letters can sometimes be the BEST poems...without even trying to be poetic..because the emotions are usually raw! Have you ever found a letter from someone you never knew..and read it? The mystery of the situation..the people you don't know..the lives they live..it all captures raw human emotion that sometimes people try to "cover up" or mask in poems with similies and metaphors..

so my challenge to all that are up for it:
write a letter to who ever (if it makes you feel safer leave names out!)...
write that letter that you been meaning to write...
the letter that never made it to the post office
the letter that got stuck in your throat...

post as many as you like..

======
here's mine...

s.l,

last night when i was looking at amiia i thought about you. wondered if you had any kids by this time. i almost felt ashame cause i knew that we were supposed to do everything together. and here i am, possibliy thousands of miles away from you, with no clue about your life. but thats my fault! while you were sending off for two applications to clark for us, i had already decided that i wasn't going anywhere that you were. i was tired of being in your shadow. you had become my arch enemy without even knowing it. and the competition between us had to stop..and i wanted to win! so i applied to a college that my momma couldn't afford just so that you could see..how smart i was. so that with our goodbyes i could smirk knowing that you could never get into this school. and i did. i smiled all the way thru logan airport. i had out-grown you. out-grown the cast of your shadow. and i had out-grown feeling like we were still in 6th grade when you were the pretty one i was "the pretty one's friend".

but last night, i missed you. i missed being 7 years old playing "honesychile" at the dinner table. when you were janet jackson and i was paula abdul. and you were married to jordan knight. and i was married to joey. and we sat down like old women with young eyes (and virgin hearts) and discussed life being married with 2.5 kids (all names, ages and personalities were memorized). and night after night we shared a bowl cookies and cream ,with milk of course, and planned our escapes. cause you hated being the middle child stuck between being forgotten and not finding your place in your own home. and i hated being the only child...staying home alone and learning to turn all the lights and tvs on to make it appear like i was safe.

as much as i hated being your shadow...i could have never really left your side. because you were my rites of passage. my life lesson into womanhood. i lived thru your adventures..thru your beauty...thru your mistakes...thru you. then i realized that i had to live pass you. i had to leave you and our childhood play adult lives so i could find the beauty of my own smile.

but i still love you. and wonder if you're alrite.

still gettin grown,
lei


---

1 out of 3 girls is sexually abused before she is 18.

save our daughters

"the more we learn the more we are, or ought to be, dumbfounded." © author unknow at this time.

www.sheflypaper.com

dear chris

all i can say is that i miss you...i always wonder if you ever think about me. you are the only man i have truly loved. you did your shit but yet i still loved you. there were times when you made me so fuckin mad but in the back of my mind i really didn't care, i just knew that i wanted to be with you. honestly, where did we go wrong. what stopped our happiness. i know that blood is thicker than water so maybe it was the cancer your cousin was feeding your mind. be realistic though...you know i wouldn't fuck around with another guy. you had me breakin my bank account for you and believe me...i'm selfish but you knew that. you know you still owe me right. i aint sweatin it..you payed me back everynight when you always said "i love you." i tried calling you but your number had gotten changed...i called that number too...no answer. the last time you called me...you wanted to come thru but i had to work. i wasnt avoiding you if that's what you thought because you haven't called since. i just want to hear you..see if you're alright....tell you i'm doin fine and life couldnt be better...or could it....nevermind that...i miss you nigga

Why do you defeat you
Let the past mistreat you
You dont wanna let it go
No one else can help you
Only you can free you
But you gotta let it go
~Jazzyfatnastees~
"let it go"

www.soulrenewed.blogspot.com

dear peachy face,

i miss talking to you. you could make any day bearable. i've hardly touched the phone since our last conversation. ironically, a few days after we stopped talking the second part to my long distance beill came and my mom banned me from calling you... how cruel is that? silly me, not hanging up before your voice mail message came on... you are right, hope can be detrimental, and i'm constantly killed by unmatched optimism. i think i'm going to be alone for a long time. i'm afraid to even talk to another, not because i don't want to, but because i'd probably take out all the frustration stemming from you on her and it wouldn't be fair. but, what the hell is fair? our situation wasn't. there... no hope... you happy now?

zeluyu,
c h

"on this occasion i shall play the flute.
play on my own backbone." (c) v.v.m.

peace,
~p~

Perhaps it's easier to write it all down. Funny, you'd think that since I'm a writer, I'd always have the right words to say, that I'd always utter poetry. But I stand in front of you, and all the right words disappear.

I know you're hurting. I'm hurting too. You should know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I have loved you more passionately than any other person in my life, with the exception of my mother. And we both know that I still have issues surrounding her death that I need to work out. Ultimately, those very same issues may be at the core of the problem we are facing now.

I've never told you before but, after my mother died, I blocked out just about everything of any sentimental importance from my memory. It was my way of coping and -- even more so -- it was expected of me. I was always the well-adjusted child in a family full of mal-adjusted people. In reality, I wasn't adjusted at all. I was just dealing ... And most people took their cue from me and acted accordingly. As a result, no one ever really bothered to check if I was hurting or not. People rarely bother themselves with those that wear their hearts under their caps, or in their backpacks, rather than on their sleeves. Subsequently, I quit telling people anything -- let alone the amount of heartache that may or may not have been sitting inside me, unaddressed and under-appreciated.

I carried on with this life after another's death in much the same manner. I dealt with my father's suspiciously-time remarriage, my sister's mental breakdown, my sometimes shady dealings, first with boys and later, with men, my step mother's manipulative behavior and my own coming of age with a quietly defiant nonchalance that left me feeling over-looked and empty. I grew to love nothing but my own and fallible self-reliance and solitude.

It would be a grand and momentous thing to say that -- during this time -- I spent a great deal of it looking inside and synthesizing my many choices. Sadly, though, to say such a thing would be as much a fallacy as to claim that I was un-moved by and even suspiciously well-adjusted to my mother's passing. What I was actually doing was repressing any pain and using my inability to open myself up to anything or anyone as a means of hiding from myself. I was running the penultimate con game -- fooling the fool.

Needless to say, this has been the year of my discontent. My past has come back to haunt me with a vengeance I am incapable of quantifying. I spent a lot of time getting acquainted with myself, discovering that both my soul and my conscience have lions ... and they are roaring mightily.

The question on your lips .... Why...???

I think it was because I met you. I opened myself up to you an your dogged determination to love me in a way that seemed totally inconceivable to me and which puzzles me in the most extreme way, even today. I used to cry when we made love because there was no other emotion left available to me that I hadn't already shared with other people. Joy .... exuberance ... pride ... these are all well-accepted by the public eye. There was no need to hide those moments from anyone. But my tears -- those precious collections of salt and water -- those had always been expressly and privately mine. When I gave them to you they were an offering that, once you accepted them, made you mine ... and made me yours.

Unfortunately, those tears never stopped. And like all proud and stubbornaly self-reliant people, my immediate reaction was to be mortally ashamed by them. I attempted to ignore them, and I failed miserably. Because along with those tears came flooding back all the years, the memories, and the sentiments I had dammed up behind my heart in all those many years. One by one, first my individual arteries, and then whole ventricles collapsed, sending forth a tidal wave of emotion that recollected itself behind my eyelids. Its power would seize my body and release itself relentlessly at the most innopportune of times.

I became the one thing I most abhorred and against which I had fiercely fought for the greater portion of my life -- a vulnerable little girl who desperately needed the comfort of her mother's arms to make the world a safer place to navigate. Having no mother, I turned to you and the thoughts of an idyllic lifestyle of coming home each evening to my one solid protectorate.

This, as any shrink or mature woman worth her salt would tell you, is a most unfortunate and utter lie. No proverbial man is his respective island. And no one can be a super hero. I wanted for me to be one and you the other simultaneously. Obviously ill-suited for this world, I wanted us to construct another.
What a silly girl I am ...
Because it is both unfair and unthinkable an idea to project these things on ourselves or others. Our actions would be no more substantial than shadow-puppets: objects which are amusing in the dark, but cease to exist by the light of day.

I don't want either of us or our relationship to be a shadow puppet. None to my credit, I've been accepting the verisimilitude of one for the other for too long a while now. I have once again become the consumate con artist, the fool fooling herself.

And I can't let it go on like this. I am not fictitiously inclined enough to pretend I did not or do not love you. If anything, I owe you both my love and my gratitude for having brought me to this catalytic phase in my life. I also owe you so much more than I will ever allow myself to write down on paper.

Ultimately, though, I think it's finally time for me to learn how to be and live with myself in my entirety. I am still crying, for many reasons, but it's come time to sink or swim in this ocean I've created. This is in no way meant to excuse my actions, or the pain you feel. This is not a store-bought greeting card purchased with only good intentions. This is merely my way of giving you the explanation you deserve every time I stand before you, at a loss for all the right words and sacked by tears...

I have loved you with all my heart. Now it's time for me to find out why and how I deserve to love myself ...

With All That I Am,
Me.

***********
http://mal-contented.livejournal.com
http://www.last.fm/listen/user/MaliceGrant/personal

Neb,

several months ago i saw you on the bus. I had to admit that i was jarred. my voice told me that our paths would meet again. the where and when were the only uncertain aspects. as i slipped my fare in and eased down the aisle past unfamiliar faces, yours was the last i thought i'd see that morning on my way to work. even though you stared straight ahead i know you saw me. somthing in my soul jarred my body as i kept myself from hesitating or holding my gaze on your actuality. as i sat down this stunning vibration took over. i never said a word to you and for a while i wondered if i should've, but now i know that it was written for me not to.

you weren't wearing your glasses and you appeared worn. i didn't take joy in your appearance. it was a quiet ride and all my mental expression i sent on to you. you see, when i was four months pregnant and you were leaving, i acknowledged that i would be responsible for him. so for the past two years i have done so. and let me tell you, you and i made one hell of a Soldier. he has the olive-brown of your eyes. your hair. your hands and feet. when he gets mad his top lip tightens like yours used to. most of all, he wants for nothing and i am doing everthing you said i wasn't capable of. i am happy and our creation is key to this. i wish that you experience that type of peace. i wish you could witness the on-going wonder. i wish you could be happy. open-minded i can be, but i wont stop living, waiting around to found out your verdict. perhaps one day you'll awake from your slumber...

