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Subject: "were you ever skurred to approach chicks?" Previous topic | Next topic
tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:06 PM

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"were you ever skurred to approach chicks?"


          

or whomever you wanted to date/hook up with?

if so, how'd you get over it? recently divorced dude at the job is reading romance novels and taking trips to Bucharest to relationship camps. seems extreme to me, but what do I know.

when I was younger. I would talk myself out of approaching a girl at school or on the train. folks thought I was shy or arrogant. nah, I was reserved and observant. which meant I had time to rack my brain with failure scenarios of why she wouldn't like me.

basically, I found a way to take action rather than thinking too much. just do it. realized this shit's easy. do it by feel. she'll respond accordingly.

Bucharest guy definitely overthinks stuff. when he tells me about his new skills, I'm like cool, but its really about being assertive and getting the right vibe. if the vibe aint right, don't pull your dick out.

nah, you trippin

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
Back in middle and high school I would think of a list of things
Jan 10th 2018
1
that was me.
Jan 10th 2018
5
only the really pretty popular one in school
Jan 10th 2018
2
it really is that simple.
Jan 10th 2018
6
Was a lil shook when I was younger 12-14
Jan 10th 2018
3
I hated lines too.
Jan 10th 2018
8
      Yeah, shooting your shot with spectators is for arenas
Jan 10th 2018
18
Heaeeeaeeeeeeeeeeeell yeah. Took me until 11th grade
Jan 10th 2018
4
they put you on blast, lol
Jan 10th 2018
9
Ever...of course...but I was ALWAYS bold...and took my lumps early lol
Jan 10th 2018
7
damn you were trying it lol
Jan 10th 2018
11
haha damn. what were the three questions?
Jan 10th 2018
12
LOL
Jan 10th 2018
25
lol, damn breh...Donnie was stylin on you
Jan 10th 2018
15
I'm saying...the light skinned n*gga with green eyes and waves
Jan 10th 2018
20
yes he did lol..Donnie had a gold in his mouth and a Kwame died fade
Jan 10th 2018
23
you the real MVP
Jan 10th 2018
28
LOL..I forgot to mention the time I went 0-16 in the 11th grade lol
Jan 10th 2018
31
you miss all the shots you don't take. I commend you
Jan 12th 2018
50
the approach is just one method though.
Jan 10th 2018
10
there are a ton of ways.
Jan 10th 2018
14
I used to have really bad social anxiety...
Jan 10th 2018
13
we talking bout practice!?
Jan 10th 2018
17
Yep.
Jan 10th 2018
16
when I was out there,
Jan 10th 2018
19
i have a hard time approaching any stranger
Jan 10th 2018
21
ever? still am. gotta eat tho.
Jan 10th 2018
22
rejection use to make me gun shy.
Jan 10th 2018
24
      working in sales helped me get over the rejection thing.
Jan 10th 2018
26
      Rejection sucks... but you know what sucks worse?
Jan 10th 2018
27
           I have several college buddies who lament about being gunshy
Jan 10th 2018
29
           My freshman year was interesting. I never seen Indian women before
Jan 11th 2018
35
                man, i love indian woman, but never had one..
Jan 11th 2018
41
                one of them wanted me to come home with them for Thanksgiving
Jan 12th 2018
52
                     damn
Jan 12th 2018
57
                This part is some Jack Tripper type shit. LMAO!
Jan 11th 2018
43
                     bruh.. that was the summer I started smoking weed
Jan 12th 2018
51
           had a couple of those too.
Jan 10th 2018
30
I played “shy guy” and then got someone to hook it up...
Jan 10th 2018
32
man shit, i was terrified
Jan 11th 2018
33
Your scenario sounds exactly like mine.
Jan 11th 2018
34
I never got over that lol
Jan 11th 2018
36
Ahahaha when I was single I was also much better on Tinder ...
Jan 11th 2018
39
nope. my mac game strong since 87'
Jan 11th 2018
37
man, I think I'd be rockin outchea.
Jan 11th 2018
44
Yup, most of my life.
Jan 11th 2018
38
yeah but I figured out this dick wasn't gonna suck itself so I kept...
Jan 11th 2018
40
it got better
Jan 11th 2018
42
i always found this weird abt my dealings tho
Jan 11th 2018
45
my friends used to force me. thank god for them
Jan 11th 2018
46
We used to do that to each other. As soon as a dude mentioned a woman...
Jan 12th 2018
53
the one girl i was scared of talking to....ended up being my wife
Jan 11th 2018
47
sounds like you won lol
Jan 12th 2018
56
      RE: sounds like you won lol
Jan 12th 2018
59
being a history buff helps puts things in perspective
Jan 11th 2018
48
yeah; never really have, honestly.
Jan 11th 2018
49
I always asked for an intro or eye contact and took it from there
Jan 12th 2018
54
finding an in is key to the cold holla.
Jan 12th 2018
60
      I could never do the cold open hard core yo ma c'mere holler
Jan 12th 2018
62
My boy would make ME hop the car and get the #...
Jan 12th 2018
55
I really don't see it as that much different today.
Jan 12th 2018
58
Yup..it plagued me most of my life....
Jan 12th 2018
61
You ever seen a girl so bad your fear and anxiety left your body?
Jan 12th 2018
63
yep!
Jan 12th 2018
66
yeah man. It's actually easier with super bad ones
Jan 13th 2018
67
when I was a kid, yeah. Like 12 - 21, maybe?
Jan 12th 2018
64
yes, and I don't know how I kicked that problem.
Jan 12th 2018
65

