I recently got into it with my boss about the increase in work travel. When I was hired it was communicated as no more than 10% and now it's jumped up to over 25% and that's not ok with me.
And basically her feel is … let’s tough it out for 6-12 months because her boss is demanding ... as if she didn’t just push me through the last 15 months aggressively.
Absolutely not. I’m not pushing through aggressively during my kids developmental years… and I get it I understand where she's coming from, but I can't be down with that
At one point she confided in me that all of the work demands is also affecting HER family and marriage … and I again, I get it, it's something that you work out in your house ... but where do you stand up for yourself?
I’ve watched and experienced how jobs treat people, up to and including death (my first job I watched a guy have a seizure and die in the office and a coworker got UPSET that other people wanted to take off the rest of the day) … you are bottomlessly replaceable at work … not at home
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
1. "was any of this in writing?" In response to Reply # 0
>I recently got into it with my boss about the increase in >work travel. When I was hired it was communicated as no more >than 10% and now it's jumped up to over 25% and that's not ok >with me.
2. "solidarity - i love the way you put this" In response to Reply # 0
>you are bottomlessly replaceable at work … not at home
That's it. You know where you're *needed*. I think your boundaries are reasonable and it sucks so much that we don't have a culture that makes it simple and clear how to articulate those. That this conversation is hard is bad - that it's also tricky or complicated is such an extra kick in the shin.
______________________________
"Walleye, a lot of things are going to go wrong in your life that technically aren't your fault. Always remember that this doesn't make you any less of an idiot"
3. "One of my boundaries is email and text on my personal phone." In response to Reply # 0
First of all I have Outlook on my phone but I don't get those notifications. If I make a conscious decision to look, that is one thing, but notifications about every after hours email is another.
Secondly, I don't like giving my coworkers my cell number but sometimes I have to and I have no problem blocking people if they text me outside of work hours (about work) on the regular.
♥ Inescapably Me ♥
"Love is never any better than the lover" Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)
9. "yeah. texting me tasks that could wait until the next work day" In response to Reply # 3
just because it is on "your" mind right now...no.
I also never check e-mail on my phone. if I read an e-mail and have to follow up right away, then I'm working. if I read it and it can wait, then I'll wait until I'm working again to read it.
> >I’ve watched and experienced how jobs treat people, up to >and including death (my first job I watched a guy have a >seizure and die in the office and a coworker got UPSET that >other people wanted to take off the rest of the day) … you >are bottomlessly replaceable at work … not at home
I don’t know if I told this story here but it’s so long ago now I’ll even use names. But I worked with a crazy lady when I first got out of college. She was hell. But she taught me an important lesson or two. One. Never go behind doors without a witness. When this woman cussed my 25 year old ass in the smoothest whisper and then told me nobody would believe me because they didn’t hear… wild And so by the time I had learned Jean was a tyrant it was far too late. One day Al, the company president comes up to me. Mid 50s white guy. I liked Al a lot. Al starts talking to me about Jam Rock. Said he loves him Nas and Damien Marley. We get into a conversation about bootlegging and he’s like nah, we pay for media here, and he wanted me to cop him the cd legit. Anyways Al tells me he’s gonna take me under his wing. And I need to get my passport. I told him I had one. And he said he’s going on a turn around trip to Calgary with John and then when he gets back to get a coat. He’s gonna start taking me with him on the trips. So that was a Monday. Tuesday he leaves. Wednesday he gets home. Has dinner with his wife, Valentine’s Day, has a heart attack and dies. We find out Thursday. John walks in late that day. Again he just got back from a turn around trip to Calgary. I personally break the news to him and he is DISTRAUGHT. He just flew to Canada and back with this man. And that fucks him up. So Jean goes and talks to Carolyn and she’s PISSED. Quote “And John doesn’t want to work today because over there pretending to be upset about Al” … I walked out of the office Friday we closed office. Monday was a holiday. Tuesday we put Al in the ground, Jewish people get buried quickly? Wednesday we’re back in the office. Wednesday Pedro (older engineer) has a seizure in the office. Just falls out. I saw them trying to calm him. He didn’t make it to the hospital. Jean … upset about the work distraction.
My first professional job out of college. I was 25/26. I’ve never let these learnings go. They are foundational to me.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
Great post! I want to spill my work trauma but I have healed so I will move on.
Have you heard of a book called Bullshit Job by David Graeber (RIP). He died last year but spent the latter part of his life sharing the idea that most of work is bullshit.
I have so many stories. But my kid forced me to have non-negotiable boundaries. I will never put a job before my family or my mental and physical health.
