"Do you know guys who left when their kids were 1 or 2"
that went on to start a family and be happily married to someone else? I don't know. I always judge guys with new newborns - 2 year olds who are actively dating as the type I wouldn't bet on sticking around.
6. "so 10 OKPs give you an anecdote " In response to Reply # 4
about a guy they know who got married after leaving the mother of his kid at age 1 and you go back to match.com and press send on that one?
seems unlikely
and i do have one
someone i know from college
got someone pregnant decided they weren't going to be together had another child with someone else born 6 months later got married to that woman had another child with her and were married a long time until they got divorced 5 years ago
all of the people in this story have mild forms of crazy going on but none of that has to do with the price of tea in china everybody is different if it's not the kids you'd be judging for something else which is of course your prerogative
"i fear no fate" e.e. cummings "No girl. No fried chicken. I'm going back to get some sleep." - Haruki Murakami
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
I am a parental figure to 7 kids. My SO's kids, extended family kids, my bio-daughter. My daughter's mom split when she was 2...then came back and took her away when she was 4. So I don't live with her full-time.
Do you really think that there's not men who've separated with their kid's moms who are good parents/good men?
See...this is my problem with perceptions like this. The single mother is the 'hero'....the father is a bum. That's true sometimes....but certainly not all the time. The fact that women get the kids de facto in separation is a PRIVILEGE....not a burden. Oftentimes, kids are TAKEN from fathers cause the mother wants to re-up. Then she's a hero and gets all the 'single mother praise'? I see THAT just as often as I see the 'deadbeat dad' scenario.
If a guy is acknowledging his kids from a previous relationship on a dating site....chances are he is a loving father that's letting people know that his kids are a part of his life. If he was a deadbeat....he'd be more likely to not mention them.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 80140 posts
Sun May-10-15 04:59 PM
7. "He didnt leave, she left him" In response to Reply # 0
she was white, he is Black.
when his kid was 13 he asked to live with his father and lived with him until he was 19.
he isn't married
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 80140 posts
Sun May-10-15 06:02 PM
10. "i think that was obvious" In response to Reply # 8
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
When I was a youngster, I found my parents marriage license/certificate and was surprised to see that my pops was listed as divorced on there...so I started asking questions.
Came to find out that he had three kids with his wife and bounced when they were 2,1, some months....now, I don't really know the circumstances around it, but I always felt weird that he had zero contact with them to this day, but was an ever present figure in MY life.
My folks just celebrated 45 years of marriage, btw.
17. "Wow and damn..." In response to Reply # 16 Sun May-10-15 11:47 PM by ndibs
But who wants to live with 3 babies? He probably hadn't had any sleep or attention from his wife for 2 yrs and wasn't going to get any for another 2. There might be guys who stick through it, but I doubt any of them are enjoying it.
24. "Yes, I'm an only child, but.." In response to Reply # 17
That was a product of my mothers ability to have kids, apparently she had two miscarriages before I came.
And I guess she knew the whole situation, she's the only that explained it all to me before my pops came home from work.
Weirdly enough, I visited my aunt (his sister) in another country about 8 years ago, she made mention of seeing one of his kids ( who would have been 40+) on the bus all the time.
39. "Not then, but now..." In response to Reply # 27
I wonder what kind of man leaves three kids and has ZERO contact with them for close to 50 years, but then I realize that the kind of man that does that can also be the kindest, hardest working man I've ever known, a role model of a husband, a man that others speak about with respect, a father that taught me things that make me stand out in a good way.
I think that's why I've never asked him for great detail, because I realize that he is defined by so many other things
30. "i think it would be hard to track the activity of every " In response to Reply # 23
sperm cell from just one single man. I commend you for tracking comings and goings literally of sperm cells of every man you know. most men are not forthcoming about the children they have out of wedlock or the ones they don't take care of. So this is an impressive feat you've accomplished.
I had zero contact, never even seen or spoke to him from my earliest memory (4 years old) until I was 11. Saw him once. Then didn't see or hear from him ever again until I was 32, and that was because one of my cousins on my dad's side found me on fb.
According to my mom he broke out and remarried before I was a year old. So basically I've only seen my dad live in the flesh two times in my entire life.
36. "My dad, my bros' mother to my mom" In response to Reply # 0 Mon May-11-15 06:20 PM by astralblak
but years had passed
he was touring, not being faithful and she asked him to bounce and not come back. a story my bros years later corroborated. that they'd see my pop in his Lac on the street or at the park and he'd hit them with small gifts here and there, but their mother was always the one who was like hell nah, leave us alone. My oldest brother even remembers a time she broke new records my pop had given them
years later my pop took my mom in with her four girls and then had me and my lil big sister.
he and my brothers had found piece with each other before my pop passed and I build with both of them on a weekly bases through FB, text, phonecall, etc
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