relationships is a two way street, but let's not play that game where one demographic gets to drive on these streets and is exempt from obeying the traffic laws, while at they same time, is getting pissed off when they see another demographic committing traffic violations. I am too old to fall for the okey doke.


>I keep seeing people in here mentioning women and our
>expectations, but let's just be real there are A LOT of women
>out here tolerating ridiculous levels of bullshit/mediocrity
>because that's all they're being offered.

What makes you believe that only women goes through this? What makes you believe that men don't tolerate ridiculous levels of bullshit and mediocrity? Didn't you say that relationships is a two way street? There are laws to these streets. Not everyone abides by them, but certainly nobody is above consequences when they commit infractions and above.

Men tend to make us
>feel guilty about having standards, but as long as you're not
>looking for someone to be perfect is that really such a bad
>thing?

Once again, women are not the only ones who have standards. Men also have standards. But, standards has to be reasonable and people have to be flexible, otherwise, it will be a difficult journey when trying to establish rapport and chemistry with someone. I believe that there are many women out there who really do not know how to date. They think that the whole premise of dating and relationships is for the man to please them and win their hearts when that shit goes both ways. All parties involved has to gain something out of it otherwise it will not work.

Most women out here just want a dude that is a decent
>human being, has a job and doesn't play games...like most
>women out here ain't on that Hillary Banks (and if you really
>wanna go there most of the women I know that are like this
>stay in a relationship). Or maybe it's just that men pay more
>attention to those kind of women...Idk but yeah being single
>most definitely isn't always a choice and a lot of men are out
>here not doing what they should be doing and they know it.
>They also know that they can get away with it which is why
>they continue to do it...if that's what you mean by
>expectations then I don't see anything wrong with calling a
>guy out when it comes to shit like that or makin a choice to
>not tolerate that kind of behavior. It's always kinda weird to
>hear guys speak on this kinda thing because at the end of the
>day yall don't date men. You may not be the guy I'm describing
>but plenty out here are...

I don't believe that most women are like this. I believe that women will act right and do right by a man when she finds one she is interested in. Same can be said about men. But, like men, women meet, greet, date and cohabitate with people who may not fit their mold. But, the choice comes in when a person decides to either put up with whatever is given to them or charges that person to the game and move on to other things.

I think the conflict with these discussions is the unwillingness of men and women to see the POV of the other party. Also, the problem lies with people, men and women, placing a negative stigma upon those who may not have a significant other and placing societal standards upon these people which creates unnecessary stress upon the single person. But, single people need to understand that no person who isn't walking in their shoes should have the power to influence them nor place a value on their worth based on the shit they may see on the surface without taking into account the subtle nuances and circumstances surrounding their relationship and dating situation.

Lastly, being single is not a bad thing! Truth be told, there are many people who are in relationships who should not be in them. Some of them do not need to be in one, others do not deserve to be in one and the rest who are in a good position to be in one need to simply mind their business and tend to their relationships and stop worrying about those they aren't fucking nor trying to fuck, in other words.

Having the liberty to choose is freedom that never should be frowned upon. Own your shit and learn from your mistakes. If meant to be, it will be. When the time is right, then Mr. Right4U will come around.
>

I'm just telling you as a woman that actually dates men...to a man that doesn't (I'm assuming) that a lot of what you're saying isn't the case for most women nowadays. Sure women have to take responsibility for whatever role they may play in this, but i would say that lowered standards is more of an issue than women expecting too much. Of course there are other factors that come into play, but for most women that are like 27+ a lot of what you're saying isn't accurate and there are plenty of women that don't necessarily fall into the category that you're talking about. *shrug*

If you're in your 40s then yes you may see things differently because when you were around my age the game was different and women did seem to have the upper hand a Lil more than men I won't even disagree with that. But nowadays in 2015 the dating game is totally different. Idk how it is for 40 yr olds, but what I'm saying is mostly true for women/men in their late 20s/early-mid 30s. Like a lot of dudes don't even want to take women on real dates anymore lol its rough out here for a lot of women and the pickings are slim.

Of black children are born out of wedlock and say women are just too picky and demanding about who they get involved with and black women are more single than white women because they have higher standards.

A lot of black women will play house, cook clean, raise your kids do everything a wife will do and still not get a ring, commitment, monogamy or even a partner in the end. If anything the fact that it's very easy to find a black woman to do all these things and very difficult to find a white or Asian one who will keeps black women single.

It's not like doing everything and expecting nothing is getting those woman married. The less educated baby mammas of the world with lower expectations are even less likely to be married.

