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YO, read this poem it's deep-
Part one of the untold testimony/Every experience was necessary.
At the time I didn't realize the things I would grow to despise
a reality so harsh that I wished that I would just diminish into the sky.
the trauma started when I was a baby girl
had me wondering if I should have ever came into this evil world
hmm I remember, I remember it all.
It was at the age of five that I had a peculiar
relationship with that guy.
The first man that I had ever gotten close too.
A little too close,
so close that he chose too, touch me in away that made me
become an adult too fast
and even though it was the past the effects would last.
The way he put himself inside of me
It was so nasty truly defiling me
x rated ,took my innocence too young for a girl the age of five to see.
My first broken heart wounded in my emotions.
too young to understand what why it had happened to me
so immediately I started fearing people
so I shut down to the world
all of a sudden I’m this fearful shameful little girl
and I started isolating myself
that was the age the my soul first started to cry for help
because of being mis understood
redundant rejection came about
that made the demon of low self esteem creep in
and over the years food became my only and best friend
because I couldn’t trust or reach out to any one or nothing else
cause when I tried
at that time all else failed.
and cause people wouldn't except me constantly reject me
that's when I began to guard my heart
and keep people out
a couple years after that I got in a traumatic accident that could have taken my life
I wanted it to take my life
But naw it wasn't my time.
So instead the experience began to make me question where and who is God.
Later on my image began to change
And people started looking at me strange
some people began to reject me because of my weight
rejected me because of my fate
and scarred me from their hate
when I became a teenager the effects from those painful experiences
started to really show
little did I know
I had never let the that anger go
And the thing I was about to go through
In high school
would cause more anger to build up
and later
cause ever -flowing tears
that I wouldn't be able to control ,
growing up in the nasty ghetto's
sometimes barely having enough money to survive there was many time
I questioned God why was I born please
when I lay down to go to sleep
let me just die
Although at the age of eight was the age when I first thought of ways that I could die
The age of fifteen was the age that I did my true attempt to commit suicide
How blessed was I ,
I over dosed on medicine expecting to die
but instead I wake up the next morning with a head ache and started to cry(Mark 16:18 They will pick up serpents; and (if they drink anything deadly, it will not hurt them; )they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will get well).
I’m gonna stop here until the Holy Spirit lead me to say more but that’s only if you could handle more.
because all of these rocky roads
are only small pieces of the part of my testimony untold. I opened up to you today not to invite you to a pity party but to strengthen someone’s soul.
to tell them that everyone those unfortunates are making me whole
because they are the things that introduced me to my best and only true friend and the redeemer of my soul.
So This poem I dedicate to, the rejected ,disrespected ,neglected, the bitter, the angry the hateful,the hurting, the soul sick,the depressed ,the stressed ,the hated and oppressed, the crying the weak the insecure, the meek, the poor, in lack ,the one who feels un loved, the one who feels like a failure, the suicidal the one that wants to die, I’m here to tell you that there is hope for you because all of these things once was I
but if it wasn’t for calling on the name of Jesus I wouldn’t be alive.
that was when I grew to know that every one Of my experiences was good for me and was very necessary for my life
all the anguish, mental abuse, emotional abuse, sexually abuse, social rejection, family rejection, false protection, mental torment, lack of love, lack of security, lack of trust, lack of friends, lack of peace, lack of money, self worthless image, self hatred, glutton, nervous habits, traumatic experiences, dramatic experiences, near death experiences, broken homes, misuses relationships, false relation ships, false care, false love, the many disappointments, the many failures, the heart break, the heart ache, and overall all of my mistakes.
Had to happen so what has to happen can happen cause it introduced me to the real God and brought me as close as I am to Him today.
No I was not raised in a church
but I found out who God really was through my hurt
in all of those times the lord was right there by my side
That's why I can truly say Blessed assurance Jesus is mine
Oh what a fortaste of Glory divine
This is my story this is my song
may the God of my salvation get the glory all the day long
every battle made me stronger
every test took me higher
every struggle helped me grow
and every experience made me wiser
even after every thing I said today which is still only a little portion of my story
all this 23 year old God fearing woman have to say is to Almighty God be the Glory.
Psalms 34:19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all
Mark 16:1818They will pick up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will get well.
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