I have a friend on a fixed income whose SSI check posted a little late last month and because he has "overdraft protection" he's been hit with about $2200 in "service fees."

Needless to say his $900 rent check didn't go through. I unless we can stop his next direct deposit from going in he'll lose another $900.

He does not remember opting into "over draft protection" and I am going to help him look at how the fees occurred and try to get the bank to reverse the fees if possible.

I'm basically going to cover the difference for him if we can get it to a "reasonable' state where all money he actually spent is paid.

(I don't know how it got this high, I'll bet it is that they were holding money back to cover the initial overdraft and his usual grocery shopping/fast food/online stuff all hit a $35 fee and continued until he actually went in the bank to withdraw some money and they told him that a month's worth of transactions have incurred the fee. I'm asking him to pull records so we can calculate it)

But it's very likely we'll have to get him another bank account and close that one. and this is a credit union.

Who in their right mind would opt-in for overdraft "protection?"

Question: Anyone have experience/suggestions on with how to deal with this? I know he's FUCKED - but i want to minimize the amount of fuckage.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

$2200 in fees seems extremely high. I thought it was like $40 per overdrawn transaction? We're there like 50 things getting paid all at the same time or am I misunderstanding

_______________________________________

and its usually connected to a credit card.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

But is the bank actually referring to it as "overdraft protection" or is that what your friend is calling it.

Most banks offer an option where you can turn on an "advance" feature thru your debit card where in some cases your bank will allow transactions to go through for more money than you actually have available, however you would have to pay a fee for each item that posts against a negative balance

That CAN work out in the customers favor if they use it properly (make ONE large ATM withdrawal to od your account and spend cash for the month, this way you only get hit with the fee ONCE instead of making a bunch of small purchases while you're overdrawn and racking up fees)

I'm curious over what time period your friend managed to rack up 2K in OD fees, most banks limit the amount of overdraft fees you can get per day.

When you/your friend calls find out how/when he turned on that feature, he might have been prompted to turn it on while signing into online banking.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

or try to help them get thru the initial verification when they call in.

This usually results in their profile being locked and then having to come into their Bank in person.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

>But is the bank actually referring to it as "overdraft
>protection" or is that what your friend is calling it.

Not sure, I need to see the records. They offer "Overdraft protection" and something called "Courtesy Pay." Each has a fee starting at $27 per occurrence, with a max of 5 a day.


>I'm curious over what time period your friend managed to rack
>up 2K in OD fees, most banks limit the amount of overdraft
>fees you can get per day.

This seems to have taken over the place of a month. he wasn't notified by text, phone, email, or postal mail. I don't think he banks online at all.

I can only imagine it's because of series of funds behind withheld, fees coming in, and then everything sorted to transact STRONGLY in the banks favor to maximize the amount of service fees they collect.

I need to see the records. Because if he had $800 on day and was expecting a deposit of $1000 to come in that arrived a few days he pay have written a check for $900 that wouldn't clear and while it was being held another round of bill payments came in that also hit the fee. Some transactions may have been retried several times by automated systems.

It seems WILD.

(Hell it could have been he got depressed or manic and did a bunch of stupid shit - but he claims he did not, only the records will tell the story.)

>When you/your friend calls find out how/when he turned on that
>feature, he might have been prompted to turn it on while
>signing into online banking.

We will be going down there together once I review his records with him and talk to their bankers.

First we need to stop any future money from being deposited into that account.

Second we need to establish another bank account at a different bank in case we have to close this one.

Then: The strategy is figure out what happened first, then go down ask that they refund all services fees, and if there's any amount owed once all the fees are removed for me to pay it for him. That's the best case scenario.

Worst case is they refund nothing, keep all his money and try to collect from him and he's 1 month behind on rent.

Anyway you do it he'll be homeless without my help. And homie ain't moving in with me.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

Not trying to roast your friend but I check my account every day or 2. No way I could go a whole month without checking my account if I was low income. Seems like when I was struggling I checked it even more but then again, when funds are low I don’t like reminding myself by looking at my account.

If dude has overdraft protection wouldn’t he get alerts from the bank? Letters in the mail?

