Would you date someone who wants to remain celibate until marriage?

In addition, how would you feel if said person stated that he/she has been intimate in the past, but has now decided to not have sex until marriage? Would you start a monogamous rationship with this person forsaking other potential dating candidates?

For me, it is a tough answer because I prefer to be intimate with someone that I am dating, but I MAY give an exception depending on the person as well as said person understanding and agreeing to certain conditions has to be met prior to me commiting to her and the relationship. To be continued...

sell it to me...

But, I wanted to be fair and not ask just men this question. To be honest, I forgot there are still women out there who practice this type of relationship, but I got my answer and gave her my response..

If a woman is a virgin, I have zero problem with waiting for marriage. If not...then nahhhh.

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lol

Because it sounds, right now, like you value the access of her vagina over her sexual decisions.

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Seems like those types are celibate until they aren't and it's usually not marriage but a certain dude that cracks the code.

So unless I'm trying to marry you why would we waste our time?

Just sounds like a Steve Harvey chapter.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

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>If a woman is a virgin, I have zero problem with waiting for
>marriage. If not...then nahhhh.
>
>
I can only guess the only thing a woman would not like is if you told her that you will date and sex other women while courting her.

like, she says "ok nevermind, lets have sex" or something?

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That would tell me our priorities don't mix. We aren't a good match probably for several reasons. This would just be one of them.
_______________________

Either you can rock with it or not. The important thing is that you are honest and upfront with it.

That sort of intimacy is important to me in a relationship. I'm not willing to compromise it.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

That is a good one.

not buying a used car I can't test drive

Unless she is a virgin, nah... nope.. nyet

I feel like those types will act funny style once we are married.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>not buying a used car I can't test drive
>
>Unless she is a virgin, nah... nope.. nyet
>
>I feel like those types will act funny style once we are
>married.
>
>
Another thing is...is there any guarantee that this person will not make an exception and sleep with others while remaining celibate with you? Sometimes, people try to run game and tell you one thing and end up doing the opposite with someone else.

I think anyone who proposes this type of relationship with someone will have a tough time finding a willing participant, but it isn't impossible.

He said the sex was awful, she had no sex drive and was a control freak. Not the right kind of freak...lol

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

otherwise the genie doesn't go back in the bottle.

virgin or not. we don't match. I'm out.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

no way, jose.

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

But, because I got a little older..I MAY give a rare exception depending on the person. She has to be worth the sacrifice.

I respect it and agree that is different being older, but still, nah.

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

Sex is pretty great. But if the emotional connection, love and trust aren't there... it pretty much sucks.

However, I'm also not about to up and get married in 6 months like a lot of those couples do.
I'm fine with never marrying, so if he's that type of celibate, then it's a no go.

I'd also be really interested in his reasons.
So we'd probably talk quite a bit about sex even though we weren't having it, lol.

>Sex is pretty great. But if the emotional connection, love
>and trust aren't there... it pretty much sucks.
>
>However, I'm also not about to up and get married in 6 months
>like a lot of those couples do.
>I'm fine with never marrying, so if he's that type of
>celibate, then it's a no go.
>
>I'd also be really interested in his reasons.
>So we'd probably talk quite a bit about sex even though we
>weren't having it, lol.
>

If I was to go ahead and deal with someone who wants to be celibate until marriage, the only way I would agree to such an arrangement was if there was a finite time period for celibacy. Like you would not deal with someone who wants to get married within 6 mos(which I actually agree with you), I can't be with someone for 3 years plus with no intimacy.

I understand the need to be emotionally connected with someone. I understand the need to be equally yoked. I understand the need to have things in common and have similar as/or complimentary goals, beliefs, etc.

But, if I am going to get myself involved with someone like this, then we gotta get married! Otherwise, it is a waste of time.

We clearly aren't on the same page, so no need to go further. I wouldn't even get to the rest of the questions because I'm bouncing once the word "celibate" appears in a sentence.

I understand..

Respected the hell out of her decision, but we weren't able to hold out. Im sure she wanted to know I was there for her regardless of that, but I knew that was my wife anyway.

>Respected the hell out of her decision, but we weren't able
>to hold out. Im sure she wanted to know I was there for her
>regardless of that, but I knew that was my wife anyway.


How long did y'all wait until you two became intimate? Was it her decision to break celibacy? Was it yours? Was it mutual?

I was asked by someone on a dating site this question while chatting with her on the phone for the first time.

