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Subject: "Is it actually wrong to have certain dating preferences? " Previous topic | Next topic
-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Thu Apr-02-15 02:25 PM

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"Is it actually wrong to have certain dating preferences? "


  

          

"I like what I like" seems to be a common phrase from a lot of folks when describing their preferences, or even standards.

Do you think it's actually a problem that some folks tend to prefer one thing over another? To be specific...it's usually about preferring to date a specific/different ethnicity. Or...to only want to date people who make a certain amount of money. Or, people who only date light skinned people.

I do feel like it's ignorant as hell when someone who is like Orlando Magic away jersey Black says "I only date red bones." Or...when somebody who's 385 pounds and 5'6 says "my girl/man has to be 6 feet tall and under 200...because both can't be fat!" Or...someone with no job at all only dates people who make 200K. Of course, none of it concerns me directly, but it's still comical.

I have even had people tell me that I am wrong because I only date Black women, and because I only go for short(er) girls who are never more than "thick" (that's relative, of course). The usual thought is, "you like what you like, but you may miss out on something great because of your preferences"...that's what's been said to me, and to others on what they go for.

------------------------------

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
I have lots of preferences but they go out the door for my standards
Apr 02nd 2015
1
yeah looks dont mean nearly as much if they have
Apr 02nd 2015
4
      Same here. I go for guys who treat me good lol
Apr 02nd 2015
12
RE: Is it actually wrong to have certain dating preferences?
Apr 02nd 2015
2
Do you feel like both could end up being bad
Apr 02nd 2015
5
      Both could
Apr 02nd 2015
10
hell an no....i hate bananas....sure...people are gonna look
Apr 02nd 2015
3
How I see it..
Apr 02nd 2015
6
I've had preferences, but I've never had RULES
Apr 02nd 2015
7
this ^^^^
Apr 02nd 2015
30
^^^bing.
Apr 03rd 2015
50
Not as long as you aren't using preferences as a proxy to denigrate
Apr 02nd 2015
8
^^^
Apr 02nd 2015
11
Very well stated. n/m
Apr 02nd 2015
16
B I N G O
Apr 02nd 2015
20
that too
Apr 02nd 2015
29
We right here! © DMX
Apr 07th 2015
54
We got several "white supremacy" sticklers here, so if a preference seem...
Apr 02nd 2015
9
true
Apr 02nd 2015
43
people hung up on shallow things will pull the best catch they can
Apr 02nd 2015
13
Having a preference is fine. Not being open to someone because they don'...
Apr 02nd 2015
14
I prefer fat asses. I married an Asian
Apr 02nd 2015
15
I don't like the jealous type. I'm booed up with a Dominican.
Apr 02nd 2015
17
      I hate crazy people..i married a woman.
Apr 02nd 2015
18
           That just makes you a homophobe
Apr 02nd 2015
19
           Well done.
Apr 02nd 2015
21
           T Rey been foolin for a couple of weeks
Apr 02nd 2015
45
                i feel you... GD been kinda fun as of late, albeit slow
Apr 03rd 2015
51
           lolz
Apr 02nd 2015
22
           i love intelligent women, I was with a woman
Apr 02nd 2015
44
Spanish is a language, you meant to say Latina
Apr 02nd 2015
23
      whenever i hear latina, i think of pron tho.
Apr 02nd 2015
25
           So it's like the equivalent of a dude being mad there's not a
Apr 02nd 2015
27
                I MEAN REALLY
Apr 02nd 2015
36
                guilty
Apr 02nd 2015
40
not at all. that shit used to trample my young little feelings tho
Apr 02nd 2015
24
I don't see any issue with it
Apr 02nd 2015
31
      RE: I don't see any issue with it
Apr 02nd 2015
33
if it ain't wrong, it's corny.
Apr 02nd 2015
26
it's only wrong if you stay super single and complaining about it
Apr 02nd 2015
28
lol yes.
Apr 02nd 2015
34
I have certain dating preferences, and I ain't changing
Apr 02nd 2015
32
no, as long as you dont knock others for not fitting your preferences
Apr 02nd 2015
35
As problematic people, of course our preferences can be problematic.
Apr 02nd 2015
37
".....and it's time to change the tide........." Kendall Jones
Apr 02nd 2015
39
often, it seems like people who have them aren't listening
Apr 02nd 2015
38
Yes!
Apr 02nd 2015
41
Yea for suuure too
Apr 02nd 2015
42
seems problematic when one
Apr 02nd 2015
46
You talk to most people long enough
Apr 02nd 2015
47
Generally speaking, no.
Apr 02nd 2015
48
I don't think so. If there's a time to be as prejudiced as you like...
Apr 03rd 2015
49
nothing wrong with that, can't be datin just anybody
Apr 03rd 2015
52
It's like OKP grew up
Apr 07th 2015
53
they did. we're old and wise now (sometimes)
Apr 07th 2015
55

ThisIs_ATruthThang
Member since Nov 16th 2003
11678 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:30 PM

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1. "I have lots of preferences but they go out the door for my standards "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I think as long as what you prefer isn't the cause of being unhappy, have as many as God will allow you.