>I'm just telling you as a woman that actually dates men...to
>a man that doesn't (I'm assuming) that a lot of what you're
>saying isn't the case for most women nowadays. Sure women have
>to take responsibility for whatever role they may play in
>this, but i would say that lowered standards is more of an
>issue than women expecting too much. Of course there are other
>factors that come into play, but for most women that are like
>27+ a lot of what you're saying isn't accurate and there are
>plenty of women that don't necessarily fall into the category
>that you're talking about. *shrug*
>
>If you're in your 40s then yes you may see things differently
>because when you were around my age the game was different and
>women did seem to have the upper hand a Lil more than men I
>won't even disagree with that. But nowadays in 2015 the dating
>game is totally different. Idk how it is for 40 yr olds, but
>what I'm saying is mostly true for women/men in their late
>20s/early-mid 30s. Like a lot of dudes don't even want to take
>women on real dates anymore lol its rough out here for a lot
>of women and the pickings are slim.

I see things through my own lens, just like yourself and anyone else. One thing I do not want to do is argue against other people's experiences. In addition, I don't expect you to agree with my points, but I do hope that you will at least try to understand my perspective because what I experience with women is actual, factual and real to me.

I made several points discussing the need for people to stop shaming people who are having a difficult time finding a mate and/or those who are single. I also stated a few times that there is nothing wrong with being single. I even shared a personal account that I am single and it is by choice. Yes, I make efforts to date women and establish relationships, but I also use more discretion when I do so because I am at a certain stage in my life where I feel I can not afford to invest time, effort, emotion and finances in someone who is not worthy. What I will add that as much as I have my own sets of standards and expectations, I do make concessions or will make them on some things w/o compromising my basic necessities. In essence, I will only deal with women who has the basics covered that I expect from them in addition to some other attributes, but the basics need to be covered! I used to compromise on the basics and the shit is taxing!

So, I contend that whatever situation I am dealing with or whatever situation the women I am dealing with is in, the both of us have choices and we will exercise said choices at our discretion until we get what we want. If that means that we hit it off, then great. If not, then cool. We all want what we want when we want it with whoever we want it with.

I guess we can simply agree to disagree which is cool, but I vehemently believe that we have choices. I also feel the same about personal accountability. In all, when I decide that I need a specific individual in my life, then I will do what I do in order to have them in my life, assuming they will let me.

smh.

Black women are just leading the way.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonkblog/wp/2015/08/26/a-new-book-answers-why-its-so-hard-for-educated-women-to-find-dates/

***
The main idea is that women have been attending college at much higher rates than men since the 1980s, in the U.S. and in other countries around the world. That has led to a big demographic mismatch for people who want to date and marry others of the same educational level. The dating pool for college-educated people in their 30s now has five women for every four men. For people in their 20s, it's four women for every three men.

The gap is even more extreme in certain places. In Manhattan, there are 38 percent more female college grads under the age of 25 than college-grad men, according to Birger's data. The gap is 49 percent in Raleigh, N.C., 86 percent in Miami, 49 percent in Washington and 37 percent in Los Angeles. And it’s not just cities – many rural areas also have these “educated man deficits.”

........

The last year in the U.S. that more men than women graduated from college was 1981. Since then, the college gender gap has been getting wider every year. In 2012, there were 34 percent more women than men who graduated from college. By 2023, that gap is expected to reach 47 percent.

********

in that a degree holding white woman will marry and have kids with a successful plumber, hvac tech, etc. Culturally speaking-- white women do "seem" to be more likely to see the whole board. Meaning-- a guy may not be as educated, but his earning potential may be higher in addition to his ability to be a (relatively) stable provider.

This may also be common among "black" couples, but I couldn't really speak to that from observation.

So in a sense at least for the dominant culture there is a type of balance. Or at least the balance still being in favor of men marrying women of higher education. What counters this IMO is the increasing divorce rate, but not so much educated white women shunning less educated white men.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=&bih=&q=black+women+are+more+likely+to+marry+down

seriously can we stop blaming black women for being too picky or pretending they're pickier than white women when the data says the exact reverse?

A lot or black men aren't marriage material because they can't keep or hold the sort of jobs necessary to support a family because they never finished hs or have criminal records.

It just a reality. I'm not saying these guys are bad, but they're not trying to marry anyone and that's a reality.

It's also a reality that MOST black women 51% with college degrees marry a guy without a degree. Still despite the norm being to consider guys with less education 60% of black women 25-35 with degrees are unmarried.

http://www.diversityinc.com/news/college-educated-black-women-least-likely-to-have-a-well-educated-spouse-2/

Apparently black women are well aware of the realities and not waiting for a Prince Charming, and black men are the ones being selective and marrying up.

