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Subject: "How to learn to love your family... in spite of their flaws." Previous topic | Next topic
bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 08:49 AM

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"How to learn to love your family... in spite of their flaws."


  

          

I need help, lessons, tips.

I have to hang out with my sister tomorrow and I don't have enough greenery for the critiques and judgments of my life for maybe 3 hours max (hopefully).


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
Just respond very politely to her critiques
Feb 10th 2015
1
nah man, we're West Indian... there's sub levels to this shit
Feb 10th 2015
2
      There are sub-levels to all families, how one responds
Feb 10th 2015
40
but why should we love them?
Feb 10th 2015
3
Cause family is all we got.
Feb 10th 2015
4
ideally
Feb 10th 2015
5
Oh yeah. Definitely wasn't talk about that. Sounds like she was describi...
Feb 10th 2015
6
^
Feb 10th 2015
8
If you choose to view blood relation as the greater bond, sure
Feb 11th 2015
53
I am on the opposite end, why do we have to learn how to love them?
Feb 10th 2015
18
Yeah, I guess I actually have both
Feb 10th 2015
20
technically
Feb 10th 2015
23
My question is
Feb 10th 2015
7
she's the "did everything right" sibling but in doing so
Feb 10th 2015
9
Oh that sibling
Feb 10th 2015
10
lulz
Feb 10th 2015
12
lmao yeah that is what i would do too
Feb 10th 2015
22
bwahahahaha
Feb 10th 2015
24
RE: she's the "did everything right" sibling but in doing so
Feb 10th 2015
17
I have a west indian family
Feb 10th 2015
25
if your family goes way beyond who you are as a person
Feb 10th 2015
11
Be honest. Do you ever ask her for money?
Feb 10th 2015
13
^^WTF? Where this come from?
Feb 10th 2015
32
oh jeez ndibs you and her could be besties honestly
Feb 10th 2015
33
      go to part b, then....
Feb 10th 2015
41
as a Latina who grew up in a similar dynamic
Feb 10th 2015
14
I was waiting for you :)
Feb 10th 2015
34
why does family make us so angry?
Feb 10th 2015
15
Or maybe because we want to associate family with love & comfort.
Feb 10th 2015
29
they know the soft spots
Feb 10th 2015
31
      ^^^^
Feb 10th 2015
35
My mom always used to say "Be glad you have someone to nag you..."
Feb 10th 2015
16
It's true tho
Feb 10th 2015
19
Kind confrontation.
Feb 10th 2015
21
sounds like my fam lol
Feb 10th 2015
26
mind if i ask how old are you at this point?
Feb 10th 2015
27
maybe it would be easier for my immediate fam to swallow
Feb 10th 2015
36
      if i'm reading this correctly
Feb 10th 2015
37
           yes to all of this.
Feb 10th 2015
47
do brothers suffer from the "perfect brother" syndrom
Feb 10th 2015
28
yep
Feb 10th 2015
30
Love from a distance, maybe?
Feb 10th 2015
38
^^
Feb 10th 2015
39
^^^
Feb 10th 2015
50
I'm surprised how many people are willing to write family off.
Feb 10th 2015
42
No, I have two families
Feb 10th 2015
43
There is not a iota of logic you could share with me
Feb 10th 2015
44
people make choices. you made yours.
Feb 10th 2015
45
Can't argue with that.
Feb 10th 2015
46
relationships need to grow
Feb 10th 2015
48
Absolute nonsense.
Feb 11th 2015
54
Accept them for who they are.
Feb 10th 2015
49
is her showing concern a flaw?
Feb 10th 2015
51
RE: How to learn to love your family... in spite of their flaws.
Feb 11th 2015
52
What does this have to do with you loving her?
Feb 11th 2015
55

stattic
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:03 AM

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1. "Just respond very politely to her critiques"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


"Thanks for your input. I will take it under advisement."

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 09:06 AM

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2. "nah man, we're West Indian... there's sub levels to this shit"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

not to mention there's a whole back story about how she already pissed me off and she JUST got here

but yeah

I just need to learn how to "cry on the inside like a winner"



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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stattic
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:49 AM

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40. "There are sub-levels to all families, how one responds"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          


is completely within his or her control

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:11 AM

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3. "but why should we love them?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

When you REALLY think about it, it's bizarre to think that loving a person you didn't choose to be a part of your life is an obligation.

