My boy is in the process of writing a long & excruciating email to his girl of 5 years who cheated on him and left him for the next dude.

She changed her number and won’t respond to his calls. Mad, mad, mad foul shit. And he’s hurting a lot. I feel bad for the dude.

My general feeling is that if you’ve hurt/left/whatever, you’re dead to me and don’t need any more access to my feelings/mind/thoughts/whatever. So I was trying to talk dude out of sending the e-mail, which in painful detail chronicled just how “badly she shattered {him}.”

When I asked him why he’d do that and give her that satisfaction, he said “she needs to know exactly what she did to me. This isn’t about pride, it’s about knowing the consequences of your actions.”

I was like hmm.

I can kinda sorta see it. Maybe I’m too prideful in situations like that cuz I take my ball home and you’ll never see me again. Then I wondered if that let’s the offender off easy? No messiness to deal with? No guilt? I just sort of figured they should know and no need to hit ‘em with a slew of “I can’t believe you did this to me”.

What do you do?

and wants someone else to feel bad for/about/with him.

tell your boy to move on.

i think in this instance the overused 'man up' is okay.

nothing wrong with having FEELINGS... and it's insensitive to tell someone to man up and move on when he is still in his hurt phase.

Only thing I disagree with is letting her know how much she hurt him.. she knows and she doesn't care.

If anything write that shit down-- then burn the letter on some "she ain't worth it".

and hurt sucks. But maybe by penning this he is manning up. It takes a lot to be truthful to people especially those whome hurt you. Perhaps this is his way of moving on...

I try to be honest with folk who hurt me. Eff them, it's for my healing.

trying to hear how much your adult-ass is hurting.

your feelings in the mud? cause someone hurt your feelings, and you want to chase that person to explain your side?

nah. he should focus on himself.

she gone. long gone. she been stopped caring.

so what's the point of communicating with her any further?

now in the instance where you're in it with somebody and y'all both tryin to work through some things...i see the point of talkin.

but your boy's scenario? nah, my man needs to leave that alone...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

as in, if he were to fade to black, she gets off too easy. he wants her to 'suffer' with the guilt of the reality of the situation, i guess?

i just don't think she'll care that much. or maybe she will. 5 years is a longass time. would be cold as shit to turn that off completely and be all *kanye shrug*

a judge, a jury and an executioner?

it's not his place to 'punish' people.

that preoccupation is dangerous and the energy is misplaced.

she don't want nothing to do with him.

it's an intro to stalking.

>a judge, a jury and an executioner?
>
>it's not his place to 'punish' people.
>
>that preoccupation is dangerous and the energy is misplaced.
>
>she don't want nothing to do with him.
>
>it's an intro to stalking.

You are so focused on the woman's reaction... I wonder why?

he'd put a letter in a jar an set it out to sea if that wasn't the case.

>she gone. long gone. she been stopped caring.
>
>so what's the point of communicating with her any further? Why is it about her though? Why is it not about him and his healing?
>
>now in the instance where you're in it with somebody and y'all
>both tryin to work through some things...i see the point of
>talkin. That is mos def a time to talk lol.
>
>but your boy's scenario? nah, my man needs to leave that
>alone...
>Again, why? Why are we considering her reaction more than his growth? I don't see anything wrong with this... NOW if he writes another after or keeps pinning for her then yeah he's on a sui watch.
>
>***
>I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

you're suggesting that his healing has anything to do with her.

i'm saying that man is on his own with that...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

nor is it particularly strange. She'll probably never read the email, but having a sense of closure to a situation is an import product of that exchange.
I see where you're coming from, generally speaking I'm not that guy myself because when I'm done, that's it. But he's working through his situation in a healthy manner, so leave him to it.

the email vent. however, there's nothing to make sure the person reads, much less responds. or even post that shit everywhere.

as long as your boy is cool with the most likely outcome that she won't contact him, then fine.

I'm the kind that likes to talk to you in person about shit like that, but at the end of the day the other person has to be receptive to further communicating.

sometimes you just have to chalk it up and move on to the next chick to rid your mind and actions of the previous chicks.

If he is doing this to try and get her back, it is a bad idea.

If he is doing this to get closure, than it is a good idea.

The girl does not know it yet, but she set in sequence a chain of events will come crashing down around her, and she will learn the error of her ways one way or another. She handled it like a coward would.

sure, he can write a letter.

and then burn it.

and then try his best to forget about her.

but he needs not to be sending her any sort of telegram.

to send it to her. hopefully he'll move on quickly and not expect response or send anything else.

maybe her response isn't what he's after. just getting off his chest directly to her will help him move on.

but never sent it
it's not an ex tho, a family member

and she got what she needed out of it.

wasn't no need to mail it cuz she didn't need him to read it and do anything with it in order to put her in the space she needed to be in.

