2. "That goose is busy lol" In response to Reply # 1
I know it happens to us all but I just have to figure out what to do about it. I know what I need to do and it’s a lot. But I need a life revamp. The problem is I keep self sabotaging. The free time that I do have I spend sleeping. I don’t think I e ever felt this bad for this long before. And I’m wanting to isolate more and more from people I’ve been close to and yet I long for company with new people. It’s weird. ... "A Beautiful Struggle" https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock Www.reverbnation.com/jamela
I watched youtube videos about what I was feeling in relation to what I was experiencing in life (School of life was one channel among others) and I did this for as long as I needed as often as I needed
I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling and cry it out if needed
I took time to think about my life up until now and how my early childhood played into who I am today
I loosened up when it came to my short comings, failures, missed shots whatever
Volunteered and didn't hide too much from friends and family
Went on road trips and excersised a ton
Read a lot about mental health and attachment
Made and continue to make it a priority to be in the moment and appreciate life despite it's hardships and gross imperfections
Got deeper into my personal interests
Focused on a positive attitude and understanding that I can only control my own behavior
Rinse wash and repeat
Not sure what you're going through and these obviously aren't cures but they were the right steps for me and hopefully there are some in there that could help you
______________________________________
Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days
3. "seasonal depression?" In response to Reply # 0
I know it always hits me when the fall comes. Once the high of football being back on wears off I always go through a down period when the season changes.
_________________________________________ "Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."
6. "The two people I’ve been closest to I have stepped away from" In response to Reply # 4
One is my mother. I have an issue with her that I can’t quite put my finger on but it stems from me basing the way I see myself by trying to live up to her standards. She is judge mental. The second person is a male friend that I’ve been talking to for over a year. But something in me has caused me to want to step away from him as well. He can be judge mental as well and he can’t really help me in any real way anymore. Pepe talks are cool but I need something more solid and heart felt.
So I’m feeling a ways about all that but I am beginning to focus more on keeping my feelings and goals to myself and just going for them I. Spite of my anxiety or worry or obstacles. If people try to hinder me I just push them away. I don’t need anyone adding to my worry. And honestly if they were that worried about me they would offer a way to help me meet my goals instead of deterring me from my path. So yeah. No. ... "A Beautiful Struggle" https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock Www.reverbnation.com/jamela
9. "Could be. Could be not " In response to Reply # 8
I’m trying different things tho. I e talked to my mom and begun to open the communication back up with old boy. I’m supposed to see him today. As long as he doesn’t say anything to piss me off. I’m just being super real with everybody whether it’s nice or not. And I’ll go from there. ... "A Beautiful Struggle" https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock Www.reverbnation.com/jamela
10. "I haven’t had many flings in my life" In response to Reply # 0 Sat Oct-19-19 09:49 PM by godleeluv
One in college and one in my adult life post break up with my baby daddy. They still weren’t flings in my opinion cause I knew both people for a long time. Just was doing the friendship sex thing. But the second one we actually got it in about three times and had many more opportunities afterwards but never went down that path again. Well I saw the second dude again today and I must admit I saw him from the parking lot. It’s weird how I never seem to be able to just screw and leave (the memory). I know so many women who sleep with so many dudes like it isn’t nothing. I just can’t. I say that to say this. Dude told me he will be back in town next week and wants me to sell him a watch. I’m like ok. All these folks in here and you want to give me the sale. Seems like he wants to give me something more than just a sale.
I could be wrong tho. I just happened to fix myself up nicely today too. He was checking for me no doubt. I’m going to get the sale but I’m not in a position To do anything more. I’ve been talking to this other dude for over a year and even tho we are friends with benefits I just am not capable of sleeping with two people in a short time frame. My conscious isn’t set up that way which again makes me wonder how so many of my female friends do so with no guilt. I’m not judging anybody. A part of me wishes I have no fucks too.
Up Until the current dude I’m benefitting with,the rebound fling with the dude I saw today was the best sex I ever had. Now current dude is first place by far. So I’m not trying to go backwards anyways.
It’s funny how chemistry works.
Other than that I feel a lot less depressed these days. So I’m good. Can’t wait for tomorrow when I can have happy time with my current friend again.
Also the first dude in college was a funny situation cause I actually felt really bad once we started doing it and I faked an orgasm and said I was done before he even came just cause I was so uncomfortable. Looking back that whole situation could have ended bad but he understood enough was enough and just left. I’m grateful for that. I never spoke to him again and can’t even remember his name now. But that was 20 years ago. ... "A Beautiful Struggle" https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock Www.reverbnation.com/jamela
12. "So I did it. I finally cut things off with my friend" In response to Reply # 10
Realized it was just a sex thing and he didn’t really care about or respect me. My stomach hurts but my mind feels like this is the best move. I’ll be glad when this knot goes away. I think I’ll sit the couple of plays out. ... "A Beautiful Struggle" https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock Www.reverbnation.com/jamela
14. "you are right to be exactly how you are" In response to Reply # 10
I just >am not capable of sleeping with two people in a short time >frame. My conscious isn’t set up that way which again makes >me wonder how so many of my female friends do so with no >guilt. I’m not judging anybody. A part of me wishes I have >no fucks too.
at the same time, that actually is a judgment. your frame of reference says that the default feeling of sleeping with more than 1 partner SHOULD be guilt, which is why its surprising to you that a women might not feel that.
just like you are right to choose how sexual you are, or not, so are others. there is nothing wrong with women who choose to have more partners at the same time than you. there is nothing for them to have a "conscience" about, as long as it's their actual choice.
patriarchy has poisoned all our minds to place women in certain boxes based on their sexual behaviors...
either way, this sounds like an exciting adventure you're on...enjoy!
15. "I do my best not to judge others " In response to Reply # 14
I can only live. With my conscious and believe me my actions are not perfect. I e done things that others would cringe at. I just know it’s hard for me to deal with rejection and abandonment and I find it in places maybe I shouldn’t or put myself in situations where I will experience it but ignore the signs. I’m learning as we speak whether I can truly put feelings aside and just have good sex with a person I’m not expecting a future with. Sometimes it feels like a waste of time and other times it seems like a great time filler. Lol. So balancing that is the key. ... "A Beautiful Struggle" https://m.facebook.com/jamelabullock Www.reverbnation.com/jamela
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