Hinge (.4; something on which a subsequent action or outcome depends; Encarta Dictionary)
he tells me: “u a runner” “u can’t be honest” “u ain’t woman”
that i contradict myself i need to “spruce” it up and stop flirtin’
he pimps me at parties makes love to me good… cooks potatoes and eggs next morning
and then i say “i need time to paint” he say “paint” then he asks me when is he gonna see me?
i’ve spent friday thru sunday in his bed.
monday i catch up on laundry and my so called life and i was s’pose to “paint” on tuesday but he need me
so
i guess …i’ll create on wednesday
but
he need me
gonna have to work out my creativity on thursday
but
i find myself standing ona subway platform trying to get to him as soon as i can
come friday come friday…my soul ain’t in it…and saturday is his time although i say “i need a lil’ time”
and we agree (in principle)
so… tuesday and thursday i begin to find myself
when we meet up he asks me … “am i seeing someone else ”? and I wonder
where he thinks i have time to see anyone but him? nonetheless …i answer honestly and sincerely “no baby”
i’ve not seen myself in so long
not seen myself in so long
….but i see him all the time and my stomach aches he says “be myself” yet heels turn him on…dresses and such but i like “being” funky rock star running ‘round like i do
he say lets talk…but i never hear a sound come outta my mouth there’s a tense grin and i fear the right to have an opinion i close my eyes and listen to the music while he drives me home but he has much to say… about how i don’t act right don’t treat him right don’t forgive enough ain’t there enough
how i just don’t cut it no which way
yet…he miss me like crazy can’t be trusted…but he miss me like crazy
so
i leave good lovin’
i paint i eat …WELL, but miss his potatoes i leave i paint...and see myself for the first time saturday i get up and work out, do the laundry, head out for a long walk into the city, smile a lot grab my favorite hoody and see a movie…come back and paint
sunday
sleep til noon, read essence and oprah too, and smile my thighs feel sturdy and my jaws don’t tighten take a vitamin…work out and i paint
beautiful things like what love really feels like and the surface of the universe
months go by and i forget my hair has grown 2 inches i laugh a lot sometime i stay in just cuz and sometime i go out for the same reason
and i forget how to get down to someone else’s groove but my own.
Kimabe2005
if you didn't define yourself for yourself you'd be crunched into other peoples fantasies of you an eaten alive.