ye gods yall boring af! sheesh.

whoever poor dilapidated soul that still runs this place, you can delete the other posts ive made lately altho hell yall need all the new topics you can get i see

anyway...im in a typing ass mood. so...an oldie but goodie.

my oldest friend is a woman. Ive known her since 9th grade. 26 yrs ago...not today but day before yesterday...i was riding to her house to return her wallet, that she had left @ my crib when i was pulled over.

cop told me i had not only a gang of speeding tickets...but a warrant. i was going to be arrested.

they towed my semi new car...took me to what i thought was a jail cell.

on the ride the cop explained that i could do 1 of 2 things.

I could either pay what i oweed which was like 1k or some other huge amount or i could do time in jail. 1 day for every $100.

now...little back story to the story.

my grandmother had cosigned for the car. it was like a 1992 dodge shadow. this was...1995 or so. so...kinda new. new to me. her condition on cosigning for it was that i had to get insurance and of course pay for everything.

im 18 yrs old. i said of course big mama! imma do ALLLL that!

i didnt do ANY of that.

so weeks went by and my grandmother is pressing me to you know...grow up be responsible and get my car situation ironed out.

im 18. i know everything so im like yeah sure ill spend all my money on doing the right thing RIIIIIGHT after i go see what these strippers and tattoos talking about.

so. when the car was towed...i had no insurance etc

but! i DID have some money. i had the money saved up...i just didnt wanna spend it.

again...i was 18.

so when they put me in this cell...which was like 15 min from the house...it was a one man room. i had a bed that folded out. I could see a tv in the hallway. I had just come back from an epic like month of partying (ps i was also on the verge of flunking out of my first go round in college but thats another story)

(i had hit south padre, kappa beach party, freaknik...and daytona in one month. 1995 was incredible)

so i needed some rest.

I figured ok...ill chill for...10 days. do my time. come out...pay for the car. and boom. we back good.

called my mom. told her the deal...she was like...you wanna STAY in jail rather than pay money to get out? i said DUH of course i do.

again. i was 18. i knew everything.

so...having made my arrangements...i went back to my cell. and laid down.

chilling. went to sleep like man i can do this.

around 3 am a CO came and unlocked the door. told me to get up and turn around

uh...ok whats going on?

he tells me its transport time. this is a holding cell. did i think id stay in this little cell the whole time? big white boy. he laughed like santa claus.

HO HO HO. naw boy you going to Baker Street! harris county jail! with the big kids!

people in that moment...i literally felt like i was about to shit on myself.

Me?! in the county jail?! for 10 days?!

sigh

to be continued

harris county jail...is kinda famous in the city for being a place where...you dont wanna be. like most county jails.

as i rode in a wagon...at 3 am from where i was waaay on the north side...i had a lot of time to think.

every prison film i had ever heard of went thru my mind.

i wondered immd if someone was going to try to rape me. i wondered if i was gonna have to shank a n____. if so...how exactly?

also. good time to describe...me. kids called me urkel so often i started to answer to it. i had huge glasses, and was...well...a nerd. still am.

so imagine a kid that looks like foghorn leghorns son going to jail and you get the idea.

CO is hella mirthful. he was like hey kid dont worry...but you MIGHT wanna take your shoes off now so no one kills you for them later.

my asshole is roughly the size of atom right now. im tight in every way you can imagine.

so we get there.

they put me in a big ass bullpen. shit is like homecoming for dudes they i there like YOOO!! whats up! man i aint seen you since that last time we robbed that liquor store LOL etc

im standing in the corner, looking terrified. old head comes up to me. we in the holding like...intake area mind you.

dude walks up to me and is like say...you a cop? why you so stiff

everybody in the whole damn room turned and looked at me

i was...aghast. me?! a COP? of course not! how ridiculous!

i mustered all the bass i could in my voice and was like NAHHH

and everyone was like LOL hell nah you aint a cop not looking like that

and i knew i was in deep shit

they gave me some nasty ass bologna sammich and a box of milk.

by now its like...10 am the following day.

im exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. no idea what is going on for real

im sent from one line to another. poked. prodded. photographed (yes i got a mug shot somewhere)

they didnt take my shoes but did take the laces.

made me strip down bend over. cough. kept my drawls but had to hand everything else over and got one set of clothes, a shirt and pants.

