and here it is...w/love

"Dreaming Kiera"

& for awhile i had set aside my wurds
not sure of whut they cld do
& whut purpose they served
& for awhile i didnt realize i was comparing
me to u, & all the while i was admirin whut it was u did
but i never wanted others to compare us, b/c we were so different
being so much the same & i wanted that understood.

readin ur wurds was like readin my secrets whispered back to me
& i wanted to scream, scream, scream mad at u, how did u know that
how cld u write that
how cld u tell everyone else
who have u been talking to
& why were u in my head so long long time
repeatin to me all the things i hid frum myself
ur wurds were mirrors remindin me of
uglee things i didnt want
anyone seein, but u showed
& i still had to love you
b/c u didnt know then those
were my thoughts
& my secrets
& they belonged to me
alone.

& i dreamed u sumtimes behind me
cuz i thought it & u spoke it, & maybe u sayin it
gave me the courage to say it too
& i neva took it as tryin to be u, cuz i always be me
i wake up like this.
but they dont understand
i cant rip the gap
frum my mouth
or thighs
b/c its drk there
& nuthin there
& God gave me just a little bit of
space for myself
to sit sumtimes
& be me
& not cry
& neva laff
just sit silent w/ no wurds
b/c in my gaps there are no wurds
so i cannot strangle myself
w/ hands i dont see
in the gaps
there is blk
& it is blinding.

i dreamed kiera
dreamin of gulla
before u said geechie
me bein the girl growed up
on rice & sugar & butter & blk pepper
i dreamed u behind me
& once i lead u instead of the
other way around
& we sat hip to hip
grazin shoulders
& then i knew i cld tell u my secrets
b/c ur breath was safe
& i smelled rosemary under ur tongue
& instead of wunderin how it got there
i told u
all my secrets
but by then u made up ur mind
to stop writing
so maybe i was too late
dreaming u & i
as nel & sula
w/ two throats & one eye
neva on the sparrow
b/c no one watches ova us.
they just watch
laffin
when breasts heave
& my dreams dont come true.

i just want chu to know
how i feel
how i feel