just wanted to holla and drop some shit that i wrote a while ago and maybe get some feedback.
i write the rhymes that fight the crimes/ that emcees trangress through hollow lines/ that's a sign of the times/ people thank their blessings divine and find their place in the back of the line/ like mimes, wearin' substance on they sleeves/ dead inside like Fall leaves/ locked outta they heads like they forgot the keys/ yo, the knowledge i drop moves people with the force of an army/ enemy soldiers afraid of this microphone holder/ 'cause when they're slangin' rocks, i'm swingin' boulders/
here's another:
i spit words that have been heard by no other/ exposin' sucka emcees, leavin' 'em naked with no cover/ revealin' the ugly composition that you'd hate to discover/ so whether you a lover, or a hater/ ya gotta stop and reflect - stop playin' with ya self - you're like a master debator/ take ya hands out ya pants and pay attention to the scenery/ my lyrics get cats higher than blazin' a cannibas greenery/ so stop tryin' to be seen, g/ 'cause i'll manipulate your vibes, throw 'em back at ya, and kill you like bugs with insecticide/ you don't have religious right to face me, this emcee's lyrics are holy and sanctified/ brace yourself, you're about to get neutralized/ like a suicide bomber tryin' to obtain faux martydom/ be a man and face the barrel of this amplified gun/ you think i'm done?/ nah, i'm just givin' ya a minute to start to run!/
1. "RE: What up ya'll; new here." In response to Reply # 0
...I like this line:
>>locked outta they heads like they forgot the keys<<
..I think you have the right idea, but don't let a word that happens to rhyme rule the piece and take it where it don't need to go...welcome to the boards..