Buddy_Gilapagos
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:11 PM

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1. "Back in middle and high school I would think of a list of things"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

to talk about!

Dude seems extreme. I think what he needs to do is just talk to a woman like she is a regular person, they ain't no great mystery.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:43 PM

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5. "that was me."
In response to Reply # 1


          

I would make up reasons and none of which would have anything do with who I was. it was all insecurities about having pants that were short or holes in my shoes.

nah, you trippin

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
53834 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 02:15 PM

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2. "only the really pretty popular one in school"
In response to Reply # 0


          

but once I realized all you have to do is speak the rest should come naturally.

It's mostly just lack of confidence with dude because he failed at a relationship. Women can smell that fragrance of failure and unsure on a nigga tho..

shut up already, damn

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:45 PM

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6. "it really is that simple."
In response to Reply # 2


          

he's having a hard time in figuring it out how to be easy with it. I think he's also being too specific in his kemela ass list.

nah, you trippin

  

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auragin_boi
Member since Aug 01st 2003
19644 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 02:27 PM

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3. "Was a lil shook when I was younger 12-14 "
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Jan-10-18 02:28 PM by auragin_boi

  

          

but after I got more experience, I developed my own approach which usually encompassed finding the right in/conversation starter. I hated pick up lines or the 'hey girl/shawty/baby' approach.

For example, in high school, I had been eyeing this girl for a few days after we ended up in sitting near each other in a general assembly. Hadn't seen her before but actively kept an eye out for her after the assembly. I didn't know her at all and I didn't know anyone who knew her. So by chance, a few days after the assembly, I was heading to my locker by my homeroom and who's leaning against the locker right next to mine talking to a few girl friends...her.

I'm about 15 feet away and overheard her friend say her name, "Rochelle", and I decided then, 'this is perfect, just get close to her'. So I walked over to my locker and positioned myself within about 6 inches of her while I opened my locker door, and was like "What's up Rochelle?" not once making eye contact.

She looked up at me, puzzled but curious and responded, "Hey. Uh, do I know you?". I was like "You could get to know me." She smiled, I introduced myself. Told her I noticed her around school and thought she was pretty. She offered up her phone number and told me to call later that night.

I just refined that approach as I got older. Some type of conversational in, a joke, a common opinion and take it from there.

<---6 Like Mike!!!

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:49 PM

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8. "I hated lines too."
In response to Reply # 3


          

the one time I tried it, was the last. I gave a corny line. she followed with corny, but effective comeback.

me: I didn't catch your name.
she: I didn't throw it.

my boys are dying with lafter. learned 2 things. don't use lines. don't do the wolfpack thing.

nah, you trippin

  

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auragin_boi
Member since Aug 01st 2003
19644 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 03:07 PM

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18. "Yeah, shooting your shot with spectators is for arenas"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

and it just ramps up the nerves.

If you are gonna do it, 1-2 homies is the max. 3+ and yeah, clowned. lol

<---6 Like Mike!!!

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51934 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 02:37 PM

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4. "Heaeeeaeeeeeeeeeeeell yeah. Took me until 11th grade"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Even in college, it was hit or miss, but I would force myself or either find easy ways to talk to them.

