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Subject: "I miss my Mom so god damn much." Previous topic | Next topic
walihorse
Member since Aug 03rd 2006
15728 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 08:41 AM

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"I miss my Mom so god damn much."


  

          

Today is the 8th day without her. I'm still in shock and numb. I get distracted by something and for a little bit forget the pain and then think that Ill see her again.

8 days without hearing her voice, her laugh, her reprimands, hugging her. That all lives in my memories now and its not enough.

I'm realizing that life will be filled with counting, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, so on... since I lost her.

Going through her belongings was difficult. She was funny man, she had so much stuff, unimportant stuff, but she kept it.

I assume all parent keep things from their child's life, but seeing them preserved with love and care, overwhelms me with happiness and sadness. All things related to my mom will be like that, bittersweet.

I will try to focus more on the happy parts, but right now, it all leads to sadness.

You hear people saying, appreciate the time you got, the people you have, and the moments you share. Well its true. Even with how much as it is said, it not easy. Life seems like its just a series of choices, decisions, and uncertainty. All of these come at you moment by moment and its impossible to plan for it. Please hug, kiss, and enjoy the people that mean the most to you. Almost everything else is trivial.

Thank you again to all your kind words.

If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
As you should... Peace & blessings!
Aug 20th 2019
1
Thank you for sharing, Love. 🙏🏾❤️
Aug 20th 2019
2
Everyday. Peace yo
Aug 20th 2019
3
I am so sad for your loss...
Aug 20th 2019
4
Thank you and Im sorry to hear that
Aug 20th 2019
8
RE: Thank you and Im sorry to hear that
Aug 26th 2019
28
*settles in this section*
Aug 20th 2019
16
This month marked 5 years for me
Aug 20th 2019
5
sorry for your loss.
Aug 20th 2019
6
RE: sorry for your loss.
Aug 20th 2019
12
Decade for my mom and 3 years for my pops.
Aug 20th 2019
7
10 years. Damn I'm sorry
Aug 20th 2019
9
I will never forget their voices
Aug 20th 2019
19
      LOL
Aug 20th 2019
20
      Im glad to hear that
Aug 21st 2019
22
      Yeah... it’s the little things that help
Aug 21st 2019
26
      Man, this truly hits home...my girl asked me the exact same thing
Aug 21st 2019
23
           I unfortunately didn't save any.
Aug 21st 2019
24
RE: Decade for my mom and 3 years for my pops.
Aug 20th 2019
10
      I never forgave my boss for writing me up the first day back
Aug 21st 2019
21
My old man passed 24 yrs ago. My girl lost her Dad at the end of June.
Aug 20th 2019
11
Positive energy to you too
Aug 20th 2019
14
Positive energy to you, brother
Aug 20th 2019
13
one step at a time. stay up, cain nm
Aug 20th 2019
15
had to do this for my mom's friend recently
Aug 20th 2019
17
Sorry brother. It gets easier I promise you.
Aug 20th 2019
18
hang in there, fam
Aug 21st 2019
25
It's hard man and it changes us. My heart goes out to you fam
Aug 23rd 2019
27
i'm so sorry for your loss, man. i continue to pray for your strength
Aug 30th 2019
29
Sorry to hear about your loss, Fam.
Aug 30th 2019
30

Creole
Charter member
15186 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 10:04 AM

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1. "As you should... Peace & blessings!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

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Walk On
Member since Apr 04th 2005
8295 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 10:06 AM

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2. "Thank you for sharing, Love. 🙏🏾❤️"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

<--- #LoveCitees

message brought to you by...

www.onustees.com

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62681 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:06 AM

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3. "Everyday. Peace yo"
In response to Reply # 0


          

shut up already, damn

  

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TR808
Member since Oct 24th 2012
1935 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:08 AM

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4. "I am so sad for your loss..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I dont have that type of relationship with anyone in my life that I would miss that much. Not even my parents.

It makes me happy to hear about people like you that have those types of feelings... I hope that you find comfort in the fact that i am sure your mother knew how much you loved her.

You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

  

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walihorse
Member since Aug 03rd 2006
15728 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:55 AM

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8. "Thank you and Im sorry to hear that"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

Is the possibility of mending the relationship possible?

If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

  

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TR808
Member since Oct 24th 2012
1935 posts
Mon Aug-26-19 02:46 PM

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28. "RE: Thank you and Im sorry to hear that"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

>Is the possibility of mending the relationship possible?


Yeah it is.... and its all on me... I just have had a hard time getting the energy up for that....

