I'm in a place where I don't feel connected to many people, including friends I've had for years. It feels like I'm going through a purging socially.
Because it's not isolated, I'm trying to keep in touch/ maintain relationships casually with people even though I'm kind of not into them any more. They still good people, so disconnecting totally seems rash.
1. "RE: I'm trying to learn how to have casual friends " In response to Reply # 0
If it feels like you're not connecting and that you're going through a purge, you probably are. People come and go in your life for all sorts of reasons. Just go with it and let it go.
I've had this friend from college study abroad days and one day he flaked out on paying me back for a NYE party ticket and just stopped picking up the phone,e tc. wtf right? haha.
Other people will leave for diff reasons and maybe no reason at all (on the surface).
2. "I've learned that it is one of the secrets to success in life. " In response to Reply # 0
Alot of the successful people I know are good at shooting random notes and saying "hey, let's hang out and grab a drink or dinner". We meet up and catch up and might be another six months before we do it again.
The really successful people I know do it 2 - 3 times a week. Like they build it into their schedule.
I am not great at it but my wife is pretty good. She has a random dinner probably once a week with a former colleague or someone.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
Most career connections come from acquaintances, not close friends, because our close friends know the same people we know.
This is the main reason I'm even entertaining having casual friends. Right now people are either family or foes (not really). Gotta make a space in between.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
dont let these okp weirdos full you either. a few still keep in contact with old flames and invite them to their weddings but those people are fucking weirdos... or lying.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
6. "You are not alone" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Sep-19-16 12:25 PM by BabyYoda
It is a part of growing up and moving along with your life. People do come and go and you also every love as a person. As far as maintaining a casual relationship with people, I hope that those people are making an effort with you because friendship is a two way street.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79845 posts
Mon Sep-19-16 01:47 PM
13. "I find myself disliking friends post " In response to Reply # 11
strictly based on how much they are on my feed.
people who post all day every day on FB...annoying.
I had a friend announce she was selected to be on Master Chef. Everyone was like "that's awsome, congrats.. this is God working a miracle"
then she replied "sike, I'm lying... I'm just bored"
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
23. "all good. not trying to force it on you." In response to Reply # 14 Tue Sep-20-16 10:45 AM by TRENDone
i'm just saying it works for me. i'm able to maintain longtime friendships as well as nurture new ones. it took me more than a decade to make the internet work for the social aspect of my life. now i need to learn the master the art of internet dating...
17. "RE: It's 2016, how do you hate social media?" In response to Reply # 11
>i understand there's ups and downs, but it's a part of our >social world.
because, for the most part, it's a vain and bullshit portrayal of someone's idealized life, in an attempt to feel self-validated. that girl always posting how "happy" and "glowing" she is? trust me, she ain't.
as far your point about KIT --- i actually had more friends (gen-x) call me after i'd deactivated my FB profile for a few months. just 'cause i can click on someone's profile and read shit doesn't mean we're really that "connected"..
don't discount the intra-friend resentment factor that social media creates also.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79845 posts
Tue Sep-20-16 07:22 AM
19. "someone once said FB is where you go to lie about life" In response to Reply # 18
and Twitter is where we find out the real truth
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
22. "personally, I socialize more w/ casual friends on the net" In response to Reply # 11 Tue Sep-20-16 10:50 AM by TRENDone
i went away for college in 2012 and got cool with ppl on a facebook group i'm a member of. i turned 30 and found myself getting along more with FB group members close to my age than 18-23 year olds around me. i've made good friends with it's members irl and they also have a local tv show and community aspect to the group...learned from my mistakes on OKP of course lol.
i have my casual friends with a common interest: sports. i talk with complete strangers every day, but i have no commitment to them. whenever heated topics come up i can slide out of topics without any guilt..."my bad my cousin picked me up" or "my phone died." i don't get phone calls or texts, i get PMs or tagged instead. they have a better gauge of what's going on in my life currently cuz thanks to the FB algorithm, I'm on their timeline more than 4x per day!
ps. driving uber/lyft helped me balance real world and internet relationships better.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79845 posts
Tue Sep-20-16 10:50 AM
24. "its easy to have "relationships" online..." In response to Reply # 22
click a few likes, post a quick message, say whats up and KIM.
but IMO thats kinda weak and easy as shit to do.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
willothewisp Member since Feb 07th 2003 1089 posts
Tue Sep-20-16 10:32 AM
21. "RE: I'm trying to learn how to have casual friends " In response to Reply # 0 Tue Sep-20-16 10:53 AM by willothewisp
What makes you feel disconnected? What makes you not interested in them anymore? Can you articulate? Or is it just a feeling now?
What makes them good people?
Stay open for old friends/acquaintances who want to connect with you or whom you like to connect with (people you haven't seen in a long while) and new people also? Ccould turn out very pleasant if you meet them for drinks or something. That is what I did.
willothewisp Member since Feb 07th 2003 1089 posts
Tue Sep-20-16 11:03 AM
25. "RE: I'm trying to learn how to have casual friends " In response to Reply # 21
And don't stay at home if you don't want to do social media. Sometimes being surrounded by people you don't know is good enough te resolve feeling lonely. Take a walk, go somewhere... the excercise is always good for you too
28. "It's good to do a purge once in awhile." In response to Reply # 0
Just start with a "good morning" text and see if you get good enough at it that you do it every day. This lets people know you are thinking of them and most times it's reciprocated.
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