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> >Generally speaking the answer to these questions, or the >advice that anyone gives, is mostly bullshit because the >rightness of this decision is 10000% contingent upon the >shit that you're looking for in life, and which side of the >(inevitable) tradeoff you're more willing to deal with. > >(you know all this, just speaking to myself really) > >The dope thing about thinking about this now versus thinking >about this 10 years ago is that maturity has a nice way of >shouting in your fucking ear, telling you exactly who the hell > >you are, and what the hell you like. > >The thing that makes it not so simple is when you examine >*why* you feel certain ways; you turn to morally >policing yourself, and second-guess your preferences and >end up back at square one, having not made any decisions. > >I mean, I haven't had a pair of Jordan's since high school. > >I said that I was going to get a pair when I got a good job. > >I got that job. Didn't buy them because I kept trying to >moralize my desire to have them; not on some "Cheese Eyes is >a prick" or some "kids in sweatshops built them," but on some >"what is the root of my desire to own such things" nonsense. > >If a nigga want Jordan's, and I can afford them, I'm buying; >insofar as I'm not hurting anyone or myself, then I'm >trusting >my intentions and I'm doing what I have to do. > >Hope I haven't lost you already (I damn near lost me), >because >we were talking about a move, now I'm talking Jordan's. Point >is >that I'm going to decide based however the fuck I feel, >regardless >if its biased or colored by an experience. My experiences >matter. > >So this whole "packing it in and moving to a smaller town" >shit >has crossed my mind much more recently; my details aren't in >place like yours, but I have enough details where its >probably responsible to think about it. > >And it boils down to the tradeoffs- > >With me, some of them are professional - I'm aboard the Death >Star now, not a Storm Trooper but prolly them generic dudes >who operate a Snow Walker; good gig with the empire, room for >only via luck or if Vader starts choking out chats off GP. > >But the professional issues aren't actually that important. >The bigger issues are the ones about setting, and city, and >all that good shit (the stuff you were ruminating >on...thankfully >you don't seem to have many professional tradeoffs). > >The main detail to know that colors my thoughts on the matter > >is that I'm black and from poverty; unlike a lot of cats in >my situation, I didn't take the money-grubbing route >professionally; >I've essentially had the career of a wealthy hippy nerd >(I'd argue probably a generation too soon; my kids were the >ones >who should have done the stuff I did, same way hippy kids had > >parents who spent their time stacking bread...I took a leap >and >have a great life, though, few regrets). > >The reason I bring this up is that I have a fair amount of >animosity towards big cities for the way they treat people, >and kinda balk at these notions of cities being these >exciting, >vibrant places where ideas are exchanged, diversity is >valued, tolerance is promoted- > >Nah. My actual ass whoopings by police officers, the >near-evictions >and all that say otherwise. Said even differently, if you >had >offered my moms a place in Portland, Maine 20 years ago, she >woulda took that shit off your hands before you could finish >the sentence, "diversity" be damned. > >Why? Because all that "city living" shit isn't what it seems; > >lots of people there would get the fuck out if they could. > >So yeah, I'm bitter about that. And its definitely fueled by >desire to get the fuck out, and away. > >Something more affordable, with some CLEAN air and some space > >and some access to real produce; my moms can't find an organic > >tomato for many miles; She got a McDonald's + Little Cesear's > >feet from her door in NY. Nah. > >But yeah -- at this stage, I can afford to live moderate to >well in a city like New York. The problem is that I can live >far, far better, in more space, in a city where there's room >to breath and grow, somewhere else. > >Which takes me to the positives of living in cities like >Boston(where I live now) and New York -- for me, it really >boils >down to pussy. > >Maybe you were expecting a different climax point, but >pussy really is the main advantage I've enjoyed in big cities, > >and its a pretty big part of my life. There are a lot more >women, women perfectly willing to take penis regularly, in >these cities. Boston has tons of educated pretty women in >expensive Yoga pants; broads are weird here, but its fun. > >All that shit about "culture" and "museums" and all that in >these