You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

  

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akon
Charter member
26901 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 08:07 PM

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16. "*settles in this section*"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

>I dont have that type of relationship with anyone in my life
>that I would miss that much. Not even my parents.
>
>It makes me happy to hear about people like you that have
>those types of feelings...

it's always amazing to hear about people who are close to their mothers
it pleases me realize that my situation is *not* normal, and... it makes me a bit sad (and a bit wistful) because i never had *this*
but its always lovely hearing about other's experiences.

.
http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/
i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.

  

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dustin
Member since Feb 21st 2004
3941 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:37 AM

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5. "This month marked 5 years for me"
In response to Reply # 0


          

The hardest day for me was boxing up all of her clothes. We did that on maybe day #10...

It gets easier but it never gets easy. And, no advice could help me out in the first month. Shit, even now I cringe at people who give me coping advice.

What gives me solace is the memories. They mean more than anything physical. We all go sooner or later, but losing my mom made me realize that all you can do is be good to others and hope that people speak good things about you when you're gone. When I think her now I smile.

Sorry for your loss. Keep sharing. Give yourself the time and space to cope... It's a very long process that I'm still going through.

  

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walihorse
Member since Aug 03rd 2006
15728 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:53 AM

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6. "sorry for your loss. "
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

My sister and I started boxing things up last Thursday, 3 days after.

My wife thought it was too soon. I can't say yet.

I miss her laugh and her voice.

I'm scared to forget her voice and how it sounded. I hope I ever do.

If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

  

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dustin
Member since Feb 21st 2004
3941 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 03:14 PM

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12. "RE: sorry for your loss. "
In response to Reply # 6


          

>My sister and I started boxing things up last Thursday, 3
>days after.
>
>My wife thought it was too soon. I can't say yet.

I bet it would always feel 'too soon'. My auntie practically dragged me outta bed the day we boxed up mom's clothes. I didn't want to do it at all. It felt like I was boxing up every memory associated with each piece of clothing.

>I miss her laugh and her voice.
>
>I'm scared to forget her voice and how it sounded. I hope I
>ever do.

Backup any voicemails or videos you have of her. I became the de-facto family archivist after my mom passed. Her voice is definitely what I miss the most.

Peace to you and your fam.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62681 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:53 AM

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7. "Decade for my mom and 3 years for my pops. "
In response to Reply # 5


          

At least I think it’s 3 years for my pops.

It was a day or 2 after Phife passed.

shut up already, damn

  

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walihorse
Member since Aug 03rd 2006
15728 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 11:57 AM

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9. "10 years. Damn I'm sorry"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

This is unfortunately how I see it being, life has a new milestone marker that will not be forgotten.

Do you remember their voices clearly?

If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62681 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 09:40 PM

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19. "I will never forget their voices"
In response to Reply # 9


          

and neither will you.

There are times I get sad and times when I remember something funny she said and it helps me get thru the day.

If a grandkid farted and it stunk she would say “ewww, that passed something, go handle that”

shut up already, damn

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
18025 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 09:43 PM

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20. "LOL"
In response to Reply # 19


          

>If a grandkid farted and it stunk she would say “ewww, that
>passed something, go handle that”

I remember my mom's laugh and the LOOK on her face when she was laughing, so vividly.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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walihorse
Member since Aug 03rd 2006
15728 posts
Wed Aug-21-19 12:13 PM

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22. "Im glad to hear that"
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

I dreamt about her for the 1st time yesterday. She laughed and talked, I heard and saw her so clearly. I have been so afraid it would happen for some reason.

I'm so happy to hear that it will not be so easily forgotten.

If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62681 posts
Wed Aug-21-19 02:07 PM

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26. "Yeah... it’s the little things that help"
In response to Reply # 22


          

She used to call my cell phone and the first thing she would say is.. “ this is your mother”

Like my cellphone had a random name for her number.

We recently had a family reunion and my uncles and aunts were “arguing” over nothing and my wife says.. “all I can think about is your mom describing each one of them and being spot on”

They were both weed advocates too so it helps.. I can hear their voices when I puff.

My mom: “It’s from the earth... weed ain’t a drug”

My dad: “this is the type of shit I think about when I’m high”

shut up already, damn

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21340 posts
Wed Aug-21-19 12:17 PM

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23. "Man, this truly hits home...my girl asked me the exact same thing"
In response to Reply # 19


  

          


I gave her almost the exact same answer that you just gave.

I was also lucky enough to have saved a couple of voice mail messages from her dad on my phone. She isn't ready to listen to them but they're there for her when she is.

