I’m going to try to condense an incredibly complex and devastatingly sad situation I’m facing. My wife and I have agreed to terms through a mediator on a divorce that should be made official within a few months. We will be physically separating (if not officially by law) in early May. Despite the fact that she cheated (primarily emotional, but physical too), we are doing pretty much everything 50/50. I’m staying in our current house and she will be moving in to our previous home which we have used as a rental for the past several years. That house is less than a ¼ mile away. $ will be tight, but our kids will definitely be taken care of always.

We first met nearly a dozen years ago and have been married for over 8 years. 2 kids – my son will soon be 7 and my daughter will soon be 4. The love was strong and real for much of our relationship and well into our marriage – or so I thought. The last few years got progressively worse – though I rarely raised my voice or disrespected her in front of the kids. I thought my wife was just suffering from post-partum depression and naively held out hope that things would get better in due time. After all, we always had such a great time when away together – just us and no distractions. However, the past year I grew increasingly frustrated with my wife’s persistent negativity and refusal to seek help for depression. She constantly made comments about how all her dreams have been shattered and how trapped and angry she is in the house. On more than a few occasions she said she wished she could drive away and never come back – even said she wished she had the courage to just end her life. As someone who works in the mental health/education field, I strongly encouraged her to seek counseling. She always refused and said she didn’t see the value in it. She would often tell me that it’s my fault she’s unhappy and that if we were connected on a deeper level, she would seemingly be happier. I’d ask ALL the time what I could do to make things better for her. I was very affectionate, helpful, a great listener, and great father to our children. Nothing seemed to work. I just didn’t have the answers.

During the fall I sensed I had lost her. One night (November 3rd to be exact) we finally let it all out and she admitted that she was in love with another woman and that she wanted to pursue life as a lesbian. What in the entire fuck???!! (Before someone asks, YES, we did have a regular sex life – kids and all.) All I could do was hug her, support her, and wish her well. We just laughed, cried, and talked about the future that entire night into the morning. Everything was surreal for a few weeks or so until we had to start having those real conversations. In the end we chose divorce because she was steadfast in her desire to be with women and I didn’t like the prospects of being in a sexless & no affection marriage. The only other option is to have an open one which I don’t feel comfortable with.

Since the revelation we have had our ups and downs. I’m definitely not cool at all with her actions (using dating apps, going out on dates and on a few occasions staying out til 3, 5am or so, on the phone constantly with a long distance gf, etc) and have called her out on it a few times. She’s very much living out a second teenage/college life. She’s still fulfilling her parenting duties, but it’s just weird. We get along fine, but it’s mostly because I’m putting my ego aside and trying to create as much stability in the house as possible for our kids.

All this to say that I’m worried sick about how the divorce will impact our kids. Custody is 50-50 and we will be close to one another. We’re friendly enough to do dinners, hikes, parties, and other social events together. We’ve agreed to not talk negatively of one another around the kids. The general consensus I’ve gathered from therapists and others is that kids do best if they feel secure and know that it’s not their fault and that both parents will continue to love them unconditionally. Still, it burns my soul to know that pretty soon I won’t have that opportunity to see my kids every day and I won’t be there tuck them in bed each night. Strangely, my soon to be ex doesn’t seem too bothered by that fact though.

Trust that I have a strong support network and plenty of self-confidence to navigate through this new reality I’ve been forced into. I’m just looking for any advice, feedback, or experiences you may have as someone who’s been through a divorce either as a parent or kid. What helped? What can I do to make this otherwise shitty situation work for my kids?

Earlier tonight, my son came down from bed and came up to me and said, “thanks Dad for teaching me how to play football. I just wanted to give you a hug and kiss and tell you that I loved you.” Damn. I’m 35 years old and never had a connection like that with my own father – who is a great guy. I just hope he understands and will love me the same despite the new reality he too will face. *sigh*

I hope the best for you and your fam as you all go through this.

-30-
You know it's drama, but it sound real good.

would never, ever, wish this pain upon someone else. I'm sure at some point, some day in time, things may just work out okay. But for now? It's all just a guessing game and I'm just going to make the most of the time I have with them.

Peace to you and your family, bruh. I don't have much else to offer besides that. I mean, wow. It's a good thing y'all will all be so close, as far as distance goes. That'll make it easier for you to remain close connection-wise with the kids.

Peace, fam.