I prefer tall men but if Mr. Right is 5'7? I'm wearing flats on our wedding day.




Somebody's lying...

@Atruelady Twitter/ @Sweetesttaboos Instagram

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:33 PM

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4. "yeah looks dont mean nearly as much if they have"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

the other qualities

but i really don't have a type. all my exes look vastly different from each other

i definitely have preferences but ive experienced enough to know that they aren't worth enough to compromise on what i truly like/want

*************************************
like.me
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"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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ThisIs_ATruthThang
Member since Nov 16th 2003
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Thu Apr-02-15 02:51 PM

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12. "Same here. I go for guys who treat me good lol "
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

And I'm attracted to many types and races.




Somebody's lying...

@Atruelady Twitter/ @Sweetesttaboos Instagram

  

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DaHeathenOne76
Member since May 11th 2003
29360 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:30 PM

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2. "RE: Is it actually wrong to have certain dating preferences? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

I dont date black women because they (insert dumb ass stereotype)

Vs

I don't date Black women because I find other wimmenz more attractive
*****************************************
http://www.iamsharandajones.org/help

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51978 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:34 PM

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5. "Do you feel like both could end up being bad"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

I actually debated a Black girl I used to date on this last week...and she was actually defending the men who feel this way, smh.

------------------------------

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DaHeathenOne76
Member since May 11th 2003
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Thu Apr-02-15 02:47 PM

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10. "Both could "
In response to Reply # 5
Thu Apr-02-15 02:50 PM by DaHeathenOne76

          

But I can better understand the aesthetic thought, You like lightskinned wimmenz because reasons (I still think your conditioniing is conditioned) but I get it.

Basing your preferences on stereotype. You like light skinnded wimmenz because ALL DARKSKINT WIMMENZ IS OOGLY and LOUD...

Clownage will ensue because you havent met all Dark Complected sisters and i defy you to say that Kelly Rowland ain't fine.

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
41077 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:31 PM

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3. "hell an no....i hate bananas....sure...people are gonna look"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

sideways
how healthy it is
tell me how much potassium it has
how good it goes with ice cream n cereal n'shit
and how I am a mad man for not liking this fruit(from satan)



but I still don't like bananas


I like what I like

same wit women

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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BabyYoda
Member since Feb 15th 2012
3176 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:36 PM

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6. "How I see it.."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

It is wrong to be critical of someone else's dating preferences while having preferences of your own.

Our preferences will not mirror each other. You do like who you like whereas someone else will like who they like.

If a person chooses to limit his or herself to a small pool of dating candidates, then so be it. Just be willing to accept whatever comes out of it as well as be an adult and own up and accept whatever consequences come about from having such preferences and parameters.

Lastly, I honestly do not understand why someone would care who someone else prefers to date, especially if that person does not intend to date the person they are judging?

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15330 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 02:38 PM

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7. "I've had preferences, but I've never had RULES"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I find rules problematic

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70762 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 03:25 PM

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30. "this ^^^^"
In response to Reply # 7


          

  

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Monkey Genius
Member since Mar 04th 2005
8066 posts
Fri Apr-03-15 06:58 AM

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50. "^^^bing. "
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

----------------------------------
I have a webcomic: www.watchthecomic.com

My webcomic has a page: www.facebook.com/watchyourheadcomic

  

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Lardlad95
Member since Jul 31st 2002
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Thu Apr-02-15 02:41 PM

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8. "Not as long as you aren't using preferences as a proxy to denigrate"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

other groups.

  

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Creole
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11. "^^^"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

I remember being 20 years old and my boy said the dumbest thing to me ever about Black women.

This was after his family had moved to Bellingham, WA due to a military commitment his father had. Mentioned becuase it appears that inter-racial dating was more acceptable there than it was in Lyuisiana at the time (late 80s).

Anyway, he told me that he only dated white women because "Black women weren't shit and only wanted money."

He'd come to stay with us after getting into some trouble out in WA. My Black wife had to buy-in on providing the safe haven. Needless to say, I kicked that bamma out of me and Black wife's house and we've not been cool since. That was 1991!

