or whomever you wanted to date/hook up with?

if so, how'd you get over it? recently divorced dude at the job is reading romance novels and taking trips to Bucharest to relationship camps. seems extreme to me, but what do I know.

when I was younger. I would talk myself out of approaching a girl at school or on the train. folks thought I was shy or arrogant. nah, I was reserved and observant. which meant I had time to rack my brain with failure scenarios of why she wouldn't like me.

basically, I found a way to take action rather than thinking too much. just do it. realized this shit's easy. do it by feel. she'll respond accordingly.

Bucharest guy definitely overthinks stuff. when he tells me about his new skills, I'm like cool, but its really about being assertive and getting the right vibe. if the vibe aint right, don't pull your dick out.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

to talk about!

Dude seems extreme. I think what he needs to do is just talk to a woman like she is a regular person, they ain't no great mystery.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I would make up reasons and none of which would have anything do with who I was. it was all insecurities about having pants that were short or holes in my shoes.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

but once I realized all you have to do is speak the rest should come naturally.

It's mostly just lack of confidence with dude because he failed at a relationship. Women can smell that fragrance of failure and unsure on a nigga tho..

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

he's having a hard time in figuring it out how to be easy with it. I think he's also being too specific in his kemela ass list.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

but after I got more experience, I developed my own approach which usually encompassed finding the right in/conversation starter. I hated pick up lines or the 'hey girl/shawty/baby' approach.

For example, in high school, I had been eyeing this girl for a few days after we ended up in sitting near each other in a general assembly. Hadn't seen her before but actively kept an eye out for her after the assembly. I didn't know her at all and I didn't know anyone who knew her. So by chance, a few days after the assembly, I was heading to my locker by my homeroom and who's leaning against the locker right next to mine talking to a few girl friends...her.

I'm about 15 feet away and overheard her friend say her name, "Rochelle", and I decided then, 'this is perfect, just get close to her'. So I walked over to my locker and positioned myself within about 6 inches of her while I opened my locker door, and was like "What's up Rochelle?" not once making eye contact.

She looked up at me, puzzled but curious and responded, "Hey. Uh, do I know you?". I was like "You could get to know me." She smiled, I introduced myself. Told her I noticed her around school and thought she was pretty. She offered up her phone number and told me to call later that night.

I just refined that approach as I got older. Some type of conversational in, a joke, a common opinion and take it from there.

____________

the one time I tried it, was the last. I gave a corny line. she followed with corny, but effective comeback.

me: I didn't catch your name.
she: I didn't throw it.

my boys are dying with lafter. learned 2 things. don't use lines. don't do the wolfpack thing.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

and it just ramps up the nerves.

If you are gonna do it, 1-2 homies is the max. 3+ and yeah, clowned. lol

____________

Even in college, it was hit or miss, but I would force myself or either find easy ways to talk to them.

11th grade at the mall, we were lookin at some girls and they said "come over here!" so it made it easier. I asked em what school they went to and what grade, and I guess I just realized I ain't want em...so I said "cool well nice meeting you" and when we walked away, they were loud, like, "THAT'S IT???? Why you come over here then??"

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

6th grade...2nd week of school...in class..I holla'd at Keisha Robinson...she dissed me in front my newly acquired friends

6th grade...lunchtime...I holla'd at Tashea after niggas put a battery in my back...she dissed me in front of the whole cafeteria by saying 'Hellllllllllllllllll No'.... then proceeds to go with my homeboy in the 7th grade...I'm lowkey still kinda mad abt that lol

7th grade...in class...i tell my man Terrence to hook me up with Kelly G...they were in the same class and they always walked past ours...i sat in the front...they walk by...he pts at me like 'yeah...my man John...right there in the red shirt' ...she says as loud as possible in the hallway...'OHhhhhhhHHHhh HELLLLLLLLLLLL No!'...my algebra teacher even laughed at me along with the rest of the class

7th grade...round the way...I holla'd at ...Angie...but she liked my best friend Donnie...he smashed
I holla'd at ...Takia...but she liked my best friend Donnie...he smashed
I holla'd at ...Jenny...Takia's cousin from Texas...but she liked my Lil Damon...he smashed
I holla'd at ...Vonn...but she liked my friend Antoine...he (eventually) smashed
I holla'd at ...Angie...but she liked my best friend Donnie...he smashed

I was the crash test dummy of the crew...the test pilot...
see a group of girls..."Aye go holla @ em Frog"

I had a scripted holla that consisted of 3 questions that I practiced at length lol...