11th grade at the mall, we were lookin at some girls and they said "come over here!" so it made it easier. I asked em what school they went to and what grade, and I guess I just realized I ain't want em...so I said "cool well nice meeting you" and when we walked away, they were loud, like, "THAT'S IT???? Why you come over here then??"

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:50 PM

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9. "they put you on blast, lol"
In response to Reply # 4


          

nah, you trippin

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
40407 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 02:46 PM

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7. "Ever...of course...but I was ALWAYS bold...and took my lumps early lol"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Jan-10-18 02:49 PM by ambient1

  

          

6th grade...2nd week of school...in class..I holla'd at Keisha Robinson...she dissed me in front my newly acquired friends

6th grade...lunchtime...I holla'd at Tashea after niggas put a battery in my back...she dissed me in front of the whole cafeteria by saying 'Hellllllllllllllllll No'.... then proceeds to go with my homeboy in the 7th grade...I'm lowkey still kinda mad abt that lol

7th grade...in class...i tell my man Terrence to hook me up with Kelly G...they were in the same class and they always walked past ours...i sat in the front...they walk by...he pts at me like 'yeah...my man John...right there in the red shirt' ...she says as loud as possible in the hallway...'OHhhhhhhHHHhh HELLLLLLLLLLLL No!'...my algebra teacher even laughed at me along with the rest of the class

7th grade...round the way...I holla'd at ...Angie...but she liked my best friend Donnie...he smashed
I holla'd at ...Takia...but she liked my best friend Donnie...he smashed
I holla'd at ...Jenny...Takia's cousin from Texas...but she liked my Lil Damon...he smashed
I holla'd at ...Vonn...but she liked my friend Antoine...he (eventually) smashed
I holla'd at ...Angie...but she liked my best friend Donnie...he smashed

I was the crash test dummy of the crew...the test pilot...
see a group of girls..."Aye go holla @ em Frog"

I had a scripted holla that consisted of 3 questions that I practiced at length lol...

After all that...I became JR Smith...

and kept shooting with 0 fear

by 9th grade I was already a seasoned vet and knew once i got you on the phone....................it's a wrap

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:54 PM

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11. "damn you were trying it lol"
In response to Reply # 7


          

I had the learn all this shit. being confident. finding the words. once I got it tho, they started calling me charming or different. made things way easier when I didn't have to press too hard.

nah, you trippin

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
25640 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 02:55 PM

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12. "haha damn. what were the three questions?"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
40407 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 03:24 PM

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25. "LOL"
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

1. Hi you doin? ( i know it's sposed to be 'how' but it always sounded like hi when i say it)
2. What's your name?
3. You think i can get your number?



in that order
no variations, no filler in between or modifications for yearrrrrrs lol

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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Dstl1
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:00 PM

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15. "lol, damn breh...Donnie was stylin on you"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

.

__________________________
<<<<< ayo, black...it's time

"Fuck aliens." (c)WarriorPoet415

Publishing checks and letters from jail come to me at the same time, that's my regular mail (c)Skyzoo

  

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auragin_boi
Member since Aug 01st 2003
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:11 PM

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20. "I'm saying...the light skinned n*gga with green eyes and waves"
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

sending homie out to bring the pack back. lol

<---6 Like Mike!!!

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
40407 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 03:21 PM

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23. "yes he did lol..Donnie had a gold in his mouth and a Kwame died fade"
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

and was one of those big youngins...lol

i was short with a ramp fade and bad acne...

he's a preacher now lol

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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infin8
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:59 PM

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28. "you the real MVP"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

came with names and outcomes.


only one I remember like THAT was a girl named a Kim and NO I did not get her.

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
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Wed Jan-10-18 04:11 PM

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31. "LOL..I forgot to mention the time I went 0-16 in the 11th grade lol"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

i really got a crazy memory lol

but yeah....had a terrible shooting slump the winter of '94

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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kingjerm78
Member since Jul 05th 2007
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Fri Jan-12-18 08:45 AM

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50. "you miss all the shots you don't take. I commend you "
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

--------------------------------

one half of the most dynamic tag team on the net...nappyafro's FROCAST!

http://www.frocast.com
www.nappyafro.com
www.twitter.com/nappyafro

Are you WASHED? Yeah? Buy a shirt and OWN IT! http://www.nappyafro.com/2017/03/1

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:53 PM

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10. "the approach is just one method though. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

lots of ways to make it happen and meet folks

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:57 PM

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14. "there are a ton of ways."
In response to Reply # 10


          

he was out the game for a while and is trying to figure things out. he was married when the dating scene went digital.

nothing matters if you're not secure and also over analyze. hopefully he'll nail that down at some point.

nah, you trippin

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Wed Jan-10-18 02:55 PM

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13. "I used to have really bad social anxiety..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

...I'm an 'eccentric' dude, so I was always worried about being perceived as weird. No matter what tho, I was perceived as weird anyway. Once I owned being the oddball, almost all of my anxiety, fear, etc. went away. That, plus a whole lot of hollering to get to the point where I stopped caring about rejection, coming off as 'weird,' etc.

