living in the fast lane the cabbie doesn't wave when i let em in mad at the life that chose him going everywhere but never stepping in i understand, i keep my breath underhand when i tackle turns flowin in the fast lane while my cheeba burns burning the midnight keys for summer songs between the spaces of flesh and thongs i right my wrongs i call em planets and stars yet scars always remain to mark the passing of change in my veins i've laid the foundation for my steps, the future frets on oak strung with sax notes, i've clothes on my back i've deamons on my back too, i shake off the attack and set bystanders in effect when i come through...
He looks determined without being ruthless Something heroic in this man, there's a courage about him Doesn't look like a killer Comes across so calm, acts like he has a dream Full of passion
The Flame: Skills on the mic. A good flow and voice but tends to sound over-dramatic and thus somewhat unnatural and not wholly convincing. But most of your flow is about the wackness of other mc's, which narrows it's appeal. (Boasting beats bitching.) Nice beat, but too repeditive.
So Good: Nice beat. Emotion more natural on the flow. The way you start your flow at the beginging was ill, dropped in nicely. The singing sample on the hook isn't loud enough to carry the hook after the louder verses.
Vocals come off a bit muffled in both tracks. They're not mixing in the music, they're sitting in a different plane. Better mics/mixing and get it mastered.
Your track is interesting. But I wouldn't call it a song. Nothing held it together, i.e. a narrative, a decipheral theme, or a chorus. So listening to it is like watching a sports team you're not familiar with scrimmage. You can see their potential, but you don't know what they'll do when it's game time. And you're not going to play a highlight reel of the practice for all you friends.
Inner Demons: Ummm, I like artists that flow like it's their life's blood, like they HAVE to, they ain't got a choice. You sound a little bored. You have a good enough sense of rhythm, your voice is decent (if unpassionet) and there's even a couple clever rhymes, but people don't really want to hear an emcee wallow in self-pity, which is how you come off.
The beat had a groove but was uncreative and got old.
Keep building, I'll keep checking for future stuff.