After all that...I became JR Smith...

and kept shooting with 0 fear

by 9th grade I was already a seasoned vet and knew once i got you on the phone....................it's a wrap

=======================================
Coolin...

I had the learn all this shit. being confident. finding the words. once I got it tho, they started calling me charming or different. made things way easier when I didn't have to press too hard.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

1. Hi you doin? ( i know it's sposed to be 'how' but it always sounded like hi when i say it)
2. What's your name?
3. You think i can get your number?



in that order
no variations, no filler in between or modifications for yearrrrrrs lol

=======================================
Coolin...

.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

sending homie out to bring the pack back. lol

____________

and was one of those big youngins...lol

i was short with a ramp fade and bad acne...

he's a preacher now lol

=======================================
Coolin...

came with names and outcomes.


only one I remember like THAT was a girl named a Kim and NO I did not get her.

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

i really got a crazy memory lol

but yeah....had a terrible shooting slump the winter of '94

=======================================
Coolin...

--------------------------------

one half of the most dynamic tag team on the net...nappyafro's FROCAST!

http://www.frocast.com
www.nappyafro.com
store.nappyafro.com

lots of ways to make it happen and meet folks

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

he was out the game for a while and is trying to figure things out. he was married when the dating scene went digital.

nothing matters if you're not secure and also over analyze. hopefully he'll nail that down at some point.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

...I'm an 'eccentric' dude, so I was always worried about being perceived as weird. No matter what tho, I was perceived as weird anyway. Once I owned being the oddball, almost all of my anxiety, fear, etc. went away. That, plus a whole lot of hollering to get to the point where I stopped caring about rejection, coming off as 'weird,' etc.

Basically, he has to lose the ego.

That, plus a whole lot of
>hollering to get to the point where I stopped caring about
>rejection, coming off as 'weird,' etc.


>
>Basically, he has to lose the ego.

its weird cuz he's got ego, but he's also nervous to holler. his age, personality, and size are all playing a role in how he works.

he about 35. too old for college chicks. gonna meet a lotta chicks with kids and he has none. he has to be right about stuff and is sometimes too opinionated on unnecessary shit. he's also short and it affects his confidence.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

Even to this day I really hate the cold approach.

I do better in conversational settings, so that's where I excel and I stay in that pocket.

But the "excuse me miss" or "aye red shirt! red shirt!" ain't never been my thing.
______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

I changed my style to make it damn near all conversational. if they engaged and I got some laughter, it was a go.

cold calls are tricky. I wasn't good at it unless the setting would allow me to start of in a conversational manner.

I was rarely successful at clubs, but I really didn't go to clubs for getting with chicks.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

wouldn't meet anyone new in person if i didn't get approached or introduced lol

once there's some dialogue started i do okay but only on a one to one scenario. if its a group setting i have a hard time engaging in convo. even if i'm comfortable with each person one on one, in a group setting i will sit back and eventually tune out.

im fine doing presentations and such but approaching someone new, nuh uh.

but i'll always be shook of that chance of rejection.

<--- Big Baller World Order

but I just dealt with it and went after the next one. it never feels good tho.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

<--- Big Baller World Order

Not shooting your shot and then finding out you had a lay up if you wanted it but the games over.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>Not shooting your shot and then finding out you had a lay up
>if you wanted it but the games over.

during that time period. But I never hear any of the "volume shooters" whine about spreading themselves thin.

I never seen Indian girls in Pittsburgh and if I did they weren’t worth my time.

But college? Man, to this day it’s prolly the finest girl I ever knew physically. Just gorgeous. Only problem was she talked fast as shit. She intimated me with her looks plus she was so smart she was a Junior when I was a freshman. Her crew was insane too. They were mad cool but instead of pushing up hard on her I just kicked it with her friend first to get in with them then my crew and her crew would chill at lunch or get together but never got down like we should have.

Now keep in mind this whole time I was getting it in with other girls on campus but this Indian girl was next level. She would be nice one minute but mean the next.

One night I was kicking it with her friend and she asked me how I felt about her friend and I played it off like she aiight but it’s whatever. Ended up spending the night but didn’t smash.

Last week of freshman year the dime piece called me up and we were yapping and she says “you know, the reason I’m so mean to you is because I liked you. I wondered why you spent the night in my friends dorm but wouldn’t spend the night with me”

Nigga.