Zinga

because he may read it again:

dear s.s. now (boyd)

remember that time you spent the night at my house and didn't want to go home cuz my momma cooked tuna noodle caserolle (sp), and that was your favorite, plus mike was mad at you anyway? remember that night? remember me telling you it was okay for you to stay as long as you wanted, cuz I wouldn't let him hurt you? how old were we? God, we must have been about 16, right, no.. 15, no.. was it 14? I can't remember the age, but I do remember you trembling next to me cuz we were still young enough to sleep in the same bed, but old enough never to touch.. each other.... "in that way." I think that was the night that I knew we would be friends forever, no matter what... and today, I think about that more than I do anything else, and I wonder.. if he's treating you like he's supposed to, or are you still adjusting to married life....
you were always so independent. you had your first job at the age of 14, and I remember getting my mom to drive me to your place to see you.. God, we were so innocent, and B.... always had to lug us around everywhere she went, cuz we wanted to be her age so bad. whatever happened to that shit? ya know.. the wanting of being more like your sister, and knowing that we'd be her age one day anyway, but that age wasn't coming soon enough.
we went to football and basketball games together.. everyone knew us.. when they saw one, they saw the other.. we were attached at the hip or some shit... remember how you'd call me around 10:30pm at night, and I'd be sleep.. you'd tease me for being an "early bird," then let me go... why did you do that every night if you knew I would be sleep anyway? was it just the fact that you knew I'd answer because I knew it was you? today, I can't even tell my mother how you're doing, because... I don't know. I've stopped calling, then tried to do so again, then stopped again, then you moved.. and he's always there.. and now.... I just wish you'd call and say.. "tremaine, I'm fine.. don't worry." then I could move on, then I could really move on.

now that all of this is said, I love you. take care of yourself....

tre~






give chances and give
energy into fixing relationships where
you see it being returned ©Dreadmedia

Tell the angels no, I don't
wanna leave my baby alone,
I don't want nobody else to hold you.
That's the chance I'll take. Baby, I'll stay.
Heaven can wait.
© Michael Jackson

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

I wanted to visit you. I wanted to match i's with eyes. But there was so much that aim conversations allowed me to leave out, and I was afraid of facing the truth of "this". We weren't meant to be together...we were meant to inspire eachother. Live off of mental pictures and create better worlds that didn't (nor would they ever) exsist.

The day you called me, your voice trembled. I don't know if it was hospitals or the realness of the situation but I felt it tremble...and that scared me. I wanted your voice to turn back into written words scrawled across screens...I wanted to hide. i wanted to be able to log off and run, make up excuses to leave..and then sit in front of the computer lost. You were too real. Too ready. Too close. And I was too busy being afraid, I just watched your name disappear from my inbox. I watched you disappear from my poems. And, eventually, i forgot your real name.

You became a figment of my imagination soon. Your presence became Cosby Show sements..memories I adopted as my own...memories that confused reality with fiction.

And when you left, you took every one of my words with you. And, somehow I feel like thats what I deserved.

I'm just starting to write again. And your real name came dancing across my eyes one day.

I still go back and reread your e-mails...still imagine what you look like..still wonder what your dreads smell like..still hope you would one day dance with me...just as friends. I still hope to see your name pop up so I could chicken out and log off...but atleast I'd know you were alright.

Plato said "Thoughts are the purest form" ...the closet things to perfection. I just didn't want to ruin that for us.

thinking,
lei
---

1 out of 3 girls is sexually abused before she is 18.

save our daughters

"the more we learn the more we are, or ought to be, dumbfounded." © author unknow at this time.

www.sheflypaper.com

it's been a while since i sentchu a word. u read all of them tho', even those not meant 4 u so it's not like i'm gone. not like i don't exist in yr world. every syllable i write passes in fronta yr eyes & u know my thoughts. u & many others, yes but...nobody could quite translate the truth outta them like u. u were the first 2 ever love me y'know? perhaps the only one 2. a lotta ppl claimed. way 2 many she's running around in my circumference demanding a pCe of me...each one trying 2 claim that which i wasn't ready 2 give. only u asked, pleaded & then let me decide...living the rest of yr days in limbo. even when i hurt u w/ her...u wigged out 4 a moment & then went right back 2 loving me. i'm not sure how strong it is anymore...that love that would never break, no matter how much i tried. & trust me, girl -- i tried. perhaps u knew & perhaps u hadn't an inkling...but i tried day after day 2 break that love. i didn't deserve it. it couldn't be mine. nobody would be that willing 2 give of themselves so unselfishly but u did. u did & did & did again...i sickened myself, but i couldn't stop. i don't think it was a self-esteem issue 'cuz i've always been cocky as all hail. i just didn't believe in unconditional concepts. u made a believer out've me back when there wasn't even a me. just fractured pCes i hoped 2 gather 2gether in time. u a willing janitor, sweeping them up in2 my hands...the nurse by my bedside even in my most embarassing moments. we wiped away each other's tears & shared sumthing i'm scared i'll never have again. u messed my world up sum'n nasty. spoiled me. i find myself expecting u out've every other she i meet...& they don't seem 2 match up, so i just frustrate the both of us & move on. far as i know, u never stopped wanting me but i was never willing 2 give. u couldn't want sumthing like this...like me. like this blackened & impure apparition that floats in fronta yr eyes every night b4 sleep takes u. i passed from reality 2 a dream in one phase 4 u -- distance ruined whut we could've been. the distance is still there, but...hope is 2. i worry that i'm the only one who can bandage yr broken past & smear liniment on the scars i caused. i don't even know if u've met any1 yet. it's been a while since we discussed yr life. in my own understandable conceit, i doubt u have...& even if so, it wouldn't be love. it'd be biding the time in hopes of a reunion. i guess i'm still smug. u didn't give me enuff reasons not 2b & i...promised i'd never hurt u. i've never been a man of my word, 'cuz words r treacherous & have betrayed me many times. y should i be loyal to them? apologies aren't worth enuff & 4 the first time -- neither r words. not even this or these. so u'll never read this & u'll never know. neither will i, i don't think. nah...i'll never know the depth of whut i felt 4 u. i was 2 frightened 2 face it myself...lest it consume me like yrs has u. 4give me. maybe our paths will cross in Amsterdam? KLM; i can't give u the flight no./time 'cuz i don't know yet. i'm 2 scared 2 hope; if this dream gets shattered...whut else is left? only memories...

*sigh*

i still miss u...

===========================

"Pimping ain't art...but grabbing guns is?!"
(c) Menphyel

"I've come to realise that I never loved Hip-Hop as a whole,
just a particular era that happened at the same time as
I was actively checking actively for new music."

i wish she could read this.

maybe not for her. probably not for you.

mostly for me. 'cause i feel like i know her perspective. and what you put her through. right now, i'd kinda like to get this letter from my HER. it won't happen, but it would make breathing easier. i think.

---i'm here---

"...do what scares you..." -- l. varela

i've been thinking a lot about you lately. Everyday since we parted ways to be exact and it seems funny that i actually care about where you are.. who your with.. if your happy.. if you still love me. I remember when we first started out, i didnt kno wut i was getting myself into. I thought you were hott, but i had no attraction to your personality. When you asked me out, i felt bad cuz for me its so hard to say no and i figure since you were hott might as well. We dated off and on 3 times since then and every time we stayed together just a little bit longer, we grew a little bit stronger. I thought the third time would be the charm, but i guess the way it ended..the third time was the charm that broke the bind. Cuz that one new years eve it all changed. We couldnt get together cuz of your family and i was pissed. I wanted you to be by my side as the year changed but you werent. I was with about 20 other friends and i still felt lonely. So i started to drink, takin' shot after shot and it was fun to just wash away the fact that you werent there. But then "he" came along. I guess i was to drunk to realize where i was and my compromising position i put myself in. Next thing i knew "he" was on top of me. In my mind i yelled " I HAVE TO STOP..this is WRONG I LOVE C"..but it was easyer said then done and i just let my body give into temptation. After that, the next morning i thought nothing of it. I was hung over when you called, my head was fuckin' killing me but i stayed on the phone anyways just so i could hear your voice. It was so soothing. You asked me how my night was, and i snaped at you and quickly changed the subject. Thats when you started playing your piano and started singing. It made me cry becuz the only words you sang were "i love you". I felt bad, cuz i loved you back and i didnt want to say it. I was affraid becuz it was the first time i ever really realized that i was in love and the fact scared me. I wanted to love you but i didnt know how, i guess i wasnt used to the feeling. I was used to the fuck and go and i had actually found someone that ment something more then the world to me and in my heart i thought back to that night and i regreted it. I got choked up and wanted to cry which was hard for me becuz u kept asking me wut was wrong.I said nothing cuz i didnt want you to find out..BUT OF COURSE becuz i have a big mouth and i like to tell stories, that one slipt out. Then you found out about wut went on. You didnt talk to me for 2 days.. 2 days that i didnt eat.. 2 days where i didnt sleep.. 2 days where all i did was cry..2 days where i wanted to stop breathing. When we finally talked i got pissed at you and told you nothing happened. I told you to fuck off if you couldnt trust me. I told you that we shouldnt be together anymore. I said it becuz, i was pissed that you were hurt by me. I said it becuz, i had to have the upper hand. I said it becuz i was stupid. And when it was all said and done.. i couldnt even look at you, i had to get away from you. I didnt want you to see me cry. Since then its been the worst months of my life. and it was even harder becuz we had to see eachother everyday. There were so many times that i wanted to tell you i was sorry.. so many times that i wanted to take back everything that ever went wrong. so many times i wanted to tell you i loved you. but those day never ended up coming true. Thats when i started to write.. writing poem after poem.. filling up my black book.. about 130 poems..just about you and how you made me feel. It was crazy.. i went crazy. I couldnt find myself and i was scared. I couldnt talk to anyone cuz i didnt want anyone to know that you were my weakness. Huh just me trying to have the upper hand again. The only person i ever ended up talking to about it was aedan (wildout) and he helped me thru a lot of shit..and i thank him more then ever for that.Also my bestfriend, she knew everything about you. she was the only one i let read my mind. the only one that understands the ways of me and doesnt mind. There were days when i would get so pissed and curse ur being and you being happy. But there were so many nights when i would just sit in my room and cry. At that time i think i even forgot myself. This depression went on for a while and im still in it. We started talking again, and i got better.. i still missed you.. but i figured if i couldnt be with him i might as well be beside him, be there for him. And after a while i got over you. I honestly didnt care where you were, who you were with. I was the old me..SOO I THOUGHT, i guess i just repressed my feelings becuz that night when you said "you know i still care about you right".. everything came back, i had a rush of emotion, my voice started to shake and it nearly drove me to tears. Tho i cought myself and made a joke outta it. Then the convo got serious and i told finaly told you i was sorry.. and you said that time would be the best thing to have on our side.. and that you had a new girl, but that you would still be in love with me if it werent for wut happened. My breath got lost along your honesty.. but you were right..then you just had to say "even after everything that has happened.. i still think about you.. i just hope i see you soon becuz without you i dont kno wut i would do". Thats how it went down. It was over, i couldnt take it anymore. I whispered goodbye and hung up the phone. Its been a while since we have talked and there is only one thing i want you to know. I love you and i have alwayz loved you. i have been waiting for you. and if we ever cross paths again i would make sure they stay linked.

you are my daughter, my strength, my instinct in it's most primal form... i can't help but think, that god keeps us all alive by sending us little bits of joy, that we don't deserve...
i cannot claim that i have created you, even though you were concieved through part of myself, and part of your mother.. you created yourself, do not let yourself forget that.. even in the shape of a microscopic cellular life form, you achieved life, and gave yourself your mother's eyes, and my smile... i believe that if you can truly understand what you have achieved even in the few years you have been with us, no challenge shall ever fail to be achievable, as long as you can see the beauty of the situation.. Human life; human life works co-eval with nature around the earth, but sometimes re-examining our behaviour, can lead to smiles rather then frowns.. Isis, if you are caught up in emotions, take a minute and sit back and examine what's going on through you. Emotions are always ALWAYS good... because this proves that you are alive. Oxygen is carried through your blood stream, that same blood which has the air you chose to breathe, rushes to your face, and you blush.. the warmth in your cheeks causes an emotion to exist inside of you.. you are precious, you are not in need of anyone else, but you can learn from wrapping yourself in the worlds warmth and cold, shelter and streets.
I promise to nurture you now and forever, as i have before you could read this letter, and after you read it the first time and put it away for a rainy night.. you shall have dreams that do match my thoughts and conceptions, and have thoughts that shall complete your dreams, which i could not imagine... truly the power is yours to grow, you are never a child that is to be looked down on, you are a pupil and as a pupil you shall learn just as much as you teach, without needing to do one or the other... thank you for teaching me what you will, and for listenning to my words.. may you be blessed by god and all things.. may the struggle to find yourself be exuberant, and exhilirating.. even though it cannot be always easy. Isis, you are simply you, and yet everything to us.. Never fail to see the beauty in simpleness.. and nothing is simple any longer. As the goddess of the ancient egyptian sands breathed life into osiris, you shall breathe life into everything you touch.. for the stars are yours to burn, as candle lights they shall guide you through the dark caves, wrought in iron and glass in this modern world, where writings of our people are spray painted against walls rather then painted.. not much has changed my daughter.. may you stand on cliffs and see that you can build stairs to get to the other side, not ever mountain must be climbed.. but some, some are worth the adventure.

