i made an effort to get closer to him before he died.

I definitely don't miss him.
but all he left me was alone and this has me fucked up.

there is shit that i thought i was over.

apparently, i'm not.



i don't want to go to the funeral but i will.
i want to just shake it off and keep it moving like i normally do.

but when i try to shake it off
all i feel is more pain and anger and saddness and loneliness.


it feels like i got a raw deal.
it feels like i didn't deserve this shit.

I usually get through by saying everyone has it rough and you just suck it up and keep going.


but when i try to suck it up
i just don't feel lik anything is left in the reserves.

it feels like i am out of fight.
none of the distractions are working.

i can't analyze my way out of this one.


it all just sucks.
i don't even feel bad for feeling sorry for myself.

just fuck the entire situation.