Then she tells me she is transferring to Cal. I was so mad I transferred schools as well cause I had a wild summer hollering at anything moving. Next year my crew tells me the Indian Crew was wildin out once the dime piece left. I went back to visit and one of her friends showed me the best night ever.

Here is were it gets really sloppy on my end. I wrote love letters to the dime piece AND her friend telling both of them how they shoulda been the one but I put them in the wrong envelopes. They told me they called each other up and read the letter to each other. Smh... dumb nigga. What made shit worse was one day I came home that summer and my sister told me an Indian girl with a weird name was at the airport on layover and wanted me to see her by 5. No car plus this was before cellphones so I was just ass out.

I looked the dime piece up when I lived in BK and emailed her since she lived in NYC. My wife was out of town and she replied that she was about to move to Cali again and we should see each other before she leaves. I never responded because I didn’t trust myself.

I’ll always regret not pulling the trigger on day one.

Got dammit. That was the last time I ever kept the gun in the holster.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

check this.
about 8 years ago I was working this shitty ass consulting job. It was one of those long ass contracts and a majority of the team where weekly commuters - they would fly in on sunday, stay in a residence inn all week, take a van to the job site, go back home Friday afternoon. Every week for about three years.

most of the folks there were assholes to me. I was new, young, black, male. There were a few other black people there but they were so damn stressed out from the job, they just focused on work and going home.

One chick was always super nice to me. She was a short, pretty dark skinned joint from Mumbai. damn. pretty as shit. She was always nice, super friendly. complimenting me on my shirts and shit. I found out she was from Atlanta, GA, but worked for the company for like 12 years.

I only lasted about 8 months on that job. Couldn't take it. Plus, a better gig came through. I made sure to email her letting her know I was leaving and that I appreciated her bc she was the only person that was genuinely nice to me.

She replies "sorry to hear you are leaving. Wish I had more time to spend with you"

nigga

I read that shit like 'damn, I wish we would have FUCKED" I didn't even know how to respond.

smh. I had to persuade myself that she meant otherwise.

nah yo... I wasn't ready. But if I knew about that Tikki Misala I woulda been there in a heartbeat

I even went to see Mississippi Masala with the dime piece.

That girl was so bad my boy told me when she dropped him off in ATL one weeked (I didn't go because I was creepin with a Memphis chick at the time) his dad opened the door and saw her and was like "GAAATDAMN BOY, Knoxville be treating you GOOD!!?"

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

LOL, me and my boys call every bad indian chick 'Mississippi masali'.

>Here is were it gets really sloppy on my end. I wrote love
>letters to the dime piece AND her friend telling both of them
>how they shoulda been the one but I put them in the wrong
>envelopes. They told me they called each other up and read the
>letter to each other. Smh... dumb nigga. What made shit worse
>was one day I came home that summer and my sister told me an
>Indian girl with a weird name was at the airport on layover
>and wanted me to see her by 5. No car plus this was before
>cellphones so I was just ass out.

I had to be faded...

cause even if I didn't make that mistake I knew they were best friends and talked all the time.

they were some smooth ass letters tho. I think I said some shit like both of them had me weak in the knees and I could never choose between 2 friends but if I had to choose.. I choose you because XYZ

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

some, I'm glad I didn't go for.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

As I aged, I realized that a basic convo could get the job done especially if I correctly picked up on the body language. Drinks ain’t ever hurt no confidence either.

Hell yes I was shook...

there was this one jawn i had a major crush on in HS. she was a grade behind me. she was in the same class as a dude that rode my bus, so one day (the LAST DAY OF FUCKING SCHOOL), i asked him to get her number for me, bc i was scared to speak to her. LOL. When he got on the bus he told me she said 'fuck no' and that she didn't know who I was.

the next school year, i started seeing her at the public library after school and found out that she was in the jazz band and would go to the library to study after band practice.

my dumb ass was ever so scared to even speak to her. i would just stare at her like a weirdo. smh.

my homeboy was in the jazz band too and eventually he started popping up at the library too. i'd see him with all the band geeks at this one table, joking and shit. i'd be sitting by my lone self pretending to read a book.

one day he came over to me and was like 'you want her number?"
i was like 'who? her? Naw mannn" A few weeks later they were a couple and shit. they went to the prom and all that shit.