Appreciate the support.

I guess in some really odd way her being a lesbian 'softens' the blow and makes it easier for getting along post-divorce. Deep down, I just really want her to be happy and find peace within herself. It probably would have been much worse on the kids to see her continue to spiral deeper into depression. And I would have eventually felt increasing frustration and withdrawal from her.

I commend you for that.

... Legit care not fake care.

If god forbid your ex dies the last thing you want to tell your child two words into your first conversation post loss is "If you let me use you then I'll use you" or something crazy like that.

You better than me because I'd went in the whole other direction especially after the ex is out here acting like yall don't have kids staying up wild late at night. Damn that has to suck. Focus on being the dad that you never had. Be the best man you can be for yourself and your seeds. It's kinda easy right now to hate your spouse for being so selfish but she could've lied about all this and kept up the facade. At least you know and don't get a surprise on your child's birthday or some crazy shit like that.

Keep your head up and try not to let your children know how much this impacts you. They'll know it impacts you but don't be on some "your mom is doing x, y, and z that is killing my soul". Hope everything works out for you and the fam.

Definitely one of the hardest things to do is set aside ego and remain strong and loyal for the kids. That can lead to a lot of bitterness - knowing she's doing this to you, but also knowing you have to toe the line or risk losing respect from your kids.

is marriage counseling an option?

we all go through phases of adult crises and sometimes have manic phases. I hope this isnt just a temporary escape from her problems that she ends up regretting

communication and planning how we will move forward with the kids.

While some of her behaviors can certainly be viewed as acting out and as a result of some sort of crises, I was 100% convinced she was a lesbian. It totally made sense when she said it and it answered so many questions I had.

For instance, over the past year or so she would make friends with other girls who we had a loose connection with - from the gym, school, etc. She would always try to hang out as much as possible with these girls. They were all straight though and married. I noticed she would always talk so negatively of their husbands who I knew weren't bad guys. She would get so pissed off when they couldn't hang out and then allow that anger to effect everyone in the house. Her whole attitude and approach to everyone in the house could change on the dime depending on if her attention was being reciprocated. I remember telling her once, "why does it seem like you're more affected by the actions of your girlfriends than any by me?" She would tell me that I just didn't understand because I have a tight circle of friends that go way back.

There's that, then there's also the fact that she never showed spontaneous affection or complimented my looks. She would often return hugs and kisses, but I was the initiator 90% or more of the time.

When this all was revealed she shared that she had felt more arousal/excitement just from making out with a girl than she had with me in all our years together. Talk about a gut punch to the stomach.

This is definitely an experience I don't think many people will truly relate to (nor do I expect people to). The break up of the family though is what concerns me most and I know plenty of people have opinions on that.

Peace man.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

but this paragraph right here man.


>All this to say that I’m worried sick about how the divorce
>will impact our kids. Custody is 50-50 and we will be close
>to one another. We’re friendly enough to do dinners, hikes,
>parties, and other social events together. We’ve agreed to
>not talk negatively of one another around the kids. The
>general consensus I’ve gathered from therapists and others
>is that kids do best if they feel secure and know that it’s
>not their fault and that both parents will continue to love
>them unconditionally. Still, it burns my soul to know that
>pretty soon I won’t have that opportunity to see my kids
>every day and I won’t be there tuck them in bed each night.
>Strangely, my soon to be ex doesn’t seem too bothered by
>that fact though.


stick to this over everything. No matter how bad things get between you and her. Always put the kids first. My parents divorced when I was 12. My dad cheated on my mom. But my mom never told us. She didnt want us to think any less of him. She also knew it didnt change the kind of father he was. So she put all the bullshit aside and they kept it friendly for us. They had joint custody and we went to my dad's every other weekend. But he had the freedom to come visit anytime he wanted. All he had to do was call. When we had little league games he was there. Birthday parties, he was there. Parent teacher conference, he was there. If he wanted to call and check in on us that was fine too. My mom was always cordial to him. They never made it uncomfortable for us when they were in the same room together. Growing up most of my friends had parents who were divorced and I heard horror stories about how their parents couldnt stand each other. Or how messy the divorce was. But we didnt have to deal with any of that.

Now im not going to say the divorce didnt mess me up. It did. I dont think there is anyway for a child not to be affected by a divorce. But I never thought it was my fault. I always appreciated how our parents put us first through the whole thing.