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:35 AM

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4. "Cause family is all we got. "
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

Friends come and go, family is always there whether we want them there or not.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're r

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:42 AM

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5. "ideally"
In response to Reply # 4


          

sometimes family ain't shit. I was born into a loving family, and created one of my own. Some people aren't that lucky. I'd hate to be beholden to an ain't shit family. I have an ain't shit pops, and I don't fuck with him in the least. No love whatsoever. I couldn't imagine a world where I felt compelled to love him.

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:43 AM

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6. "Oh yeah. Definitely wasn't talk about that. Sounds like she was describi..."
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

something different. Too involved as oppose to not involved at all (or a destructive force).


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're r

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:46 AM

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8. "^"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

I didn't wanna point out the obvious but I'd like to think I've matured enough to recognize that much


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
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Wed Feb-11-15 01:35 PM

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53. "If you choose to view blood relation as the greater bond, sure"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

Most people actively decide to adhere to that blood>water formula.

People who exist to tear you down can and should kick rocks. The truth is we all choose who we accept as 'family', blood or no blood.

  

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StephBMore
Member since Sep 11th 2014
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:07 AM

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18. "I am on the opposite end, why do we have to learn how to love them? "
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

Maybe I just have a great family, but I never had to learn to LOVE my family...that's been the default. I love my family because they are my family...I actually like my whole family and even when I didn't rock with some of them, I still loved them and would defend them...so to me hearing that you have to learn to love them is odd...

and my family is far from perfect and i can complain about a lot of shit that would break other ppl down but that never is going to negate my love for them.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:12 AM

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20. "Yeah, I guess I actually have both"
In response to Reply # 18


          

A family I've always loved and an ain't shit father. It just never made sense to try to love him.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:25 AM

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23. "technically"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

the family bond is supposed to be the strongest

part of the deal is being there for each other in tough times


what is negotiable is liking you family
=)
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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DaHeathenOne76
Member since May 11th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:46 AM

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7. "My question is"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Have you asked yourself why her critiques bother you so much?

(I have no insight on West Indian family dynamics)

Is it because she may have a point?
Is it because its hypocritical (aka she aint perfect either)


I do have a family memeber that is always you need to do this, if I were you I would blah blah.

I just say thanks and change the topic or
*****************************************
huh

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:48 AM

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9. "she's the "did everything right" sibling but in doing so"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

she pretty much distanced herself quite a bit (lives in Saudi Arabia with her husband sorta) so a lot of her advice just comes from an above-it-all place. Essentially good on paper but not in practice.


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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DaHeathenOne76
Member since May 11th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:52 AM

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10. "Oh that sibling "
In response to Reply # 9


          

I have no advice other than to say okay thanks...how is wearing an Abaya working for you?

You miss driving?

aka Snarky McSnark

Sorry
*****************************************
huh

  

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luminous
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:55 AM

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12. "lulz"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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labcoat
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:21 AM

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22. "lmao yeah that is what i would do too"
In response to Reply # 10


          

i would be going in
so bad

that she wouldnt even know

--------------
Daren, I'll never forget you
http://www.fayemurman.com/extras/magee/daren/

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:26 AM

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24. "bwahahahaha"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

exactly
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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micMajestic
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:05 AM

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17. "RE: she's the "did everything right" sibling but in doing so"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

>she pretty much distanced herself quite a bit

I'm lol'ing at this because I have plenty of West Indian friends who have done this, exactly. They've benefited from their parents pushing them to "work hard & make something of themselves", but at the same time moved far enough away to (seemingly) avoid guilting & constant judgement.
Good luck tho, I wish I had advice but I'm not thick skinned enough to be of any help.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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luminous
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:27 AM

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25. "I have a west indian family"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

i have learned to smile and say "huh?.... you think so?.... interesting...." when my relative are speaking. Then I get up and do the dishes and look busy. lulz!

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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boyd
Member since May 15th 2006
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:54 AM

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11. "if your family goes way beyond who you are as a person"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

life is too short

my closest friends are more my
family than my family.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:56 AM

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13. "Be honest. Do you ever ask her for money? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

If you do, shut up and listen. If you don't want to, stop taking money from her.