I told her that I PREFER to be intimate with my partner because I want a balanced relationship.

However..

I said that I MAY be willing to get involved with someone who wants to wait until marriage IF certain conditions are met. The conditions include a LIMITED amount of physical contact, marriage must be done within a finite time period, all parties involved must be committed and said person will have to live with me because I am unwilling to move due to home ownership.

I basically said that there has to be a CBA when it comes to this type of arrangement. I also said that the woman who wishes to type of arrangement can't have everything go her way. If I have to sacrifice, then she will have to make sacrifices as well.

Ther are other obstacles that would make this type of arrangement challenging, but since I was asked the question, I gave my answers.

Her responses was actually positive meaning that she would be willing to agree to the conditions I set forth.

Lastly, the likelihood of this type of relationship working is rather slim, to be honest. Also, I learned that people can change their minds at any moment, so a person can ask the question just to see how you will react. Basically, testing you.

So, I am not tripping and I know that agreements get breached all the time.

In all, the jury is still out on it for me. Interesting question and glad she posed the question.

all sex ain't good sex and why would you even want to spend a life time showing someone the ropes?

what a gamble

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https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

Sex is an important part of life. Too important to roll the dice on someone you might not be compatible with

_______________________________________________________________________________________

I told this person that sexual compatibility is very important. I also said that there are no guarantees that a relationship will work just because intimacy isn't in the equation.

But..

I have learned that some people believe that the reason their past relationship did not work was because of sex. Their minds are already made up in that regard, so...

I am too old, 40, to wait around for some grown assed man to figure out his sexual moral identity.

I am not wasting my precious juicy years on no sex or bad sex. Great sex or bust. With or without a relationship, marriage, situtation-ship, friends with benefits. If sex is bad, I'm out. If i don't know sex is good or bad, I'm out. If sex is good and we both enjoy sex with each other, then we are more likely to go the long haul.

Things may change after menopause but for now, sex matters.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

I can understand taking mental space and taking casual sex out of the equation, time for me etc.

But if we are seriously dating I would find it odd for the intimacy to stop there.

>I can understand taking mental space and taking casual sex
>out of the equation, time for me etc.
>
>But if we are seriously dating I would find it odd for the
>intimacy to stop there.

There is an age gap between me and this woman. So, that could be on reason why she feels a certain way about sex meaning she may be lacking life experience or have lived a sheltered life or had limited partners. I don't know her well enough to say exactly why she feels how she feels, but she asked me how I felt about celibacy and I gave her my answer. I already know that these types of relationships is an uphill battle. Not sure if it is worth the effort, but maybe it is??

I know someone who grew up churchy and it was only at a turning point of 27 she got comfortable with her body and sex. In that scenario where she's still in that discovering life phase I am more understanding since she has yet to live her life.

On the flip, since the age difference is a bigger equation (and we are just shooting shit since the relationship is in the very early stages) are you willing to deal with what would happen after she's gotten some of those life lessons under her belt?

I say this because a good friend of mine was with someone who had a big age gap and when she was coming into her own (mid 20's) he was calming down (mid 30's). They made it, but for about a year they had to give each other space

>I know someone who grew up churchy and it was only at a
>turning point of 27 she got comfortable with her body and sex.
> In that scenario where she's still in that discovering life
>phase I am more understanding since she has yet to live her
>life.
>
>On the flip, since the age difference is a bigger equation
>(and we are just shooting shit since the relationship is in
>the very early stages) are you willing to deal with what would
>happen after she's gotten some of those life lessons under her
>belt?
>
>I say this because a good friend of mine was with someone who
>had a big age gap and when she was coming into her own (mid
>20's) he was calming down (mid 30's). They made it, but for
>about a year they had to give each other space

When dealing with a woman, the last thing that I want to deal with is someone who does not want to be intimate with me. However, I know that people change their minds, plus I know that when there is no emotional connection, people may feel one way about you, but once they connect with you on an emotional level will feel a different way about you.

So..

Should I entertain the idea of dating this person, she could very well ditch the idea of being celibate and the relationship will thrive normally.

In regards to the age gap, I am not that much concerned about it because said person reached out to me, so she knows what she is getting into in that regard. I will take into consideration that as she gets older, she will evolve and change because we all do as we progress through life. That means that I may or may not be a part of her life during her journey. Not sure if I could put this on her based in age when I could be a part of someone's life or not at any age. If you connect with someone and focused, then maybe there will be some stability. If not, then both people part ways.

