no i did not get a divorce. But my wife has been traveling for work since then. She has come home for a total of 4 days in that time and not consecutively. This shit is fucking hard. It's lonely and it's depressing. She was gone for our wedding anniversary. She was gone for my birthday for the 2nd time in 3 years. I didn't think it would bother me much because I don't like to make a big deal on my birthday but yeah it affected me. Thankfully family came through that day. Her parents took me out to breakfast in the morning. Then my mom surprised me and stopped by with her husband and my brothers and they took me out to dinner. She was home for Thanksgiving and I couldn't even hang out with her because I got food poisoning so I stayed home and threw up all day. She comes home on Friday and I couldn't be happier. Saying I am tired is an understatement. I am exhausted. I feel terrible for my son because he is a mamas boy, but I think he has handled this better than me. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to her at night. I'm just over this all. This has easily been the worst stretch in our marriage and it's nobodies fault. I can't get mad at her because her new position was going to require travel and I knew it. But a perfect storm of events led to this long stretch away from home. She knows I am frustrated and understands. We are just both ready to get back to normal. Rant over, counting down until Friday.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
1. "damn man. good luck with everything. " In response to Reply # 0
I feel like this too sometimes, but my wife doesn't travel. she has a job that requires a lot of her time, so I'm doing most of the kid stuff. I don't mind that. my real issue is that she is constantly on the grind for this gig and its just not worth it to meet at times, financially or otherwise.
I use to travel for a living too, 5 years. mine was a bit easier to deal with because I'd be home for long stretches of time and was home every weekend. cept when I went to HI. I might be out a week, then home for 2. or gone a week, back a week. so I think my wife was able to handle it since it didn't seem like I was gone forever.
I couldn't take another travel job tho, unless the money is way up there.
3. "RE: damn man. good luck with everything. " In response to Reply # 1
usually she does two trips a month for 2 days at a time. Leave on Tuesday and back by Thursday. I am already a stay at home dad so I am used to handling my son. But that few hours every night when she is home and he is attached to her is a nice break. Driving out to sports on the weekend has become one other thing I dont want to do right now. Nice having my partner there to shoot the shit with during those long drives.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Mon Nov-27-17 03:59 PM
2. "Damn.. stay up bruh. " In response to Reply # 0
I know we need to work to pay these bills but I get upset when folks go long stratagems without seeing their kids. Shit sucks. It shouldn’t be like this.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
I just want to give you a big on man hug right now. I'm just glad you know everything is going to be alright and that this hasn't tarnished your marriage or relationship with your wife. You've always been DAD of the year to me since E was born, you ever need to talk fam I'm there.
Stay up
sometimes u gotta leave ur inner nigger in the bank vault. - desus
16. "Selfish. Common in families with one breadwinner" In response to Reply # 0
Your post reads selfishly. Think of the military wives, truck driver families, travelling diplomats, actors, and anyone else who is trying to keep the family afloat because they "NEED" a certain type of job.
Shit, your situation was common with most men and women until the 60's and 70's. I think it is recent development for both parents to be really active. For so long, women did EVERYTHING and waited for the paycheck.
While I know it is traumatizing for men to be in a care taker role and not being the center of attention, I think you can borrow your strength from women around the world who didn't see or still don't see their partner or get help from their partner on a daily basis.
Being a single parent is not the worst thing that could ever happen. Take some time and bond with your kid. Find fun things to do and make your wife feel welcomed.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Wed Nov-29-17 11:36 AM
18. "selfish would be asking for a divorce or making her quit her gig" In response to Reply # 16
you doing way too much...
dude is just being honest about being frustrated.
Why can't he do that without being judged?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Wed Nov-29-17 11:43 AM
22. "you like how she praised herself? " In response to Reply # 20
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
23. "Rob is like Dad of the Year 8 years running." In response to Reply # 22
he does all kinds of shit with his son and LOVES it. loves every minute of it, i know he does. he gave up working to do the stay at home dad thing. but damn, can't he vent a little about missing his wife being around? sheesh.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
>Your post reads selfishly. Think of the military wives, truck >driver families, travelling diplomats, actors, and anyone else >who is trying to keep the family afloat because they "NEED" a >certain type of job.
what does this all have to do with me? I don't have a military wife. We are not a truck driver family. We are not diplomats or actors. They signed up for those jobs knowing full well what they were getting into. My wife has had this position before and the norm is 2 trips a month at 2 days a piece. There might be a 5 day mixed in once in a while. But 45 days? Nope that was caused by company incompetence and bad luck. This is not normal. This probably will never happen again.
>Shit, your situation was common with most men and women until >the 60's and 70's. I think it is recent development for both >parents to be really active. For so long, women did EVERYTHING >and waited for the paycheck.
congrats to them. again what do they have to do with me?
> >While I know it is traumatizing for men to be in a care taker >role and not being the center of attention, I think you can >borrow your strength from women around the world who didn't >see or still don't see their partner or get help from their >partner on a daily basis.
...
>Being a single parent is not the worst thing that could ever >happen. Take some time and bond with your kid. Find fun things >to do and make your wife feel welcomed.