November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!

>stick to this over everything. No matter how bad things get
>between you and her. Always put the kids first. My parents
>divorced when I was 12. My dad cheated on my mom. But my mom
>never told us. She didnt want us to think any less of him. She
>also knew it didnt change the kind of father he was. So she
>put all the bullshit aside and they kept it friendly for us.
>They had joint custody and we went to my dad's every other
>weekend. But he had the freedom to come visit anytime he
>wanted. All he had to do was call. When we had little league
>games he was there. Birthday parties, he was there. Parent
>teacher conference, he was there. If he wanted to call and
>check in on us that was fine too. My mom was always cordial to
>him. They never made it uncomfortable for us when they were in
>the same room together. Growing up most of my friends had
>parents who were divorced and I heard horror stories about how
>their parents couldnt stand each other. Or how messy the
>divorce was. But we didnt have to deal with any of that.
>
>Now im not going to say the divorce didnt mess me up. It did.
>I dont think there is anyway for a child not to be affected by
>a divorce. But I never thought it was my fault. I always
>appreciated how our parents put us first through the whole
>thing.

I'm hoping we remain this cordial through the years. I mean, I'm sure I'll be pissed at her for awhile, but I know time heals most wounds. Even at our worst she always praised me for being a great father to our kids.

When we first discussed our future I told her how incredibly hard this was going to be on me and that I was going to struggle for awhile. She assured me that we can still do weekly or bi-weekly dinners and I can always stop over if it's getting too bad on me. I don't want to send my kids mixed signals and get their hopes up for a reunion, but I think it would be great if we remain on good terms.

Your story gives me hope!

Just...damn
You're doing the best thing...make sure the kids are OK. People underestimate how much it kills a good dude when they're not around to tuck their kids in at night, or just wake up to them when that's been happening for the kid's entire existence...shit is a back-breaker

You're a better man than most, because you are holding in so much possible anger, fury, and just pain for the sake of a smooth transition. The only suggestion I can make is make sure that you do some shit for YOU. You gotta make sure that you can heal from the craziness so the kids know Daddy's back on track. Kids can sense when there's something off, so after this is all done, try to do something to get your head straight.

Shit just sucks man...keep trying to keep your head up.

and not allowing my intense feelings to affect my interactions with my kids. It's hard though having to wait til their asleep or away until I can call a friend/family member and vent about things.

I'm fortunate in that I have a job I thoroughly enjoy and I have a strong support network. Also, I play basketball twice a week with a fun group of guys which helps keep me sane.

I'm gonna fly out to Vegas with the kids this summer to visit my brother and sister in law. My wife always refused to fly with kids, so it's been high on my priority list to travel with kids.

I've got plenty to keep me busy, but it'll be so different.

And you're right about folks often overlooking the impact of divorce on good fathers. I wish this on no one.

I mean, who am I to talk I've never divorced anyone.

What I should say is FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND you're doing the right thing - being the biggest man you can, doing everything for the kids, etc.

I am curious about one thing. Have you ever had any discussions about same sex relationships with your kids? I understand they are very young, but I'm just wondering what you two have planned assuming your ex wife ends up in a long term relationship with a woman (assuming that happens) with the potential of that other woman being in her home on a frequent or permanent basis.

Good luck man. Seems like you have the best grasp on it that you possibly can have. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this though.

because off the rip it sounds like MM is more stable than his wife at the moment. It reads like she wants to do her thing ans discover who she is.

Could he get full custody?

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

to file "AT FAULT" because PA is an at fault state. She said, go ahead, you can't prove anything. In PA you have to prove penetration and you can't prove that." Man, I wanted to slap the shit out of her when she said that.

All this shit went down about a month after her coming out to me. She apparently took my acceptance as a pass to act like an irresponsible college kid. She went out with one girl until 3am on a school night. The following Saturday night she didn't come back until past 5am. We had it out big time and she eventually apologized and has since stopped with the bs. She does, however, have a long distance gf (of course she claims she's just a friend though) who she spends entirely too much time on the phone with. My son complained about it to me today.

To answer your Q about custody. It's going to be 50/50. At the end of the day, she's still a good mother to our kids. She's super organized, hard-working, and I have no worries that she would do anything dumb with them. I wish she would be more patient with them, but overall she's good to them.

Just wondering if she was ignoring responsibilities on some “second chance to be a college freshman” type steez.