with endless love,
dad.

kendall:

I just wanted to let you know that you're like a brother to me. if anybody taught me about niggas and they shit..it was you. i dont't think you knew that you were but from the conversations we had..i learned what niggas was all about. i used to have so much fun freestyling in ms. black's class and you helped me "sharpen" my skills. ha! i admit was wack...AT FIRST...then i was the one in the middle of the crowd at all the parties....get in a blunt in me and i was goin. we talk every now and then but it just aint the same. i used to talk to you about chris and you were always there for me. it made me feel good to have someone looking out for me and you were just that. i can't wait till we hang out again....why the fuck haven't you called me...but i'm at fault because i haven't called either...i will though...this long distance thing is crazy. i'll be home soon so me you and bry can do somethin...tell ricardo too...maybe he'll tell chris...yes i still love him...sue me!



Why do you defeat you
Let the past mistreat you
You dont wanna let it go
No one else can help you
Only you can free you
But you gotta let it go
~Jazzyfatnastees~
"let it go"

www.soulrenewed.blogspot.com

i heard you are who you a attract. or you attract what you give off, or something to that effect. i start this off for my topic, the women i've met in my travels. havent bumped into any lately, nah...possibly have but thats another topic. but those i have in the past. i've even tried to let them know that...that theres a common thread across all of them. usually could be seen as "quirky"..."wierd" to some. but that certain kind of off kilter gives me a rush. i have to know her, match wits and the like. creative in some form or fashion, focused, passionate yet having an ability to laugh at themselves. or at least around me, without forcing things and happening rather quickly, we conected. i take a piece of their point of view with me, i learn something from them. course there was different circumstances, but i'm just focusing on what binds those of my past, and the fact that. even though we might not speak much, its always a welcome surpise should our paths cross at some point in time. so to all yall, wassup...love yall and guess thats about it

*holds up peace sign and puts his shoes on

blak

----------sig-----------

http://unclevicart.com/

me and the fellas would converge and heat up some Hot Pockets in preparation for Rap City.© Roc

dude, getting a response from the folks at freestyle is like watching water boil...© Tek

for the sister i wanted, had, and lost:

for each time i wanted you to call, write, email, IM me and wasn't patient enough for it ever happen; i apologize. for each letter with emotion running so deep awareness of your feelings didn't tap into my mind, i apologize.. for each hateful thought, word, phrase, unexcusable excuse I didn't acknowledge, i apologize.. for each dream, wish, hope, family member passing, and babies evolving and not sharing them with you, i apologize. for each letter you sent that's never been re-read, i apologize, for each kiss i've given fahim and never told you how it made me feel, i apologize. for each day that's passing now and i'm sure that will continue to do so in the future and i still will not call, i apologize.
i don't have any recent pictures, it's hard to remember your voice, i've forgotten exactly what part of washington it is you stay in, but you..... are still here with me.... for each song that comes on which you dislike and i find myself liking it just to spite you, i apologize. for trying so hard to make you be something/someone you're not, i apologize. for each meal spent thinking of something bad to happen to me in order for some sort of contact from you, i apologize. for time spent, time past, and time to come, i apologize. for waiting 5 months to email you, reclaim a status that is so far gone, and will never be obtained again, i apologize. for my unborn nieces and nephews and my never meeting/seeing them, i apologize.. for disliking jay b/c he takes up all of your time, i apologize.
i am growing..... you said it would happen, you told me.. but i didn't expect for it to be this soon.. for my wedding you will not attend, i apologize.. for my first child's birth in which you will not be there, i apologize. for hard times that may come in which you won't be the one I call on anymore, i apologize. for loyal until something major happens friends that have come and gone in my life and i didn't tell you about, i apologize. for moving and not giving you my address and/or number, i apologize. for not telling you how the boys and bless are, i apologize.. for not asking about your father's health, i apologize.
for the trip to tacoma, or is it seattle? washington I will never take, i apologize.

love,
tre~





me wanting to be that last
drop of water in the
center of
his back that he
just couldn't
reach ©semlohspeaks

Tell the angels no, I don't
wanna leave my baby alone,
I don't want nobody else to hold you.
That's the chance I'll take. Baby, I'll stay.
Heaven can wait.
© Michael Jackson

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

Hey you,

Just droppin a line or two. I've tried a few times to call you, but you either don't get my messages.....or you don't want to talk. In any case, to answer your question, Malcolm and me were road trip junkies before we were the other kind. Day-long leisure drives to New Orleans in the summer of '99 (if you'll recall)when I would go for hours without saying a word and cry whenever he tried to touch me. The three-day excursion to Maryland for his uncle's funeral and that night he drove twelve hours straight and space stretched and time slowed for us. Last summer's trips to pass the time, NYC, Jersey, we'd get there, forget why we came, drive back (wish you would've come). One NYC trip I had to turn a trick for gas money. Malcolm always stood watch with his back turned. Our last road trip was Philly, a runaway more than anything else. Met a guy willing to let us spend a week. Malcolm's arms around me on the couch-bed and me snapping at him, angry at his affection. Giving him an intense look as he snapped my picture at two in the morning.
He never called me perfect, but he always called us the perfect couple. Who else would love me the way he did? It took so long for me to realize I didn't want to be loved that way. Almost five years I've loved him. He was always so beautiful to me. The perfect couple because who could imagine him with anyone else? Not so hard to recall the days when it was a joke that I slept with anyone but Malcolm. Was a joke that I could love any other man.

You once told me how lucky I was that he doted on me the way he did. You wished someone would write songs for you or give you those three little words you so wanted to hear. At the time, I didn't know why I was pissed at you. Me? Lucky? There's some irony for you. I could have laughed with you about how happy I was and how privileged I felt to be loved by Malcolm, but instead I stopped by your dad's place the next day and screwed him and called it revenge.

My freshman year at ARHS, I had first period with you, a class called Foundations of Fitness. Required and it's best to get it out of the way in ninth grade. Once a semester, a couple of people from the STD clinic stop by and give a lecture and show you the slides and tell their horror stories. This was before my mother started working there. I still remember one story in particular. A woman comes in with gonorrhea, tells the doctors she got it from her boyfriend who she lives with. They tell her to have him come in so they can treat him. Boyfriend never shows up. Not much later, a girl comes in with gonorrhea. She can't be older than thirteen. The girl happens to be the woman's daughter and she eventually tells the doctors that she's been sleeping with her mother's boyfriend who has in turn been sleeping with diseased women. The punchline gave Malcolm the chills. "That one'll keep me up tonight," he whispered to me. His whispers gave me chills. I wrote you a note in English that day. Remember I told you I'd fuck Malcolm even if I had to risk gonorrhea. You wrote back, What's gonorrhea? This was four years ago. Now You could tell you the names of every STD known to man and the symptoms that come with each. That's what Foundations of Fitness is for.

One night after everything, after I left him, after the last road trip, we went to a movie together. Before we left, before Malcolm could even unlock the car, he pushed me gently against the driver's side door and we made out with only the black sky as a witness. Because this was what the universe wanted from us. No settling, just eternal roaming, wandering away from one another, meeting again in a roar of passion, traveling the earth in a casual adventure, no end, the earth is round, that means you can keep going. That means nothing ever ends. That means you can't fall out of love. That means a man will always remember you by the buck of your hips and the smell of your skin when it's wet. That means you'll fall in love with every man that holds you like the first man you fell in love with. That means you'll compare every man to your father. The earth is round and you will become your mother.

At the end of Aida, if you'll recall, they bury the lovers alive in a big stone cube in the desert. Aida and Rhadames, they planned to travel the world together, but their last time out of Egypt was where they met, Nubia, where they enslaved one another. Malcolm wanted to take me to Las Vegas, Los Angeles, places I'd been but couldn't remember. At least Aida and Rhadames died together in the end. That's why I cried. And at the end of the end, see, we skip to the present and an Egyptian museum and this couple meets in front of that big stone cube encased in Plexiglass and they walk toward each other and as the curtain falls, you know they'll fall in love and this time they'll do it better. The earth is round and maybe next time we'll do it better. As for this life, we've missed our chance.

I miss you Aimee...
I wrote this cause you wanted to know what it was all about. Maybe you'll call..probably not though. Sometimes I worry that this really is right now, and that I've left you behind.

==============================

"God is my diaper and she catches all my mistakes.
Somewhere a youth sticks pins in Jesus,
somewhere a young man worships him,
and both are lost in this,
for just as hatred and rage will trap you,
you must only worship yourself,
and I assure you worthiness of reverence,
for I would build a church in your name,
but I would not enter" (L_S)

"I can't give you my heart, but I'll leave everything else here to die in you arms, in your morning, like dreams."- (L_S)

"And I imagine...with great pleasure...all the horrible stirrings of the nonmanifested to bring forth the scream which creates the universe. Maybe one day I'll see you trembling, and you'll go into convulsions and grow larger and smaller until your mouth

