My 9 month old daughter has become very attached to me. I was laid off in late Jan and spent about 5 weeks with her while I waited for a new job that I started 2 weeks ago.

Granted, I spent all that time with her, playing, feeding, changing, putting to sleep.

The last few days my wife has gotten more and more upset at the way out daughter reacts to her vs me. Today she had a full cry session.

I encourage her to spend more alone time with her even when I can be there too, but after about 15 mins, our daughter get very fussy and is “searching” for me and if she sees me she starts crying and reaching out.

Did anyone go through something like this? Any advice?

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

it comes and goes in waves. Especially when they are young.

You're on the right track in encouraging alone time. I would extend that to times when you are NOT there - go out for a walk or run some errands while she is with your wife so they can truly be alone. She may seek you out and start crying, but that won't last long. And even time spend while she is crying can create a bond - whether from the soothing during the cry or from the after cry nap time cuddles. Every bit of that alone time adds up!

Edit - another thing I learned is that when there's a phase of you being the "favored" parent, try to have self awareness about it and not jump in to "rescue" the baby while your wife has her and she is crying. Also try not to give suggestions as if your wife is doing something wrong like "her bottle isn't warm enough" "she likes your to walk with her when she cries like that" "her diaper is uncomfortable", because that can add to the feeling your wife has of not being as close to the baby as you.

but once the swelling went down we had a sit down and I had to be honest af even if it hurt her feelings.

My wife had a tendency to come into the room and immediately start looking for ways to correct things or discipline the kids. I told her to stop that shit. Why would a child want to hang with you if all you are doing is reprimanding them?

She comes from a strict upbringing and often talks about how she hated the way the women chipped away at her confidence.. but she didn’t even realize she was doing the same thing.

We both have flaws and we try to sit down and discuss how to parent as a team and not take it personally when one offers a suggestion.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I have been guilty of that for sure. She likes the way I put her to sleep. My wife dies it differently and they struggle. I have been saying do it like this this this and this.

I apologized to her a little bit ago after I read your message earlier. I told her I was sorry for what she’s been feeling and that I won’t try to come to the rescue or chime in.

Thank you

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

one week my wife had to travel for work
I took a couple days off that week and kept my daughter with me from daycare
havent had a problem since then

also I was the only one that could put my son to sleep for the first year
same thing happen with my wife...i had to travel for work and i came back...he had no problem going to sleep with either one of us

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Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

That’s good that it balanced after alone time.

My wife has taken her to her moms house for a few hours and there isn’t any issues.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

And then will change

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“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

Girldad with 2 daughters and my wife is still in her feels and these girls are 4 and 6.

While it prolly happens with sons I think the father daughter relationship has been a thorn in mothers sides since the beginning of time.

You can suggest all types of shit but its up to the mother to put those feelings in its right place.

These daughters aren’t rejecting their mom when they see Dad and light up.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

You’re doing the right thing with encouraging your wife to get more time. That’ll definitely help. I would also tell her not to take it personal. That’s hard to do, but realizing the kids are just reacting and not thinking about liking one parent over the other helps.

This still happens as they get older. It’ll switch parents and sometimes, with no obvious prompt. More reason to try not internalizing it.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

due to medical reasons, I held my second kid 90% of the time for the first year of his life.

during covid lockdowns I became the primary parent, I still am.

I love both of my kids equally, but the younger one is like 100% more comfortable to sit on me, lean on me, lay on me, it's like his home base.

the second kid would for a long time straight up look at his mom and say "I don't like you" or "Get out of here" or run to me if he was hurt or slap her hands away when she went to help him. and say "not you! I want daddy! whaaaaaaaa"


spending time...just being there is like 97% of it.

If I'm gone out for the day or don't see the kids, they start leaning towards preferring mommy. It's about investing that time.

There is no substitute for either parent.

I'mma make sure you got food in your belly and clothes on your back, but mommy is waaaaaaay better at making them feel loved.

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