Good luck man.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>I am curious about one thing. Have you ever had any
>discussions about same sex relationships with your kids? I
>understand they are very young, but I'm just wondering what
>you two have planned assuming your ex wife ends up in a long
>term relationship with a woman (assuming that happens) with
>the potential of that other woman being in her home on a
>frequent or permanent basis.

Very limited discussions. However, our kids do know that we are very tolerant people and we value people of all walks of life. My wife has become very tight with a lesbian couple that lives about 25 minutes from us. She's taken our kids to visit them several times now. My kids just see it as two mom's living together (they have a kid too).

I think my kids will pick it up very quickly as to why I'm not with their mom when they see her romantically linked with another woman. Thing is, my wife can still be in the closet for awhile before anyone suspects anything.

We've agreed to not introduce any new potential dates to our kids until the relationship is strong. My wife has already sort of done this by face timing her "friend" around our kids. My kids just assume it's a friend. The girl lives far away, so I doubt she'll have much influence in their life though.
>
>Good luck man. Seems like you have the best grasp on it that
>you possibly can have. I'm sorry that you have to deal with
>this though.

Stay strong and keep on the positive track.
Reading stuff like this just breaks my heart....


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

they know how much you love them, definitely a good idea not to talk bad about each other in front of them. the whole thing is crazy, but at least she is still being a mother. I admire your patience, you not going crazy is best for the kids.

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

is consistent and the parents can remain cordial. Still, I can't help but worry for them. Also, it's going to be a real tough adjustment for me.

1) Keep your kids close, be honest, listen to them, ask them questions, constantly check with them on their emotional state. Being able to talk through it helps a ton for them. I won't sugar coat it though. First few weeks/months might be tough...for both you and them.

2) Your situation is waaaaaaaaaay more positive than you know. So take refuge in that. You'll be close to the kids, in an agreeable situation where she's not bitter/vindictive and won't struggle-struggle financially (I know it'll be tighter but if you can manage it, you're in a great space).

3) Mourn the loss of the relationship and take a lil time to heal. Don't sulk too much or let anger consume you. She's living her truth and in time you'll realize that's better for both of you than forcing it. This happened so you can find the space you need to be in.

4) I'm on marriage #2 and trust me, it gets better. Mainly because you'll know yourself more and will be much more keen on the type of person you allow into your life. There's a bit more at stake. So if it's serious, you'll vet more thoroughly. And if it's not, you'll make sure there are clear boundaries.

5) Make your ex accountable but not at the expense of the kids. There will be times where she's trying to unload them on you during 'her' time. As a dad, your first instinct will be to clamor for that extra time, but at the same time, be careful not to enable her. If you're doing more work, why should it be a 50/50 split of responsibility? Make sure she pulls her weight or pays for it. One or the other, no in between.

6) Lastly, my condolences. I know it's tough but trust me, you can come through the other end a better everything...husband/mate, father, person, lover...etc. This trial is not too great to overcome.

____________

Couldn't have said it better myself

=================
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came here to say this

best advice I can give in this situation

Around the same age as the oldest, 7Y.O., my mom was very honest with me about her relationship with my father

and why she left

I think about it alot

She didn't treat me like a baby when it came to real life situations like this

She treated me like a peer, equal...and spoke to me like an adult

That made a world of difference in my life TBH

The impact that my father's actions and lifestyle choices on my family shaped the man I wanted to be

helped me filter people out of my life that may be prone to the same choices/lifestyle

So that is the best advice I can give being raised by a single mom

Be honest with your kids, brutally honest.

IRT to your living situation, sounds like you are very fortunate

Amenable relationship with your ex

The households are within walking distance

Those 2 factors alone should be beneficial to a good outcome

---------------------------------------------------------------

If you can't understand it without an explanation

you can't understand it with an explanation

>1) Keep your kids close, be honest, listen to them, ask them
>questions, constantly check with them on their emotional
>state. Being able to talk through it helps a ton for them. I
>won't sugar coat it though. First few weeks/months might be
>tough...for both you and them.

