9. "the holidays are just way too depressing on so many fronts. Even when my" In response to Reply # 6
loved ones were alive the holidays were somewhat depressing but at least we had each other, nah mean. Now, that period of the year don't even resonate with me at all.
I think about them more in the quiet, solitary moments.
________________________________________________
The ULTIMATE negation of everything.
The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron
I might look up and realize that I'm at a particular place and lo and behold 'last time I was here...was the last time me and X------' kicked it. RIP my nxgga.
5. "Yes, it's usually music isn't it. With me, it just happens to so sporadi..." In response to Reply # 2
don't have to be doing or experiencing anything in particular and boom, just like that I feel like curling up in a fetal position somewhere in dark room for a couple hours.
________________________________________________
The ULTIMATE negation of everything.
The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron
4. "i have found that there's not really a specific time of year etc" In response to Reply # 0
that i think of those that we've lost. sometimes around the time of death or bday i will specifically think about them, but most of the time it happens almost randomly. a conversation will occur, or someone will mention them, or perhaps i'll just think of them for no apparent reason and remember how much i miss them.
this happens most often with my Granny. she was awesome, i still miss her a lot and she passed many years ago. she would be proud of me and my children. i wish she could have met them. i often think about her because my mom (Granny was my dad's mom, btw) gets to be around and spend so much time with my kids. i only got to see Granny 1-2 times a year because she lived in Alabama and we live in VA. summer and holidays were really the main times we got together. my kids are very fortunate to have my mom (and other grandparents as well) in their lives as much as they do. when i think about that i think about Granny and wish i would have had more time with her growing up.
8. "Generally when I'm doing/thinking about an activity I associate with the..." In response to Reply # 0
Like, my uncle passed a few months ago, and now I think about him every time we eat corn for dinner, because the guy taught me how to shuck corn. So every time I shuck corn for my wife to cook, I think about him for a few minutes. Or every time I swim in our housing development's community pool, or even think about it (which is often, since it's basically right outside our front door), because when my family visited my uncle and aunt in NY over the summer, we spent a whole lotta time swimming in their pool.
I also think about my grandmother (she passed 20 years ago), on my brother's birthday, since my first coherent memory is waking up and walking into my parents room, and my grandma telling me that they weren't there because they went to the hospital so that my mom could give birth.
I also think about my grandfather all the time at job, since he had diabetes, and I work at a medical device company that combats diabetes.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Thu Aug-25-16 01:26 PM
11. "when i look at my daughter... almost daily" In response to Reply # 0
neither of my parents had a chance to meet my daughter and it hurts. Especially my dad because we were planning a trip to see him.
My mom, its mostly christmas because she was killed in a car accident a few days before Christmas and it was our fams favorite holiday.
My dad, its football season or pretty much anytime Pittsburgh teams play. We always called each other during games... so this Steeler season will be hard because after every TD we called and talked shit. It was our excuse to call each other more often than a Father and Son usually do.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
14. "I think of my mom constantly, the majority of what I know how to do as a..." In response to Reply # 0
basic functioning adult was taught to me by her, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, balancing a budget, etc., so every time I perform those tasks I can hear her voice in my head telling me how to do it.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79621 posts
Thu Aug-25-16 03:17 PM
23. "damn.. this is real as shit. " In response to Reply # 14
my mom taught me everything but budgeting (we were poor as shit).
my mom used to be on the sideline at football games screaming for me to knock someone's head off. She made me so angry one game I hurt a kid.
quick question. Do you have dreams about your mom? Its been almost 10 years and I have had 3 dreams with her in them. My dad used to joke and say it was because she was always in his dreams terrorizing him.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
29. "RE: damn.. this is real as shit. " In response to Reply # 23
>my mom taught me everything but budgeting (we were poor as >shit). > >my mom used to be on the sideline at football games screaming >for me to knock someone's head off. She made me so angry one >game I hurt a kid. > >quick question. Do you have dreams about your mom? Its been >almost 10 years and I have had 3 dreams with her in them. My >dad used to joke and say it was because she was always in his >dreams terrorizing him.
Dude my mom passed 16 years ago and I have dreams about her pretty regularly. Usually we're just sitting around in the kitchen like we used to talking about a lot of the stuff I mentioned above.
34. "RE: damn.. this is real as shit. " In response to Reply # 23
>my mom used to be on the sideline at football games screaming >for me to knock someone's head off. She made me so angry one >game I hurt a kid. > >quick question. Do you have dreams about your mom? Its been >almost 10 years and I have had 3 dreams with her in them. My >dad used to joke and say it was because she was always in his >dreams terrorizing him.