Something doesn’t sound right.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

OP's friend should also check their last 2-3 statements to make sure there aren't any unauthorized transaction.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

I doubt it's $2200 in fees. Go and talk to a branch manager and see if they can reverse some fees.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

www.Tupreme.com

And get direct deposit through that.

the 2200 might be fees and transactions that the bank paid. So he may OWE the bank 2200.

Curious to see how this turns out.

Anytime someone calls with a bill and you tell them to bring the bill so you can pay it directly and they don’t immediately come over? Sketchy.

.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

I still have no ideas what's going on - very typical for this friend because he probably went into a depressive state because of this.

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Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

>I still have no ideas what's going on - very typical for this
>friend because he probably went into a depressive state
>because of this.
>

He won't be awake until then.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

He's really Bi-polar in a very clinical sense. So I do not expect him to man-up or get-over-it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder#Depressive_episodes

It's no joke.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I hope this works out as well as it can.. your friend is lucky to have you as one.

So it's going into that overdrawn account.

This means he'll be at least 2 months behind on rent, big time in debt to the bank still, and have no way of getting out of the hole.

We'll see if there's a way out of this for me - but I doubt it. I'll likely have to bail him out and never see the money again.

I wonder how I get out of this cycle?

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

that sucks...he' gonna be more depressed too, good that he has you as a friend

>So it's going into that overdrawn account.
>
>This means he'll be at least 2 months behind on rent, big time
>in debt to the bank still, and have no way of getting out of
>the hole.
>
>We'll see if there's a way out of this for me - but I doubt
>it. I'll likely have to bail him out and never see the money
>again.
>
>I wonder how I get out of this cycle?
>

fees can get removed. If you explain that the first deposit posted late it's likely that they'll either remove all the fees from the first couple days, or they will change it to one overdraft fee per day overdrawn instead of for each transaction.

Shame them on twitter even if you have to.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

RE: Update - he could not stop the SSI payment

too badly.

Then, he can set an arrangement to pay the credit union back.

Courtesy Pay has hurt many people in the past. I'm with USAA and they don't play that but I know people in credit unions who have been crushed, at times, because of it.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

I could definitely see that getting out of hand.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

$1k to act a fool with.

None of my accounts have courtesy pay or overdraft protection. I move stuff around if I need to. In my younger days, I was the dumbest when it came to making smart financial decisions. So, now, I don't want them problems.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Wonder if I use a non-USAA card for this. Then, I may consider it.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

<----

Soundcloud.com/aquil84

(HIP HOP)
http://aquil.bandcamp.com

https://money.cnn.com/2017/02/22/investing/atm-overdraft-fees-rise/index.html

DAMNED SHAME!

Add this to the payday loan scams that I'm sure they're in on and you'll see that poor people (or financially irresponsible people or folks who are down on their luck) are screwed one way or the other.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

.

<----

Soundcloud.com/aquil84

(HIP HOP)
http://aquil.bandcamp.com

Looking at the sequence of events is this:
On October 20th his $900 rent check bounced becuase he had only $675 in the bank - and they held it open for a few days but ultimately rejected it. During that time he got 2 overdraft fees for other items.

Once the check bounced he had approx $600 in the bank, which he slowly used for groceries and renting Redbox/etc. (No big purchases like X-boxes or $300 bar bills.)

He SHOULD have know n that he didn't have that money just by using maths but he didn't.

I've been broke before I too used to use the "Try the debit card and if it works then you have the money" strategy. This was thwarted because some some reason he had overdraft protection on (more on this later.)

I can't recall the details of his records but at some before his SSI check was deposited he hit a BUNCH of fees - something like 27 in 2 weeks. So for $1000 in charges he made he got hit with $900 in overdraft fees. He's in the hole $191 dollars with them now.

He has not done anything else yet - but ...
1)I gave him $100 to open a new checking account TODAY.
2)Once the account is open he has to call SSI and get it routed to the new account.
3)I am asking him to pull complete banking records electronically for as long as possible - at least until when these fees started, but hopefully months before that.
4)We will (he and I) go in to the branch with his records and ..
a)Challenge them to prove he opted in to overdraft. He claims to have no memory of ever opting into it (and hopefully his bank records from previous months will show this to be the case.)
b)If they do prove it or we can't fight it, then ask very nicely for all (or some) of the fees to be waived.

