I promised myself yesterday that I’d leave you,
And the day before that, too.
I told myself I’d be happy again;
That I wouldn’t answer to you.
I said I wouldn’t be lonely;
That I would not call you.

I’ve left three messages so far.

I said I wouldn’t care if you begged,
But I still wish I could hear it.
I’ll fall asleep tonight
And dream of nothing again.

I woke up with a smile
Looking forward to seeing you,
But remembered that I promised myself yesterday that I’d leave you,
And the day before that, too.
I told you it’s harder to be with you than to miss you.

I promised myself I’d stop lying, too.

I hoped that we’d fight instead of seeing you cry,
Not that you’d blink and move on.
That I’d stand there, shocked
Thinking that you should’ve said more.

I promised myself I’d be pessimistic, too.

I said that I’d be by myself,
That I wouldn’t seek out a fixation,
That I wouldn’t fall for the next best closest thing.
I promised myself I’d quit smoking.
I forgot to do that, too.
I’ll fall asleep tonight
And dream of nothing again.

I managed to get through the day without once
Thinking about the fact that promised myself yesterday that I’d leave you,
And the day before that, too.
It didn’t matter why I couldn’t eat
Or why I didn’t speak,
Why I didn’t make my bed
And why I didn’t blink.
I told myself I’d go outside,
That it wouldn’t be so bad.
But my street is lined
With landmarks my mind set aside for you:
That streetlight went out every time we walked by,
Where we kissed 10 steps later.

I promised myself I’d burn pictures today
With the light I bought
when I promised myself yesterday that I’d leave you,
and the day before that, too.
But I lost it like I misplaced my place in your life.
I’ll fall asleep tonight
And dream of nothing again.

I told myself I wouldn’t drink,
But it helps me forget
That I promised myself yesterday that I’d leave you,
And the day before that, too.

I am quite
Drunk
And content with being numb, because I can deny that
I am
Falling face first into a puddle of bricks
And spreading my arms wide so I can enjoy the ride.
I am
Wallowing in the inconsistency
Of action versus words versus me versus you.
I am
Promising myself that I’m lying to you.
I am
Forgetting to remember to forget that I remembered that I
Promised myself yesterday that I’d leave you,
And the day before that, too.
I’ll fall asleep tonight
And dream of nothing again.

"I wanna escort everyone through the romance of another dawn."
-limbic system