just wanted to holla and drop some shit that i wrote a while ago and maybe get some feedback.

i write the rhymes that fight the crimes/
that emcees trangress through hollow lines/
that's a sign of the times/
people thank their blessings divine and find their place in the back of the line/
like mimes, wearin' substance on they sleeves/
dead inside like Fall leaves/
locked outta they heads like they forgot the keys/
yo, the knowledge i drop moves people with the force of an army/
enemy soldiers afraid of this microphone holder/
'cause when they're slangin' rocks, i'm swingin' boulders/

here's another:


i spit words that have been heard by no other/
exposin' sucka emcees, leavin' 'em naked with no cover/
revealin' the ugly composition that you'd hate to discover/
so whether you a lover, or a hater/
ya gotta stop and reflect - stop playin' with ya self - you're like a master debator/
take ya hands out ya pants and pay attention to the scenery/
my lyrics get cats higher than blazin' a cannibas greenery/
so stop tryin' to be seen, g/
'cause i'll manipulate your vibes, throw 'em back at ya, and kill you like bugs with insecticide/
you don't have religious right to face me, this emcee's lyrics are holy and sanctified/
brace yourself, you're about to get neutralized/
like a suicide bomber tryin' to obtain faux martydom/
be a man and face the barrel of this amplified gun/
you think i'm done?/
nah, i'm just givin' ya a minute to start to run!/

...I like this line:

>>locked outta they heads like they forgot the keys<<

..I think you have the right idea, but don't let a word that happens to rhyme rule the piece and take it where it don't need to go...welcome to the boards..










"My turn to speak in tongues"

--Photosynthesis

"the unexpected takes hold"--Robynwildchild

real direct

muted.muxtape.com
(what i like)

I was feeling both playa.


See u around

c u lata.

Intoxication, my voicebox rocks the nation
Sweet affiliation, the Doe Or Die situation - Az

you're 'sweet' with it
meaning good flow.

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