  

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walihorse
Member since Aug 03rd 2006
15728 posts
Wed Aug-21-19 01:36 PM

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24. "I unfortunately didn't save any. "
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

I wish I had recorded her talking.

If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

  

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dustin
Member since Feb 21st 2004
3941 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 03:08 PM

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10. "RE: Decade for my mom and 3 years for my pops. "
In response to Reply # 7


          

>It was a day or 2 after Phife passed.

My mom's passing was 1-2 days before Robin Williams... It was rough as fuck having everyone grieve 'with' me and then have his passing eclipse my loss. Like, damn, how quickly the world moves on. But in hindsight I am grateful for that life lesson. Grieving is a really lonely process at the end of the day.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
62681 posts
Wed Aug-21-19 06:55 AM

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21. "I never forgave my boss for writing me up the first day back"
In response to Reply # 10


          

after my Dad’s funeral. He didn’t have a relationship with his dad and the jealousy was obvious.

My sister pointed out how she want back to work and realized the world didn’t stop for my moms death even tho our worlds all stopped for about a month. Her death was unexpected and I had just seen her and spoke to her an hour before she passed.

but it was so frustrating seeing the world move on. That’s how it is tho.

and over time you find a place where you put that grief so you can get through the days. Little by little you push it further away on the shelf. It’s always there tho.

shut up already, damn

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21340 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 03:13 PM

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11. "My old man passed 24 yrs ago. My girl lost her Dad at the end of June."
In response to Reply # 5
Tue Aug-20-19 03:14 PM by Marbles

  

          

She took it hard. And even after all this time of learning how to adjust to it, I really couldn't give her any advice. All I could do is just be there. Try to listen when she wanted to talk.

It's never easy, y'all. Even now, after all this time, if I dwell on it too much it'll mess me up.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11825 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 03:25 PM

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14. "Positive energy to you too"
In response to Reply # 5


          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11825 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 03:15 PM

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13. "Positive energy to you, brother"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Want you to feel better, but I also want you to be able to grieve like you need to.

  

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Binlahab
Charter member
182509 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 07:51 PM

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15. "one step at a time. stay up, cain nm"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


on sabbatical.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

  

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akon
Charter member
26901 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 08:11 PM

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17. "had to do this for my mom's friend recently"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


>Going through her belongings was difficult. She was funny man,
>she had so much stuff, unimportant stuff, but she kept it.

drove to NC to help him go through his mother's passing
she was an amazing woman - whenever I was in her presence- she just calmed me down
and made everything peaceful and loving
I had to go down and pay my respects because that woman taught me what motherhood should be about.
we had to pack up her house, go through her things... spent time going through all the mementos she kept through the years of her children
i learnt more about my friend's childhood just looking at old pictures, letters from teachers etc that she had held on to

i cant imagine what you are going through
sending you lots of love and hugs and all the good things
you have a lot to celebrate. you lived a life of love. and i am so grateful that you shared it with us

she walks among the ancestors, now. she is watching over you. she is among us because her memory lives through you.

all the best and much love.

.
http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/
i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
18025 posts
Tue Aug-20-19 09:30 PM

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18. "Sorry brother. It gets easier I promise you."
In response to Reply # 0


          

It never gets EASY or goes away. But with time, perspective, and hindsight you'll find ways to get through and appreciate the time you did have.

Keep pushing. You've got a guardian angel, believe that. And this is coming from a non-religious person. Her energy and soul is always part of you.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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Mynoriti
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34321 posts
Wed Aug-21-19 01:45 PM

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25. "hang in there, fam"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

this is the worst part but you'll get through it

--------
http://ambitiondeficitdisorder.tumblr.com/

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13771 posts
Fri Aug-23-19 10:39 AM

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27. "It's hard man and it changes us. My heart goes out to you fam"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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poetx
Charter member
57943 posts
Fri Aug-30-19 05:55 PM

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29. "i'm so sorry for your loss, man. i continue to pray for your strength"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and healing.

this is hard. my dad passed 4 years ago to this day, at 5:31 am. its not an every day all day wave anymore. but i was just tripping earlier today (without thinking about the date) how much i look like him, seeing myself in the mirror.

those happy memories today that keep sliding into sadness. that's gonna happen for a while. but eventually the sadness will recede a bit, and you can enjoy the happy parts more. the bit of salt that makes you appreciate the sweetness all the more.

but it takes time to get there. you will, though. keep talking to people. and know that it's okay to take as long as it takes you to process this.


peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

  

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NoDrawls McGraw
Member since Jun 24th 2007
12122 posts
Fri Aug-30-19 06:40 PM

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30. "Sorry to hear about your loss, Fam."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

  

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