If you're not getting financial assistance from her, flat out tell her nobody is asking for her opinion.

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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32. "^^WTF? Where this come from?"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"One of the most important things in life is what Judge Learned Hand described as 'that ever-gnawing inner doubt as to whether you're r

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:05 AM

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33. "oh jeez ndibs you and her could be besties honestly"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

no I surely don't receive any financial help from her or anyone else in my fam

nice try trying to be insightful, I remember you have potentially trifling siblings right?



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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ndibs
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:51 AM

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41. "go to part b, then...."
In response to Reply # 33


          


If you're not getting financial assistance from her, flat out tell her nobody is asking for her opinion.


  

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BabySoulRebel
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:57 AM

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14. "as a Latina who grew up in a similar dynamic"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

"we only tear you down because we love you"
there comes a point where enough is just that.
Enough.

Having to stand up to my own mother has been the lesson that teaches over and over again.
You don't have to agree with my choices
I'm not asking for approval
what I *am* asking for is respect for my choices
if you don't like them, either put up a constructive critique or keep your opinions to yourself.

You have a child
I'm sure you are in a space where you can ask your sister to acknowledge you as another adult.

Oftentimes you have to show people how to treat you
Take this visit by the horns and show yourself who's the boss.

here for dis.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:08 AM

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34. "I was waiting for you :)"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

but you're right though

I'm texting you around lunchtime btw


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Tue Feb-10-15 09:58 AM

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15. "why does family make us so angry? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

is it because we value their opinion even tho we don't like to admit it?

  

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micMajestic
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:38 AM

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29. "Or maybe because we want to associate family with love & comfort."
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

>is it because we value their opinion even tho we don't like
>to admit it?
>

Especially if you don't get to see them often.

Let my love slide in and never slip out

  

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lfresh
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31. "they know the soft spots"
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

and tend to continually aim for it
they take the familial bond for granted


i learned from my mom not to do that
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:08 AM

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35. "^^^^"
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

n/m


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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8-bit
Member since Jan 12th 2010
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:04 AM

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16. "My mom always used to say "Be glad you have someone to nag you...""
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

---
http://twitter.com/logicalhood
http://instagram.com/hoodlogic

  

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Amritsar
Member since Jan 18th 2008
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:07 AM

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19. "It's true tho"
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

Either stay with your fam that might drive u nuts


Or


Be by yourself and lonely

_______________________________________________
"Mindless populism embodied by Trump and Sanders are like a malignant wart on our body politic"

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:16 AM

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21. "Kind confrontation."
In response to Reply # 0


          

If something is really bothering me, and being judged usually does. I make it a point to have a direct and serious conversation about it, simply stating that I don't appreciate it and would like for it to stop. It always works.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

  

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ThaAnthology
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:28 AM

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26. "sounds like my fam lol"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I honestly play the distance game because they are soooooo.... ugggh...

www.anthologyfmn.com

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 10:29 AM

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27. "mind if i ask how old are you at this point?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

or maybe nevermind

you have a child
for a while now
you are old enough to be responsible for you choices

if your choices are not burdening anyone else in the family
she pretty much needs to kick rocks at this point

its your life
and no other people dont always get a say

i ask your age because there comes a point in your 20s
this exact point where the tradional aspect of family relationships become strained
and new boundaries need to be established
it comes with not recognizing that you are grown now
and people staying in comfortable familiar habits of power
its up to you reestablish those boundaries
you arent a kid anymore
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:11 AM

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36. "maybe it would be easier for my immediate fam to swallow"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

if I hadn't been on my own for as long as I've been and took more traditional steps

but it's always been "that's just Bonita, out there and angry for no reason"

it sucks because I'm only that person around them because of all the jabs over the years. like my friends are normally shocked at the radical change in my disposition...

I've been getting better about it but it's really hard sometimes. I can only take my fam one person at a time.