EYE am the captain of my soul and my shit not sailing or sinking based on YOUR actions or inactions...


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

but i'm not as angry as i was
i'm just sad about it
i didnt send the letter because i didnt want that person to feel as bad as they made me feel, even though they deserve it

***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

i'm getting there
therapy is awesome

Sat on it for a couple days and eventually ripped it up. I really just needed to vent it all out.

She'll read that letter, then toss it in the trash right before new dude she's fucking comes over. If anything, he should write the letter, save it, then pull it out years later on some "I can't believe I was all hung-up over *that* woman." Don't let your homeboy mail it to her tho. He minus well show up sobbing on her steps with flowers if he'll gonna go full chump.

Tell your homey to walk that shit off, lol.

not to send it so i've fallen back

maybe he'll KIM when she doesn't respond in the way he secretly hopes she will.

i do get the distinct feeling he's hoping for a "omg i'm so sorry. you're right. you don't deserve the way i've treated you."

and i just don't think that's comin'

"That's why we shouldn't be together. See? It worked out well for both of us!"

*looks away from old dude at her phone, smiles, then replies to text from new dude*


>i do get the distinct feeling he's hoping for a "omg i'm so
>sorry. you're right. you don't deserve the way i've treated
>you."
>
>and i just don't think that's comin'

>If anything, he
>should write the letter, save it, then pull it out years later
>on some "I can't believe I was all hung-up over *that* woman."



He NEEDS to write that pain out. Once he's done, seal it and throw it in whatever box he stores his "back in the day" isht. One day years from now he'll read that and be glad he didn't send it.

Spoken from experience.

write it on paper and burn it.

a healthy exercise for yourself to expundge these feelings.

this girl obviously doesn't care to hear it, and nothing good will come from sending that letter. its gonna hurt more when she doesn't reply, or worse....replies in a leave me alone/restraining order manner. hurt or not he's supposed to go into defcon, you don't exist mode.

sending fucking hurt emails....you hold that shit in and take it out on the next innocent person you date.
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

>sending fucking hurt emails....you hold that shit in and take
>it out on the next innocent person you date.

He's hurting and he might not even want them to get back together or anything. He just wants her to know how horrible of her person she is (I'm not saying she necessarily is, as I don't know her, but that's what he thinks of her). He wants to make her feel...something.

He's entitled to hurt and expressing that pain. I get it.

However, it seems she doesn't care. He sends her the letter and then what? He'd be lucky if she doesn't reply at all. But what if she does and her response is nonchalant? Or even malicious? Then what?

He'd just be prolonging the hurt. Or maybe even exacerbate it.

He just needs to allow himself the time. I'd encourage him to write the letter, sure. But not to send it. When he's allowed himself sufficient time to heal, he'll look back and feel 100% differently.

That sucks. I wish him the best. I've been there.

Edit-- because obviously English is my second language today.

like i sooooo get it


but agreed if the objective is to hrm have her understand
she isnt there
might never be there
and might not read that email

he does need to express though
so writing the letter helps him

i think he needs to be a bit more selfish and think of himself for a while
dont worry about her and consequences
that may take care of itself
or a real opportunity may present itself and he can speak on it

if they know the same people
that opportunity will present itself several times over even
lol


and btw nayaa
i'm more like you in response
you will be lucky if i acknowledge you in the future

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

i wanted to scream & rail & tell them & everyone they knew how foul i had been done...& it rapidly occured to me...nobody GAF.

what i thought was...was not. i had been living in a dream of my own making while that other person was getting their shit together and when it was time to go...they went because they were abt their life, their business...not our business or our life...much less my business or my life

doing that does noting but make you further complicit in your own victimhood...because after all...if they hurt you...its because YOU allowed them to. you let em in you trusted them...so while they were foul...YOU were stupid. & no amount of slow singing or flower bringing can alter that concrete fact.

when youve been really emotionally fucked over...there is no cure. theres no solution...except time.

good luck to your "friend"



does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

and that is the secret hidden fear of everyone...nobody wants to be hurt or give others access to hurt them so...everyone puts up the too cool for school wall of stoicism

shits lame but thats love in the 2015


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

And it did actually make me feel better. Until it didn't.

I still stand by my last post, though.