Basically, he has to lose the ego.

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:04 PM

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17. "we talking bout practice!?"
In response to Reply # 13


          

That, plus a whole lot of
>hollering to get to the point where I stopped caring about
>rejection, coming off as 'weird,' etc.


>
>Basically, he has to lose the ego.

its weird cuz he's got ego, but he's also nervous to holler. his age, personality, and size are all playing a role in how he works.

he about 35. too old for college chicks. gonna meet a lotta chicks with kids and he has none. he has to be right about stuff and is sometimes too opinionated on unnecessary shit. he's also short and it affects his confidence.

nah, you trippin

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:01 PM

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16. "Yep. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Even to this day I really hate the cold approach.

I do better in conversational settings, so that's where I excel and I stay in that pocket.

But the "excuse me miss" or "aye red shirt! red shirt!" ain't never been my thing.
______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:11 PM

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19. "when I was out there,"
In response to Reply # 16


          

I changed my style to make it damn near all conversational. if they engaged and I got some laughter, it was a go.

cold calls are tricky. I wasn't good at it unless the setting would allow me to start of in a conversational manner.

I was rarely successful at clubs, but I really didn't go to clubs for getting with chicks.

nah, you trippin

  

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mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
6959 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 03:14 PM

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21. "i have a hard time approaching any stranger"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

wouldn't meet anyone new in person if i didn't get approached or introduced lol

once there's some dialogue started i do okay but only on a one to one scenario. if its a group setting i have a hard time engaging in convo. even if i'm comfortable with each person one on one, in a group setting i will sit back and eventually tune out.

im fine doing presentations and such but approaching someone new, nuh uh.

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:18 PM

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22. "ever? still am. gotta eat tho."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

but i'll always be shook of that chance of rejection.

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 03:24 PM

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24. "rejection use to make me gun shy."
In response to Reply # 22


          

but I just dealt with it and went after the next one. it never feels good tho.

nah, you trippin

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
75304 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 03:34 PM

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26. "working in sales helped me get over the rejection thing."
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
53834 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 03:37 PM

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27. "Rejection sucks... but you know what sucks worse? "
In response to Reply # 24


          

Not shooting your shot and then finding out you had a lay up if you wanted it but the games over.

shut up already, damn

  

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micMajestic
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Wed Jan-10-18 04:04 PM

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29. "I have several college buddies who lament about being gunshy"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

>Not shooting your shot and then finding out you had a lay up
>if you wanted it but the games over.

during that time period. But I never hear any of the "volume shooters" whine about spreading themselves thin.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
53834 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 10:58 AM

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35. "My freshman year was interesting. I never seen Indian women before"
In response to Reply # 29


          

I never seen Indian girls in Pittsburgh and if I did they weren’t worth my time.

But college? Man, to this day it’s prolly the finest girl I ever knew physically. Just gorgeous. Only problem was she talked fast as shit. She intimated me with her looks plus she was so smart she was a Junior when I was a freshman. Her crew was insane too. They were mad cool but instead of pushing up hard on her I just kicked it with her friend first to get in with them then my crew and her crew would chill at lunch or get together but never got down like we should have.

Now keep in mind this whole time I was getting it in with other girls on campus but this Indian girl was next level. She would be nice one minute but mean the next.

One night I was kicking it with her friend and she asked me how I felt about her friend and I played it off like she aiight but it’s whatever. Ended up spending the night but didn’t smash.

Last week of freshman year the dime piece called me up and we were yapping and she says “you know, the reason I’m so mean to you is because I liked you. I wondered why you spent the night in my friends dorm but wouldn’t spend the night with me”

Nigga.

Then she tells me she is transferring to Cal. I was so mad I transferred schools as well cause I had a wild summer hollering at anything moving. Next year my crew tells me the Indian Crew was wildin out once the dime piece left. I went back to visit and one of her friends showed me the best night ever.