places? > >ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ > >Don't care. > >I've been nothing but a young man, and I like pussy. And >that's >enough to spend time in a city. > >The problem is that I'm a stage where the negatives of that >life--a DECADE of insane broads who waste time, money and >energy-- >renders access to pussy less important. > >I do got one trying to get the "Verlander contract" (c) Dula > >And that helps with clarity, but I'm not really thinkin >about her specifically....she has, however, been stable, and >sane enough for me to think about how little I prefer fucking > >random coffee shop baristas to one joint. > >So yeah -- I'm ready to leave. How that happens and where >I go is to be determined. I have no concrete plan of action, >no immediate timetable. > >So yeah, given my experiences and preferences, I would have >NO problem doing Portland, ME. People fucking SPEAK to each >other on some decent shit (I bet). People are NICER. there is >QUIET. As in, ACTUAL QUIET. You can OWN some shit. As in, BUY >a house and set up a HAMMOCK. > >That sounds like a swell life to me, jack. > yeah, the pussy part here literally could be as easy as walking to my corner to find a live one at the bar, hitting up the crazy redhead cougar with fake tits across the street, texting the cute Mexican chick over in West LA who's never left California in her life except to Arizona or Texas that's borderline painful to converse with post-nut, or any other number of strategies that have all become a bit empty at this point.
Probably the closest to a "Verlander contract" chick out here (once I realized how fucked up the 'future wife' from my Bron L post was an irredeemable alcoholic) is my longtime on/off-again who moved back to NY last spring, even said she'd move to Portland with me but who I officially with her last visit over the 4th came to a 'definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result' point with. She's always gonna be narcissistic & spoiled if she still is at 30.
The way a lot of my married friends are has me damn near never wanting to be married, however some of them do shit that I wouldn't or couldn't do in terms of playing a 'role' with their wife and another with their friends.
To me I'd rather be single for life than have to fake the funk about my true nature to a person that I've chosen to ride with thru life.
Fuck Dat(c)K-Dot.
I can't compartmentalize that way, shit even my bosses know 'the real me' after I'm comfortable, I might omit a story or two that wouldn't be professional to repeat but I will have my CTO stuttering during a Friday beer lunch argument over the Trayvon Martin case or clowning our President relentlessly when the Lakers lose.
Anyway, unless you grew up in LA in a real neighborhood where there's real people (native Angelenos from spots like Inglewood/CPT/LBC are some of the realest people I've met anywhere & the opposite of all this city's stereotypes), it's pretty damn hard to meet somebody you'd wanna settle down with amongst the Daddy's Princess chicks who grew up doing coke in Malibu at 16, Ohio Homecoming queens looking to be a star or the scheming/damaged-types out here looking for a dude with loot to take care of them even if he's fat/old.
It really does at times resemble this rant Downey rant in the little-seen/remembered 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang': http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oMOZlRiIl0
I saw that back in 05/06 & considered it just some movie bullshit but damn if it didn't stay with me then feel a little bit more true with each passing year.
Out of everybody I know out here, I can only think of one dude that moved from elsewhere then settled down with a girl he met organically while out here.
The rest either came here for/with one or re-connected with someone via old ties.
That being said, moving to Portland, Maine empty-handed poses risks of its own & a few months in the cold (both literally & metaphorically) might have me wondering why I messed with a good thing back in La-La Land.
Overall there's worse things to contemplate tho ('high-class problems' as my old man might say & he's been careful not to tell me anything one way or the other on this).
I'm sure either will work, it's just gonna take some soul-searching first.
Appreciate the perspective (my city experiences were not from the perspective of being a child born into poverty, I'd imagine that kind of situation leaves you with damn near PTSD in a lot of cases) & yes I was still following even during the Jordans bit.
Get your ass out to L.A. for a trip sometime soon to fuck this city up with me. I've got space/guest-beds to crash if you're ever in my neck of the woods (no homo/no bullshit). peace.
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