I have worked in really important jobs like helping people get treatment for illnesses. I have also worked dumb ass jobs like making sure people took surveys and filled out forms.
For the most part, these jobs are useless. They are just a way to keep middle income people satiated because if the economy were true, we would pay teachers, social workers, firemen, police officers, custodial staff, food workers , drivers, doctors, nurses and child care givers over $200k/year. These are the jobs we cannot do with out.
The rest of the jobs, even some in law, business, communication etc, are a joke.
13. "David sounds like he was full of shit; respectfully…rest his soul…" In response to Reply # 11
I get kinda peeved with how us “middle income” folks are always getting shitted on….We frequently get the short end of the stick in most all aspects of the American economy….
"Get ready....for your blessing....." "Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"
15. "I'm reading Graeber's "Debt: The first 5,000 years"" In response to Reply # 11
He's a really fun writer and a big, wide thinker.
______________________________
"Walleye, a lot of things are going to go wrong in your life that technically aren't your fault. Always remember that this doesn't make you any less of an idiot"
12. "I don’t give out my personal cell phone, don’t check emails after ho..." In response to Reply # 0
I only answer my work cell phone for about 3 people if it’s outside of normal work hours. I realize I’m fortunate to be working in the public sector which affords me the ability to set and stick to these boundaries. When I worked in private sector it was a whole different ball game….one I hope to never return to.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79609 posts
Tue Jun-08-21 07:13 AM
14. "every so often I get an email or text" In response to Reply # 12
in teams late night asking a question about work.. but half the time I don’t respond until I get to work.
I turned off email notifications on my phone too.
cause phuck that shit
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
17. "my team is business critical, but my role is not. " In response to Reply # 12 Tue Jun-08-21 08:45 AM by double negative
aka - when the entire company infrastructure takes a shit, my team and it's sister teams are the ones who have to drop the turkey leg mid-bite and run to fix shit because we're global, so while we're chilling at night, there could be a whole office somewhere in Asia going apeshit because nothing is working.
I keep my eyes open and check work email once or twice a day during weekends.
The funny thing is...no one calls me, I'm the one who does the calling - edit: No one calls me because the boundary has been set that my time is tightly accounted for. So, you can call me, but I can't do or promise anything until the work request has been planned out to fit within the current portfolio of active projects.
29. "I've been here five years...looking to move" In response to Reply # 18 Wed Jun-09-21 11:57 AM by double negative
it's kind of the role in this context.
I am the only person who does what I do. NORMAL companies will have 5 or 10 of me, but I am the one. It's kind of like, a car dealership only having one mechanic. There is always work to do, but you can't just ram a random ass rush job into the day, that would just fuck the entire list of planned jobs for the week and month.
E: If I wasnt clear, I'm not the one who has to drop everything and run on the weekends, my team does, but I do not. I only have to keep my eye on things. The work is important, it's politics, policy, finance, wealth all in one. "Big Law" firm.
21. "Sheeit. When I'm clocked out, I'm clocked out" In response to Reply # 0
Ain't no calling, texting, or emailing me and expecting a response before I clock back in. If I got PTO, I'm taking PTO. The job doesn't care about you. The job doesn't define you. The job is some shit you do, so you can keep your bills paid. Even if you like it, even if you love it. It don't love you.
--
"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79609 posts
Tue Jun-08-21 11:06 AM
23. "A job aint nothing but work - Mo Money" In response to Reply # 21
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
25. "I avoid connecting on social media with co-workers..." In response to Reply # 0 Tue Jun-08-21 11:30 AM by Marbles
Except for LinkedIn.
This rule is probably a personal preference, depending on several factors. But I tend to speak pretty freely on my social media accounts. I'm connected to friends and acquaintances who pretty much know me and know how I am.
I wouldn't want to limit my ability to say whatever I want by worrying about what my manager may say or if I it may affect me at work if I say something that someone doesn't like.
EDIT - I have connected on social media with folks from previous jobs, after I left that position.
We can maybe be connected on social media once we don't work together. But. While we do, you don't get to see that I'm posting memes when I called in "sick."
--
"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."
I might get on here, FB, Twitter, or IG while I'm waiting for a download to finish or for a user to call me back, so I don't need anybody counting my posts or tracking my comments.
People send me FB requests and I let them sit for a day until they disappear and get a LinkedIn request from the same person.
33. "RE: In a staff meeting today we were encourage to share boundaries, lol" In response to Reply # 32
Someone could read any of the ones listed in this post and if not formally complain, be on some slick Randall Weems shit to a higher-up. I'd love/hate to see how up-in-arms someone would get to hear these out loud in a meeting setting.
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