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

  

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lfresh
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:22 AM

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37. "if i'm reading this correctly"
In response to Reply # 36
Tue Feb-10-15 11:24 AM by lfresh

  

          

btw habit and culture
and possibly personality

theres a bit of glee that comes with what she does


you have to think of away to pierce that facade
see if shes ready for it
and just a kinder familial relationship in general

i had to approach my mom about that
it kinda worked
i told her that i can love you but i dont have to like you
id rather like you and not do the usual run from my parents and only be around them becaue of obligation thing
i didn't realize her relationship with her mom was worse and that came out
note
my moms sneaky though and still couches her concern (which are really jabs)
and adapted to the kinder approach
man i need to get back to therapy


its a continual process
is what i'm saying

anyways
its good you are here
people may have different methods in which you can approach her about it
its time
i'm usually direct it makes it easier for me
she may appreciate that

i'd frankly tell her how she makes you feel and what you feel every time you have to talk to her it'll be uncomfortable but it might be worth it
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Ted Gee Seal
Member since Apr 18th 2007
10084 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 12:54 PM

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47. "yes to all of this."
In response to Reply # 37


  

          

>btw habit and culture
>and possibly personality
>
>theres a bit of glee that comes with what she does
>
>
>you have to think of away to pierce that facade
>see if shes ready for it
>and just a kinder familial relationship in general
>
>i had to approach my mom about that
>it kinda worked
>i told her that i can love you but i dont have to like you
>id rather like you and not do the usual run from my parents
>and only be around them becaue of obligation thing
>i didn't realize her relationship with her mom was worse and
>that came out
>note
>my moms sneaky though and still couches her concern (which are
>really jabs)
>and adapted to the kinder approach
>man i need to get back to therapy
>
>
>its a continual process
>is what i'm saying
>
>anyways
>its good you are here
>people may have different methods in which you can approach
>her about it
>its time
>i'm usually direct it makes it easier for me
>she may appreciate that
>
>i'd frankly tell her how she makes you feel and what you feel
>every time you have to talk to her it'll be uncomfortable but
>it might be worth it
>~~~~
>When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so
>that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
>~~~~
>You cannot hate people for their own good.

And the reply before it.

Just IMO though.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
67997 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:32 AM

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28. "do brothers suffer from the "perfect brother" syndrom"
In response to Reply # 0


          

or is this moreso a sister thing?

Just wondering because I see it much more often with sisters.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 10:44 AM

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30. "yep"
In response to Reply # 28
Tue Feb-10-15 10:45 AM by lfresh

  

          

its basically parent doing the preferential treatment thing


i'm pretty much an only child so emotionally i have no clue
but i've witnessed it in friends family and in extended family

same sex different sex
no matter
also previously my family always gave preferential treatment to the boys
and man did that turn out bad
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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soulpsychodelicyde
Member since Nov 18th 2003
12037 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 11:27 AM

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38. "Love from a distance, maybe?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

FWIW, I completely agree with John Forte... the obligation and expectation to love people you don't choose -- no matter how fucked up they might be -- has never made sense to me.

You might get a bit of a longer leash because we're related but in no way does that mean you're absolved of accountability nor are you above being cut the fuck off.

Mine is not the popular POV in my circle/family, but I'm totally OK with that. I just really have limited capacity for shitty, fucked up behavior with no accountability. No matter the source.

So yeah... distance.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
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Tue Feb-10-15 11:32 AM

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39. "^^"
In response to Reply # 38


  

          

thats the choice i've given


non verbally though
i address the behavior
they dont realize the choice is mine for distancing myself if they dont show effort
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
12896 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 01:58 PM

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50. "^^^"
In response to Reply # 38


  

          

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 12:09 PM

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42. "I'm surprised how many people are willing to write family off."
In response to Reply # 0


          

Or refuse to engage/clear up past problems.

You only have 1 family and it is all you really have on this planet to depend on, or to help.

None of us like to be criticized or judged by family members, but that is the nature of the game when people love and care about you. Sure, they may not always be privy to the correct information and will insult/offend you, but there is a better alternative to "loving them from a distance".

I read an article by a nurse who spoke about people's death bed confessions. She said some of the top confessions were regret at losing touch with family and friends over petty problems.

I don't like everything my family says to me, and I don't like everything they do, but our mom's and dad's fed us, clothed us, and helped us. You think your shitty diaper didn't smell like shit? You think your senseless and immature yammering didn't annoy the shit out of them either?

LOL @ turning your back on the people that bled for you. Smh.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

  

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John Forte
Member since Feb 22nd 2013
15304 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 12:10 PM

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43. "No, I have two families"
In response to Reply # 42


          

One I was born into, and one I made. I'm far more committed to the latter. Fortunately for me, they're compatible.