In any case we will never contest the amount he actually spent - he made the purchase so he owes for it - but man, if the ATM card would have stopped working he'd have been in a much better situation now. (Meaning I'd just loan/gift him a few hundred dollars.)

Absolute best case scenario is he comes out with a few hundred in his pocket, medium case is that the fees vs. the amount he is in arrears evens out, worst case - he's where he is at today.

He's still 2 months of bounced rent checks behind.

But I see $2.97 Redbox rentals that incur a $27.00 fee - and soda purchases for $1.25 that also incur a $27.00 fee.


Also: No email/phone or mail notification was ever sent to him, until yesterday when a notice that he is $191 in the negative came in - we're going to ask why he was not notified - isn't that standard procedure?

He's been with this credit union for 20 years, maybe they'll cut him some slack.

And the new bank we'll get him 2 checking accounts - on for SSI that he will write rent checks from ONLY - and the other for living expenses/ATM/etc.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

you have to actively opt OUT of it, not the other way around.


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

The landlord charging any fees too?

_______________________
We rationalize dumb shit

>The landlord charging any fees too?

I think he'll just want to be made whole - if he got charged a fee then my friend has to pay it . Landlord has not attempted to deposit the December rent so he doesn't know my friend is 2 months behind.

I think my friend will ultimately not be able to stay in his house, since rent is $950 and his income is $900, his girlfriend stopped paying rents months ago and broke up with him, and he can'g get a roommate until she leaves AND we clean the FUCK out of the dusty and cluttered house.

Even with a roommate, after expense he'll have only $500 a month for food and clothes/etc. We have to try to get him on Section 8 or something.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

but to receive text messages from your bank you need to opt in/agree to receive them since you could end up paying data fees.

I don't know if there's any type of regulation on Sending E-mails to customers, but once again that's usually something you would have to sign up for.

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

That’s insane....

BUT I have to add.

Dudes math is off line shit. If he makes $900 and his rent is $950 how the hell does he think he can swipe for movies and sodas?

Get that man a firestick or something.

and his ex lives with him rent free?

Man.. that dude has a lot going on.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>That’s insane....
>
>BUT I have to add.
>
>Dudes math is off line shit. If he makes $900 and his rent is
>$950 how the hell does he think he can swipe for movies and
>sodas?

His situation has changed because of the girlfriend no longer bringing in money AND I'm sure that his bi-polar depression and new depression for his GF breaking up with him, not paying money towards rent, all contributed to it. It seems to have have happened in about a 3 week period.

Two things: If overdraft was not turned on he'd have bounced a rent check and knew he was in debt and he may have reached out earlier. But it WOULD have stopped the around $1000 in fees that was caused by overdraft "protection" being on.

He's fucked, no doubt.

>Get that man a firestick or something.
I pay for his cable modem ($30) for the last few months so he can stream, but dude prolly wanted to watch something at Redbox and figured (wrongly) if he didn't have the money it'd just get denied.

Make no mistake - he spent the money and his maths do not add up - I am not denying that at all.

>and his ex lives with him rent free?
>Man.. that dude has a lot going on.

He's so fucked up/depressed right now.

I told him to give his ex-GF a Pay or Quit notice. She needs to go sleep on people's couches or sleep in her car.

I think it's likely we'll have to commit him for a little while - we did about 4 years ago (at his request - we just helped) and he stayed in the hospital for a few weeks. But if that happens now with no GF then he'll definitely lose his place - and I'll have a 3rd cat to take care of. And then he'll be houseless/homeless.

And no - he can't move in with me - he'd be a nightmare to live with - and also ANOTHER friend is currently staying on my couch because he lost his job.

If I could get his GF out then I might just move my other friend in, pay 3 months of their rent and stuff (think $3,000) and get an IOU from them and hopefully they'll catch up and start to pay me back in 6 months to a year.

I've loaned both money in the past and they have paid me back - but it took a long time.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

dont know how you deal

And the SSI is still pointing at the old account.

I was like "WTF dude?" and He was all "I got 10 days before blah blah blah."

He might be too far gone to help.

Because if another fucking check gets taken by the bank I'm going wash my hands of it. SWEAR TO GOD!

