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I am not saying I am proud of the following events I am about to describe. But I think I am trying to use this to learn something about music (or arts in general).
The fuck! There's this album that I am currently listening to on Rhapsody. It's pissing me off. Greatly. I don't know why I won't stop listening to it.
The fucking! album is Good Girl Gone Bad Fucking Reloaded. I mean, is this a horrible album? Everyone says its hot. And sometimes, I think I agree with them. Last year, I did a verse over "Umbrella." I know I did love "Hate That I Love You" when it came out. I even thought about doing a verse over "Shut Up and Drive" the first time I heard it.
But listening to the album right now, I am just hating it. In a really, really, hotdamn, visceral way. I fucking can't stand it. Yet, I can't stop myself from listening to it. It's blasting through these weak-ass, laptop speakers as I type this out.
Matter of fact, the music player just died. AND I re-started the music player. Am I a masochist? No!
So, why the hell am I listening to something I hate so much?
Check this: Rihanna reminds me of a girl that I am probably in love with. And I am missing the girl bad. So, I can't stand seeing Rihanna. AND I am fucking hating Chris Brown right now.
Yet, none of these artists did anything to me. They make music that under normal circumstances, I like well enough.
But yet...
I am not buying Rihanna's innuendos in "Shut Up and Drive." I wanna smack Chris Brown all over the pavement -- leave his dance moves in little pieces all over the earth. WTF?!?
Or maybe it's the horrible sound card on the laptop. Or maybe it's the 128kbps sampling that's pissing me off. Bad sound card and low sampling rate don't normally piss me off.
I have to say though, in this emotional state of mind I am in, there are songs on the album that I liked:
-- If I Never See Your Face Again
-- Question Existing (even though I have no idea what it's about; and this is coming from me, who is so EXTREMELY lyrical, I still don't know how I am able to listen to instrumental-only music)
-- Hate That I Love You
Umm, I wonder WHY I like THOSE ones!
(The album just finished playing. And I am actually feeling better now that it stopped)
So, analyzing this whole bullshit that just happened, from a (future) producer and songwriter's point of view ... WTF just happened? Is music (and arts in general) really THIS powerful?
I mean, I get really cynic about the world sometimes that I use phrases like, "We are the fucking world, To make a better place, so let's start bullshit giving." And on that note, I say to myself, "I will never make a song like 'We Are The World,'" cos I am not buying it.
But-t-t, maybe when done properly, "We Are The World"-type music could be really powerful. Maybe, just maybe, I can use music to convince black people that we are THE shit. There's all this logical reasonsss to prove how much we are the shit, but yet, WE don't buy it. From Kemet to the fact that we still exist even after all the pillaging.
So, I think what I am saying is, I want to learn to make music that FUCKS with your mind. That makes you hate it (the music) so much but yet you listen to it and aren't able to stop listening. Music that makes you THINK so hard that you come up with lines like "scattering Chris Brown's dance moves all over the earth."
I want to make music that fucking matters! I want to make rap music that's both logical AND visceral AND soulful AND expressionistic.
I want to make music that changes shit for the better! And FUCK! I think I just said something that you would hear in a pagent contest.
Either way, I need to stop hating Chris Brown and disliking Rihanna's music. Neither of them did anything to me.
I should just remember that in the future, if anyone ever hates my music, it might not have anything to do with MY music. It might really BE them, not me.
I think I am gonna find this post funny later on. Or highly embarrassing. I am betting on both.
http://www.myspace.com/heremakhetonline
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