I eventually stopped crushing on her. And that was around the time she started speaking to me. I was surprised she even knew who I was, but by that time I didn't even care anymore.

I didn't become confident to really holla at girls until after I graduated from high school. Granted, i hollered at a few in 12th grade, but there was always that pressure of trying to be cool, hollering at girls in front of people just bc they pumped you up, etc. Once i got out of high school, shit was simple, especially in college.

once i was in college shit was easy. Most of the girls in my class liked me because I was smart and wore mad Polo shit. There were a few that were out of my league but for the most part, all I had to do was be myself.

>when I was younger. I would talk myself out of approaching a
>girl at school or on the train. folks thought I was shy or
>arrogant. nah, I was reserved and observant. which meant I had
>time to rack my brain with failure scenarios of why she
>wouldn't like me.

Same type of deal here. I had anxiety about approaching girls I was into cause I always just assumed I'd get shot down. So I would legit "settle" (for lack of a better term) for only those scenarios where it was absolutely *clear* that the girl was also interested before I'd make any attempt to start a conversation. This could be at the gym, a bar, wherever. Unless the girl was clearly eyeing me, too, I would talk myself out of it for fear of being embarrassed. Probably left a lot of good on the table just out of fear. *weeps*


>basically, I found a way to take action rather than thinking
>too much. just do it. realized this shit's easy. do it by
>feel. she'll respond accordingly.

Same exact deal here. Took me well into my 20s before it was something I was fully confident in doing without overthinking it or talking myself out of it. I sort of lost that fear and swallowed my pride and almost invited rejection. Was never cocky, that just isn't my personality ... but you illustrated it perfectly, it's really not that hard. Start a conversation and let it flow naturally. Be confident but not an asshole. You can tell pretty quickly whether or not the girl is into it. And sometimes even if it doesn't develop romantically, at the very least you get a few laughs in and maybe make a friend in the longterm. Either way it's never, ever been as difficult as I made it out to be in my brains in my late teens and early 20s.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

even when a chick shows interest in public, I still can't do the cold holla


just not part of my repertoire




Now my Tinder game on the other hand?

... than live and in the flesh.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

but I doubt I would fare well in modern times if I suddenly found my life situation as a single 40+ year old....



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

I say that cuz now I'm basically browing and confidence it like !!!. I'm sure it'd all be diff if I actually had to be out there.

there are too many chicks. I'd figure it out.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

I got over it when I started making a little money, gained confidence and started just not goving a fuck.

shooting my shot until I pretty much becaue immune to rejection

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

Imho it’s just two tiered; being yourself and taking rejection with a grain of salt. High schools difficult at times to get it because it felt like so much was at stake if because of the social pressure. College? College was easy but also fake because it felt like everyone was going to give you a shot out of hormones and boredom, LOL.

It’s when I started dealing with WOMEN tho in my early 20’s to mid 20’s is when I felt like Herbie Mcgee. I had to learn it was more about being comfortable in my own skin(which id argue is probably at its lowest in your early 20’s because of that adulthood transition) then anything I had to say to them in the moment. Like Ambient1 said the key is to fail HARD and often, after a while you get used to it and when you get to that mentality of “I hope this shot goes in but if not, who cares” then it feels easy.

That said, even in my comfortable era I have had some spectacular fails. I remember having a bad day at work and getting LIT at a happy hour and ended up chatting up this lady on some small talk at bar. She said something sly about me helping her with something at her place when I expected nothing and Im like, damn, after that day at work this is karma hooking me up!

Every subsequent shot I took was an ugly air ball; my fav was when I cracked a small joke about 911 and she ended up being a survivor Her friend even tried to help me out but even at a certain point I saw her do this and walk away out of the corner of my eye.

https://media.giphy.com/media/Lsn6R0xjdstnG/giphy.gif

She was fine as all hell too, I was too drunk to make it happen. I swearing off alcohol for a week out of frustration with myself, lol.

oddly enough...I didn't get a lot of women in college...or should I say college women, while in college....at my school anyways...

I could and would pull something with ease up Coppin St...but up my school...idk ...it was weird...I didn't really get attn. from out of state chics like THAT...it was like I was used to a certain 'game' and this was different...I didn't get a lot of play but I watched everyone who was sort of idk...I won't say socially awkward or shy or nothing... but less 'experienced', THRIVE in college...

I always felt weird that I was in school off an on forever back then and can count on one (maybe two) hands how many girls I actually pulled in college while everyone else had their glory years then

=======================================
Coolin...