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

Sometimes people can't help themselves and you shouldn't be brought into a toxic situation. That's what this sounds like on paper. You tried - he didn't get it. That sucks, but no reason for you to feel like you should do more, or you failed or whatever.

My brother isn't dissimilar. Bipolar, depressed, and terrible with his finances despite having just about everything set up for him. The more questions I'd ask or suggestions I'd have to help him, he'd get more mad or/and flustered. It's just not worth it - if THE doesn't care, and you can't get through to him, don't frustrate yourself.

------------------------------

17x NBA Champions

I've been in situation where my neck was extended with folks with emotional struggles, not so much financially but emotionally, and it was trying. So, for you to stand-in for the work family ought to do is worth applauding.

But yeah, there are and should be conditions to the support you offer.

Setting him up in a psychiatric-care facility might be best. It's clear he isn't able to cope with these recent stresses and getting some time away and even getting his meds fine-tuned might be the boost he needs.

But the helplessness he's showing is the worst. There's nothing you can do to pull him out of that. Unfortunately it's simply part of the condition of depression, bipolar and other forms. I'm sure you want to kind of tug at him to give him positive momentum, but you seem to know that it is only going to aggravate him and ultimately be counter-productive.

It hurts being involved with folks who are struggling. You don't want to be the person who turns your back on them when their at their worst. You wouldn't want someone to turn you away in a time of need.

But you're not a professional and your only obligation as a friend would be to offer and then follow thru if you can. You've done all you can.

Have you thought about getting your friend in a group home? I don't know the timeline for getting him accepted tho.

You gave him the money to open an account?

Man listen.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

www.Tupreme.com

but they are family.

Not sure I could remain friends with folks who always need my financial assistance.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

power of attorney to take over and fully manage his finances you probably need to back away.

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

Did here from my friend until late last night via text he says:
"So, yeah, I'm probably screwed,."

I replied "Any details?"

He replies "Nah."

I replied "You should talk to someone at social services of your doctor."

No reply yet.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I see a lot of possibilities:

1)He did not open the account because he did not leave the house.

2)He did go to the new credit union to open the account and could not. (Bad credit or bounced checks at the other bank might prevent it?)

3)He did open the account and then called SSI and they said "Well it's so late your check will go to the old account and there's no way to stop it."

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

We went to see Spiderverse on christmas (I paid) and here are the updates:

1)The original overdrawn account is *going to be closed* by the bank on some certain date if he takes no action to make it current.

2)He did open the new account at a new bank..

3)He did call Social Security to get money routed to the new account - but he did it too late to stop this month's check from being transferred to the overdrawn account. (You have to make changes by the 14th of the month.) So that money is on the way to the old/overdrawn account this time - and future payments go to the new account.

But bad stuff:
1)He has not called/gone to the old bank to attempt to get some fees refunded.

Theory: I've had friends who are desperate in the past and they "shut down" their brains - I think it's some biological function or something. Objectively I told him "You're one stupid motherfucker to not even have called them and made an attempt to get some money back, you stupid motherfucker." I know that helps.

2)He has not actively closed the old overdrawn account.

Again, his brain is not working clearly - he's smart enough to know to do this. (We went to the same high school and took the same economics class which specifically talked about how to bank/balance a checkbook/etc."

He says "The bank said they old account would be closed before the date of the transfer so the account should be closed and maybe it'll bounce back to SSI and I can get the full amount from them at some point."

And I'm like "1)Close that fucking account NOW!! Not just checking - the entire account. 2)Notify your bank/tell them to stop accepting any transfers into those accounts."

Here's what is GOING to happen now:
1)The money from SSI arrives/is available in his overdrawn account on the 28th - which means the transfer from SSI to the bank probably started on the 26th or 27th. If the account is open the old bank will accept the funds - take any money he owes them out - and either keep the account open or close it and send him a check for the remaining amount.

2)The account is already closed but they accept the transfer, take their fees, then send the rest back to SSI which he has to tell to send to him via another method.

But his depression is certainly not allowing him make rational decisions. OR he's been poor so long he feels powerless around money - and allows (passively) himself to be taken advantage of by institutions. Like there's no way to stop it so why even try to minimize it.

