harris county jail...is kinda famous in the city for being a place where...you dont wanna be. like most county jails.

as i rode in a wagon...at 3 am from where i was waaay on the north side...i had a lot of time to think.

every prison film i had ever heard of went thru my mind.

i wondered immd if someone was going to try to rape me. i wondered if i was gonna have to shank a n____. if so...how exactly?

also. good time to describe...me. kids called me urkel so often i started to answer to it. i had huge glasses, and was...well...a nerd. still am.

so imagine a kid that looks like foghorn leghorns son going to jail and you get the idea.

CO is hella mirthful. he was like hey kid dont worry...but you MIGHT wanna take your shoes off now so no one kills you for them later.

my asshole is roughly the size of atom right now. im tight in every way you can imagine.

so we get there.

they put me in a big ass bullpen. shit is like homecoming for dudes they i there like YOOO!! whats up! man i aint seen you since that last time we robbed that liquor store LOL etc

im standing in the corner, looking terrified. old head comes up to me. we in the holding like...intake area mind you.

dude walks up to me and is like say...you a cop? why you so stiff

everybody in the whole damn room turned and looked at me

i was...aghast. me?! a COP? of course not! how ridiculous!

i mustered all the bass i could in my voice and was like NAHHH

and everyone was like LOL hell nah you aint a cop not looking like that

and i knew i was in deep shit