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Subject: "Beautiful Girl." Previous topic | Next topic
Origin05
Member since Mar 24th 2005
13301 posts
Wed Mar-28-07 11:52 PM

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"Beautiful Girl."


  

          


I know my shit is long but someone give me some feedback.. this one isn't going to be "understood" so much by males.. its a relation piece dealing with the corruption of young women.


Beautiful Girl

I’d like to take an issue up with you for a moment
Cause I’ve been watching your actions
But questioning your motives

Questioning each tear falling
Into a pond
Of regretful action
That you sing not in psalm but song

Motives masked behind minor keys
Pentatonic chords falling
Into
Another
S
O
Un
D
Of stalling
Not of lighthearted years
But of heavy hearted
Tears

Cry it out
Let it go
Let the tears
Lift the burdens of maturity
From your soul

Embrace youth that has been bled out of you
Replaced by empty bottles
And blunt wraps
And acts of sin
Like making Salat with bottles of gin
Emptiness has subsided into the temples
Of peace/piece
Letting purity leave after
Piece/peace
And singing Billie Holiday
God bless the child that gets her own

Maintain practice of childhood
Hula hoops and numbers
Adrift in the mind of a lost soul
Like watching matches of hop-scotch
On dirt roads
And jump rope
On summer asphalt
Smell of summer rain falling from clouds
And the assurance that someone is always there
Dry tears
Fall from saturated eyes
Scraped knees and lullabies
Are what you are now
A shadow
Shadows dancing on walls
Lit
By the faint flicker of candle
Standing stiller
Than death
Hands abreast
And eyes drying tears
As you fall on your knees
And acknowledge your existence

Acknowledge YOUR identity
The truth of the matter is
Your redemption
Is your sanity
Your truth will set you free
To
Flee
From the 16 years of torment
That really weren’t so bad
When living in past memories
Of boo boo’s
And butterscotch disc’s
And peppermint church candies
And an Eskimo kiss
But 16 years removed
And an adult
In a child’s world
Its okay to cry
With those dry eyes
And faint stares.

Because we deal with growing pains
And regret
Innocence lost
To those who steal
Taking advantage of what we as humans hold dear
Purity
Non corrupted by the hand of danger
Stranger things happen
To those unprepared
For the effects of liquor and cocaine
Bare the weight
And levity
Of a young souls disposition quick to be robbed
And facing inquisition
Iniquity of her true form
On trial
By those false lies
That have had your soul tied
In oppressive ropes of patriarchy
Weighing on your soul
Learning the place of a woman
Is on her knees
And not standing high on pedestals of gold
Beautiful girl
You are treasure
Brighter than the sun
Loving yourself is not difficult
You can pick up the pieces
You can glue them together
You can be whole
Just try to see
The glass angels
That fall from the trees
Like glass rebels
Rebelling against the rage of the sea
And breaking into shards
Your crystal staircase may be wood
And inlaid with splinters that hurt the
Soles
Of feet that grapple with the struggle
To move forward
Your glass can be collected
And await the time for you to
Realize your tribulation as grace
And pick up the pieces
And start a new day

Beautiful girl its okay to cry your dry tears
Because I have cried them too
And my heart lies within you.

- Jillian Smith aka Origin 2007

http://www.twitter.com/LipstikActivist
Tweet Me.
http://thelipstikactivist.tumblr.com/
Tumbl Me. (rawr)

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: Beautiful Girl.
Mar 29th 2007
1
Yeah ...
Mar 30th 2007
2
I feel what you're saying...
Mar 30th 2007
3
      RE: I feel what you're saying...
Mar 30th 2007
4

ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Thu Mar-29-07 02:23 PM

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1. "RE: Beautiful Girl."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

oh this can be understood by men since it is a plight we see everyday some of us are perpetrators while others are defenders often trying to change the direction of these "Beautiful Girls" too many however are not vicitims as they are volunteers looking for love in all the wrong places the only thing with that is it has no gender on it.
this is well written and felt
you capture my attention in your writing
so pleeze...
"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Fri Mar-30-07 12:06 AM

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2. "Yeah ..."
In response to Reply # 1


          

What ^He^ said! --


A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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Origin05
Member since Mar 24th 2005
13301 posts
Fri Mar-30-07 12:52 AM

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3. "I feel what you're saying..."
In response to Reply # 1


  

          


the implication in the second to last stanza is that her "innocence was robbed"... thus she lost her innocence to violation/rape/molestation and it was one of the spring boards for the issues she is dealing with now.

I've been raised by my father but have had a host of beautiful girls (I'm the youngest in the extended family) and now that I'm older I completely recognize the things they suffered through.

Trust me I'm a Feminist but far from a male basher..
Thanks for your feedback as always and I'll continue to write for as long as people read.

Much Love.
Origin

http://www.twitter.com/LipstikActivist
Tweet Me.
http://thelipstikactivist.tumblr.com/
Tumbl Me. (rawr)

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Fri Mar-30-07 12:43 PM

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4. "RE: I feel what you're saying..."
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

i personally know a woman who i have been intimately involved with who is a victim of molestation/rape/incest who also bore a child from it (more than there is room for here to really discuss) however the need to heal no matter what that takes is the real concern.

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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