I told him he needs to talk to his doctor and/or social worker to ask for help - because he's not able to help himself - and that's okay - it's part of his illness.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.

Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars. He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.

Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the room.

Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just "no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)

So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready - bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it at all. it sucks.

He had some people put in applications and pass the credit check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I suspect he got a place less filthy.

So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is a mess.

I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if he's used them at all.

Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.

Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they live together and hopefully stay off the streets.

I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.

Plus i got my own shit going on.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

>Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took
>the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.
>
>Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars.
>He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.
>
>Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the
>room.
>
>Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent
>in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just
>"no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay
>back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)
>
>So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able
>to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house
>is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being
>rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready -
>bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as
>shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it
>at all. it sucks.
>
>He had some people put in applications and pass the credit
>check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I
>suspect he got a place less filthy.
>
>So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is
>a mess.
>
>I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage
>bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if
>he's used them at all.
>
>Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his
>place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give
>just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.
>
>Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they
>live together and hopefully stay off the streets.
>
>I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's
>causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.
>
>Plus i got my own shit going on.
>
>
>

Its time to let him go

youre low-key enabling him




>Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took
>the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.
>
>Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars.
>He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.
>
>Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the
>room.
>
>Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent
>in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just
>"no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay
>back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)
>
>So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able
>to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house
>is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being
>rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready -
>bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as
>shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it
>at all. it sucks.
>
>He had some people put in applications and pass the credit
>check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I
>suspect he got a place less filthy.
>
>So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is
>a mess.
>
>I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage
>bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if
>he's used them at all.
>
>Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his
>place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give
>just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.
>
>Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they
>live together and hopefully stay off the streets.
>
>I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's
>causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.
>
>Plus i got my own shit going on.
>
>
>

>Its time to let him go
>
>youre low-key enabling him
>
Yeah, that's what's happening - although it's been minimal support - but yes, I have to cut both of them off. I'll likely help the one this time with about $300 and I'm out - and let the other stay for a few more weeks than he's cut off too. If I put a limit on it and stick to it then I'll be fine.

Because this is just people living badly - neither have had an emergency to cause this it's poor decision or just life not working out as well as they'd hoped.

At least they're not alcoholics or drug addicts - I cut those types off in my 20s and haven't picked any up since then.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

> or just life not working out as well as they'd hoped.

With someone backing them as you've admirably done, they've got no reason to get their stuff together.

You may have done it all with the greatest intentions but they're obviously not willing to meet your kindness with any type of smarts or drive to do for self.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

>>Its time to let him go
>>
>>youre low-key enabling him
>>
>Yeah, that's what's happening - although it's been minimal
>support -

dude..youre cleaning up his living room (he wont even do that lol)...thats MAJOR not to mention the hand holding with his finances etc etc and lending..nah..GIVING money away to them (you know u aint ever gettng that back)..youve done major..and its probably not the first time


>
>At least they're not alcoholics or drug addicts - I cut those
>types off in my 20s and haven't picked any up since then.

These dudes are the same thing

Handle dont rationalize..youre a good dude..i get it, these are your friends..but you have to stop the caretaking...

or cut him off.

I’m stressed just reading this.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>or cut him off.
>
>I’m stressed just reading this.

>Friend got Dec 2018 SSI payment - the old bank got it, took
>the money he owed them out and friend is left with $710.
>
>Friend also dog-sat for several weeks and made $600 dollars.
>He spent it ALL without paying any towards rent.
>
>Friend's girls moved out - so he's trying (poorly) to rent the
>room.
>
>Friend's landlord made a deal he had to just pay Jan 2019 rent
>in full - get a roommate that passes a credit check of just
>"no evictions" and keep current at the rent and start to pay
>back rent (unknown amount I assume it's at least $2700.)
>
>So my friend's a FUCKING IDIOT and just assumed he'd be able
>to magically rent out the room - but i went over and the house
>is a fucking wreck. Filth all over the stove. Room being
>rented has no light and has crap in it so not move in ready -
>bathroom has 1 door blocked, common front room is dusty as
>shit, has tons of horder-LIGHT clutter and he didn't clean it
>at all. it sucks.
>
>He had some people put in applications and pass the credit
>check-- and one said he was going to move in but he didn't. I
>suspect he got a place less filthy.
>
>So Friend he's at least $250 short on rent - and the house is
>a mess.
>
>I bought about $40 dollar worth of cleaning supplies/garbage
>bags and boxes and dropped them off last week- I don't know if
>he's used them at all.
>
>Oh, and another Friend - Friend #2 also got evicted from his
>place and I've let him crash at my house for 4 weeks - give
>just him 3 weeks notice to leave even if he's on the streets.
>
>Trying to work out a deal where I loan both some money - they
>live together and hopefully stay off the streets.
>
>I think it will fail and they're both fucked - but it's
>causing me so much stress I can't enjoy life.
>
>Plus i got my own shit going on.
>
>
>


Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://Tupreme.com

He's got a lot going on, don't get dragged down from his weight


You are a good friend to these people but know your limits

_______________________
We rationalize dumb shit

for me to accept his calls.
both 'friends' are abusing your loyalty and compassion.

dudes helped you hide the body after you killed someone or something. Most normal people aren't this loyal to family, let alone "friends".

They've got to have some kind of dirt on you for you to be this understanding.

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

Something is definitely up

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I was starting to think his friend was really a bad ass chick that he was runnin' around with. And it was so good, he was willing to pu up with some serious financial missteps to keep it poppin'.

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

Friend 1 (overdraft blood) I've known since I was 17. That's 31 years ago.

I've loaned him money in the past and helped him out before - and with the exception of a streak of bad luck AND bad decision in the last 6 months he's always paid me back - and helped me when I needed help like moving furniture, or feeding my cat or helping my mom, other things.

Friend 2 I've know since 1990 - so 28 years.
Same exact deal as friend 1 - just met after high school. Always paid me back. Always helped when I asked - but slight less than friend 1. but less demanding/annoying than friend 1 on a friendship level. Way more mellow.



So it's just now that we're all nearing 50 that my life is going well and their's are falling apart. They've been falling apart slowing for years - while over the last 12 years my life has become much better/easier. I outright own my condo. I've had a job for the last 12 years and it pays well. They have no savings and are living hand to mouth.

But I've also been getting more anxiety as I get older - I plan more and I'm less willing to take risks with money.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection

its okay, folks are more accepting now.




just playing. i dont know how you do it but i kind of feel you.

the only thing you can do for these to GROWN MEN is to point BOTH OF THEM in the right direction of some Local or State level free educational training programs and shake free of them.

I believe in spiritual ties and circles of association, thus if you keep hanging on to them, all of their mess is gonna start hanging on to you. Eventually, you'll all be paddling in the same lifeboat. Bro, it's time to abandon ship or distance yourself to the point where you're only present to do a health and welfare check.

These two men need to get into a work rehabilitation program to help them acquire some new skills for employment.



.
.
Current Favorite Song: https://youtu.be/8v_KFHnPImY

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

Friend 1:
He has started cleaning his place - the room is clean and needs some attention like getting a screen for a window and repair the ceiling fan (or replace it) - but definitely livable now.

He has cleaned the stove completely, but needs to do refrig and cabinets next. Hopefully he's doing that today/now.

He is continuing to clean the house, and will try to get his clutter hidden away - but at least its progress and someone moving in might think its messy but he can say "The ex-roommate left a lot of stuff and I'm cleaning it all out now.

How I left it:I gave, as a gift - no repayment expected, $300 dollars so he could use his $710 and pay the rent for January.

I then clearly stated "I will not provide any financial support going forward." He understands.

If he can get a roommate to move in he should be okay unless the landlord kicks them out because of the issues in the past. But I think a clean room and less messy house combined with the area he lives in - which is VERY hip now - it is the "hot" part of San Diego - 30th street in North park between University and El Cajon.



Also told Friend #2 he had until Feb 7th to find another place to stay - he gets put out even if he's on the streets. I'll likely LOAN him some money to help, he has paid money back in a timely fashion before.

So on Feb 8th everything will be back to normal - and I'm a lot less stressed now because I know I can control my part in it all now.

------------


Gone: My Discogs collection for The Roots:
http://www.discogs.com/user/tomhayes-roots/collection