So this statement may not be accurate:

>A lot or black men aren't marriage material because they can't keep >or hold the sort of jobs necessary to support a family because they >never finished hs or have criminal records.

>It just a reality. I'm not saying these guys are bad, but they're >not trying to marry anyone and that's a reality.

41,777,674 black folks as of 2013

25.7% of the black population is at or below poverty which in and of itself does not equate to records or jail time, but I digress.

So that's some 10 million some odd people written off the majority of which are women if the propaganda piece is to be believed so there's likely a shortage of men just in that group alone.

So of about 31,040,812 people above poverty-- again the majority of which are women and that would seem to indicate a shortage of black men. The majority of which are likely successful as It's also been proven that more black men are in college than in jail and overall only about 2% of black people marry other ethnic groups.

I'd wage there are more white women than men as well.

too many extrapolations and your use of personal pronouns is too sloppy. sorry.

The majority of which are not in prison or former convicts.

There have probably always been more women than men for any ethnic group in the U.S. The margin as far as the ratio of eligible men to eligable women has likely been worsened to some degree by the increase in incarcerated men who women such as the one from a strong black household would likely find unsuitable.

Hopefully that is much more easier to digest.

First if one is using the term 'dating down' there's already a problem. The phrase itself suggests that one is in some sort of position of superiority when the fact that women make less than men for the same money and that education does not directly translate to higher status or success e.g. Bill Gates, Kanye West, and other successful college drop outs tend to paint the concept of "dating down" is a fallacy.

One can date people poor in financial resources, language skills, or various types of intelligence, but a high earning construction worker who can be a stable provider is in no way "down" from a college educated women who may make the same or less. If one is dating someone with fewer resources than they have hopefully chosen that person for other reasons the find more valuable.

Second I don't recall directing anything in my post towards black women or at least that was not my intent. In fact I said I couldn't speak on it due to lack of observance. Personally I don't believe that for the majority of those whites who have high earning blue collar spouses that their partners consider it as having "dated down" this phrase is IMO another tool of white supremacy to divide black people and couples by portraying successful (that is the key word) blue collar black men as undesirable.

Marriages. The semantics are really unimportant.

And lol @ using 1 in a billion type ppl like bill gates or Kanye west as examples of why education isn't important.

>Marriages. The semantics are really unimportant.

Actually the semantics are important in this case. Have you noticed that the word(s) down, below, under, beneath, etc. are not used in those phrases?

>
>And lol @ using 1 in a billion type ppl like bill gates or
>Kanye west as examples of why education isn't important.

I was anticipating that response and I used them because if I used the names of everyday black and white folks I know who are married with houses and jobs and successful spouses you would be like "who"?

Yeah if you look at everyone in the workforce black men make more than black women.

But in a city like NYC only 50% of the men are in the workforce.

That does not include those in prison - prisons are mostly upstate.

So those stats do not really reflect reality where we all know black women in the workforce outnumber men.

more jobs that don't require the same type of education, even beyond the regular "average paying" Blue Collar positions?

If they went by income, for instance, I don't think that "he's not on my level" argument would hold up.

My grandparents were married (grandmother passed last year), my parents are married, my brother is married, I'm married, my wife's parents are married, my sister in law (wife's sister) is married (although her other older sister isn't), my sister in law's (brother's wife) parents were married (father passed last year), and my closest homeboys are both in long term relationships with kids and will likely be married at some point.

Additionally, I'm a photographer and I shoot black weddings all the time. I have one tomorrow as a matter of fact.

I see no issue.

Because I ALWAYS stand up to say that 90%+ of us ONLY marry Black women. Yet, they always, always, always tell me, "that's only the ones you know, not all of them!"

But based on me and the other photogs I work with, Black men and women are getting married just fine.

And when it comes to most of the "eligible" bachelorettes *I* know.. well.. it's not very surprising that they're single. Although they have all of the "credentials" in the world, from looks to education to career, they're pretty difficult women... even to be friends with sometimes.

most of the gripes about how hard it is to find a black male mate come from big cities like NYC, LA, DC, ATL where ppl are aspirational as hell.

i aint knockin his circle at all because I have know some myself but it's not the 'norm'

there is a 'type' that does and a type that hasn't yet or wont no time soon

Because I don't see it.


Just throwing out negative, unsubstantiated comments like that does nothing for discussion (which is at 230 posts currently).

aka worryabout whats going on with the other persons world and trying to make their world view fit yours

the whole going in on Nikka for no good reason or trying to fix her shit

I'm just being realistic here. I live in Atlanta where there are 80,000 more single women than men.