I do this often with both kids, but especially to my soon to be 7 year old son. He's high energy but very sensitive. I'm most worried about him.
>
>2) Your situation is waaaaaaaaaay more positive than you know.
> So take refuge in that. You'll be close to the kids, in an
>agreeable situation where she's not bitter/vindictive and
>won't struggle-struggle financially (I know it'll be tighter
>but if you can manage it, you're in a great space).
>
She'll be much tighter than me on finances, but we'll both struggle initially. She has absolutely no reason in the world to be vindictive with me - she should realize she got the pass of a lifetime when I accepted her and agreed to keeping things 50/50. I have my gripes, but I've been able to set my ego aside and get along fine with her. I'll do my best to stay very cordial with her.

>3) Mourn the loss of the relationship and take a lil time to
>heal. Don't sulk too much or let anger consume you. She's
>living her truth and in time you'll realize that's better for
>both of you than forcing it. This happened so you can find
>the space you need to be in.

This is spot on. I know I'll definitely be better off in the long term so it's wasted energy letting anger and bitterness consume me.
>
>4) I'm on marriage #2 and trust me, it gets better. Mainly
>because you'll know yourself more and will be much more keen
>on the type of person you allow into your life. There's a bit
>more at stake. So if it's serious, you'll vet more
>thoroughly. And if it's not, you'll make sure there are clear
>boundaries.
>
Yeah, I can see this. I know damn well if I do ever get to the point of considering marriage again, there will be zero doubt in the world and I'll have a much more clear understanding of what I want in a relationship and partner.

>5) Make your ex accountable but not at the expense of the
>kids. There will be times where she's trying to unload them
>on you during 'her' time. As a dad, your first instinct will
>be to clamor for that extra time, but at the same time, be
>careful not to enable her. If you're doing more work, why
>should it be a 50/50 split of responsibility? Make sure she
>pulls her weight or pays for it. One or the other, no in
>between.
>
>6) Lastly, my condolences. I know it's tough but trust me,
>you can come through the other end a better
>everything...husband/mate, father, person, lover...etc. This
>trial is not too great to overcome.

This gives me hope. Thanks again for taking time to respond.

doesn't mean it's not devastating or hard, but I've seen many times where all the people come out on the other side happier and healthier. Hope that's the case for you and the lady, and if it is, it'll be the case for the kids too. Good luck.

-------
so I'm in a band now:
album ---> http://greenwoodburns.bandcamp.com/releases
Soundcloud ---> http://soundcloud.com/greenwood-burns

my own stuff -->http://soundcloud.com/lonesomedstringband

avy by buckshot_defunct

we'd remain a happy couple forever, but that just wasn't in the cards for us and it would have been torture on us both to make this work. Though I'm not happy with some choices she's been making lately, I know she's in a much better place than she was in prior to coming out to me. She was hurting and I was scared at where she was heading. At least I know now she's on the right path to self-acceptance. As much as this sucks for me, I know I'll be okay in the long term.

peace

https://www.instagram.com/christiancgarrido/

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are why I say BS to a majority of submitted essays and 'research' to journals about "fidings" talking about men who don't really give a shit about their kids.

and most certainly would be willing to fight for their kids. Sure, there's plenty of deadbeats out there, but there's more than enough of fathers like me who have immense love for our kids.

My heart goes out to you. As someone who is also getting divorced after 12 years I think I can relate to where you are. It is challenging to make sense of things for yourself and you want to have it all figured out to make sure your kids are secure.

My little one was 8 and my eldest 16 when I moved out. They were both crushed and it was awkward for 5-6 months. I still remember my little one crying hysterically when I told her I was moving, but I spent a ton of time with them. We watch TV, hung out and I would text and message them how much I loved them. It sounds simple but kids will adjust and they have tendency to focus on the good and ignore the bad, and we as parents do the opposite.

I wish you peace, and you will find it. The will fade from your kids minds and they will figure it out with you. I am here if you want to talk because Lord knows how crazy this experience is.

Sorry to hear that fam, best wishes to you and her and making it work as well as you can co-parenting which I can't imagine is easy.

Me and the Mrs separated for about 6mos over 10yrs back, and we made it through and have now been married 21 years and going.

Marriage and the dissolution of it are tough, stay up!

I guess that's the big difference between the separation of a straight couple vs. one with a lesbian. When she came out, I knew there was no turning back and no hope for a reconciliation.

i can't imagine all that you tried to be as a husband won't transferred over to being a wonderful single parent father. They'll grow to understand

we family

Nothing like the sting of a divorce. Like my mom once told me, its like going through a death...death of a relationship.