There is even more to this situation, but I don't want to address it and lose focus on the topic at hand. I am still thinking about whether to deal with her or not. In the meantime, I don't mind taking to her and seeing where her head is at because she can very well decide to get on board and be intimate.

All it takes is the right dude to get in them drawers. The rest are just herbs.

HolyRoller - WEll I have a great connection with Jesus. And Have decided that I am waiting till marriage to have sex AGAIN.

ME - HUh, We in our 40s. THat's nuts and you have 5 kids. Stop Playing.

Her - No I'm sticking to it. God has a better plan for me. I want my next boyfriend to know me mentally.

Me - Ok. Can I come to your BBQ 4th of JUly.
Her - Yes

Show up at BBQ late. She been drinking all day. SHe just got done a water fight and we were all heading to see fireworks. I say hey girl your wet u need to change. She says ok well lets go to my room and I will change.


We start making out and we smash.

SO what the hell happened to waiting for marriage. THis was the 2nd time I've seen her in person. I cracked the code. DOnt fall for it.

She broke up with me when I told her Religion is a Sham and Jesus is just a mythical chracter from a different religion 3000 years before. He was called Horus in that religion.

SHe was not amused. LOL

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I know to take things with a grain of salt. I said in another post that some people will say shit to test you. But, lets be clear..I never agreed that I would get into this type of situation. I said that I MAY do it depending on the person. As of now, I am a free agent. I can take my talents anywhere. This person can do the same. So..it's all good!

it's a power play or some weird contract they made with God to hopefully get a good man to fall out the sky.

most times they still got an old dick or two they trip and fall on when shit gets rough too.

in yoda's case I think it was simply a test question on a dating site.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I can't imagine we're feeling each other and it not carry over to the bedroom. Like, the problem isn't inexperience....

>I can't imagine we're feeling each other and it not carry
>over to the bedroom. Like, the problem isn't inexperience....

My guess is one problem bring fearful of being hurt and/or feeling used. Perhaps, the person believes that sex prevented her from developing a deep emotional connection with her past partners, so she decided to take a different approach.

I know that sexual compatibility is huge! Same goes with finances, intellectual compatibility and so on.

I don't like placing rigid parameters on relationships and expect good things to come about. However, some people believe what they believe without taking into consideration that it may come with consequences.

Lastly, I don't want to make someone feel bad for wanting what they want. I do hope that they will keep and open mind and be willing to take chances.

my response is more about the preference of virgin. If I understood correctly some of you mention that you need to know if we're compatible...can you men really handle something as delicate as a virgin?

two...
She's more than the sum of her body...it shouldn't matter why she's waiting now. I respect that you can admit that it's not for you.

three...
there's always exceptions to the rule. Was this early dating?

>my response is more about the preference of virgin. If I
>understood correctly some of you mention that you need to know
>if we're compatible...can you men really handle something as
>delicate as a virgin?
>
>two...
>She's more than the sum of her body...it shouldn't matter why
>she's waiting now. I respect that you can admit that it's not
>for you.
>
>three...
>there's always exceptions to the rule. Was this early dating?


For me, I don't think I am looking for a virgin. But, it does make more sense for a virgin to want to wait as opposed to someone who has been intimate, then decided to be celibate.

Next, it matters that someone seeks intimacy in their relationship and last I recall, her desires should not be more important than the man's desires or vice versa. A woman's reasons for wanting to abstain should be addressed, especially if she wants a man to agree with abstaining.

Lastly, I never claimed that a woman wasn't more than the sum of her body. But, I do know that people don't enter relationships that is centered soley on chit chatting. I believe most people want a balanced relationship.

I feel that I am kind enough to even consider having this type of relationship or at least discuss it. The jury is still out and I would have to have further discussion on this matter before getting too deep into things.

but let's start here...
why do you view wanting to be celibate again as a negative...

First off, I do respect a person's decision to abstain if that is what that person want to do.

However,

One issue I do have is that people who want to abstain and want their partner to also abstain is putting their needs above their partner. So, what is in it for someone to agree to abstain when the other person does not want to abstain?

Next, why is it that someone prior to the current person get to reap the benefits of intimacy w/o commitment and marriage, but the current person does not get the same opportunity?

Also, so what if someone agrees to abstain while courting and during the course of the courtship, the person who wanted to be celibate decides to end the relationship. Then what? Or, what if the celibate couple does get married after daring doena long time and the wife decides that she does not want to have sex. Then what?