Here is were it gets really sloppy on my end. I wrote love letters to the dime piece AND her friend telling both of them how they shoulda been the one but I put them in the wrong envelopes. They told me they called each other up and read the letter to each other. Smh... dumb nigga. What made shit worse was one day I came home that summer and my sister told me an Indian girl with a weird name was at the airport on layover and wanted me to see her by 5. No car plus this was before cellphones so I was just ass out.

I looked the dime piece up when I lived in BK and emailed her since she lived in NYC. My wife was out of town and she replied that she was about to move to Cali again and we should see each other before she leaves. I never responded because I didn’t trust myself.

I’ll always regret not pulling the trigger on day one.

Got dammit. That was the last time I ever kept the gun in the holster.

shut up already, damn

  

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GROOVEPHI
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Thu Jan-11-18 03:11 PM

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41. "man, i love indian woman, but never had one.."
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

check this.
about 8 years ago I was working this shitty ass consulting job. It was one of those long ass contracts and a majority of the team where weekly commuters - they would fly in on sunday, stay in a residence inn all week, take a van to the job site, go back home Friday afternoon. Every week for about three years.

most of the folks there were assholes to me. I was new, young, black, male. There were a few other black people there but they were so damn stressed out from the job, they just focused on work and going home.

One chick was always super nice to me. She was a short, pretty dark skinned joint from Mumbai. damn. pretty as shit. She was always nice, super friendly. complimenting me on my shirts and shit. I found out she was from Atlanta, GA, but worked for the company for like 12 years.

I only lasted about 8 months on that job. Couldn't take it. Plus, a better gig came through. I made sure to email her letting her know I was leaving and that I appreciated her bc she was the only person that was genuinely nice to me.

She replies "sorry to hear you are leaving. Wish I had more time to spend with you"

nigga

I read that shit like 'damn, I wish we would have FUCKED" I didn't even know how to respond.

smh. I had to persuade myself that she meant otherwise.



  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
53834 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 09:29 AM

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52. "one of them wanted me to come home with them for Thanksgiving"
In response to Reply # 41


          

nah yo... I wasn't ready. But if I knew about that Tikki Misala I woulda been there in a heartbeat

I even went to see Mississippi Masala with the dime piece.

That girl was so bad my boy told me when she dropped him off in ATL one weeked (I didn't go because I was creepin with a Memphis chick at the time) his dad opened the door and saw her and was like "GAAATDAMN BOY, Knoxville be treating you GOOD!!?"

shut up already, damn

  

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GROOVEPHI
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Fri Jan-12-18 10:47 AM

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57. "damn"
In response to Reply # 52


  

          


LOL, me and my boys call every bad indian chick 'Mississippi masali'.

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
20744 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 03:43 PM

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43. "This part is some Jack Tripper type shit. LMAO!"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          


>Here is were it gets really sloppy on my end. I wrote love
>letters to the dime piece AND her friend telling both of them
>how they shoulda been the one but I put them in the wrong
>envelopes. They told me they called each other up and read the
>letter to each other. Smh... dumb nigga. What made shit worse
>was one day I came home that summer and my sister told me an
>Indian girl with a weird name was at the airport on layover
>and wanted me to see her by 5. No car plus this was before
>cellphones so I was just ass out.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
53834 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 09:26 AM

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51. "bruh.. that was the summer I started smoking weed"
In response to Reply # 43


          

I had to be faded...

cause even if I didn't make that mistake I knew they were best friends and talked all the time.

they were some smooth ass letters tho. I think I said some shit like both of them had me weak in the knees and I could never choose between 2 friends but if I had to choose.. I choose you because XYZ

shut up already, damn

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Jan-10-18 04:07 PM

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30. "had a couple of those too."
In response to Reply # 27


          

some, I'm glad I didn't go for.

nah, you trippin

  

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Creole
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13851 posts
Wed Jan-10-18 04:26 PM

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32. "I played “shy guy” and then got someone to hook it up..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

As I aged, I realized that a basic convo could get the job done especially if I correctly picked up on the body language. Drinks ain’t ever hurt no confidence either.

Hell yes I was shook...