As a man who has experienced that, know that that period of rawness you will experience has an expiration date. You probably cant SEE it right now, but you will get to the other side of this.

Time heals.

Hang in there man.

a sudden death. The past month that led to her coming out had an ominous feel to it, but there was still hope that with some serious soul-searching and counseling, we'd work things out. After all, I was in this for the long haul. I had no intentions of ever stepping out and had hoped to spend the rest of my life with her. The first month was really terrible. I cried and cried often. I tried to make sense of what the hell happened. With time, I slowly began to realize that us separating was the only logical choice moving forward and I began to visualize life with someone else. The pain of our relationship ending still stings, but I'm definitely over her. I guess it helps when your spouse turns gay because there's a finality to things. Like, I know I'm never going back (and neither is she) so it's best to move forward.

I'm in a good place right now (all things considered), but still very anxious about the impact this may have on our kids.

having gone through it as a kid, one thing I can say is the happier you are the better it probably will be for them.

it's going to have it's steps forwards and back in terms of them dealing with it, probably for a lot longer than you may think. but if you need a reason to take time for yourself, know that you'll be able to help them better when you are together and present.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

I'm just thankful to be in a place in my life where I have the confidence and strength to weather through whatever storm comes my way. I have plenty of things to look forward to in life. Simply being a positive force in my kids life is more than enough motivation to brighten my day and keep my spirits up.

I have and I'm sure will still have my moments, but I know I can lean on my support network. You guys have all helped too by sharing your words of wisdom and personal experiences.

>having gone through it as a kid, one thing I can say is the
>happier you are the better it probably will be for them.
>
>it's going to have it's steps forwards and back in terms of
>them dealing with it, probably for a lot longer than you may
>think. but if you need a reason to take time for yourself,
>know that you'll be able to help them better when you are
>together and present.

i pray for your emotional healing, and for your strength and wisdom in navigating these days ahead. i'm also praying for your kids' emotional well being through all of this.

i'm encouraged for the prospects for your success by the grace with which you've handled this post. there's pain and genuine concern about how things will go forward (and even then, moreso for your kids than for you), but not any bitterness or vindictiveness. that don't mean that you ain't pissed (you certainly have reason to be), but the way you seem to be handling it makes me think that the situation will end up being a blessing for your kids, and for you, with a lot of that contingent upon your ability to focus on what's most important -- the welfare of your children.




peace & blessings,

x.

www.twitter.com/poetx

=========================================
I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
not having much to show for it. (c) mad

I sure do hope and pray things go well for my kids. They are my primary concern so I'll set aside my ego and strive to do what's best for them.

I do have plenty to be pissed about, but it's just not in my nature to be consumed with bitterness. Life's too short to be carrying around too much negative energy. Also, I want my kids to see that you can remain positive and optimistic through adversity (not that they will have any clue as to what really happened).

>i pray for your emotional healing, and for your strength and
>wisdom in navigating these days ahead. i'm also praying for
>your kids' emotional well being through all of this.
>
>i'm encouraged for the prospects for your success by the grace
>with which you've handled this post. there's pain and genuine
>concern about how things will go forward (and even then,
>moreso for your kids than for you), but not any bitterness or
>vindictiveness. that don't mean that you ain't pissed (you
>certainly have reason to be), but the way you seem to be
>handling it makes me think that the situation will end up
>being a blessing for your kids, and for you, with a lot of
>that contingent upon your ability to focus on what's most
>important -- the welfare of your children.
>
>
>
>
>peace & blessings,
>
>x.
>
>www.twitter.com/poetx
>
>=========================================
>I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just
>focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and
>
>not having much to show for it. (c) mad

That sounds heavy as hell.

https://chriswind.bandcamp.com/track/massage

"You can take an African out of Africa, but you can't take Africa out of the African"
Afro-Americana/Afro-Caribbana/Afro-Latino unite. We are ALL Black!

Stay strong.

------------------------------------------
America from 9:00 on: https://youtu.be/GUwLCQU10KQ

Stay on that ledge and pretend you’re Batman.

Look down on that city, find your inner hero, find the right sound track for the ensuing journey, plug in the Bat-Ear Buds and then?

Jump.

Since you’re Batman, you can’t fly. But you can glide. And you got that utility belt. Don’t forget about that, because you need it.
You got a lot in that belt. That’s what you used to post this, if you recall.
You know what all those gadgets and gizmos are already, because you’ve used them time and again, perhaps without realizing what you were doing.