Yes because these things already dont happen in my house. FOH
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
32. "I broke my finger when I was 15" In response to Reply # 29
but I drew strength by thinking about all those soldiers that stormed the beach at Normandy and lost limbs. If they could do that how can I complain about a broken finger?
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
35. "Okay. I read your post with a different tone." In response to Reply # 27
I apologize.
It seemed like you were angry with your wife and you were waiting for her to do something to make your life easier, celebrate you and do all the emotional labor.
17. "Hang in there and best wishes, bruh!!" In response to Reply # 0
and to think I was salty this summer over the wiz going on travel 2-3 days a week, for two months. Ewww, I salty. I'll fall back, now (Ha)! Hang in there....hope normalcy can resume for you.
It takes all kinds to make up a world, son. -My pops
30. "Funny (or maybe not funny) my wife travels alot for work lately and" In response to Reply # 0
it seems to be good for our marriage.
A couple of key difference is our boys are older (7) and we have a lot of help (family & babysitters).
We also have been together a LONG time (17 years) and careerwise it's so great for her I couldn't object if I wanted to.
Usually home by the weekend so we get excited to see each other and go on date night and such.
But when those kids were younger I was definitely keeping a running tab on how much time we were each spending with the boys and salty when it seemed to be falling too much on me.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
31. "RE: Funny (or maybe not funny) my wife travels alot for work lately and" In response to Reply # 30
>it seems to be good for our marriage. > >A couple of key difference is our boys are older (7) and we >have a lot of help (family & babysitters).
my son is 8 and it helps that he can pretty much take care of himself. But no help really. Closest family is 1.5 hours away. So its just me pulling the load. Having a night off here and there would be nice.
>We also have been together a LONG time (17 years) and >careerwise it's so great for her I couldn't object if I wanted >to.
we have been together for 16 years, married 9. I dont mind the short trips. But this stretch has been brutal. Maybe if I had known ahead of time it was coming I could have mentally prepared. But it turned into her leaving and well we didnt pass this inspection so its going to be an extra week. Oh we need these permits add another week. So it was supposed to be 7 day trip turns into 18 days with a quick 3 day stay at home. Which consisted of her sleeping. Then back at it again.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
37. "RE: "Its gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to her at n..." In response to Reply # 33
yep its definitely not fair to feel like that. I fight through it though. Its not her fault and she is suffering the same as us. But these feelings just come up.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
40. "Its just sad that no matter what you do..." In response to Reply # 37
Even if you're doing things for the fam, your partner could grow negative feelings towards you. Men and women.
That particular line in your OP reminded me of how a lot of stories of wives cheating start with, he was never around or home and I grew to resent that...
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Thu Nov-30-17 08:02 AM
41. "Huh? That’s a basic way of looking at marriage" In response to Reply # 40
It’s really no different than any other relationship. Sometimes the person does something you don’t like. It happens. If you are dating someone and they never have time for you... you get upset. If you have a friend and they never have time for you... you get upset.
Doesn’t matter what they are going thru, eventually you will either speak on it or move on.
Folks who cheat due to being angry at their spouse. Those people cheat regardless if they are married or not.
A guy like Rob isn’t cheating. He’s going to get upset, speak on it, get over it and appreciate his wife when she gets back. That’s how it usually goes down.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
44. "RE: Its just sad that no matter what you do..." In response to Reply # 40
yeah Im not even telling her how I feel anger towards her some night. Its not her fault and its all in my mind. But the feelings are there on occasion and it sucks.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
(we're married, I just want to get a couple more months in before I start cashing in my self righteousness) www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Thu Nov-30-17 08:17 AM
42. "haha... welcome to the club. " In response to Reply # 36
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
54. "RE: how are you managing? " In response to Reply # 50
she is pretty much a zombie when she calls us. She is pulling 12-14 hour shifts. So when she calls us after dinner and a shower its pretty much how was your day, talk to our son and she is out. She has been running on 6 day work weeks too. So that day is usually dedicated to doing laundry and picking up food for lunch.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Fri Dec-01-17 12:23 PM
51. "damn.. that has to be frustrating" In response to Reply # 49
i could see if there was an end date but it sounds like its day to day..
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
52. "she is running the store openings for 2 new stores" In response to Reply # 51
she has done this a dozen times at least. For the first time ever the guy running the construction of the buildings has completely dropped the ball. Which caused delays for her. Well she was supposed to do 1 opening then come home or a couple of weeks then go back and do another. But because of the delays it pushed both openings back to back. The construction delays are still happening making her job even more difficult. Like not pouring the parking lot in time so they cant get inventory or supplies in time. Or they fucked up building fixtures and didnt pass inspection so she has to wait until they pass inspection. So new open date is now Wednesday.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79711 posts
Fri Dec-01-17 12:56 PM
53. "bruh, next time you may want to take a weekend to fly out " In response to Reply # 52
and see her.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
but the big kicker is this is just a platform. She has done this position before on the other side of the company and made a name for herself. So once she moved to this side they have begged her to take over. She took it and is killing it. Her title is District Operations Manager. Probably within the next year she will be moving into the Regional Operations Manager spot. So she wouldnt have to travel on a regular basis because her district ops would do that. Her home store would be the one 8 miles down the street from us. Then at least a 10% pay increase. So it will be worth it in the end.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
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