  

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GROOVEPHI
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Thu Jan-11-18 10:03 AM

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33. "man shit, i was terrified"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

there was this one jawn i had a major crush on in HS. she was a grade behind me. she was in the same class as a dude that rode my bus, so one day (the LAST DAY OF FUCKING SCHOOL), i asked him to get her number for me, bc i was scared to speak to her. LOL. When he got on the bus he told me she said 'fuck no' and that she didn't know who I was.

the next school year, i started seeing her at the public library after school and found out that she was in the jazz band and would go to the library to study after band practice.

my dumb ass was ever so scared to even speak to her. i would just stare at her like a weirdo. smh.

my homeboy was in the jazz band too and eventually he started popping up at the library too. i'd see him with all the band geeks at this one table, joking and shit. i'd be sitting by my lone self pretending to read a book.

one day he came over to me and was like 'you want her number?"
i was like 'who? her? Naw mannn" A few weeks later they were a couple and shit. they went to the prom and all that shit.

I eventually stopped crushing on her. And that was around the time she started speaking to me. I was surprised she even knew who I was, but by that time I didn't even care anymore.

I didn't become confident to really holla at girls until after I graduated from high school. Granted, i hollered at a few in 12th grade, but there was always that pressure of trying to be cool, hollering at girls in front of people just bc they pumped you up, etc. Once i got out of high school, shit was simple, especially in college.

once i was in college shit was easy. Most of the girls in my class liked me because I was smart and wore mad Polo shit. There were a few that were out of my league but for the most part, all I had to do was be myself.

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
14891 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 10:22 AM

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34. "Your scenario sounds exactly like mine."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jan-11-18 10:22 AM by Brew

          

>when I was younger. I would talk myself out of approaching a
>girl at school or on the train. folks thought I was shy or
>arrogant. nah, I was reserved and observant. which meant I had
>time to rack my brain with failure scenarios of why she
>wouldn't like me.

Same type of deal here. I had anxiety about approaching girls I was into cause I always just assumed I'd get shot down. So I would legit "settle" (for lack of a better term) for only those scenarios where it was absolutely *clear* that the girl was also interested before I'd make any attempt to start a conversation. This could be at the gym, a bar, wherever. Unless the girl was clearly eyeing me, too, I would talk myself out of it for fear of being embarrassed. Probably left a lot of good on the table just out of fear. *weeps*


>basically, I found a way to take action rather than thinking
>too much. just do it. realized this shit's easy. do it by
>feel. she'll respond accordingly.

Same exact deal here. Took me well into my 20s before it was something I was fully confident in doing without overthinking it or talking myself out of it. I sort of lost that fear and swallowed my pride and almost invited rejection. Was never cocky, that just isn't my personality ... but you illustrated it perfectly, it's really not that hard. Start a conversation and let it flow naturally. Be confident but not an asshole. You can tell pretty quickly whether or not the girl is into it. And sometimes even if it doesn't develop romantically, at the very least you get a few laughs in and maybe make a friend in the longterm. Either way it's never, ever been as difficult as I made it out to be in my brains in my late teens and early 20s.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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Amritsar
Member since Jan 18th 2008
28020 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 01:34 PM

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36. "I never got over that lol"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

even when a chick shows interest in public, I still can't do the cold holla


just not part of my repertoire




Now my Tinder game on the other hand?

_______________________________________________

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
14891 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 01:42 PM

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39. "Ahahaha when I was single I was also much better on Tinder ..."
In response to Reply # 36


          

... than live and in the flesh.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
39126 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 01:39 PM

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37. "nope. my mac game strong since 87'"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

but I doubt I would fare well in modern times if I suddenly found my life situation as a single 40+ year old....



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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tariqhu
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Thu Jan-11-18 03:51 PM

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44. "man, I think I'd be rockin outchea."
In response to Reply # 37


          

I say that cuz now I'm basically browing and confidence it like !!!. I'm sure it'd all be diff if I actually had to be out there.

there are too many chicks. I'd figure it out.

nah, you trippin

  

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DavidHasselhoff
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11305 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 01:40 PM

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38. "Yup, most of my life. "
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jan-11-18 01:42 PM by DavidHasselhoff

          

I got over it when I started making a little money, gained confidence and started just not goving a fuck.

  

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ThaTruth
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85946 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 02:42 PM

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40. "yeah but I figured out this dick wasn't gonna suck itself so I kept..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

shooting my shot until I pretty much becaue immune to rejection

"June 16th, 1971, Mama gave birth to a hell-raisin' heavenly son..."

