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Subject: "Do you tell the person who hurt you just how badly they did?" Previous topic | Next topic
nayaa
Member since Oct 06th 2009
20190 posts
Tue Jan-13-15 12:47 PM

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"Do you tell the person who hurt you just how badly they did?"


  

          

My boy is in the process of writing a long & excruciating email to his girl of 5 years who cheated on him and left him for the next dude.

She changed her number and won’t respond to his calls. Mad, mad, mad foul shit. And he’s hurting a lot. I feel bad for the dude.

My general feeling is that if you’ve hurt/left/whatever, you’re dead to me and don’t need any more access to my feelings/mind/thoughts/whatever. So I was trying to talk dude out of sending the e-mail, which in painful detail chronicled just how “badly she shattered {him}.”

When I asked him why he’d do that and give her that satisfaction, he said “she needs to know exactly what she did to me. This isn’t about pride, it’s about knowing the consequences of your actions.”

I was like hmm.

I can kinda sorta see it. Maybe I’m too prideful in situations like that cuz I take my ball home and you’ll never see me again. Then I wondered if that let’s the offender off easy? No messiness to deal with? No guilt? I just sort of figured they should know and no need to hit ‘em with a slew of “I can’t believe you did this to me”.

What do you do?

~
IG: @fireysky

  

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Do you tell the person who hurt you just how badly they did? [View all] , nayaa, Tue Jan-13-15 12:47 PM
 
Subject Author Message Date ID
he some shit.
Jan 13th 2015
1
you sound like an ass...
Jan 13th 2015
4
her knowing and not caring is why it's a waste
Jan 13th 2015
49
He is hurt
Jan 13th 2015
5
      dont nobody (woman who is avoiding you, especially)
Jan 13th 2015
14
in his case, i gotta ask: for what?
Jan 13th 2015
2
i think it's a "you're not getting away that easy" thing for him
Jan 13th 2015
6
who is he to punush her for this? who does he think he is?
Jan 13th 2015
11
      why is this about her to you though?
Jan 13th 2015
13
           no, he is. he wants to send it. he still wants her validation.
Jan 13th 2015
17
RE: in his case, i gotta ask: for what?
Jan 13th 2015
10
      another person can't heal u. the whole closure thing happens from within
Jan 13th 2015
21
Nothing wrong with what he's doing
Jan 13th 2015
3
I see nothing wrong with
Jan 13th 2015
7
It depends on his motive.
Jan 13th 2015
8
how will this give him closure? its a one way communuication.
Jan 13th 2015
12
      it may be closure for him
Jan 13th 2015
27
           right.
Jan 13th 2015
71
i wrote one for closure
Jan 13th 2015
9
y'all need to read this. she took her own action for her own self
Jan 13th 2015
22
lol, i didnt say i got the closure i needed
Jan 13th 2015
29
      aw damn...
Jan 13th 2015
31
           lol
Jan 13th 2015
40
Yep I've wrote one out by hand
Jan 13th 2015
30
he needs a father
Jan 13th 2015
15
Nah, just keep it moving. She doesn't GAF anyway.
Jan 13th 2015
16
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jan 13th 2015
18
he lightweight called me heartless for my advice
Jan 13th 2015
19
It'll crush him when she says "you're right... you *do* deserve better.....
Jan 13th 2015
23
THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER
Jan 13th 2015
75
he should write it but not send it.
Jan 13th 2015
20
write it and burn it, maybe?
Jan 13th 2015
24
I agree with this
Jan 13th 2015
32
you only tell them if they care to hear it
Jan 13th 2015
25
lol :(
Jan 13th 2015
26
You know, I *get* it.
Jan 13th 2015
28
^^
Jan 13th 2015
34
no one who really hurt me gave a fuck how i felt after the fact
Jan 13th 2015
33
It's true. they just won't care as much about it as you.
Jan 13th 2015
35
      when it comes down to your feelings v. theirs....they choose them
Jan 13th 2015
48
Oh shit, wait. I DID send an email to an ex
Jan 13th 2015
36
motherfucker, for what?
Jan 13th 2015
37
his letter should simply read 'i forgive you'
Jan 13th 2015
38
She knows he is hurt and she does not care.
Jan 13th 2015
39
Also, I cannot imagine NOT responding to a letter
Jan 13th 2015
41
i can't imagine not responding either.
Jan 13th 2015
42
Right? You pretty much have to offend my mother
Jan 13th 2015
44
      this actually makes things worse.
Jan 13th 2015
46
           For the recipient, sure. For the sender, nope.
Jan 13th 2015
47
ive not responded to apologies before
Jan 13th 2015
50
He should send it. *shrug*
Jan 13th 2015
43
naw, Im good.*eye twitch*
Jan 13th 2015
45
what he SHOULD do is email her all the dirt HE did while
Jan 13th 2015
51
i assume they know but dont care
Jan 13th 2015
52
Nah. Too many people revel in that shit and closure is overrated.
Jan 13th 2015
53
this too. she gonna fuck her new man extra hard knowing some
Jan 13th 2015
55
      evil. i submit dudes who are dirtballs feel bad abt the dirt.
Jan 13th 2015
56
           nah, niggas just as heartless
Jan 13th 2015
76
the ax don't care how the tree feels
Jan 13th 2015
54
so how does one handle that deep searing heartbreak pain
Jan 13th 2015
57
i suggest going dancing at the discotheque
Jan 13th 2015
58
most ppl deal with it badly
Jan 13th 2015
59
Own it. It belongs to you, not them.
Jan 13th 2015
60
Ride the bicycle to the gym and lift, maybe shoot some hoops
Jan 13th 2015
61
pretty much all of this.
Jan 13th 2015
67
excel in the shit you DO have control over & wait
Jan 13th 2015
62
no. how do you address the fact that this person hurt you
Jan 13th 2015
63
#1 drives me insane. almost literally.
Jan 13th 2015
64
i never really "deal" with it.
Jan 13th 2015
66
re: #2-therapy or serious self reflection
Jan 13th 2015
69
Friends of Distinction said it best:
Jan 13th 2015
65
It really just takes time. lots and lots of time.
Jan 13th 2015
68
tons of empty sex
Jan 13th 2015
73
Sometimes you just have to do evil shit and get revenge
Jan 13th 2015
70
I think there is just one thing he should say to her:
Jan 13th 2015
72
I'm in a similar situation
Jan 13th 2015
74
if they're a decent person they will feel guilt over wrongdoing
Jan 13th 2015
77

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