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Lobby Freestyle Board topic #60068

Subject: "Hangman" Previous topic | Next topic
tonygee
Member since Sep 03rd 2006
5 posts
Sun Sep-03-06 01:04 PM

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"Hangman"
Sun Sep-03-06 01:09 PM by tonygee

  

          

*its tonygee. 17 year old, down south born and bred, "jive-turkey" sayin, poet with no technique, thinker, problem solver, and i'm black. Amerikkka's worst nitemare. Except i dont hide in closets.


Hangman

they felt like it was my time to rise
hovering like 5 feet above the dandelions
I'm the talk of the town
the center of attention
you cant go nowhere without hearing my mention
serving in my treeside detention
this is the white-woman-got-raped-not-really prevention
damn i shoulda listened
there is no such thing as a white woman consentin
to a black man
i swing i sway
i can see the river where i will lay
i...pray to god, i pray
the named a game for me
nowadays the games kids play
they said it was my time to rise
he said "tighten the rope
time to meet your hangman demise"

Got a world problem that needs solving? Call Tony!

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: Hangman
Sep 04th 2006
1
up nm
Sep 24th 2006
2
RE: Hangman
Sep 25th 2006
3

lunaeco
Member since Dec 13th 2002
1375 posts
Mon Sep-04-06 07:39 AM

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1. "RE: Hangman"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

tonygee, this is good. I'd like to see something more personal, and also, check the wording a little. No need for "like":

"my time to rise
hovering five feet above the dandelions
i'm the talk of the town"

bless

~~~


my
blue
song
http://au.briefcase.yahoo.com/bc/lilibluu/lst?&.dir=/blue/blue+thoughts+lunavamoloonerdco&.src=bc&.view=l

  

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mindful
Charter member
41306 posts
Sun Sep-24-06 08:21 PM

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2. "up nm"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


---------------------------------------
Pinwheels and HulaHoops|the book
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318
http://msmind.blogspot.com|the life

La magie, est dans ses yeux.
le prodige est dans son âme.

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Mon Sep-25-06 08:54 PM

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3. "RE: Hangman"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

keep writin dabble wit sum verbaGE and mix up your rhyme scheme wit skillz poetic genious is da goal

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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