I actually happened upon that email a few months ago and I cringed. I couldn't even bear to read it past the subject line.

I don't recommend sending one. Write it, sure but don't send it.

I wanted validations of my feelings. Have your friend send the email to you (or someone else) who will validate and agree with his hurt. I think that's really what I was looking for.

most people can't live with being fucked up so they just pretend nothing happened

I've learned an apology is always the right thing to do, but it wont change the hurt inflicted or even have guarantee you'll be granted forgiveness. maybe this is the attitude people take on when not saying sorry or they convince themselves that you weren't hurt that bad if they never have to face the conversation about it

"closure" with the woman who nearly destroyed me happened 3 years later when we had to work together on something

her: you hated me for a long time

me: I dont hate you today

that was it, no apology or anything

she aint gonna be able to roll her eyes hard enough.

Writing that email will not have the desired effect. She won't respond with contrition or at all for that matter. She probably wont even read it. Then where does that leave him? A step further into his emotions is where. These emotions arent taking him to good places. He gonna end up at her gig next.

like that.

Only because I'm stupid tenderhearted like that. But life has shown me that some people just don't care.

I won't comment anymore.

i can never not respond

unless the email is wild offensive

but, like you, i'm soft as fuck.

or something to not get me to write back.

It'll be a gently-worded, multi-paragraph email, too, carefully explaining why things didn't work and "how I'm sure you'll find someone who'll love you better than I could blah-blah-blah." I'm not one for brevity, especially when it comes to overly-emotional emails.

It's a selfish tactic on their part.

i mean
either
i didnt have time
or wasnt ready to process it
or didnt care.

Get that hurt allll the way out however way he can (within reason). What other choice he got? Internalize it and give the hurt to every new potential partner he encounters? Fuck outta here.


They love telling you to "man up" and hold your shit inside yet have the nerve to be shocked when you die of "natural causes" by the age of 41.

Its a damn email.

she was with him...

trust me.
it works.

.

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

sucker is rocking himself to sleep cause he don't know how to let go.

women who are dirtballs feel GREAT abt the dirt because they somehow feel the victim of the dirt had it coming


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

they pretend they sorry so they can hit one mo gain

paraphrased

that shit is real.

when you physically hurt in your chest over some emotional shit & it doesnt seem to go away or dissipate?

what do you do?

i drowned it in alcohol but thats prolly not a good thing


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

you'll feel a real surge soothing comfort if you're sweating when 'this place hotel' comes on.

i went to therapy and drank too much

Work on the career as well. Basically, just start prepping for bigger & better things in life.

IG: hibelk

this person you thought was X turned out to be Y

and the problem becomes
1) what did YOU not see or miss that you should have?
2) how to not drag this untrusting-ness into the future

i dont think there is a solution to 2. which is precisely why so many of my 30+ yr olds are walking wounded right now suffering emotional PTSD from shit that happened in undergrad or before...unable to fully trust. unable to really let people in. uncomfortable w/ their feelings or those of others...& therefore cruising on a inch deep wave of superficial bullshit, never talking. never revealing. always protective of their precious lil inner selves & hurt

hence:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LOgMWbDGPA


does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

#2 i haven't had as much of a hard time with....yet.

i just accept that it happened and move on



IG: hibelk

you can only free yourself of that
we're all hurt

it don't matter to me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0e9curoMBI

Although it's hard to really be that way in real time. But the message is there to be heard.

It's true that one day you will wake up and be over it.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

I didn't feel better until I was healed, but that was the band aid on my gaping wound

I don't think that letter is gonna work out too good for him. He might need to fuck up her credit, kidnap her pet, send the letter to her mom and her job. Sometimes doing the thing you think is civilized isn't the best medicine for you.

"Thank you for showing me who you really are. Now I can find someone who is worthy of my heart and time. You have helped prepare me for someone better and I thank you for that."

have worked on various 'drafts' of the message I plan to send to my ex...in my case, she still hits me up and wants to make small talk as 'friends' so part of my reason of writing her is to let her know why I am no longer interested in being friends.

I've read somewhere that the best tactic is to write whatever you need to get it off your chest and then destroy the letter without sending it...writing the letter is more for the benefit of the letter-writer than it is for the recipient.....so writing the letter helps to analyze and process our own feelings...and destroying the letter helps to signify moving on.

and if they're not then they won't give a shit.

either way, me telling them isn't gonna make a difference. a careless, inconsiderate dickhead isn't really gonna be like 'oh wow, i had no idea that i hurt you, I'm so sorry, i'm gonna change my ways' just because i told them so.