Can’t sleep. Driven.

Instant gratification. What do I make of it?
Beauty. I can see.
I needed heartbreak to allow me
to channel my soul.

Mmmm. It feels good.
To open the dam and let it go free.
How do I release me?
Just like this.
Why do I inconvenience another to exist?

It felt good to follow my gut.
And I do not know where it will lead me, but I must.

Wow. Intensity à Reflection. I feel good.
But in the morning I will awake
and at that time I will remember
the salt in my fears.

Free myself? I feel as if I can never be free.
To those I love, they elude me.
Intensity. A blessing and a curse.
How can such sincerity and raw emotion be wrong?

Driven out of bed by my gut. Back on the steps if I must.
Corny poetry I spew. But to find myself anew.
And I knew.
That he would ignore me. But why do I choose to play this game?

Emotions. Not cool? Just a fool
to allow them to lead me.
I search and I search for a man to complete me.
When instead I should look into myself.

How did I end up in this situation?
Instead I should ask how do I flee?
I seek the affection of someone who never truly adored me.

No self respect. I used to have some.
What happened to it? Totally out of my league.
I want a man but I’m not a woman.
Still a girl at the very heart of me.

And what do I do now? Sit numb for a while then regroup?
Fall into a ditch never to recoup?
I don’t know.
But I do need the best of me to step up and allow me to breathe.
Good night.

This, and

I want a man but I'm not a woman---

were compelling to me.

http://worthwatering.blogspot.com
Can it be I stayed away too long?/
Did I leave your mind when I was gone?/
It's not my thing trying to get back/
But this time let me tell you where I'm at-- Jackson Five

thank you.