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
2420 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 12:15 PM

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44. "There is not a iota of logic you could share with me"
In response to Reply # 43
Tue Feb-10-15 12:16 PM by initiationofplato

          

that would justify the argument that your family does not deserve love and respect. Even if you can't "love" them, you respect them.

I come from a disciplinary home. To this day I do not resent my childhood or the fallout it created. I have a boat full of reasons that I could use to hate/not love people/not communicate with certain people in my family, but I do not believe in discarding people or throwing them away. The best revenge I can exact is to be loving and kind, understanding, and patient.

That is how you break the cycles of psychological and physical oppression. You don't do what is expected. You listen with patience, respond with reason, act with compassion, and that will be enough to make the people that hurt you think. People are not evil or bad, they are simply ignorant and need to be taught.

Believe it or not, the resentment you can carry from your family only finds its imprint on your own children.

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

  

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luminous
Charter member
11548 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 12:19 PM

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45. "people make choices. you made yours."
In response to Reply # 42


  

          

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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initiationofplato
Member since Nov 06th 2013
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Tue Feb-10-15 12:22 PM

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46. "Can't argue with that."
In response to Reply # 45


          

~Experience is the currency of the soul.

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92693 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 01:34 PM

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48. "relationships need to grow"
In response to Reply # 42


  

          

also note we are talking about a sibling
so chuck that diaper thing out the window

parent get special treament
but NOTE not all parents changed that diaper
and as for me not all parents decide to be there for you when it comes down to it
they make a choice
in turn you are actually free to also make a choice
it doesn't have to be hostile

you are working on the assumption that these people
a. were there for you
b. are there for you now
c. will be there for you in the future


this isn't always the case

and like i said family can and do take the familiar bond for granted
it doesn't hurt to review the above and look deep within regarding your relationships and try to work out something that works best for you as well as them

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41434 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:40 PM

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54. "Absolute nonsense. "
In response to Reply # 42


  

          

>Or refuse to engage/clear up past problems.

You assume that past problems can be cleared up, or that past problems aren't also current problems.

>You only have 1 family and it is all you really have on this
>planet to depend on, or to help.

No, this doesn't hold water in the slightest.

>None of us like to be criticized or judged by family members,
>but that is the nature of the game when people love and care
>about you. Sure, they may not always be privy to the correct
>information and will insult/offend you, but there is a better
>alternative to "loving them from a distance".

Cool story. There is a whole host of problems had by families that don't fit in this neat little bubble.

>I read an article by a nurse who spoke about people's death
>bed confessions. She said some of the top confessions were
>regret at losing touch with family and friends over petty
>problems.

I read an article by __________ who said _______ about _________ and ____________. What's your point?

>I don't like everything my family says to me, and I don't like
>everything they do, but our mom's and dad's fed us, clothed
>us, and helped us. You think your shitty diaper didn't smell
>like shit? You think your senseless and immature yammering
>didn't annoy the shit out of them either?

>LOL @ turning your back on the people that bled for you. Smh.

Bled? Does everyone bleed for their relatives?

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 25th 2009
12896 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 01:57 PM

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49. "Accept them for who they are. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

And treat them accordingly, with love.

  

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atruhead
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84930 posts
Tue Feb-10-15 02:03 PM

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51. "is her showing concern a flaw?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

if she's just saying things you dont want to hear, "thanks for the concern, but I'll be fine" should squash it unless she's pushy

I definitely understand not being cool with her judging you though

  

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SP1200
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20097 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:28 PM

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52. "RE: How to learn to love your family... in spite of their flaws."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I'm real close to not fucking with my dad's side of the family AT ALL.
(my fucking with them was already pretty limited)

Love from a huge distance.

They are nuts. I'm two steps from getting tighter with my philly fam
(mom's side) and completely writing them off.

http://i54.tinypic.com/2j51hj4.jpg

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
41434 posts
Wed Feb-11-15 01:44 PM

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55. "What does this have to do with you loving her? "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Further, why even subject yourself to that?

Just tell her she needs to keep her opinions on your life to herself, and if she can do that you two can have a nice time together.

If she doesn't like that arrangement, then she can keep her distance until she's able to do so.

Problem solved.

  

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