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:01 PM

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16. "Very well stated. n/m"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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20. "B I N G O "
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

and ppl OFTEN use their preferences to do so, even subconciously.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:24 PM

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29. "that too"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

.

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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Hitokiri
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54. "We right here! © DMX"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

nm

--
"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

"There is only one god and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to death: not today."

  

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c71
Member since Jan 15th 2008
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Thu Apr-02-15 02:44 PM

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9. "We got several "white supremacy" sticklers here, so if a preference seem..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

to reflect the consequences of white supremacy, the sticklers will say those are bad preferences.


"White supremacy makes black people thinks whites or lights are all that"


You know you've heard that.

  

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obsidianchrysalis
Member since Jan 29th 2003
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Thu Apr-02-15 07:18 PM

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43. "true"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

if it's a fetish than that's not healthy, at least in the realm of a relationship, but maybe someone black has a preference for lighter hued women because that's just their preference.

you bring up a good point that 'light' is mistaken as less black.

  

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atruhead
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13. "people hung up on shallow things will pull the best catch they can"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

it isn't wrong but it isn't a lifestyle I agree with

but nah it isn't wrong to have a preference based on race, especially if it's what you understand best. i dont even blame people who prefer to not date their own because of personal trauma, i say do whatever works for you

  

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Cenario
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14. "Having a preference is fine. Not being open to someone because they don'..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

fit your preference is silly.

Preferences are of course different from standards.

For example, i'm highly attracted to light skinned spanish women(who ain't? lol) my wife is black and previous gf was black and dark skinned. My preferences wouldn't stop me from getting to know someone or trying to smash.

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
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15. "I prefer fat asses. I married an Asian"
In response to Reply # 14


          

  

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T Reynolds
Member since Apr 16th 2007
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:02 PM

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17. "I don't like the jealous type. I'm booed up with a Dominican."
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
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18. "I hate crazy people..i married a woman."
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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T Reynolds
Member since Apr 16th 2007
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:07 PM

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19. "That just makes you a homophobe"
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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21. "Well done."
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

on multiple levels.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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astralblak
Member since Apr 05th 2007
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Thu Apr-02-15 07:49 PM

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45. "T Rey been foolin for a couple of weeks"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

Him and legsdiamond keep me laughing in GD

When I actually laugh out loud in the real world, and people smile and ask "whatchu laughin at" so awkward trying to explain

  

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T Reynolds
Member since Apr 16th 2007
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Fri Apr-03-15 07:27 AM

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51. "i feel you... GD been kinda fun as of late, albeit slow"
In response to Reply # 45


  

          

  

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Cenario
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22. "lolz"
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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astralblak
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44. "i love intelligent women, I was with a woman"
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

Who loved mac make up, watched love and hip hop, worshipped Rhi and Bey and never read a book in her life for near 3 years

She really is an awesome person tho, no snark. She taught me that preferences only mean so much

  

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BabySoulRebel
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23. "Spanish is a language, you meant to say Latina"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

>For example, i'm highly attracted to light skinned spanish
>women(who ain't? lol) my wife is black and previous gf was
>black and dark skinned. My preferences wouldn't stop me from
>getting to know someone or trying to smash.

as someone in that same group you prefer
SWEET JESUS THAT GRINDS MY GEARS

here for dis.

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
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25. "whenever i hear latina, i think of pron tho."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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T Reynolds
Member since Apr 16th 2007
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:22 PM

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27. "So it's like the equivalent of a dude being mad there's not a "
In response to Reply # 25


  

          

"Mandingo" box to check on the census?

  

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BabySoulRebel
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36. "I MEAN REALLY"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

here for dis.

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
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40. "guilty"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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EMATI
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:17 PM

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24. "not at all. that shit used to trample my young little feelings tho"
In response to Reply # 0


          

as if other ppls preferences have anything to do with how i see myself or how attractive i believe myself to be
i no longer take it personally
but i think sometimes preferences are borne of things that that the
'preferer' took personally
called ugly, too dark, too light etc & slowly (or quickly) gravitate toward something else

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:28 PM

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31. "I don't see any issue with it"
In response to Reply # 24
Thu Apr-02-15 03:29 PM by soken

          

hol.up

we keep it moving,

  

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EMATI
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33. "RE: I don't see any issue with it"
In response to Reply # 31


          

i agree
whatever a person's reasons, they are allowed their own preferences
i dont care

  

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IkeMoses
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:21 PM

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26. "if it ain't wrong, it's corny."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:23 PM

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28. "it's only wrong if you stay super single and complaining about it"
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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Cenario
Member since Aug 24th 2005
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34. "lol yes."
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:30 PM

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32. "I have certain dating preferences, and I ain't changing"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Some people been traumatized by certain experiences and it is not my job to find out why. I have preferences such as "no hood chicks, no picky food eaters." I am extremely against picky food eaters, if you don't like Japanese, Mexican, Chinese, mien, Hmong, Mediterranean, Armenian, Indian, Brazilian, Hungarian, German, Jamaican food then your ass ain't for me. Shiiiiiiiiiet. That's just what I like though

we keep it moving,

  

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SimplyHannah
Member since Aug 09th 2009
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:32 PM

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35. "no, as long as you dont knock others for not fitting your preferences "
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A lot of it is bullshit though. A lot of guys have all these preferences but then you see the chicks that they actually end up with and its never that.