then i got a bag with 1 towel. 1 sheet. 1 toothbrush. 1 lil hotel bar of soap.

as im in line i am told im going to the 7th floor.

someone behind me said awwww dam they sending urkel to the gladiator wing

yes my new found friends had immediately started calling me urkel too

gladiator wing?! wtf

i am told to go here and go there some more. put on a elevator. got off. doors opening and closing and im pushed here and there.

finally we get to one last door.

i dont know what time it is, what day it is, nothing. im totally lost in the sauce

CO opens the door and nods...i walk in...slams it shut. the end.

its a big ass room with like 6 doors on either side. a few metal cafeteria like tables welded to the floor.

a big ass TV was on on one side of the room, surrounded by a bunch of mexican dudes.

the door nearest to me on the right was open...i walked in with my bag.

little asian man...shirtless. hopped down off his bunk, like smoooth.

one motion. he was on the bed...then he was off.

and standing in front of me. shirtless.

dude looked like a skinny bolo yeung. like he was all muscle. but skinny. and he wasnt moving.

he stood there silent. and me...in the door with my bag of possessions was like hi. can i live here?

In that second or so...he didnt move. neither did i. but i thought like...ok this is it. i gotta kill this mfer so no one else tries me

and right at that moment...a tall shirtless black dude in a kufi walked over and literally grabbed me by the shoulders and said man come over here to africa, leave the china man alone.

and walked me across the pod to another set of open doors...where a bunch of black dudes was just sitting around chilling.


on sabbatical.

does it really matter?

wonder what bin's doing?
http://i.imgur.com/phECCMp.jpg

First summer after freshman year of college I come home. I’m working, making decent money and running the streets at night and club hopping. I went to my first freaknik that year and came back to the Burgh with stories and photo evidence. All my friends are hype and I’m like a local legend with these stories of being in out in these streets hanging with Puffy, Big, LONS, Redman, etc... I aint even hang with them but since I saw them at Freaknik and knew people who knew them I was the shit because most people back home NEVER leave home.

Anyway we go to a new club, shit is poppin.. of course, we get into it with some white dudes cause thats what happens at 18/19. We had crew tho because we player football and knew dudes from other schools.

Long story short, we had a big ass parking lot fight after the club let out. Like 100 kids scrappin. Cops come and we all bail. But instead of driving home, my boy says nah, fuck that.. lets go find them. Now, he’s sober.. we are all drunk and high. Go figure.

We turn off our lights while creeping through a neighborhood like we were doing a drive by but all we had was rocks. Its pitch black, finally we turned the headlights on right before driving over a small tree. Wtf?

Turns out we were in someones back yard.

We give up, get back to civilization and right before we get on the highway.. flashing lights. Cops pull us over, I cant even keep my eyes open. My boy is arguing with the cop. Not smart. He takes one of our friends and puts him in the squad car and tells us to follow him. Fuuuuuck. We cant leave our boy.

So we drive down a dirt road. Thought it was the end for us. Its a holding station in the middle of nowhere. 1 room, one cell.. some Barney Phife shit.

We talking mad shit to the cops. Challenging them to a fight. They are giving us breathalyzers. I heard a penny under the tongue can trick a test.. I had like 85 cents in my mouth. Pennies, nickels, dimes.. it didnt work.

One of us had to shit, we asked where the toilet is.. right there. The toilet was right next to the cops desk. Hold up.. “so Barney Phife, if you have to shit.. and your partner is here, where do you shit?” He said “right there”

We fell the fuck out. We joked them so bad I’m shocked they didn’t take us to real jail. They called all our parents. I gave my Grandparents phone number because O knew they wouldn’t answer.

What made it even worse is one friend was like a month away from 21. He got in all types of trouble. Fucked up because he had a car too. On our way to court his grandmother was telling us about chasing after certain types of women and I kid you not while she was giving a speech.. another car next to us on the highway had 2 girls in the backseat and they wrote their number down and put it on their window while driving past.

We looked at each other like “we trying to get out but these girls keep pulling us back in”

I never went back to college down south because I had so much fun that summer.

This was the same summer Tony Dorsett’s son tried to break down my door at the crib after my sister and I jumped a friend of ours for breaking our furniture during a house party.

92 was crazy

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

https://www.dropbox.com/s/b8uo4unx02k7t2j/Tangled.mp4?dl=0

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017