2014 DAMALI Football Pool Champion

  

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BigReg
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62225 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 03:38 PM

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42. "it got better"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jan-11-18 03:40 PM by BigReg

  

          

Imho it’s just two tiered; being yourself and taking rejection with a grain of salt. High schools difficult at times to get it because it felt like so much was at stake if because of the social pressure. College? College was easy but also fake because it felt like everyone was going to give you a shot out of hormones and boredom, LOL.

It’s when I started dealing with WOMEN tho in my early 20’s to mid 20’s is when I felt like Herbie Mcgee. I had to learn it was more about being comfortable in my own skin(which id argue is probably at its lowest in your early 20’s because of that adulthood transition) then anything I had to say to them in the moment. Like Ambient1 said the key is to fail HARD and often, after a while you get used to it and when you get to that mentality of “I hope this shot goes in but if not, who cares” then it feels easy.

That said, even in my comfortable era I have had some spectacular fails. I remember having a bad day at work and getting LIT at a happy hour and ended up chatting up this lady on some small talk at bar. She said something sly about me helping her with something at her place when I expected nothing and Im like, damn, after that day at work this is karma hooking me up!

Every subsequent shot I took was an ugly air ball; my fav was when I cracked a small joke about 911 and she ended up being a survivor Her friend even tried to help me out but even at a certain point I saw her do this and walk away out of the corner of my eye.

https://media.giphy.com/media/Lsn6R0xjdstnG/giphy.gif

She was fine as all hell too, I was too drunk to make it happen. I swearing off alcohol for a week out of frustration with myself, lol.

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
40407 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 04:08 PM

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45. "i always found this weird abt my dealings tho"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

oddly enough...I didn't get a lot of women in college...or should I say college women, while in college....at my school anyways...

I could and would pull something with ease up Coppin St...but up my school...idk ...it was weird...I didn't really get attn. from out of state chics like THAT...it was like I was used to a certain 'game' and this was different...I didn't get a lot of play but I watched everyone who was sort of idk...I won't say socially awkward or shy or nothing... but less 'experienced', THRIVE in college...

I always felt weird that I was in school off an on forever back then and can count on one (maybe two) hands how many girls I actually pulled in college while everyone else had their glory years then

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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Mynoriti
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32440 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 04:33 PM

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46. "my friends used to force me. thank god for them"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

--------
http://ambitiondeficitdisorder.tumblr.com/

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
9486 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 09:45 AM

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53. "We used to do that to each other. As soon as a dude mentioned a woman..."
In response to Reply # 46


  

          

...he was met with "don't talk to me about her... go holler!"

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
15923 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 04:33 PM

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47. "the one girl i was scared of talking to....ended up being my wife"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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tariqhu
Charter member
13192 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 10:29 AM

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56. "sounds like you won lol"
In response to Reply # 47


          

how'd that happen?

nah, you trippin

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
15923 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 10:50 AM

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59. "RE: sounds like you won lol"
In response to Reply # 56


  

          

>how'd that happen?

i still have no clue

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
9916 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 05:25 PM

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48. "being a history buff helps puts things in perspective"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I think we western males should be very thankful that the scariest thing we gotta deal with is taking to a Bad One...

I'll take rejection over fighting on the front line lol

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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Nodima
Member since Jul 30th 2008
13506 posts
Thu Jan-11-18 09:48 PM

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49. "yeah; never really have, honestly."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Jan-11-18 09:55 PM by Nodima

  

          

I've never done the casual dating thing, and the three relationships I've been in were


A) assigned to work in a group project together at school
B) recommended to me by a regular at the bar I worked at at the time
C) someone I worked with who we quickly realized we vibed on just about everything


so I never really had to "approach" them; all my relationships were essentially forced on me by outside influences, I suppose I said yes to meeting the second one but she still met me at my work while I was working so it was really on her to keep my attention. The other two I had to communicate with and get to know in order to do my job and it just built off that.