D.-

It's been awhile since we have talked. I was never able to be forward enough or strong enough to tell you how I felt about you...and now I am. That gets me nowhere though because you aren't with me to hear it. I thank you very much for even waiting for me as long as you did, albeit not with readily seen fruitful results. I thank you so much for seeing past my own limitations. I thank you for loving me for who I was for respecting the expression of God in me. You loved me into my always "now" (thank you for teaching me about the reality of living in the moment) dawning realization of God, you loved me into the physical manifestation of love, you loved me into a transformation, you activated the goddess in me, you loved me into strength, you loved me into the goddess who walks this planet for love and because of love. I loved you from the very beginning. I am very sorry I wasn't mature enough to submit to your love. You scared the mess out of me. I am sorry I couldn't risk everything that I have that I am for what you offered me. If it makes it any better, which I doubt that it does, I'd risk it all and even what I don't have to hold you to look into your eyes and see past infinity, to see the reality of eternity and love physically in front of me. Even to this day all I want is to love you with strength, courage and conviction. You make me feel unafraid. We are the adoration of God. I want to love you past all boundaries, past the horizon and into a world that we explore that we make that we create together. As soon as I met you all I did was yearn for you, all I wanted to do was to be wide open. Your love is good it is unique. I think of you as mine. You are the place in my heart that I believed was a fantasy. That's also what I love about you. You are theory in action. Love in the flesh. My transfigured heart staring back at me. We do we think we feel we love what others can only dream about. Dammit I love you: from a place that is timeless and without end. From a place that is boundless and plentiful. From a place that draws from a secret well that continuosly causes me to drink from the source...God. I cannot stop loving you. I cannot. I love you unconditionally. I love you with heartbreaking tenderness. I adore you. You are a blessing...to me...to whomever you love...to other people who love you...to this universe. I pray that you are walking in love and that someone out there is loving your heart. Damn I love you. Goes past words, D. I feel you IN me. I thank God for putting you in my life. I used to be sorry that I couldn't tell you I loved you that I couldn't take a chance because I was scared. I'm not sorry anymore. For whatever reason, I trust you and I trust your vision. I also trust and have unshakeable faith that if we are to be reunited that we will. I trust that our time together served a purpose that was cosmic and ordained by love. This is the only reason that I don't mourn that I have lost you. Whether I am with you or not, I have gained an lifetime of lessons about love and life. You taught me how to love, how to develop trust and ambition. You are everything I could ever wildly imagine and wish for in perfected and united love. You gave me passion. I don't want you to think I didn't love you. I did. I do. Back then, I just didn't know how to love. Didn't even know how to love myself, let alone understand that I AM love. I thank you for everything that you taught me. I thank you for walking with me. I thank you for taking time out to listen to me. You have brought me closer to God and for this I am eternally grateful. You opened up the gates to the real object of my desire and because you walked with me to that point, I have been lost in the ocean of The Beloved, I am lost in the goodness of God's love. I have learned that what makes love the most powerful and transforming force that we can harness is that it is a feeling that overflows into the realm of reality that must be acted on. Action! That's all love is. It makes me search for words to explain how you made me feel when you told me that you wanted to love long enough hard enough on all levels, to PHYSICALLY bring about LOVE in your actions and relationships. You are brave. You have given me many gifts, the most important one is LOVE. Mission accomplished Sonic. I have faith in my heart (and that means I know that I know) that I can build and experience love on this Earth in this lifetime. Thank you. Be Blessed.
You know who.

***Therefore, one should know that Perfect Understanding is a great mantra, is the highest mantra, is the unequaled mantra, the destroyer of suffering, the incorruptible truth. A mantra of Prajnaparamita should therefore be proclaimed. This is the mantra: gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha .*** --Heart Sutra

***Blanche (to daughter who doubts God's existence): Oh honey, ofcourse He exists. Just look at the beautiful sky, the majestic trees. God created man and gave him a heart and a mind and thighs that could crack walnuts.****
---Golden Girls

**Love is an action, never simply a feeling.** bell hooks

Tell me more and then some
Daddy you know what I wanna hear
I want some more and then some
Of that "I love you only dear".
I want some more and then some
Of how you feel and then
When you done told me about a million times
How much you love me and

here are two
letters
i will never be able to write
because my pride
stands between me and
the paper
the keyboard
the numbers on the damned phone

i suspect
the only thing left
for me
to say
to u
is that u
made me rethink
destiny
soulmates
all that kinda crap

i wonder where u are now
what ur growing into
and if
that connection
would still be there
if we spent time
today

but not all connections
work
like a power source

and i know
when i remember
us
that i chose
the right one
to stay with

i guess
i just wanna say
i didn't forget
and i wanna know
did u
forget?

did u ever
make me your
mission statement?

coule we ever
build
on those connections?

naaaaw u know what-
i'm revisin my sht-
now that i think about it-
i spoke with j. the other night
10 years after that crazy night
when u wanted to kill her!
hah!
and 10 years
brought us
to a place
where our connections
grew deeper
and we are closer now
than we ever were
and now i wanna know
could we have that?
u and me?
could we work as friends?
could we use that crazy electricity?
(if there is energy to conduct)

this
is
not
an i-want-u-back
i don't
want-u-back
i'm addicted to my husband's smell

i'm
just
curious

that's it

.....

"Who need fossil fuel when the sun ain't goin' nowhere"
- Amiri Baraka

http://www.okayplayer.com/guidelines

BUY MY BOOK- only $6! Inbox me for details

you:

i swore i would never cry over you again. the last time i hung up on you i knew that i had written myself out of your will and that was fine with me. what would i use your money for anyways? i can't buy back my childhood. can't purchase new memories or ask for a credit back on the time i spent waiting...But, thats not why I'm writing.

For almost 10 years I searched for love in men who wore old spice
and goatees. For men who laughed from their bellies and those who had a crooked smile that always seemed to tilt just right for me. I searched for you in every man I laid with, loved, cried over. I needed him to hold me in his chest and rub my hair..and some of the "him"s didn't understand that I just wanted to lay there without obligations of their definition womanhood. I gave pieces of myself away because I thought someone who looked like you would come along and fill me back up. I needed to say "Daddy". I needed to be kissed on my forehead. I needed to crawl into someone's chest and hide from the world. I needed you. I NEEDED YOU.

Now, as I watch the daughter that you have no idea about...I feel envious. I see the way my husband, who you have no idea about, lifts his guards so that she can crawl underneath and lay next to all of him. I see the way his worn hands tattooed with boyhood scars gently run her head to sleep. I see the way she makes him smile.

And, I feel so sad for you.

This letter will never be complete...just as our relationship. But I can't wait for you to grow up. I release you.





---

1 out of 3 girls is sexually abused before she is 18.

save our daughters

"the more we learn the more we are, or ought to be, dumbfounded." © author unknow at this time.

www.sheflypaper.com

yesterday i thought about how my life would have been if fahim would have never asked me to be with him... shit, would i have been this happy with you? thinking on how in love with the image of you i was, i can see now, everything that i have would have never emerged in your presence. i miss your smile, your words, your movement on the basketball court, but i don't miss you. i don't miss you not calling or eyeing me as i walk by and giving me that "head nod" mixed with a smile, or you standing me up that night in which the movies and dinner was supposed to be on our agenda..... hell no, i don't miss you now.
i do.. however, wonder if your little gurl looks more like her mother now than you, or if tachi is still as grown as she was before i moved out of my mom's place for good, or if ashley and michael are still together. do you even know about that? the fact that my little brother and your little cousin are in alhambra calling themselves a couple???? who would have imagined.. and he tells me keith asked about me, and why he didn't see me around much anymore, and with one thought and no hesitation, my brother told him, "oh, she lives in statesboro now, got her own place." he said keith sent his wishings of well, and said.. he "was proud of me."
how ironic, your friend, my ex.. who for so long, hated me, is proud of what i'm doing.. maybe he knew you'd hurt me all along.. maybe he knew me getting involved with his boy would not be a great idea.. maybe he knew... i'd.. with time, leave you too.... but this ain't some i wish you could see me now letter.. no, this shit ain't no "hey jamaal, i survived another broken heart letter." this is simply to say... thank you for making me realize you weren't the image i created in my head.. this is to say, thank you for clearing my vision and making me see.. him with total clarity.. this is to say... thank you for being a crush that crushed me and then picked me back up.. ready to love once again. Peace.

tre~






love is
me wanting to be that last
drop of water in the
center of
his back that he
just couldn't
reach ©semlohspeaks

Tell the angels no, I don't
wanna leave my baby alone,
I don't want nobody else to hold you.
That's the chance I'll take. Baby, I'll stay.
Heaven can wait.
© Michael Jackson

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

Love

I saw you in her eyes resurrected 80 times in brown eyes pearled
for my heart to treasure and sight to encapsulate. I remember how you lulled her and i to sleep together, menaje a twa, three birds under JAH's Feathers.

I remember how we used to foster any weather together cuz you were there. how her eyes filled with tears would be replenished with new rinses of joy, every new year's. and your still...here

...without her eyes to see me, without her smile to cheer me, without her kisses to thrill me and without her loving touch to
spill me over the canvas of her flesh to paint masterpieces of her love for me - and my love for her - in poetic symmetry - eclipsing on our bodies - freely - her - me - together - free...

Love,

do you remember me? now that you've been walking alone since i chose to go solo walking the streets like i got no home. i'm all grown - and im still a child around you. and now im afraid - that i'll never be mature enough for you

love

i love u
and it makes me laugh
because
i can't
love you

unless if finally have you
to be in love with you
and me
and us
and how we are were be eternally
baby

love,

i need u

in me

sincerely,

MusE

me

(c) Copyright July 29, 2002 by Artist Known As "MUSE" - MarcArthur St. Juste

...
..
.

Speak and it shall manifest
Breathe and it shall live
Love and it shall triumph
Give and it shall never be
lost... ever... - MarcArthur
St. Juste

"not one voice unheard" -
VOICES NYC (Brooklyn, NY)

HALLELU YAHWEH! AMEN

FAThEr,

I have a gift for you. I think it is something you have been waiting for. Possibly your whole life. I know you are unaware of your aching need. you have been with out for soo long, I'm sure making due without has caused you to forget about it. But, I saw you in pure light. The light only those untainted by the world can see. And, daddy, you looked soo fucked up to me.
And you still do. only, now I can see you feel it.
So I wanna help you, father. I might as well, since you seemed to spit your last hope out with me and my sistren.
You are good.
But, you are affected.
Rid your self of the parasites you let defeat you.
Be free of those women, those drugs that mess with your mind and all that unwarranted stress.
You were pure once. You are there, still, underneath the dirt of dismay and the grime of misfortune.
I need you to accept this gift, daddy, because you bore me and you are one of the only clues I have.
Daddy, if you won't retrieve yourself, how will I know I can succeed. How will I know what anything is worth when you choose to be worthless? What am I worth if you are worth none? Cause I am only 1/10th of you.
Here is your power, recieve it. Save yourself. Save me.
I am where you end. Choose Higher.

"An Image is that which presents an intellectual & emotional complexity in an
instant of time".
-- Ezra Pound

it's been 7 years and i've often thought of what i would say when i finally got the chance to talk to you.i've written so many poems about you,to you, and for you. I hovered on the brink of madness for so long after we broke up. There was no one i wanted or needed more in my life than you. My entire existance rested on being acknowledged by you...Now after 7 years i hear you voice and you say that you want to be my friend. I don't know how to deal with that. You were one of my greatest loves. Ever since we broke up i have never been able to be in a faithful relationship....i wanted so much to spend the rest of my life with you...Talking to you about the first week we met and the concert we went to just brought back so much. I don't think i can face you now. I've changed and talking to you made me realize that you did not. So now after 7 years i finally have closure.





i simply want to be the love song dangling from her lips-Saul Williams


http://www.geocities.com/okay_poets/

www.myspace.com/3rd_i

3rd i: so u gonna be my child's god parent
Dawgeatah: i already have 3
3rd i: yeah but do u have a black one..like pokemon gotta catch them all.

