I never wanted to be fat.
It’s just that no one asked me to have these genes.
It seems my fat ass is hereditary.
I never wanted to be fat.
It just so happens that
I’ve never been a small girl.
A very round peg in an itsy bitsy square kinda world.
I mean, come on, who wants to be fat these days?
You get winded going up every damn flight of steps in the Patterson Office Tower
cause your math class is on the third floor.
Mmmhmm, you know---Can’t buy pretty, feminine bras!
You know the the ones I mean, The kind with that push-up capability but your fat ass
can’t wear them cause your voluptuous cup runneth over
I never wanted to be fat.
It’s just that no one ever wanted to know my name. Shame.
And I always laughed at myself because being a woman meant frowning and sulking was bad for my health.
So, I came up with nice, cute little jokes and comments
seething with sarcasm about how I wanted
to stay the way that I was
and change is bad and I wouldn’t look right skinny anyway. There’s no way.
I never wanted to be fat.
It’s just that when I looked at myself in the mirror I wanted deny everything about me to me.
I was lying to me.
Dying to me.
Lying.
Telling myself it was ok to be ashamed. Shame.
Ok to blame my genes. Shame. Ok to blame. Ok to blame.
Ok to blame society because
being the same size as Halle would’ve won me a distinctive slot in the “For skinny girls only” Rally.
Ok to assume that black women aren’t sick.
Although, we burn a piece of ourselves everyday
from conforming to life
performing through life
and deforming our lives
to become lighter eyed,
trimmer thighed,
hair fried,
dyed laid to the side.
Because I never wanted to be fat
but it’s just that it was so comfortable being a size 16 or 14 or any size in the teens.
Alarming to change all that I was because
I was supposed to be confident and a strong woman
and full of tried and true beliefs, give other people relief, be a mother to my sister or my brother.
But nobody asked me what I wanted
just assumed by me being fat, that THAT fat formed a malicious evil circle around my heart.
Desensitizing any feelings that I’ve ever had
because someone wanted to be nice and call me “healthy”.
Just assumed by me being fat, I lacked the power
of being a true human being because
I had a problem with eating.
Bleeding with gluttony because having love handles
was not a part of anyone’s democracy.
So since everyone wanted to pet and enable the fat
I decided that I did not want to be fat!
“Oh she never was fat I never thought that!”
In a SNAP, I decided to ZAP all this emotionally heavy, downtrodden fat and lose 15 pounds.
I mean, it’s only 15 pounds. 15 pounds isn’t a big deal.
If I could just get rid of those pounds.
Those pounds.
Those pounds.
People will like me, right?
Right. I would fit in, right?
Right.
I would get laid, right?
Right—well, that has nothing to do with being fat
but that’s a whole nother poem.
So, 15 pounds later, well, actually, 26 ½ pounds later…
15 sounds better to me—more marketable.
Meanwhile, my mind still stuck on vanity mode.
I flushed all carnality down the commode.
15 pounds an ode to physical, mental and spiritual weight loss.

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

& it was smthg i could relate too. more of a direct & outright poem than i'm used 2; i tend 2 prefer subtlety but u pulled this off nicely Ms cre8. only potential problem w/ it was the ending -- it seemed we heard all abt yr experiences & yr life & u, & then u ended it by leaving us hanging...

"15 pounds an ode to physical, mental and spiritual weight loss."

-- kinda giving a generic ending that coulda been placed @ this end of any weight loss poem. this was *your* poem; tear the ending up like u tore up the rest of it & that'd make it complete 4 me. i like the jawn tho...it was pCe, f'rill.

===========================

"Pimping ain't art...but grabbing guns is?!"
(c) Menphyel

"I've come to realise that I never loved Hip-Hop as a whole,
just a particular era that happened at the same time as
I was actively checking actively for new music."

that was real. damn. Your honesty was very attractive. I liked how you didn't go through the whole blame thing to strongly, just touched on it and sort of made fun of it. You flipped it in your own way which makes it an honest expression rather than a 'feel sorry for poor fat me' or 'fuck skinny botches' poem. I'd love to see you read this in person. I'm sure it would be great. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed that.

yep

it was little long...but there was something in your writing that made it all worth while to the end......maybe its the fact that in writing this....u've already shed more weight than u could ever know..............

miss k

if you didn't define yourself for yourself you'd be crunched into other peoples fantasies of you an eaten alive.

audre lorde

this does whut it is intended to do

i just want chu to know
how i feel
how i feel

well, this had my eyes grippin the page all thru and not on any pity shit either but some damn, this is some well laid out thoughts that were weaved together displayin what go's on in so many peoples minds these days and the control ya took over it was smashin yo, definitly glad i peaked in on this, ima have to look for more from ya, peace.

fuck a sig!!!!!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/invmusic.htm

i get more head than jason
kids son!!!-my boy DJ

im what ya bitch wanted for
christmas!!!!-my boy DJ

and you can lick my balls
drenched in alcohol!!!


"you know I'm playi

hey, thanks for the input..this is part of my one woman show dealing with weight loss ad this was the opening monologue! I delve into 7 different characters dealing with weight issues while infusing my own weight problem monologues in between....it turned out to be a pretty good show....I posted this because it definitely is the poetry to my life....

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

i really enjoyed reading this and thought about my sister who i tease alot when we were growing up...well written and hopeful.

ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder
checkout these sites
http://4luvofpoetry.com
www.poetology.com

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder




www.myspace.com/asiem61

Very Good Read!

(((Much Enjoyed)))

A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

...one of those pieces where you can tell a person if freeing themselves with, so you let them. Thanks.

up up up up!

