Slim Charles (1-1) 148 points vs Midnight Maruder (0-2) 122.6 points.
Yours truly with the best performance of the week. Cam and his foxtail fur thing BROUGHT IT week 2, gaining nearly 39 fantasy points as he showed Big Ben how to get it done and outscored every other fantasy player. Greg Olsen did his best to keep Midnight in the game, but the Cardinals defense outscored him. Gano had the highest score of any FG this week. Midnight with a crushing injury of AP, so he is vulnerable to trade offers (if you want James White, let me know).

Nguyeners (1-1) 97.78 points vs The Infamous (0-2) 94.92 points
NAILBITER. Closest matchup in the league so far early in the year. The Infamous is currently in last place with an abysmal point total, only lower than Nguyeners, so we had an excellent battle of Shittiest Teams In The League! Well done guys, didnt disappoint.

The Gargle Blasters (2-0) 143.78 vs After Words (1-1) 80.78
If this was any more of a blood bath it would be the scene from Dexter. Gargle is looking like the team to beat this season, but he is only riding the hot hand of Matt Forte, who cannot keep this torrent pace. just kidding he will probably shatter every RB record imaginable as he looks very very solid this year. Bortles with a laughably bad game and the Jags with a great Jags performance, a let down of monstrous proportions. DeAngelo is a pleasant surprise this season, hope he continues to be a top shelf RB. After Words with a D- Weekly Grade from the Yahoo guys. After Words scored 170 points last week?! what a disaster.

Bartholomew Crickets (2-0) 110.68 points vs The Electric Mayhem (1-1) 102 points
Bart with another win and the only other undefeated player. i just consider it lucky because he has only scored 250 points and he had the luxury of playing a low scoring team again. if Aaron Rodgers didnt suck so bad, Mayhem coulda won, but Rodgers is on a hot 15 game streak of not exceeding a QB Rating of 100. what is wrong with him?

Selassie I Soldiers (1-1) 123.72 points vs Crosstown Fuckups (1-1) 93.56
Selassie, who had an up and down week, seeing the Chargers absolutely smoke the Jags but lost another offensive starter in the process. thankfully i drafted the only worthy skill player on the Chargers, Mr Melvin Gordon, so ill gladly watch the Chargers lose as he pads stats all season long. Hi Selassie, and fuck the Chargers.

WE HAVE SOME GOOD GAMES THIS WEEK!
Slim Charles (3rd) vs Selassie (7th)
The Infamous (whatever number last place forever represents) vs Bartholomew Crickets (2nd)
After Words (4th) vs Nguyeners (8th)
Crosstown Fuckups (6th) vs The Electric Mayhem (5th)
Midnight Maruder (9th) vs The Gargle Blasters (1st)

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Coach Crickets says "scoreboard."

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YARDS