...he was met with "don't talk to me about her... go holler!"

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

how'd that happen?

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

>how'd that happen?

i still have no clue

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

I think we western males should be very thankful that the scariest thing we gotta deal with is taking to a Bad One...

I'll take rejection over fighting on the front line lol

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

I've never done the casual dating thing, and the three relationships I've been in were


A) assigned to work in a group project together at school
B) recommended to me by a regular at the bar I worked at at the time
C) someone I worked with who we quickly realized we vibed on just about everything


so I never really had to "approach" them; all my relationships were essentially forced on me by outside influences, I suppose I said yes to meeting the second one but she still met me at my work while I was working so it was really on her to keep my attention. The other two I had to communicate with and get to know in order to do my job and it just built off that.

I've never gone up to a stranger and just asked them their name or tried to catch a wave, and I likely never will. Just isn't me. I just use Tinder/other phone dating apps to find out if people I'm attracted to are attracted to me; never had a single conversation or met somebody off 'em despite several matches.



~~~~~~~~~
"This is the streets, and I am the trap." � Jay Bilas
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/archive/contributor/517
Hip Hop Handbook: http://tinyurl.com/ll4kzz

I just needed an in somehow, or at minimum hardcore eye contact
I was good after that
but the unsolicited cold approach telemarketing street holler? NEVER

but it all comes down to shooting your shot and not being a creep or asshole about it.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

I've seen dudes do it (with both good and bad results)
but I'm just not about that life

now the eyes, that's all it takes for me

...as a manner of toughening up. Once I got over the idea of getting rejected, it became easier.

I couldn't tell how to work the angle now...I'se been murried just over 10 years, now.

I guess..hop the small hurdles (they're only as big as you make them). Approach/get rejected....rinse, wash, repeat....until an opportunity becomes available.

It takes all kinds to make up a world, son. -My pops

I just live for the comments -Da wiz

grant it, I've been married for upteen years now. lol

don't think people have changed that much. the tools to find folks are different, but I would think its still mostly the same process of try her, feel the vibe, decide if you should go further or move on.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

...i think there was/is a little social anxiety in the mix as well.

How i got over it was really just by improving myself...getting in shape..reading more...working more...stepping out my comfort zone more.....acknowledging my weaknesses etc.....basically becoming a better man...

I've found it makes me handle (inevitable) rejection better....I see myself as a catch so if she rejects..i *kanye shrug* and keep it moving.

Man, Freaknik yo... you only got one shot. You won’t ever see them again.

I walked up to one girl from Guadalupe who had 3 niggas around her. No fear. Told her I had been looking for her for 18 years. Prolly the cheesiest shit she ever heard but I had too. My body wouldn’t let me not say something.

Actually met a bad Ethiopian who just so happened to go to VCU a semester before I started. I just walked up and spit game because she was baaaaad.

Pretty sure I was faded every time tho... no fear when a nigga got that liquid courage in him

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

one girl was Nigerian. we both went to Georgia State. at the time, it was a school for older folks. so you might see somebody once and never see them again.

she was dope af. didn't get a chance to talk the first time I saw her. saw her again sometime later. she parked her car and went into a building. I waited for my shot, but it didn't happen like I'd hope. it was a paid parking area and she was in the building a long ass time. so I left my number on her windshield. hoping................and she called! we had one date and no sex. lol. I tried though. almost named my daughter after her cuz I liked her name.

another chick, Ethiopian. me and my boy saw her coming out the grocery store as I was driving by. had to drive to her and try my luck. talked a lil bit. asked for the number and she says let me have yours instead. reluctantly gave it to her. I even said I know you won't call, but here you go. she called!! she was fun for a good while.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

It's a sense of "she prolly don't want me anyway so I might as well throw a Hail Mary like Aaron Rodgers" and that attitude helps to unlock the swag

Whereas with a 7/8 I feel like I got a shot and that creates worries of talking myself out of the P

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

it was like one day a switch was flipped.

i was always that shy, chubby kid. then, around the time i turned 21, i just hopped up outta bed one day and turned my swag on. i think about it a lot only because i used to wish i had confidence and then one day, without explanation, i did.

i literally have no idea how it happened. the only thing i can put my finger on is that i gained some maturity and started to notice that you could have fat guy swag and got some perspective on women - that if could make them laugh and make them feel heard and all of that then you could get past the physical.