I've never gone up to a stranger and just asked them their name or tried to catch a wave, and I likely never will. Just isn't me. I just use Tinder/other phone dating apps to find out if people I'm attracted to are attracted to me; never had a single conversation or met somebody off 'em despite several matches.



~~~~~~~~~
"This is the streets, and I am the trap." � Jay Bilas
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/archive/contributor/517
Hip Hop Handbook: http://tinyurl.com/ll4kzz

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3353 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 10:08 AM

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54. "I always asked for an intro or eye contact and took it from there"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I just needed an in somehow, or at minimum hardcore eye contact
I was good after that
but the unsolicited cold approach telemarketing street holler? NEVER

  

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tariqhu
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13192 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 10:53 AM

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60. "finding an in is key to the cold holla."
In response to Reply # 54


          

but it all comes down to shooting your shot and not being a creep or asshole about it.

nah, you trippin

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3353 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 12:37 PM

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62. "I could never do the cold open hard core yo ma c'mere holler"
In response to Reply # 60


  

          

I've seen dudes do it (with both good and bad results)
but I'm just not about that life

now the eyes, that's all it takes for me

  

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RaphaelSoulLee
Member since May 21st 2003
3577 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 10:16 AM

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55. "My boy would make ME hop the car and get the #..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

...as a manner of toughening up. Once I got over the idea of getting rejected, it became easier.

I couldn't tell how to work the angle now...I'se been murried just over 10 years, now.

I guess..hop the small hurdles (they're only as big as you make them). Approach/get rejected....rinse, wash, repeat....until an opportunity becomes available.

It takes all kinds to make up a world, son. -My pops

  

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tariqhu
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13192 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 10:49 AM

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58. "I really don't see it as that much different today."
In response to Reply # 55


          

grant it, I've been married for upteen years now. lol

don't think people have changed that much. the tools to find folks are different, but I would think its still mostly the same process of try her, feel the vibe, decide if you should go further or move on.

nah, you trippin

  

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Seven
Member since Dec 11th 2004
10698 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 11:22 AM

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61. "Yup..it plagued me most of my life...."
In response to Reply # 0


          

...i think there was/is a little social anxiety in the mix as well.

How i got over it was really just by improving myself...getting in shape..reading more...working more...stepping out my comfort zone more.....acknowledging my weaknesses etc.....basically becoming a better man...

I've found it makes me handle (inevitable) rejection better....I see myself as a catch so if she rejects..i *kanye shrug* and keep it moving.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
53834 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 01:13 PM

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63. "You ever seen a girl so bad your fear and anxiety left your body?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Man, Freaknik yo... you only got one shot. You won’t ever see them again.

I walked up to one girl from Guadalupe who had 3 niggas around her. No fear. Told her I had been looking for her for 18 years. Prolly the cheesiest shit she ever heard but I had too. My body wouldn’t let me not say something.

Actually met a bad Ethiopian who just so happened to go to VCU a semester before I started. I just walked up and spit game because she was baaaaad.

Pretty sure I was faded every time tho... no fear when a nigga got that liquid courage in him

shut up already, damn

  

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tariqhu
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13192 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 07:32 PM

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66. "yep!"
In response to Reply # 63


          

one girl was Nigerian. we both went to Georgia State. at the time, it was a school for older folks. so you might see somebody once and never see them again.

she was dope af. didn't get a chance to talk the first time I saw her. saw her again sometime later. she parked her car and went into a building. I waited for my shot, but it didn't happen like I'd hope. it was a paid parking area and she was in the building a long ass time. so I left my number on her windshield. hoping................and she called! we had one date and no sex. lol. I tried though. almost named my daughter after her cuz I liked her name.

another chick, Ethiopian. me and my boy saw her coming out the grocery store as I was driving by. had to drive to her and try my luck. talked a lil bit. asked for the number and she says let me have yours instead. reluctantly gave it to her. I even said I know you won't call, but here you go. she called!! she was fun for a good while.

nah, you trippin

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
9916 posts
Sat Jan-13-18 12:28 AM

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67. "yeah man. It's actually easier with super bad ones"
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

It's a sense of "she prolly don't want me anyway so I might as well throw a Hail Mary like Aaron Rodgers" and that attitude helps to unlock the swag

Whereas with a 7/8 I feel like I got a shot and that creates worries of talking myself out of the P

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If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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kayru99
Member since Jan 26th 2004
15118 posts
Fri Jan-12-18 06:39 PM

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64. "when I was a kid, yeah. Like 12 - 21, maybe?"
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PROMO
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Fri Jan-12-18 07:13 PM

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65. "yes, and I don't know how I kicked that problem. "
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it was like one day a switch was flipped.

i was always that shy, chubby kid. then, around the time i turned 21, i just hopped up outta bed one day and turned my swag on. i think about it a lot only because i used to wish i had confidence and then one day, without explanation, i did.

i literally have no idea how it happened. the only thing i can put my finger on is that i gained some maturity and started to notice that you could have fat guy swag and got some perspective on women - that if could make them laugh and make them feel heard and all of that then you could get past the physical.

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