Though, of particular note is that contact list in the Bat-Phone. It’s powerful. Use it.

You got some enemies that will creep in. A lot of mundane thugs, foot soldiers, you know the type. You’ll lay waste to them with relative ease, but you may need assistance when the end-boss Arch Rival types show up. But hey, you got Alfred. Maybe a few of them. Commissioner Gordon, etc.

Hopefully you don’t have a thirteen year old ward in colorful tights, because that’s creepy. It always has been. But Al and the Commish? Hit ‘em up like Pac would.

I know this is probably coming across real corny, or maybe even trite, but trust: ^^^^That’s your blueprint.


Fill in the blanks. Add your own, more personally relatable details. Rewrite it with different characters and scenarios in a way that speaks to you.

Generally speaking, you’ll be fine regardless. You’re resilient enough to articulate an absolute mess of emotion in a clear and concise way, rationally and thoughtfully. So it’s clear that you’re coming out on top. The only real advice you’ll get will ultimately come from within. You’ll get suggestions, sure. Scenarios such as mine, but minus the various bits of fresh perspective from outside eyes, every word of advice or suggestion you’ll receive will be something you already inherently know and do. Even if someone offers a word that helps lead you to that well, it’s your own well from which you’ll draw.

It's all in how you frame it, and you'll find a way to frame it the works for you.

But when/if the walls close in and it feels suffocating because the coming changes feel like they’re a little too much? Make sure you have some foundation to fall back on, a thread to pull to find your way back. You’ll be alright. This is going to suck. You’re going to hurt. And you’re going to be just fine, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

You're right in that I already have/know a lot of the answers. It's having the courage to remain strong and do what I know is best, despite the fear and anxiety that can sometimes consume me. I've come too far in life to look back and wallow in self pity. Although I have only reached out to a handful of friends and family, those I've shared my story with have been incredibly supportive. I know I've got this. I just hope my kids are as resilient as people say they can be.

*Bookmarks* this post for future reference/support.


>Stay on that ledge and pretend you’re Batman.
>
>Look down on that city, find your inner hero, find the right
>sound track for the ensuing journey, plug in the Bat-Ear Buds
>and then?
>
>Jump.
>
>Since you’re Batman, you can’t fly. But you can glide. And
>you got that utility belt. Don’t forget about that, because
>you need it.
>You got a lot in that belt. That’s what you used to post
>this, if you recall.
>You know what all those gadgets and gizmos are already,
>because you’ve used them time and again, perhaps without
>realizing what you were doing.
>
>Though, of particular note is that contact list in the
>Bat-Phone. It’s powerful. Use it.
>
>You got some enemies that will creep in. A lot of mundane
>thugs, foot soldiers, you know the type. You’ll lay waste to
>them with relative ease, but you may need assistance when the
>end-boss Arch Rival types show up. But hey, you got Alfred.
>Maybe a few of them. Commissioner Gordon, etc.
>
>Hopefully you don’t have a thirteen year old ward in
>colorful tights, because that’s creepy. It always has been.
>But Al and the Commish? Hit ‘em up like Pac would.
>
>I know this is probably coming across real corny, or maybe
>even trite, but trust: ^^^^That’s your blueprint.
>
>
>Fill in the blanks. Add your own, more personally relatable
>details. Rewrite it with different characters and scenarios in
>a way that speaks to you.
>
>Generally speaking, you’ll be fine regardless. You’re
>resilient enough to articulate an absolute mess of emotion in
>a clear and concise way, rationally and thoughtfully. So
>it’s clear that you’re coming out on top. The only real
>advice you’ll get will ultimately come from within. You’ll
>get suggestions, sure. Scenarios such as mine, but minus the
>various bits of fresh perspective from outside eyes, every
>word of advice or suggestion you’ll receive will be
>something you already inherently know and do. Even if someone
>offers a word that helps lead you to that well, it’s your
>own well from which you’ll draw.
>
>It's all in how you frame it, and you'll find a way to frame
>it the works for you.
>
>But when/if the walls close in and it feels suffocating
>because the coming changes feel like they’re a little too
>much? Make sure you have some foundation to fall back on, a
>thread to pull to find your way back. You’ll be alright.
>This is going to suck. You’re going to hurt. And you’re
>going to be just fine, even when it doesn’t feel like it.