Hinge
(.4; something on which a subsequent action or outcome depends; Encarta Dictionary)


he tells me:
“u a runner”
“u can’t be honest”
“u ain’t woman”

that i contradict myself
i need to “spruce” it up and stop flirtin’

he pimps me at parties
makes love to me good…
cooks potatoes and eggs next morning

and then i say
“i need time to paint”
he say
“paint”
then he asks me when is he gonna see me?

i’ve spent friday thru sunday in his bed.

monday i catch up on laundry and my so called life
and i was s’pose to “paint” on tuesday
but he need me

so

i guess …i’ll create on wednesday

but

he need me

gonna have to work out my creativity on thursday

but

i find myself standing ona subway platform trying to get to him
as soon as i can

come friday
come friday…my soul ain’t in it…and saturday is his time
although i say
“i need a lil’ time”

and we agree (in principle)

so… tuesday and thursday i begin to find myself

when we meet up he asks me … “am i seeing someone else ”?
and I wonder

where he thinks i have time to see anyone but him?
nonetheless …i answer honestly and sincerely “no baby”

i’ve not seen myself in so long

not seen myself in so long

….but i see him all the time and my stomach aches
he says “be myself”
yet heels turn him on…dresses and such
but i like “being” funky rock star
running ‘round like i do

he say
lets talk…but i never hear a sound
come
outta my mouth
there’s a tense grin
and i fear the right to have an opinion
i close my eyes and listen
to the music while he drives me home
but he has much to say…
about
how i don’t act right
don’t treat him right
don’t forgive enough
ain’t there enough

how i just don’t cut it no which way

yet…he miss me like crazy
can’t be trusted…but he miss me like crazy

so


i leave
good lovin’

i paint
i eat …WELL, but miss his potatoes
i leave
i paint...and see myself for the first time
saturday
i get up and work out, do the laundry, head out for a long walk into the city,
smile a lot
grab my favorite hoody and see a movie…come back and
paint

sunday

sleep til noon,
read essence
and oprah too, and smile
my thighs feel sturdy and my jaws don’t tighten
take a vitamin…work out
and i paint

beautiful things like what love really feels like
and
the surface of the universe

months go by and i forget
my hair has grown 2 inches
i laugh a lot
sometime i stay in just cuz
and
sometime i go out for the same reason

and i forget
how
to
get down
to someone else’s groove
but my own.


Kimabe2005