i am a self-mutilator
of the worst kind...
(c)MyLife

Dear S,

From the soul of the woman named Nicole, I write this letter in love. I am so blessed to find you. I had always thought that love would always elude me and that I would be the one to wander alone upon this Earth. Ever since you came into my life there has been nothing but happiness, it’s as though the things I went through and endured have only been a preparation for this moment. I know that if I had met you at an earlier time in my life when I was not mature that I would not appreciated you as much as I do. Please forgive me if I break off into a string of metaphors but I know that you ovastand all that I say. I know that our love is perfect at it’s best even if we are not. When I close my eyes and I lay back, I imagine myself being in the comfort of your presence. Now that I’ve found you all I want to do is make you happy. I don’t ever want you to feel the pain of heartache. I want to protect you from the ugliness of the world. You are such a sweet and innocent lamb that chooses to love a panther.
Before God and our families I will stand at your side this I promise you. Into your soul I will journey deep. Every night I speak your name before I sleep, like a mantra your love keeps me safe. Each day that passes is a day that I know soon I will be at your side. Should you want to live in the mountains of some outrageous village in Nepal I would follow you. My love for you is so great that should it come down between choosing between you and living life. Then I would choose you because with out you there is no life. When we make love....such sweet loving memories are created. Our physical love is a manifestation of what is going on with us emotional, mentally and spiritually. It is a burst of love that is sweet, pure, it is the essence of heaven. I know with you there is only truth. I can hide nothing from you, not that I would, but it’s like you see into my soul just as I can see into yours.
It seems if we look at our relationship in linear terms, on the outside looking in, it would seem as though we are moving way too fast and yet, we have always traveled at the speed of light(love). This is how it’s supposed to be. There is so much that I have given you and when I say that I’m speaking in terms of my poetry, which I don’t share with hardly anyone. My words come from the deep well of my soul and from that well I want you to drink, to taste me. Taste of me all the bitterness, the loneliness, and the expectations of love. All these things are who you have chosen to love. To you I give all my power. You KNOW who and what I am. Of what I encompass. I don’t want you to ever want for anything. I promise you the sweetest joy. Everything your heart desires I will give to you. With you it’s like I’m not blind I can see the world through your eyes. Passion and pain are all I have known and in that ovastanding was gained that I am more than I ever was.
S...my dear sweet love....how I wish I could place kisses from the top or your crown to the soles of your feet. With you I will submerge. In my arms I offer you solace from pain and disappointment. My heart beats in rhythm to your own. Once in one of our “sessions” with your eyes closed you saw me...that made me feel so happy. See without seeing and hear without hearing. Because love is neither seen nor heard, it’s felt. S. I feel you. Even now as I write this I can feel myself intertwined in your arms and legs. I sit back and let out a soft sigh.
It seems so long until we will be united again. I miss your kisses....your hugs....your back rubs..lol. I miss you.....I dream of you at night. I dream of us living together, of us having a family. I dream of you having long talks with your son, of being in the kitchen holding me as I prepare dinner....damn I want to be with you so badly. I want to kiss the soft palms of your hands, to lick the salt from your eyebrows. I just want to love you. To make love to you while Jill Scott is singing in the background. To caress your face with my finger tips. Steven....I want to moan your name until the sun breaks over the horizon. For you I will write love songs, love poems that incorporate love moans. My whole destiny has come to this moment in time. My body yearns for your touch, my mouth hungers for your kisses...S. I need you. I can not live my life with out you. This is the letter that my heart has written. I love you.

Nicole

www.myspace.com/3rd_i

3rd i: so u gonna be my child's god parent
Dawgeatah: i already have 3
3rd i: yeah but do u have a black one..like pokemon gotta catch them all.

i am a self-mutilator
of the worst kind...
(c)MyLife

write some letters cant we? lol

i simply want to be the love song dangling from her lips-Saul Williams


http://www.geocities.com/okay_poets/

www.myspace.com/3rd_i

3rd i: so u gonna be my child's god parent
Dawgeatah: i already have 3
3rd i: yeah but do u have a black one..like pokemon gotta catch them all.

i am a self-mutilator
of the worst kind...
(c)MyLife

in you, and to be honest.. you surpassed her, took over her place, and made it easier to not think about her again. but as times passes, i'm afraid your presence is becoming less and less needed.....or i'm becoming less and less needed.. i thought about you last night.. how lovely your eyes are, and how happy you just have to be since.... well... it shows. there are so many things i'd like to tell you, but i'm sure they'd be inappropriate given your current status.. so i keep them to myself, and on those nights when thinking about you seems to help, i cry for old memories and long conversations we used to have and remember "all things happen for a reason." i'll never forget the day we met, nor will i ever forget you..

love,
tre~







love is
me wanting to be that last
drop of water in the
center of
his back that he
just couldn't
reach ©semlohspeaks

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

Soo

No sad goodbyes, or tearfilled kisses. In fact when we left it was over the phone. I could feel you with me. I remember thinking the leaves had more joy than I. In all I was mad at you. Mad that you let me love you so long, and then it was over. I was empty without you. And inside of inside of me I was embarresed. Embarresed that somewhere within in the four years we shared I had allowed you in my inner sancutuary, my temple and there behind the velvet veil you had seen the real me, and instead of laughing or running away, you ran toward me, held me in your arms and cryed with me. You told me you loved me for me, and I beleaved it. I Covered myself in it and left my private place with you hand in hand. And then years later, you left me exposed, naked and vulerable in a world of stars with painfull prickling edges. Sence then I've grown. I've learned to cloth my soul with myself. In the moonlight I found the path back to me. Returned to my santuray, and accended to the throne of my temple, only to find God there possened in the seat once reserved for me. And together we fell in love with each other.

33Blackelephant's

dear a.k

*deep breath*

i'm not bugging (seriously) but you know something? i always thought we were destined to be together forever and ever because, for a start, our initials were identical. we were matched up from the start and no matter what we did or didn't do about it, we'd end up together, cause that's just the way things were supposed to happen. that's the way i used to think about us. you wrote me my first love letter and i read it and reread it so much till it fell apart (or maybe i threw it away. my memory fails me). those simple words on blue paper - you gave it to me as we were lining up for assembly. i read it in the bathroom in a hurry. i was stunned. they were all the world to me. we were so scared of each other and when we ended up in mrs. waweru's std.5 class (remember that? and then we had tutions at her house together too?), man, i have no idea how we survived except only because we were assigned seats across the room from each other. and you'd have bhavna do the dirty work of being your emissary. yeah, i guess i still remember that. across the world it seemed. and that's where you are right now, so i guess that that was meant to be too. then in std.6 - or was it 7, you painted me those watercolor tulips. (tulips always remind me of you now.) you were always so good with your hands and i acquired my fixation with fingers and hands and calves from looking at yours. your swimmer's body was marvelous but i only thought about it after i couldn't see you anymore. funny. i hung those tulips on my wall so long till the dust dried the glue and made them fall. i wished i could re-pot them somehow and grow them. you gave me my first valentine's card - sealed it with candle wax. you made it yourself and wrote some obscure poem in it - your handwriting was so awful and it took me forever to read it and reread it. i never understood that poem, but i was sure i would one day - that you'd make me understand how much you loved me one day. i was so full of affection for you that day, i thought i would burst (of course, i had many days like that). and even when beatrice and aisha flirted with you (aisha really really liked you by the way) it was OK because i knew that i had your heart. you certainly had mine. we never even kissed. i've always wondered what that would have felt like. did you? it would have been nice for you to be my first kiss. (you're blushing now, aren't you? you always blushed so easily). and when i moved across the oceans, i didn't think things would happen so fast; no time for goodbyes. i thought we'd always be around each other, that there was no rush, that we could be enamored kids forever, and naturally, we'd always be together. i don't know what i did with those precious letters and cards. i've been trying to find them since i left. i'm afraid i might have thrown them all away in a fit of rage because you tended to be so ambiguous sometimes and my temper tended to be so short back then. our house got broken into a lot; maybe they were stolen after my mom turned my room into a storage space. i think i remember tearing the paintings of the tulips to pieces (another one of my fits) because you'd hurt me so much and i just wanted to forget you. . . forget that i ever let you worm your way deep into my heart and then just leave - without a single word. it's been almost 8 years now. the letter i wrote you with a bleeding red biro inbetween those years in my desperation of losing you scared you so much that i didn't hear from you for a long time. i didn't mean to do that. i'm sorry. you've still never told me why you were so scared of us when it was you that got this whole thing started. you had me so confused then. perhaps i still am (about that anyway). remember how everyone thought we would end up together, even my mother. she liked you a lot. she still asks about you. sometimes i tell her i have no idea how you are cause i haven't heard from you in a while. you were my dreams for many nights that summer after 10th grade. i thought i was going to die and i thought that my hope and your love were the only things keeping me alive. that's when i wrote you that damned letter. i had no other outlet for my thoughts. you were the only person i could see myself getting married to for the longest time (back when we all wanted to get married some day). God i loved you. i never stopped. it's just different now. i'd have liked to hurt you. to make your heart feel so tight in your chest that you couldn't breathe. to make you feel so desperate. i'd have liked to break your heart just to teach you a lesson. nobody's broken my heart yet quite like you did - so i guess i'm thankful that you were the first; hardened me up for a mean world. i miss you so much. i know you've changed. i have too, quite a bit. but you're still not out of my system and that bothers me, because no matter how i change, no matter who i meet - that part of me never seems to change. i'd have no problem telling you this if i knew you wouldn't shut me out - if i only knew you'd respond, if only to insult and tell me never to speak to you again, if only to appease my curiousity and hyperactive imagination, if only to say something . . . anything, for the sake of getting me to shut up about this already. at least that way i'd know where to steer. it's silly cause i do find myself thinking that one day we'll meet up again and i'd just dazzle you and you'd wonder why you were so scared of loving me and you'd wonder how you could possibly go on without me. you'd fall in love with me all over again and then i'd smash your heart to pieces. (lol - i probably wouldn't know what to do with you if that ever happened). it's just a thought. i'm naive; i just can't imagine never seeing you again - no matter how far apart we continue to live from each other, no matter how long. i would like to move on (far far away from you, figuritively, of course. i've already done that physically) - this isn't a "come back to me, i need you so bad" letter, so please, you can stop packing for that ego trip that you were about to take. and it's not like i think about this everyday - i did at one point but it takes certain things now to bring me to this point. so, dear dear a., this is just to say that it was nice being the first love of someone like you. i do respect you and admire how much you have and will accomplish. you're going to make some gal happy someday even though you may be the prototype of MY perfect man . . . i think. i realize now that you are to me only an idea, my imagination in 3D, some fuzzy memory. i probably wouldn't like you if i saw you today; i don't kid myself into thinking that you feel anything close to what i feel (if i can even define what that is - probably just good ole nostalgia) or look like the boy i remember (why don't you just send me a picture and stop being so difficult); i'd just like to talk about some things (and not on instant messenger), very honestly and openly because we're both grown now and i'm hoping you can handle yourself a little better. i'd love nothing more than to keep you as a friend forever so that one day we can both look back at this and laugh. i've known you, after all, since i was 9. that's got to be worth something today, no? i just hope you're not scared because there's nothing to be scared of, silly - it's just me . . . angie . . . writing you a simple letter. i have a way of sticking my foot into my mouth, and this may be one of those times, but you don't need to be scared of me. i'm harmless. really . . . and you're j

*sigh*

peace,
ak



~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I'm attracted to the ocean
but I don't know how to
swim. ©Deph Defiance
07.08.02