  

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no_i_cant_dance
Member since Apr 10th 2006
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:44 PM

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37. "As problematic people, of course our preferences can be problematic."
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In your particular example, yes it is problematic to be a proponent of colorism & sizeism & say it's "just preference."

I'm problematic w/ my preferences too tho, so I don't want to come off as being enlightened or w/e.

<<Mood...Poppy Okotcha in Look 1 at Ashish Fall 2016
________________________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa7KBq0q5bU

  

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c71
Member since Jan 15th 2008
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:48 PM

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39. "".....and it's time to change the tide........." Kendall Jones"
In response to Reply # 37


  

          

Fishbone

  

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Rjcc
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Thu Apr-02-15 03:47 PM

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38. "often, it seems like people who have them aren't listening "
In response to Reply # 0


          

to themselves, or have even considered why they think the way they do.

it's like a 9 year old's list of wants, coming from someone that's 30

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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Thu Apr-02-15 04:10 PM

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41. "Yes! "
In response to Reply # 38


  

          

Also, they often seem COMPLETELY divorced from reality.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Thu Apr-02-15 04:41 PM

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42. "Yea for suuure too"
In response to Reply # 38


  

          

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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sosumi
Member since May 30th 2012
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Thu Apr-02-15 08:18 PM

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46. "seems problematic when one "
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"settles" for the person who meets "standards"
then meets the person who is "preferences" plus...

  

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Garhart Poppwell
Member since Nov 28th 2008
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Thu Apr-02-15 08:27 PM

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47. "You talk to most people long enough"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Apr-02-15 08:28 PM by Garhart Poppwell

  

          

and you'll understand that they're oddly assured about things they know absolutely nothing about.
Personally the concept of "types" is too self confining for me, so I don't operate based on it. I don't knock anyone for what they do, but for the most part I've found that the folks that have the most strident 'preferences' are a) usually single and miserable and b) unable to meet their own set of standards.
I do know and recognize that I'm not compatible with people like this, so I tend to stay away from them even in platonic instances.

__________________________________________
CHOP-THESE-BITCHES!!!!
------------------------------------
Garhart Ivanhoe Poppwell
Un-OK'd moderator for The Lesson and Make The Music (yes, I do's work up in here, and in your asscrease if you run foul of this

  

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Shaun Tha Don
Member since Nov 19th 2005
18107 posts
Thu Apr-02-15 11:59 PM

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48. "Generally speaking, no."
In response to Reply # 0


          

Rest In Peace, Bad News Brown

  

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Starbaby Jones
Member since Mar 08th 2003
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Fri Apr-03-15 03:38 AM

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49. "I don't think so. If there's a time to be as prejudiced as you like..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

then it's in your dating. Regarding the race aspect of it, I think that's fine too. Here's the thing, I've dated someone who had issues with race/complexion before and that shit was maddening. It would've saved a lot of time if they kept it real with themselves and dated what they like. While I think people should question where their preferences come from and what they're motivated by, I've never been interested in being a stop on anyone's journey to racial/ethnic enlightenment. I prefer a person already have that shit figured out.

http://soundcloud.com/forestbrooks

  

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Calico
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52. "nothing wrong with that, can't be datin just anybody"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

can't be mad cause a person has a type, BUT ......if you have a type, or "rules", PLEASE stop complaining all the time about how you can't find anyone to be with....

"yes, sometimes my rhymes are sexist, but you lovely bitches and hos should know i'm tryin to correct it"- hiphopopotamus

  

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Meadow
Member since May 05th 2012
1160 posts
Tue Apr-07-15 03:05 PM

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53. "It's like OKP grew up"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Because this same topic played out a lot more defensively in past posts from years ago.

  

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PROMO
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Tue Apr-07-15 05:30 PM

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55. "they did. we're old and wise now (sometimes)"
In response to Reply # 53


  

          

STAND OUT HAND OUTS: http://basquiatwhenipaint.tumblr.com

TWEET ME: @PROMO206

  

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