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

upupupupupupup!

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

upupupupupupuup!

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

you know, the concept of this poem is very relatable to both men and women. you wrote honestly, and i think it is a very great poem.

peace

----------------------------------------
www.felinosoriano.com

My chapbook, "Exhibits Require Understanding Open Eyes" available from Trainwreck Press: http://www.ditchpoetry.com/trainwreckpress.htm

upupupupupupup! read me! Tell me what you think.....

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

Those pounds.
People will like me, right?
Right. I would fit in, right?
Right.
I would get laid, right?

i just have to say....
people won't like you when yo skinny
people won't fuck you when yo skinny
people won't like you when yo skinny
if you don't have the power to find YOUR OWN SELF attractive.....

my objective in response isn't to be mean....
just.... ah...
find your true purpose and your encasements won't bother you
cuz people don't see you the way you see yourself....

~~~~~~~~ luv R.
https://www.facebook.com/robyn.wildchild12
psycho.
"Institutions encourage us to consider the opinions they sell as "facts" and that we "believe" rather than question the morality they pitch."
cities need fewer shopping malls and more skat

that wasn't the point....the point is I wasn't confident at first even when I lost those pounds....you ain't saying nothing new! All I am saying is this is what was in mind when I struggled with people's opinions of me. I don't think that way now...Just voicing insecurities that all of us including you have. no mean response intended but it's funny how things come across when you read them.....

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

yea.. intended responses all convex when you all have different backgrounds and feelings

but i'm uppin ya.. i wouldn't want Anyone to feel that they can't express their feelings up here... ya know

P3c

~~~~~~~~ luv R.
https://www.facebook.com/robyn.wildchild12
psycho.
"Institutions encourage us to consider the opinions they sell as "facts" and that we "believe" rather than question the morality they pitch."
cities need fewer shopping malls and more skat

hah, brave honesty. i can relate no doubt. respect.

peace.

let's play ping pong ■

i'm feeling bland, how'd you do that, how long did it take?

*********

Not everything is as difficult as you want to make it.

I have changed my AIM if you want to say Hi click on my orange man

i can lie i say that i can relate but that would just be stupid..i was touched by your entry nonetheless.keep up the good work

**search 4 a cast to plot/i make u a laughing stock/so shook i could walk a half a block and feel the after shock** - Wordsworth

**search 4 a cast to plot/i make u a laughing stock/so shook i could walk a half a block and feel the after shock** - Wordsworth

thank you...how did I do what? lose weight? interview people? what specifically?

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

i was feeling bland, it wasn't an effect brought on by your poetry, lol...

i'm feeling a little more citrusy today though.

*********

Not everything is as difficult as you want to make it.

I have changed my AIM if you want to say Hi click on my orange man

yes, almost 30 pounds....a lot huh?

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

very real..and the thing i liked about this was you dont jus need to have a weight issue to relate-i particulary like this...

Although, we burn a piece of ourselves everyday
from conforming to life
performing through life
and deforming our lives


"when a man aims at nothing, he seldom misses the target"

"absence of occupation, is not rest"

"write it down. the worst ink survives the best memory"

I dig the creation...15 pounds is alot when you speaking physical, mental and spiritual...never lose your grip! keep expressin!

Know Thyself and surroundings to better understand things non-existing and existing, unseen and the seen in order to be able to deal Equality(Equally with all things in life)...Be True to U!

RIGHTEOUS SOULS
Soul Cleansing MuSiCk...LiSing
http://www.i

Damn...I gotta send this to a friend. It's just what they need to hear. Thanks a lot for this.

peace,
-Tp

----------------------------------------------

http://fivedeadlyeverythings.wordpress.com
bamf.

you are very welcome...I'm glad it can touch people like that...

Even when the condition is
critical, when the living is
miserable, your position is
pivotal--I ain't bullshittin you!-Talib

You had me on point like cold
nipples-Me

Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate but our
deepset fear is t

ANd nuff respec! For real, me and my girl was just talkin bout all this. she a big girl and I'm tryna get her size so I can buy her a fuckin piece a lingerie (you know, them babydolls) but she aint givin me her size. I'm like 'tha fuck you care I'm you BOYFRIEND! But that shit runs deep and you put it very well indeed. Every girl I've dealt with has had these issues but i love when a big girl comes to realize her true beauty, even if she has to drop libs to do it.

all right now ima jump offa that literal dick. when I see some 'not-up-to-par-cre8or-ish' ima be like:
"Girl!!!! You better BRING it!"

much love, and in the words of Monique "Fuck you skinny BITCHES!!"

BadNewsBrown aka tHe bEAntOwn BoMber aka Vinnie the Black Mafioso

`````.....`.`.`.`.`Quotes of tha moment````...```

"Don't feel bad fer losin'. I was wrestlin' wolves back when you were still at your mother's TEAT!" - Groundskeeper Willie

Life's not a bitch life is a beautiful woman/ you only call her a bitch cause she won't let you get that pussy - Aesop Rock


"hey ay haay....













....smoke weed every day" - ND

Vinnie
"Number One in the Hood, G."

(once again)THE BEANTOWN BOMBER< BABY!
Ruler of All That I Survey on MySpace

>all right now ima jump offa that literal dick. when I see
>some 'not-up-to-par-cre8or-ish' ima be like:
>"Girl!!!! You better BRING it!"

i meant figurative. yeesh!


REDEYES BLACK DRAGON/BEANTOWN BOMBER









"nuff said!"

Vinnie
"Number One in the Hood, G."

(once again)THE BEANTOWN BOMBER< BABY!
Ruler of All That I Survey on MySpace