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Pero no amo tus pies
sino porque anduvieron
sobre la tierra y sobre
el viento y sobre el agua,
hasta que me encontraron.
-from "Your Feet" by Pablo
Neruda.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
mamazgun
shot from the "hip" for eyes to lick and her ways't to rock
c'l'ocks stop to listen to the
tick tock of time when she rhymes
and frees style to walk the runaway.
-(C)MUSE 07.19.02

`````````````````````````````````````````
"She who succeeds in gaining the mastery of the bicycle will gain the mastery of life." --Frances E. Willard, How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle


Bicycling is the nearest approximation I know to the flight of bir

and i may have done this for purely selfish reasons but for just a second, imagine that this had no implications (which it doesn't) for you (since we're thinking about YOU) and i'm really so far away from you it wouldn't take much for you to avoid me, though i hope that you would say something before you blinked away forever. i already sense that i'll never hear from you again and it makes me quite sad - you're still one of the few people that i talk to from a.k.p.s. you were like the siblings i never had - i swear i stopped asking my mom for a little sister when i met you guys. you were all that i needed. the point - i never intended for you to ever come across this rather public letter - but my little brain started working faster than my sense could catch up to it and before i knew it . . . well here we are. it's not such a big deal really . . . maybe we can pretend, like we always seem to do with things like this, that this never happened although i'm afraid that it can't be undone. . . . and i'm sorry i ever said anything to you about it.

shit.

-a.k

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I'm attracted to the ocean but I don't know how to swim. ©Deph Defiance 07.08.02

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth
and upon the wind, and upon the waters,
until they found me.
-from "Your Feet" by Pablo Neruda.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
mamazgun
shot from the "hip" for eyes to lick and her ways't to rock
c'l'ocks stop to listen to the
tick tock of time when she rhymes
and frees style to walk the runaway.
-(C)MUSE 07.19.02

`````````````````````````````````````````
"She who succeeds in gaining the mastery of the bicycle will gain the mastery of life." --Frances E. Willard, How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle


Bicycling is the nearest approximation I know to the flight of bir

you needed me to be something and someone i couldn't and never wanted to be. and you took my passiveness and nonchalantness as agreement to your arangement of flowers called friends...but i left all my answers silent for a reason. i am not like you. certain words don't fall freely from my lips but you rushed my breath with conversation and i let simple lies fill your ears..cause thats what you wanted...thats what you needed. and i understood that. i understood that you needed flowers to feel beautiful. you needed friends to fill empty spaces in your heart. you placed the value of your character on the number of people who had your number. i saw that from the beginning. now, it would be unfair for me to say that i never wanted to be included in your life. cause there were times that you made me feel "at home". but, i never wanted to build my home around you. cause thats not who i am. my house was already built. and thats okay. its okay to not be close friends. the truth is, our "friendship" grew out of "need". we both were searching for closeness, for closures, for pointless conversation. but you outgrew my definition. i wanted a simple person to say hello to once in a while. and you needed someone to be everything you that you were/are. nothing is wrong with what is happening. its natural. its human. and its fine.

i never needed goodbyes.


---

1 out of 3 girls is sexually abused before she is 18.

save our daughters

"the more we learn the more we are, or ought to be, dumbfounded." © author unknow at this time.

www.sheflypaper.com

..i think of u, always, still....and wish that things turned out differently..for me, for u, for us..i loved u so hard i thought i would break and, ended up doing just that..i let go of my dignity, pride and lowered myself to levels my momma would just pop her lips about if she only knew..hating myself and denying myself in the process..doin things to keep my 'man', wanting my man, when in reality, i had no man ..just a stranger who i thought i knew and loved. driving down the highway on my latest, 'i am goin to catch your ass' venture with linda tellin me on my cell phone 'girl just turn around and come to my house, his ass aint worth it'..and me crying so hard..tryin to defend u, to her, knowing, there was no defense..no defense for u.., i couldnt even see, i couldnt even damn see, reason.. and goin to work the next day, eyes all red, still hoping u would call, me, lying about having allergies..but u know, in all that misery, i was the happiest i have ever been, and the saddest... u taught me so much...i learned to love myself, madly at your bequest. u later learned to hate my newfound lover, myself. ..through your words, i learned to give in to my passion, unleash it..funny tho, u never learned to do that.. and through those lessons i began to evolve, to change and not take each thing u told me as the truth and realized i can stand on my own and take myself around the world without u, and like it..soemthing that was asleep in me woke up somewhere along the way....i cried so hard when u asked me to marry u, remember my snotty nose and those old ladies clucking their approval of the ring your gave me? i couldnt believe it but, part of those tears were for me because it was at that point that i knew it was over, i could never be your wife..and with each new addition you brought to go with that ring because of some fuck up invovling a 'her', all those new diamonds told me was that u were guilty and the us had gone foul....i used to tell u, 'u dont have to buy me anything, just be honest'..the choice u made was to continue buying me any and everything, and i took it all while my girls were tellin me to take your ass to the bank..but then..on the good days, boy, u were my safety..my dark knight.. my boota, when we first met i was so frustrated, angry with life, me and love. i wanted no parts of the later. it is funny because i was never even attracted to u, in the beginning but, u and your persistence, your friendship, your knowledge, your truth, drew me in and i opened up to u, where did that truth go once u had me? was it something u just put on like a pair of pants for the occasion and then decided they didnt fit anymore? in no way i will ever open to a man again ....not like that...u were one of my original silent warriors and made me feel beautiful, big forehead and all..why did i have to love u so hard, why was there something missing from your heart for me..that is the worst part.. it really hurt when i fell from u...i had to cut myself from u, use others to fill that space and they never fit quite right, not how u fit, me... and in the process, i think i have grown cold and hard and i dont wanna die that way,cold, hard and alone but, sometimes i think i will...that pain is still there like a sore, not quite healed, yet..each time i think it is, it starts to itch and throb and i wanna call u, even tho i don't even like u, now, not really..i can not even write a letter, to you, now without still feeling that thickness in my throat, wetness in my eyes and pure saddness in my heart..i love the u that u used to be and the us that u brought out in me..thank you.. for being the 1st one i loved then told myself i hated, but i don't and for some how helping to wake up that slumbering ultra-female that was inside me all along and oh yeah, my first orgasm..~

S.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
..creativity is my beauty... passion is my life..truth is my Mecca and knowledge is my guide~

Be ready, I wear no mask…

_______________________
~what's your soul taste like baby~Res

Mine taste like Morros y cristianos..ummmm..good~

dear pop,

i'm tired, g. and frustrated, too. like i can't take it any more, but don't really have a choice in the matter.

frankly, i lack both the courage and the self interest to come and join you. much as i'd like to. there was a time when i begged you to come and get me, but i know now that you can't do that. it ain't what you want to do. and it ain't what i need you to do.

so, i'ma be here. 'cause i got no place else to go. but what i'm 'posed to do? you see me stumblin' everyday. never quite able to figure out exactly what it is that i should be doin'. i feel like it oughta be somethin' worthwhile and something grand, but all i ever delve into is banality. it's like everything has already been done and done so much better than i ever could do it myself. so, what i'm 'posed to do, man? can i get a clue? and no, don't be telling me that same ish that everyone else says. you know i don't go for that. i'm named for thomas, yo. and that means i need to see the blood, touch the wounds to know the truth.

so, i guess i'm here. waitin. wastin my time. and yours. fuck it. i gotta think of somethin. maybe it won't be the right thing to do. but i hope it ain't the wrong thing either. look, i'm sorry that i'm rambling again. but you know that is what i do best. maybe i'll just ramble on. and on. until. and maybe along the way, something good will come of all the rambling.

peace,

tim

---i'm here---

"...do what scares you..." -- l. varela

i'm done looking for "mr. right" and ensuring myself that "he's around here somewhere" because i've found him in you. sometimes i don't have the words that can tell you just how much you mean to me.. how much your presence is "needed".. i'm not afraid to say that now.. and know, that i do need you.. more than i do most. you've help me shed skin that's been too uncomfortable for me to move around in, and you did it with passion, concern, and honesty. how can i not love you for that? how can i not cherish you for that? how can i not want to spend the rest of whatever life i have with you after that?
you amaze me everyday, and i support you in all that you do.. it's my wish that your dream is fulfilled and carried out on so many levels, clearly b/c you deserve it. it's my hope that i'm there to see everything else take place. you give me peace. and that's something not many can accomplish, no matter how much love they've drained from me, peace is something they haven't left. i admire you. always have.. always will.. and if for some reason, God sees fit that the 2 of us are not meant, somehow; i get the feeling i will understand that more than i've understood anything else.. I love you.

tre~







love is
me wanting to be that last
drop of water in the
center of
his back that he
just couldn't
reach ©semlohspeaks

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

almost feels like an invasion of privacy.

but it's so beautiful.

---i'm here---

"...do what scares you..." -- l. varela

reading your series.. is like an invasion of privacy (to take your term for a sec)... but alas.. there's so much beauty in them.. so much, and I'm glad you shared them with me.. very much so~






Depression is a friend that
visits to often, stays longer
than welcomed, and eats you
out of house and home. ©AquaLung

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

Dear Sweetness,

...meet me in the crockett room again... for old times' sake and for the fact that no one else compares. yeah, i'm in love. through all the change, the struggle, the circumstance, i'm in love. maybe it's just a wistful dream or thought, but you are forever my poetry. let me write you... one last time.

Always, In all ways...


..

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gotta Hotter Ink Blotter
~~~~~~~~~~~~

some people think it silly that i pray for you, a perfect stranger, each night, and ask Him to bless the day when we shall meet. i think it's only natural for me to ask Him to keep you safe until we meet just in case you don't know to ask Him yourself. i have now, almost every night, since i was 17. i ask Him to awaken my senses that i may sense your presence when i see you, that i may know you when we meet. i also ask Him to give you the same intuition, that your spirit may recognize me even if your eyes don't. we haven't crossed paths yet but when we do, ours will be an eternal rendezvous, and best of all, we will have His blessing. so i don't wonder at what you'll look like because i know He will reveal you to my heart as to my eyes when the time is right, and i'm in no rush. He has blessed us both with protracted mortalities and His heaven is ours when our lives are done here. He makes no mistakes; only wait and He will lead us to each other when we're ready. i'll be wearing my favorite dress, trying to look inconspicuous, maybe a little shy. you'll know me when you see me and i pray that He'll give you the courage to say hello.

yours,
ak


~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Pero no amo tus pies
sino porque anduvieron
sobre la tierra y sobre
el viento y sobre el agua,
hasta que me encontraron.

-de "Tus Pies" || Pablo Neruda.

`````````````````````````````````````````
"She who succeeds in gaining the mastery of the bicycle will gain the mastery of life." --Frances E. Willard, How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle


Bicycling is the nearest approximation I know to the flight of bir

Dear Art,

I pray that these words find you in good spirits and health.

I have missed you more than I could ever possibly imagine. That upsets me not because I don't want to miss you but because I didn't really know what yearning meant until now. I miss being spoiled with attention and beautifully inspiring poems. I am sorry for delivering false words to you. But please do not missunderstand what I am saying. At the time I didn't know what it meant or what it was to really yearn for an individual (other than my family). But now I have walked into missing's room and it hurts like hell...

You may wonder why I'm writing you. I've actually wanted to write you for some time now but the right words never graced my thoughts. I'm not entirely postiive that these are accurate either, but evidentlly I've decided to chance it. One morning quite some time ago (that is accompanied by many other mornings) I wondered how you were. But that particular morning was one of sadness. As I thought of you a song came on that always reminds me of you and for the first time tears coated my face and they were undoubtedly meant for you. Those tears became a wool coat for my face as if it were a frozen body in mid-winter. I went of the box where I keep your letters and made sure I had them in order (first to last) and started to read the first one. Half way through, I realized I was doing this all wrong; I wasn't listening to themusic you gave me and so I stopped and did it right. Immediately a duplicated feeling arose and it was one of beauty and simplicity.

"Remembered" was the first peice I received from you and when I first read it I didn't know what it meant. In December when I thought I knew I was mistaken. Now in February I am not entirely positive that it's meaning has become clear to me however I have conviction in the emotion that flows through your words.