My mom was at every soccer game I ever played growing up... like from age 4 to age 18 I don't recall her ever missing a game, and I have two older brothers and she never missed theirs either... Shit like that amazes me now cuz she worked full time but still made it to school functions, games, etc. I can't even promise I'll be at a homies BBQ on my days off..
I had 2 dreams the week she passed and maybe a few since then. I smoke a lot of weed so I don't ever remember dreams. Used to not care about that but now I get bummed about not remembering dreams about my mom.
15. "My mom -- Saturday mornings" In response to Reply # 0
It's just passed the 2 year mark so it's fair to say there are still some raw emotions and grief I'm processing... I am overall OK and functional though and I talk to my family about it when I need to. It's kinda just the long tail of grief.
First, I think of her ALL THE TIME. If my mind is idle I think of her. I could be walking to work and see a rock and then recall something about my mom and rocks. It could be anything, rock, plant, bike, a random mom-van that looks like her Ford Windstars she loved...
I think of her the most on Saturday mornings because that is when she passed. It was a phone call from my Dad that woke me up with that news. 8:30AM. I think it's why I'm usually awake by 6-7AM on Saturdays now, because I don't want to be woken up to news like that again.
So: Saturday mornings the most, but really all the time.
35. "RE: It's been 3 yrs for me since she passed and the memories, when" In response to Reply # 24 Thu Aug-25-16 04:46 PM by dustin
>they arise, of her final days are still jagged shards of >anguish. I don't think it'll ever get easier. > >Peace to you, fam.
Thanks and same to you fam... I struggle when I think her last week also. Last time I saw her was in hospital. I had to fly back to Cali that day... she was discharged 2 days later then passed unexpectedly 2 days after that. I find peace in the fact that my last sight of her was her standing up to hug and kiss me goodbye. At least she wasn't laying down.
18. "Whenever I watch Armagedeon" In response to Reply # 0
I think of my friend Mike...he died from complications during his kidney transplant.
but he loved that damn Aerosmith song that came from that movie.
I always think of my granddaddy whenever I see A Phi A men...he was a proud Alpha man or whenever sprinklers come on he had a sprinkler company most of my childhood, I always wonder if it's him saying hi...
"Holier than thou never sits well with me."(c)janey
"OKP spends way too much time looking for ways to be offended." ~legsdiamond
19. "my grandparents -- when my kids act a fool + get on my nerves " In response to Reply # 0 Thu Aug-25-16 02:46 PM by 2.tears.in.a.bucket
i think abt how exhausted they must've been -- but still were willing to help their daughter in anyway they could -- even if it meant keeping our bad-asses until she got off work.
31. "my paternal grandmother, who raised me, passed 2 yrs ago and strangely....." In response to Reply # 19 Thu Aug-25-16 03:43 PM by Somnus
enough I dont think about her that much and when I do it's nothing but warm feelings. I guess it's because I felt like she died on her own terms and knowing that she accomplished what she set out to do upon arriving in this country. Raising 8 children and then fighting like hell to get them over here where they could have the best opportunity to fullfill their own respective destinies and then turning around and raising my crazy ass all while pursuing an education and subsequent career as a nurse.
Yeah, she fought the good fight indeed.
________________________________________________
The ULTIMATE negation of everything.
The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron
20. "i think abt my maternal grandmother at least a few times a week" In response to Reply # 0
when im cooking. or cleaning. or playing dominos. or drinking some water. or just sitting on the couch minding my business. i wish she would have gotten a chance to see my kids & i wonder what she thinks of me now
30. "think about my pops pretty much daily. i pass by his cemetary" In response to Reply # 0
otw to work everyday and throw a fist up as i roll by. hes been gone 3 years and my son is about to start highschool and is as tall as me now...i wish he was here to see his grandson start this stage in his journey...the shit is definitely tuff sometimes.
33. "Peace to you, bro. I don't know how I'll feel when my old man goes. If I..." In response to Reply # 30
even still around, that is.
he's supposedly suffering with cancer but it's been like almost 8 yrs now since hes been "diagnosed" and both my mom and his mom done passed from cancer in that time.
he ain't been nowhere near a decent dad or even person for that matter but I can't imagine it won't hurt to know he's no longer around, ya know.
________________________________________________
The ULTIMATE negation of everything.
The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron
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