Bottomline is that it can work, but it can't be soley on one person's terms which is why I have a remedy for those who want to go the celibate route with me. My remedy will give me more comfort and balance out the relationship so if said relationship does not work, then I won't feel played and used.

for me...it's exclusive. With this in mind, it would have been discussed beforehand. Like, before, we caught feelings. If it's not exclusive - I agree, I couldn't burden you with that.

I just started talking to this person. She asked me how I felt about celibacy and I gave her my initial answer, but I will discuss it in further detail again. So, based on the situation, there is a chance that things may not go forward after we meet. But, if it does go forward, it would be contingent upon certain conditions that we both have agree on.

Meaning, if I decide to enter a relationship with her knowing that intimacy will not be a part of the equation, then there is some things that she would have to agree on in order for things to work. If she does not agree, then we will have to part ways and move on with our lives.

As of right now, we are cool. I am still single and open to pursue others and should I meet someone else that share similar goals regarding intimacy among other things, then I may go that route. The same may could happen for the woman in question as well..

don't throw it away over intimacy. Intimacy is not as easy for most women as it is for most men..

she may come around - if you prove to be worth it

about why people do what they want to do with their bodies, lol.

But it's also good you don't want to date these people. Because you wouldn't be good for them.

So everybody wins.

unless we were having sex and then she wants to be celibate.

if sex if off the table from jump, that's her body/decision and it won't make a diff what the answers are. the answers won't be worth knowing.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

No judgement about the "why," but rather I'm being honest in acknowledging that a celibate relationship is not what I want.

if you're in a romantic relationship there's a certain level of sexual intimacy that goes part and parcel. I don't think (hopefully) anyone here is talking about casual dating or just general lifestyle because in that case who cares.

But sex, emotional availability, affection, etc...are kind of the 'We going steady!' package...I don't think you can just say 'Well it's my personal choice' when you also have to factor in your partners feeling.

>about why people do what they want to do with their bodies,
>lol.

The fuck you going to a buffet when you are fasting?

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

>I don't think you can just
>say 'Well it's my personal choice' when you also have to
>factor in your partners feeling.

But this post is about the partner's feelings. I don't think celibate people are really out to get people who don't agree with them.

These responses are just a little bit wild to me. And I'm not even necessarily celibate.

why wouldn't you want ALLADIS???

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

i wouldn't date this person b/c i don't prize monogamy. i'm not into the idea of us owning each other's bodies and keeping them exclusively for each other. i'm also an atheist.

i make several assumptions about a person who would want to be celibate until we marry. and none of them are good. i'm assuming this person doesn't share my ideas about sexuality and what we do w/our bodies. if this person wants to be celibate but doesn't expect me to be celibate that's fine. and i wouldn't even necessarily be out there banging other dudes - i'm just not going to enter any agreement that i won't bang other dudes until we marry. b/c...for what? i don't prize it. i don't get it. if they can explain it to me in a way that assures me we're compatible then fine. it's their body they can do what they want w/it. as long as they accept that from me too. b/c i don't want to own their body any more than i'm giving them ownership of mine.

oh...and i also assume this person is a Xtian of some sort. and that means we're probably not 'equally yoked'. i don't see it going well. i can date a guy who goes to church and i'm familiar w/that whole thing but...they gotta understand and be cool w/my atheism. i'm not about to sit and be witnessed to in my own house. and if they can deal w/that then okay. i doubt they can deal though.
_______________________

I appreciate this answer.

....we'd be wasting each other's time.

I don't need and sex and can definitely enjoy him without it.

but yeah...nah...I aint that suck I mean guy


these chic's savage out here....it would legit scare me to see a truly chaste chic...it screams other issues imo

=======================================
Coolin...

One guy, we've been off and on for about 5 years due to me going to school in another state. Once I moved back permantly, we began dating regularly. We have never been intimate and I made it clear that I was uninterested in a relationship and uninterested in sex, he dosent seem to mind and we still go out on dates every weekend. I'm sure he's having sex with other women in the mean time and I'm perfectly fine with that, knock yourself out playboy.

The second is another guy that I fell off with a year ago. We began talking again a few months ago, and I let him know where my head was at regarding intimacy. He seems to be okay with it to, we also go out on dates regularly. But since we had been intimate in the past I'm sure he thinks that he's going to woo me and that I'll crack eventually. Nah.