I had just gotten fired from a job where I was employee of the month twice in the past year, and had gotten so many bonuses for exceeding goals. They were fired people so they woldn't have to pay severance. My company lost ALOT during 9-11. My whole departement got fired. Not laid off, but FIRED. 40 people.

I had spare savings, I was able to keep my apartment for 4 months...then my car caught on fire. Don't ask why.

So I was sleeping on spare floors when I could, going to a 20 hr a week parttime job that paid 6 bucks an hour- just enough to cover my cell phone bill (was crucial to finding a job at the time since I was always on the move), food and marta passes.

Opportunities. When they knock, you just gotta run out and grab them with both hands, and not worry about the consequnces. Even if they don't look like nothing, they stepping blocks.

I mean, I thought I was low at THAT point.

NO.

A year later I was trying to think if I should sleep in the library at night- if I could get away with it n shit. I was carrying everything I owned with me( that my boy couldn't hold for me) EVERYWHERE.

Then my boy moved to philly and I had to come up with a real solution. I had to move back in with my parents.

I was thinking before then that I was at least- even if I was homeless, I was holding my own.

And you gotta understand, this was about a year and a half after I was making what still is the nearly the best money I made in my life. But I was living high, yo. I had the ill outfits, no car payment, eating out everyday, clubbin every night- dropping $75, $100 at the bar- buying folks drinks n shit...paid off a few credit cards tho from college.

And then NOW? I was living on nigga's floors n shit.

So, I move in with my folks. I hate living with my parents. It's a mental mind fuck. If you knew my parents, they are GOOD people, but we get along like fire and ice- like salt and wounds.

They helped me buy a used 4Runner because living in Roswell, there is NO hope of working without a car. Especailly where they live. I find a job ALL the way up in fucking Flowery Branch, GA. It's a temp job with some weird fucking people- racist manager, etc. She used to tell us she would get us fired if she could (the blacks on her team). I was working at the Avery Label plant making LABELS, son. 12 hrs a day- the night shift, 8.50 per hour. We got an xtra .50 for working the night shift, family.

I was living in ROSWELL which is already the boondocks and it took me an hour and a half to drive up to the job. The Gas alone was killing my check (fucking 4 runner). I nearly fell asleep every day on my way home becase having to cut thru Gwinnett took me 2.5 hours to get home.

Only thing that made it bearable is that my nigga from college (we dropped out at the same time) was there with me, and we laughed HARD every night.

So the racist bitch used to use every excuse to fire black people. I hate that I got moved to her team. But she always was short handed cus she was firing the niggers. I HATED this job, I hated HER, but worked my ASS off.

I did FAR and BEYOND my job description- tried to make myself invalueable cus I figured I love my girl and if we are ever going to get married, I need to get out of this fucking hole I'm in, finish school, etc.

I re- enroll in school. I'm going to JC-I'm writing for the Paper n shit, I go to class str8 from work- I'm late as hell every day, but fuck it. Most of my classes were on Saturdays anyway.

Well one day on my way back from school I decide to get my mother a present for her birfday. I'm half sleep and I run into a car. First accident in my life. I'm fucking 24, and I get my first accident.

Rates go up, I get a ticket- and my 4 runner is no longer acking right.

FFWD...it gets to the point where I can't drive the 4 runner to work no more.

I catch rides with my nigga up to the job in flowery branch. One day his car gives out at the job.

His lazy pop picks us up 7 hours later. We were stranded in Flowery Branch for that long- TIRED.

Before I leave I see my manager coming in to work early. I tell her- look. I can't come in. I made adecco (the temps service i was with) aware of my situation as well. I told my manager "we haven't left the job YET". I haven't had any sleep-or anything to eat except twix bars. We can't possibly work a full shift.

She said, cool.

I get home, check my messages... Adecco: "Avery terminated your contract".

So now, I'm just livid. But I talk to my girl, and I'm cooling off.

Next day, time to find a new job, right?

I got skillz, shit.

My 4 runner stalls out on me on GA 400.

FUCK.

That was it.

No job.

No REAL skills.

No Money.

Living in Roswell.

Living with my parents who were charging me rent (justifiably)

I couldn't see no way out.


That night I was so far gone- I coulda killed someone. I thought, I'ma end up going to jail. I'ma be a statistic. So I deceid to kill MYSELF.

I figured, that's the only way out at this point. Can't nothing good come from my life at this juncture. Shit, I was just a burden on my lady. I was becoming THAT BLACK man they talk about on tv n shit.

Worthless.

I was like, fuck it. so I got me a large bottle of wray and nephew out my parents cabinet and went about the business of doing the do.

I call my wife to hear her voice one last time, and she freaks cus she hears my desperation. She calls my parents. My dad walks in on me- there is blood everywhere.

he got me b4 the worst happened. My wife comes all the way to Roswell to take me to the hospital...My parents are paralyzed with grief.


...So FFWD. I'm living in a Savannah Suites. The one RIGHT by Django's over on peachtree and pine. I kept thinking, man - I'd LOVE to be a fucking club promoter. That'd be the shit. I'd throw a party RIGHT THERE.

I'm overlooking at Djangos from the hotel staircase- it's drug dealers, and hoes living next door to me. Niggas str8 out of prison too.

A dude I used to drink with at the crib back at Georgia Southern just HAPPENS to be a cop in the area. He got laid off and couldn't find a job either. So he became a cop.

He's walking his beat telling me how rough the neighborhood is.

Shit, I'm motivated tho, cus my lady has stood by me in my darkest hour- still in school, parttime at the JC. I don't mind the rats, the fiends, the criminal element, the smell of piss everywhere.

I met a dude on the train, talked to him and lucked up on a FIRE ass job. He said I had to go interview TODAY- FAR, FAR away up on windward pkwy. I did that shit, cus fuck it. Niggas got it bad. Took me 2 hours on transit to get up there every morning, but it was the best money I made in my life.

Finally began to get my life on track.

Took my shahada, got me a crib in the West End (which is where I WANTED to be), Enrolled at Clark Atlanta- not knowing how I was going to PAY for that shit...

It was like God gave me a new lease on life, yo.

That was a DARK 3 year period for me. So dark that I had stopped writing, and haven't been able to really write since then. A nigga was scarred.

But out of it came some wonderful shit.

I'm so happy right now- I couldn't tell you how happy I am.

This shit happens, it's life.

But I'll tell you this.

NONE of the opportunities that came my way during that period were overlooked. I saw everything as a fucking sign,yo. When a door opened I charged thru it.

That's what you gotta do.

Life will try to knock you down. You gotta stand up. Sometimes you can't do it on your own, and God will humble you for being proud- that's a good thing.

You got your life, man. That in itself is a blessing. Just be encouraged, and make the damn thing happen. Don't sell yourself short either. You never too old, or too far gone. Go on and chase your dreams cus sometimes that's the greatest source of inspiration.









<---We're all together, we stand for right.
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