"Words" is still playing as I am reading your soul through your written words and I am coming to a better understanding as to why you blessed me with these gifts. What my conclusions are I will save for the day we meet again- soon. I have chosen to hold my conclusions because I want you to see the movements in my face and hands, my body language, hear the highs and lows of my voice, hear the conviction in my voice and the strength that I now possess so that the memory becomes a tatoo on your heart. These are all qualities that I am inheriting as the woman that you introduced me into becoming; I will for eternity's time be grateful to you for such a gift.

Through memories, aspirations and reflections I have come to love you. And, I am grateful that it is a love that cannot be identified as brotherly, fatherly, friend, erotic, or sensual it simply is love. The best kind of just love that I have experienced. Although we seem to be lifetimes away from eachother now I will forever hold my stand in that you will know me and will always have the perfect fitting words for any event. I hope that I can be of the same service to you. I am proud that we never attempted to put a label on what we were to eachother; other than me being your inspiration and you being my key. I have come to believe that the best relationships are the ones that just "are". Let the wind take you where it may, I always say. And that is exactly what has happened between you and I. I believe that what we started out as to eachother we still are just in silent form and that is quite o.k.

I remember when I told you that you weren't my type. Every time I think of that I have to laugh (like now) because I noticed that the men that I've come to love after I met you share quite a few of you essential roots. So my greatest apologies to you for saying that you are not my type. My dear, the men that come my way now must be spawn-like reflections of you or else they cannot step at all. And that is simply awesome.

Many thanks for the roses, the music and the words and for opening me up. I wish that I could take a picture of the room that you hold in the house I call my soul so that you could know precisely how deep and serious my love and appreciation lie for you. But I must let words and faith do it for now. So until we cook Japanese food barefoot as we sip on red wine listening to Najee, I will miss and love you. Thank you again...
Be blessed with an eternity of faith.

Love (in simplicity and purity),

Zulay




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sixth sense guides me to unknown places where I find unknown folks and I am grateful that I have arrived.

"he kisses her as she talks so he can taste her thoughts b4 they leave her lips...
" - 3rd i

"until.... the day is night and night becomes the day.... you are me and i am you.... i'll be lovin' you..." - stevie wonder

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
breathe.
smile.
live.
be thankful.
give back.

i'd rather not let my heart survive the rest of its life with half-filled emotions.

got damn boy i love yo punk ass
how many poems i gotta write b4 u love me????
all my phone bill says is Portmouth!!!!!
u are a costly love but hey i can't help it.
if u just say u'll be mine i'll drop all the others.
love u BOYYYYYY
Nic


i simply want to be the love song dangling from her lips-Saul Williams


http://www.geocities.com/okay_poets/

www.myspace.com/3rd_i

3rd i: so u gonna be my child's god parent
Dawgeatah: i already have 3
3rd i: yeah but do u have a black one..like pokemon gotta catch them all.

i am a self-mutilator
of the worst kind...
(c)MyLife

...

(above: the universal response (aka: open) }

//// timid grape ////

sometimes i find myself stuck on the opening of a poem about you. every time i have an urge to write, you are the first thing that comes to mind. and here we are, 2 (and then some) years passed being naked and i still can't write about you. i get choked up about your love. i get ignorant to words and structure when you are my topic of choice. you make my written words stutter and stammer over themselves. you make my emotions shy school girls that cover their mouths when they laugh, and i just end up sitting here doing more smiling than writing.

the day that i do write a poem that explains everything you are to me..i won't want to write another poem after that. i will have retired my hands to taking care of your children, filling your stomach and touching your face when you kiss me. i don't need to be a poet. cause everyday my life is a long ass love poem without pauses. a love poem that is unique everyday. no redundant candy references or chocolate similes or billie holiday lines or king and queen titles. our everyday poem be fresh. our everyday poems fits comfortably around my tummy, it artistically mats my hair, it curls my toes, it scoops at the right moment to create sons and daughters, it makes breakfast out of staying in bed underneath you.


and i could never do justice to your poem.


i live you.

www.sheflypaper.com

Dear Tim,

I would like to thank you for being you. And more importantly for being another experience in my life. I can honestly say that you are one of the men that I have learned the most from.
I remember when we first met I had such hope and aspirations for you and I and what we would become. I waited to fall in love with you and for you to fall in love with me, to share holidays, to help you furnish your first apartment, to fulfill all of the promises from my poems to you (especially 210 days), to marry you and be the mami to your babies. BUT as I said thank you for being you and not letting any of that happen, with the exception of me loving you of course.

You indirectly taught me to be open with my feelings on a continuous basis in the absence of reciprocation. I remember that night you called me (when you were drunk) and you were upset that I never opened up enough and acted too non-chalant and being that it was like to 10th time you brought that up, I decided to be more open with my feelings. It's funny b/c when I started to open up you started to close up. Thank you again for being you. And that road continued for a good year or so until the exit came up and that exit is one of the most painful departures I have ever experienced. But you know that already.

My mind fast forwards to the last time that we spoke. It's funny because that conversation would have never happened if you had not insisted a few months before that the book was not closed on you and I. I love-blind believed you. I am smart and intuitive and should have known better. But back to the last time that we spoke. It seemed as though all of the progress you made to be an honest, considerate and responsible man had somehow flown out the window and let the wind carry it to some unknown place. Or maybe you hadn't progressed as much as you and I both thought. Right after I hung up I remember thinking that I was a fool for believing that you really loved me and wanted to be with me and for convincing myself that I wanted the same for you, and I was upset that I let myself leave happiness in hope of continuance. What a fool is was! But I'm not mad at you anymore, in fact I am grateful and in an odd way I love you for being you. Some interesting and beautiful things have happened because of you and you have no idea. The biggest things are that I have finally realized the kind of packaged man that I want (and he's not far from me), I am so much stronger and so much more open, and my former love has found a love of his own.

I hope that all is well with you and that you have happiness in what you are doing now and always. Take care of yourself and thank you (for the last time) for being you.

Always,
Zulay



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sixth sense guides me to unknown places where I find unknown folks and I am grateful that I have arrived.

"he kisses her as she talks so he can taste her thoughts b4 they leave her lips...
" - 3rd i

"until.... the day is night and night becomes the day.... you are me and i am you.... i'll be lovin' you..." - stevie wonder

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
breathe.
smile.
live.
be thankful.
give back.

i'd rather not let my heart survive the rest of its life with half-filled emotions.

if shutting people down with your words was a crime, you'd definitely be arrested.. i shudder to think of why i even befriended you.. what made me do so? why was i so interested? love is a beautiful thing, but it can also be deceptive.. i loved you for all that you were, and everything that was to come, but now... i'm not sure how to define that love, or if that love even exists.. liking you is even harder. i've tried.. it doesn't work. your "inner" self is what i most adore.. i wish "she" could be shown more than the entire you. i do love you, but i don't need the negative vibes that ooze from your being. i can deal without them. my role is so different now, and i wish you'd notice that. i wish you'd acknowledge that and realize even i.. get tired too...

always,
tre~






Depression is a friend that
visits to often, stays longer
than welcomed, and eats you
out of house and home. ©AquaLung

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

..it's been what?..almost 5 years now, and I still haven't been able to complete the letter I'd promised myself that I'd write to you. Where do i begin?..How do i explain the hurt you've imposed upon me..leaving me vulnerable all these years, and yet without your hard hands..ever turning, I would not be the man i am today. Confusing is what you've made my life...although I've never seen things more clearly..does that make sense?..no..i didn't think it did. Hopefully, some day you'll understand what i never meant to say.

---------Q------------


"..if One Man's amazin..pray tell, where does that leave You??"-D/russ

peace--

i just wanted to drop you a note and thank you for our aim conversation
today...it directly inspired my piece "love poem #47"...cuz that's the way
my twisted mind works.

i also wanna say thanks for okaypoets--it's so damned nice to have a
"lounge" to chill at when i need to get away from it all...it's nice to see
artists creating art that begets art...it's just nice to read yr words on
the daily--cuz i feel like at some point i have kicked it with u at a
denny's at 2:30 AM--you know that feeling that u have hanging out with like
4-6 ppl at a late-night restaurant creating a familiarity amongst u b/c
you're all part of this group dynamic, this bond for and of the moment,
everyone sippin' on cherry lemonade and eating french fries, gossiping,
making fun of each other, hearing ppl's histories as u can only hear them at
230 am at a denny's...as the strains of lisa lisa and cult jam's "head to
toe" are heard from the jukebox...and the pies lethargically spin around in
that glass case...yeh, that feeling.

and there i go again.

blessings,

rob


"imma poet now momma
and
i wish i could write a poem for you
but how do you write a poem for poetry?"
--"7300 Poems", Aulelei Love

-----
"You Sensitive Bastard", Rob Sturma's latest book of poems, is available directly from the author. It's a pretty book with a real ISBN number and everything.

www.myspace.com/robsturma

I never was into writing letters because the whole process always takes so much out of me. It's been often stated that it is a simple art but since this letter must be my point of contact with you since you are so far away from my touch it has carried over into something more then a simple endeavor of communication. This letter is now a incarnation of me. This letter is now my hands that touch/ my eyes that see/ my nose that breaths in you. So you can now see the importance of this letter. It takes the stead of me. Basically, it gots to represent. By the time you receive this letter I would have made it back home. We would have spoke a number of times on the phone and the newness of our time will still be fresh in our minds.

With all that joy abound I couldn't think while I was there. To happy and being silly. Enjoying you, but on the on the plane ride home, in-between the atmosphere and the stratosphere where the air is thinner and living can't press on my head as hard as it normally does I was finally able to think. I was able to think without your beauty interfering or your laughter lingering with my brain's process. I was able to think of what had just happened to me. And girl did it think. I'm not sure if this thinking thing is a gift or cures but this time it was a blessing. The topic was "us". What could happen if I just let go and be free to the situation? I was on the plane and let my mind run with such wholesome intent. Could this be true, you were back in my life after all this time. I was amazed with this simple fact. You were back in my life and I had just saw you. The time we spent together was amazing. It was like we never parted. I'm still fascinated with your hair, the life that seems to dwell in your eyes, our conversations. The conversations, I never thought I would miss words till I stopped talking to you. This past week was something lovely.

When you first called me I know not how to react. I mean I was talking to my history, you were the story I was going to tell my seeds of the one that got away, like Bill Cosby does when he talks about Unice Shantelly. My pseudo Claire would hate you. Throughout the whole call I was repeating to myself the same line "Shit like this doesn't happen to people". I wondered what was really going on. There has to be a catch. But there was none. You were more open then I have ever known you to be. I have embraced this situation and see it for what it is. The out come will be lovely you and I, if God wills and all goes right a couple of beautiful brown babies. Both with loc and smiles that could change rain to sunshine. Us together growing into that biblical concept of man and woman as one.

That the simple part because I dreamt of it since I first meet you. But you're in the N.Y. and I'm in Milwaukee. That distance is going to be a bitch. This will be hard. I will miss you. I will travel to be with you. When we are together it will be like manna from heaven. But the time apart it will be like I'm in the wilderness looking for my promise land. That shits gonna hurt. It hurts now and I just saw you four days ago. We have a year to work this out. I have a year to be strong and bear this burden of your being there and me being here. But the out come..... My God the out come will be worth it. You will be mine and I will be yours and the moons and the stars will dance along with us.