:shrugs:

Well adjusted people are getting married in ATL. The ratchets and
dusty dudes, not so much.

>Well adjusted people are getting married in ATL. The ratchets
>and
>dusty dudes, not so much.

with my pets and a clean house full of books. *shrug*

I have a friend who expects the same, and we've agreed to keep tabs on each other
so our bodies don't rot in our houses until we're finally found months later.

while youre still young(22-33).

Your dating currency will never be higher at any point in your life.

I know its easier said than done.

But your future husband wants you in your prime, virile years.

After that you are not being chosen.

You are being settled on with the person you consider to be a good catch.

And if thats okay, then so be it and be happy.

theres a dating cohort for everyone that does not involve anyone settling.

also, the scenario you're describing (the ideal scenario of marrying young) is more likely to end in divorce.

Its better to make that mistake early because most dudes will look at as you being desirable enough to be a wife instead not being able to be a spouse.

i think a divorce woman with 1 or 2 kids will have a better shot of remarriage than a women over 35, single-never married.

It might not be a big advantage but i think it will be looked at more favorably by men with options than a woman who didn't get married then for whatever reason.

Thats just my theory.

At the end of the day, everybody wants to be chosen, not settled on but there is a smaller window for women in that theory than it is for men.

So knowing the window and how men, who women consider catches, views that window is important.

I don't think this is spectacularly dumb compared to the rest of the shit in this thread, but god damn, this is bad.

even if people really thought this way, why the fuck would you want to marry someone who thought that way.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>After that you are not being chosen.
>
>You are being settled on with the person you consider to be a
>good catch.

from what experience are you basing this statement?

>
>>After that you are not being chosen.
>>
>>You are being settled on with the person you consider to be
>a
>>good catch.
>
>from what experience are you basing this statement?

the experience of observing the dating game for years.

Dudes with options, looking for a wife, usually want a women in their prime years. Or should i say a dude looking to build a family with a wife.

Dudes looking to f*ck dont really care as long as you look good.

Thats just my opinion.

I get that, but this:

>You are being settled on with the person you consider to be a
>good catch.

that on your 34th birthday, anyone you date is settling on you

what makes you think that wasn't happening a lot pre-33? especially since divorce rates are higher for those who married younger?

>I get that, but this:
>
>>You are being settled on with the person you consider to be
>a
>>good catch.
>
>that on your 34th birthday, anyone you date is settling on
>you
>
>what makes you think that wasn't happening a lot pre-33?
>especially since divorce rates are higher for those who
>married younger?
>
Because thats usually around the time when a women's fertily dips and thats apart of the process for most men looking to get married and have a family.

Of course they are always exceptions but thats just been what ive experience observing the dating game.

Maybe i should have said 35. Somewhere in your 30s.

But your demand is never higher than during your prime years is really the point.

I say this and my god brother got married at 42 and his wife was 37 when she had the first of their 2 kids so there u go.

Welp!

I don't feel like I have no options or will never get married

even though niggas keep telling me I should (niggas on message boards and facebook comments)

my step sister is getting married labor day weekend and she's 40

lol

really, it's all a matter of perspective and how open your heart is

you don't need a gang of niggas after you anyway, it just takes that ONE

that one will be beyond all these stats and shit, so the numbers are irrelevant

and as far as that "settling" shit that's talked about in here, umm...no one is perfect so be glad someone decided to look past your faults and decide to love you. If you call that settling then...AIIGHT! That's just a negative way at looking at life.

im just espousing what i believe and what my experience from observing the dating scene.

fuk that though.

its about your perspective and mindset and what will happen for you will happen for u, irregardless of what im talking about.

i just mentioned my godbrother, 42, married a women at 37 and they have 2 kids.

the future is yours.

Women have the power and options in their twenties. Men are completely powerless in their early 20's....they just have to wait. That power starts to shift over to men in the early 30's. By 40....the world is a man's oyster and women find themselves in the same powerless position that men were in during their early 20's. Way it goes.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

I probably would never get married again (single people tend to envision the love and the wedding day, and none of the ugly parts or the hard work), but nothing (for men) is fun about being single aside from new sex

I cant imagine the dating game is super fun for women either, it's just another race designed to tug at your insecurities if you're not where someone else is or where others think you should be

i've seen it all bring out the worst in people, my only advice is to love your life regardless of where you are

I dont think that women dont want to get married so much as it becomes "I'll be okay if it never happens", which is how it should be. but never desiring to be married as a grown up (for either gender) might suggest something is off

Luckily I'm supposed to see a lovely young black woman today, so hopefully I won't be back on here.


"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard