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Lobby Freestyle Board topic #59269

Subject: "Black Ice" Previous topic | Next topic
ThaAnthology
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21061 posts
Tue Aug-08-06 04:33 PM

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"Black Ice"


  

          

I will finish this, but tell me what you think.


Black ice


he stands quiet…
hands folded
leaning against the wall in the living room
midnight tocks itself asleep
whilst the hum of dim electric sun
provides just enough nuance
to reflect heat
eyes hotter than watts

In late sixties

throbbing
slave hands
cuffed behind themselves
misbehaving
idle devil toys
wanting trouble
as
tongue strange fruits itself
inside lips
so tight they pinch themselves
purple

muscles create convulsions
so hard they snap
his spine
like
words
snap
his spirit
so fast they flare
like nostrils
pushing steam
through clogged arteries


but
he loves his woman

so he takes it.


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The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
i see it. nice so far.
Aug 08th 2006
1
this part intrigues me....
Aug 10th 2006
2
verbal cinematics
Aug 10th 2006
3
RE: Black Ice
Aug 12th 2006
4

tonywashington
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23582 posts
Tue Aug-08-06 05:58 PM

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1. "i see it. nice so far."
In response to Reply # 0


          

i was feeling this....

"muscles create convulsions
so hard they snap
his spine
like
words
snap
his spirit"

-T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"rick ross got old african woman swag" (c)nayaa

  

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bonitaapplebaum71481
Member since Aug 04th 2003
22576 posts
Thu Aug-10-06 06:19 PM

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2. "this part intrigues me...."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

he stands quiet…
hands folded
leaning against the wall in the living room
midnight tocks itself asleep
whilst the hum of dim electric sun
provides just enough nuance
to reflect heat
eyes hotter than watts

this piece is nice though.... I don't know why but I wanna see a couple more stanzas but... keep flowin man...



DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

<---- Peep the avy: It's little me!

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

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blak_yukon
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3901 posts
Thu Aug-10-06 07:56 PM

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3. "verbal cinematics"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

wanting trouble
as
tongue strange fruits itself

c'mon now...

<--get grown,bus!--


me and the fellas would converge and heat up some Hot Pockets in preparation for Rap City.© Roc

let's talk:
http://yukonmag.com

my uncles:
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newolf
Member since Jul 26th 2005
62 posts
Sat Aug-12-06 04:51 PM

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4. "RE: Black Ice"
In response to Reply # 0


          

i would really like to see how this will all tie together. you peaked my interst with the watts riot reference... the woman throws me off a bit, but, like i said, your story is still being told.

============sig========================
newolf, formerly wolfie.

time to save the world, where in the world is all the time?

  

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