I hope this letter represented me well. You know how I feel about writing. I miss you and hope to see you soon. Thank you for calling it changed my life.

Love,
your man

sig starts here.....

When I write I want ta write lovely
Like heavy heavenly palms quality
Words Fortified by King David’s army
Solomon like wisdom expelled from me
how could all this be in one beings body

yo. there's so much in the phrase of the family black that it's too deep to write, too much to swallow, too hard to sustain, too complicated to adhere to, too fucked up to think about, but not long enough to forget. but check it: i'm here for you, whenever you need me, for whatever reason, and for ever. i know we got our problems, but we need to work that shit out. we got so much power and we're not accessing it, we're not chanelling our anger in the direction positive for our progression, we're being individually selfish and i'm growing lonely because of all that. the reciprocity needs to be infinite.

i'll never forget the love i have for you. bring it back to me.

I just have one question...
...do revolutionaries eat fried chicken?

is now tearing my life apart. i sat at my desk and cried because i so desperatly want to be loved by you. i want to be the one you dream of. i keep wanting to catch the first flight out to where you are but you keep saying wait wait wait...i've been waiting long enough...i can't sleep at night now. you invade my very dreams. my hands shake all the time now. it's like i'm addicted to the idea of you. i wonder if that's healthy. I just love you so much. how many times have i said it? how many poems have i written about you and my fustration? If u let me i know i can make you happy. i can give u everything your heart desires. Trust me please. i'm begging you. Trust for once in love. Please..i need this. i need you. Please.

www.myspace.com/3rd_i

3rd i: so u gonna be my child's god parent
Dawgeatah: i already have 3
3rd i: yeah but do u have a black one..like pokemon gotta catch them all.

i am a self-mutilator
of the worst kind...
(c)MyLife

why you hurt me by not replying. i'm confused because i don't know if you like me and out of desperate attempts i try to get you to, talk to me. brey convey some type of message whether it's of dislike or not just talk to me. every since that day at writewell class i longed for you yo, just talk to me,please. i'm in love with you

peace

p.s.
forgive me for any negativity i've presented on the board

classic post. lovin' it...

===========================

"Pimping ain't art...but grabbing guns is?!"
(c) Menphyel

"I've come to realise that I never loved Hip-Hop as a whole,
just a particular era that happened at the same time as
I was actively checking actively for new music."

mom:

it's hard to sit and watch you waste away and not do anything.. but saving you may require losing me, and i'm not ready for that just yet. i'm not ready to sacrifice myself for you. not today. maybe tomorrow or next week some time when life is a little worse than it is now. but not today. you've hidden the mystery of you intricately in the depths of your robe and i am unaware on how to retrieve it. as i watch your hair fall out and age sneak up on you before its time, i wonder.... is this right? surely wrong has to be found in this picture somewhere. but i remember trying to be you, i remember wanting nothing more than to be a child, and now...... i find myself wanting to save you.. but i am too weak now... what do they say? "all washed up," i'm too tired.. all of the prayers and time and talking has not helped, and i'm losing... faith. where do i go from here? who should i talk to? certainly, the story of you and your condition has to be wearing on the ears of those closest to me.. but i love you too much not to talk about you. i love you too much not to think of ways to help you. i love you too much... far too much.. sometimes, i wonder if all of this love for you is what i need for me.

hoping and praying you'll get better one day:
your daughter,
tremaine~






Depression is a friend that
visits to often, stays longer
than welcomed, and eats you
out of house and home. ©AquaLung

------------------------------
my work
http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631
http://evan-roth.com/grey.php

this was on the 7th page....

and if i didn't just save it from drowing i'm sure it would have died..unappreciated.

i wonder if this is archive material..

if this isn't...its a sad day in the empire..


---

1 out of 3 girls is sexually abused before she is 18.

save our daughters

"the more we learn the more we are, or ought to be, dumbfounded." © author unknow at this time.

www.sheflypaper.com

Dear...
In our last conversations you have expressed to me that you don't trust me and bascially you never did. Now I understand why our relationship cannot survive,its missing a key element. I am tired of sugar coating our stiuation. The reality is that, you are the one who was unfaithful to the commitment you made to me. I was the not the one who violated your trust. You can't handle the fact that you made an ass of yourself by assuming I was doing dirt. The statement from you, in my mind that cannot be erased, "You're too good to be true, so you have to be doing something" Well guess what; I was doing something...Being true to your fuckin' ass. It' such a shame to see how my experience with you makes me regret my forgiving nature and desire to reside in my flesh without a soul, because I am soul-tied to you. This unconditional love for you, I used to view as beautiful; now I see it as a parasite. I can no longer be your companion, because the love I accept from you is not what I need. Even though I feel hurt and angry, I don't hate you. I actually feel disgusted with myself for wanting you to be happy. But I do want your happiness,I just know that it can't be found with me. Although I will always have love for you the attachment will never be the same. Au revoir mon vieux amour.

Tavia

And this is earth, isn't it?
Or could this be an element of hell, where inequity is forced upon us and will prevail...No matter how much evil you try to expel???
...questions of spiritual warfare..

Dear "K"

We had a convo once about what you saw me as and my relationship with my guy friends. I told you that with most of my boys, I am one of the boys. (I think this was one of those times when I was trying to get you to talk...)And I am used to people talking to me -- as a frend, you know. Even the guys I used to mess with or gap-fill" for--if their girl was bothering them or they just needed to get something off of their chest--I was there to listen. But you told me that night that you don't see me as one of the guys & fa damn sho not as a sister. Not as that kind of friend. Which is cool with me. But lately, when we talk, you don't hold back as much anymore. And that made me feel good--I don't know if that meant anything to you or if you even realize that you let yourself just talk to me now. No, I'm not trying to look too much into it, but it lets me know that you trust me. And from what I can gather, I should be honored.

The other day when you were getting off of the phone, I was telling you to let me know if you were coming or not. <the same day you said she had been whining about you not spending time with her--becuz u have been with me mostly>...All I wanted you to do was tell me if your were coming up or not--call me if you were or weren't. And you said "I guess you will be there then" b/c I kept telling you that I would be at home. So, I though you were coming up--adn had come up with all these things to do and talk to you about. But you never showed up. That was Sunday--of last week adn you still haven't called or shown your face. And that worries me because I feel like I have done something wrong: gotten on your nerves or something. The funny thing is all this week, when I called, your mom has been nice to me. The other thing is this: In the past, even when I have not see you--even though you say I see you every week which is mostly true--you make it a point to call. This week I haven't heard a peep from you. I won't say that you have been purposely avoiding me because I don't know that. I could say that you have been dodging your house because your ex is in town and your "buddy" is apprehensive. That would sound more like you to me.

One more thing--you asked me the other day what did I think you were to me...honestly bay, I don't know. Like you said, you aren't on the rebound...but look: I don't know Theresa. I do know you have gone from calling her your "semi-girlfriend" to your "buddy". She is apprehensive about an ex-girl of yours that you say you don't have feelings for anymore and I am sure she really doesn't have an idea of your "extensive" past (seeing as you are a private person)--but she seems a tad bit on the insecure side when technically she has no reason to be a loving & trusting companion--you've given her no reason to be otherwise.

Can't lie. I love spending time with you. I smile a lot more when you're around. You make me feel good about myself--you and your conce...I mean "high self-esteem". What are you to me? Well...I like things going the way they are. I think the question is more of what would you like to be and/or what are you (in your eyes). I don't fashion myself a homewrecker. Do what ya do. Do what makes you happy. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. As long as you are happy where you are. I'm not trying to be your wife, your fiancee'--hell not even your girlfriend. I just wanna be your friend before I can even ATTEMPT being anything else, ya know? And that is the truth--the same thing I expect from you. You know I can't stand being confused. Oh well. Didn't realize I had that much to say. But just to let you know the ball is in your court. Lemme know something--not just "I hear ya"...

Whenever, wherever,whatever.

Love Always,
Tracy

--------------------
Feels good to be home. Damn, I miss DPP!
---------------

So. I told him:
I might love you...and he said
I will love you too--when "you"
get back.

Hey you...

It's been 7 years and counting since I left and didn't look back. The pain is still there, only now I've grown accustomed to it, so it doesn't hurt as much. There's so much I need to know. Are you happy in your marriage? Does he treat you with the respect you deserve? Have you had any children, and if so do they have your smile? I was blessed to have you in my life for a season even if I was careless with your love. I know that things happen for a reason so I leave the answers to God up above. Wait. I know what else I wanted to say: I love you. There, I said it, and with that said I can lay to rest all my whining and pining for you.

For seven years I've been in a daze, a funk. Nothing seems to bring me joy unless I'm daydreaming about you, but then again, I've had flings in between my thoughts. I'm still stuck in this needy flesh. One day we'll all be free of it and in the spirit where we belong, but till then I've got to deal with it. It's the reason we're not together. I couldn't control my "fleshly ways," and lost sight of the main objective: to make you happy. It happens. Sorry about that. Honestly, I can't apologize enough. I'm not sure that I deserve your forgiveness but I'm asking for it anyway. We were always the best of friends no matter what and when you came to see me in the hospital I knew you still loved me. No matter what. I knew you did. Now I wish you the best in your new life and hope that you find everything that God has intended for you in it. God Bless...

Always your Scribe,

Eric D. Ervin-The Love Dr. Strange

Don't Blame, Complain or Explain...

This is how to be perfect:
Be Calm, feel(Love), and act(accordingly)...

Love is the answer to the final question you ask...Unknown Soldier...

Hit up the site...

eye2eyesite.com

STAY GODSPOKEN YA'LL

What's up ya'll..it's been a minute for me since I've posted, but the boards still feel like home...
_________________________________________________________________
*Letter to a long distance love...(or so I thought)

Ay Papi,
How I miss you. I long for the day when YOU and ME can become WE - that moment when I am lying there in your arms and you kiss me. I want to kiss you with my eyes shut so tight - as if for the first time. I still think of that first magical moments our lips met and even as far back to the minute my eyes were blessed by your beauty...But, that first kiss was so sweet - the way your lips softly blessed mine with that sign of affection sending my heart in all directions. You don't understand what you do to me. I mean, even the thought of you causes palpitations of the heart...I yearn for the day when you say you feel as I do. I want you to want me the way my heart wants you. DAMN-I wish I didn't love you like I do. Your disenchantment perplexes me. Why is it that in the beginning you were willing to wait it out and make that sacrifice for me. But now, to you it appears unattainable and unrealistic. You want to distance yourself: your heart. You tell me that I don't have faith; and, now it's apparent that neither do you. You lack faith in you, in me, in US. Why can't you let your heart love me? Or is it that it could never love me at all? I was willing to give it all to you: my heart, my soul, my time - my everything. Selfishness has plagued your heart. So, why is it that other cats are willing to do what you're not? But, I guess it's just the same sad tale: even though they care for me, my heart can't care for them (b/c it is consumed with feelings for you) just as yours can't care for me. But I guess this is just my reality....
PEACE,
Suzy

"mas valor morir de pie que vivir de rodillas" - Emilano Zapata
(translation: there is more honor in drying on your feet than living on your knees)

***sentida***

"mas valor morir de pie que vivir de rodillas" - emiliano zapata

"every man dies - not every man really lives" - william wallace (braveheart)

"what we do in life, echoes in eternity" - maximus desmus meridius (gladiator)