she's so close to him, smelling the tobacco stench bedded in his mouth, she decides to turn and face their window. her hair is matted from years of half-assed combing and lack of conditioner, she scratches it to somehow remove the thought of him. *it's so crowded in here* she lies in bed knowing he'll wake up wanting to play with her pussy before their alarm sounds. he snores, calling his ancestors to their room and closing the space between them; her only thought is *i got to get away* chained to him for 6 years and counting, she has lost her smell. the woman she once knew has packed herself up and gone to heights she'll never reach.
he awakens. arms rustic and tinman-like; he adjusts the string in his jammies, slaps his lips together, and pulls her deep into his chest. she cannot escape his hold, his grip, his smell. she cannot escape this life.
4. "RE: Could so see this" In response to Reply # 3
ms. mind strikes again...while it is hot no less!
http://worthwatering.blogspot.com Can it be I stayed away too long?/ Did I leave your mind when I was gone?/ It's not my thing trying to get back/ But this time let me tell you where I'm at-- Jackson Five
"her hair is matted... >she scratches it >to somehow remove the thought of him."
this right here is a very powerful line.
">*it's so crowded in here* she lies >in bed knowing he'll wake up >wanting to play with her pussy >before their alarm sounds. "
this was kind of raw but it works.
"chained to him for >6 years and counting, she has >lost her smell."
another powerful line. i've heard of people losing a part of themselves in relationships. i've often thought of it as a part of the characteristic making space for the other person's, or the willingness to compromise on certain issues. but i've never thought of somebody's smell being another thing that's lost. they get marked by their lover's/partner's scent. that's deep.
"her hair is matted from years of half-assed combing and lack of conditioner, she scratches it to somehow remove the thought of him. *it's so crowded in here* she lies in bed knowing he'll wake up wanting to play with her pussy before their alarm sounds. he snores, calling his ancestors to their room and closing the space between them; her only thought is *i got to get away*"
i found myself holding my breath while reading this!! i feel like I watched so many women be this woman, I know I can definitely relate. You're the shit Ms. Mindful.. No joke. lol. Thanks for the great read.
"We live in a country in which words are mostly used to cover the sleeper, not to wake him up." -J.Baldwin
sounds like a new orleans shelter then aagain another ordinary american home too...sad but true nice capture of an image
"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..." ASIEM "Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran (Be and it is) " A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder
16. "RE: i'm interested in this Asiem, why" In response to Reply # 14
crowded the stench false sense of security being in a place that kills hope and yet it houses you and in a sick way is a source of reassurance...all of what has happened to the people of new orleans in the shelters each scene you painted just reminded me of it, even the matted hair long lost desire to look better than what is felt feel me?
"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..." ASIEM "Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran (Be and it is) " A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder
15. "Motion Picture Associated" In response to Reply # 0
I like the fact that... this poem was able... to take my mind on a brief journey.. through a random womans life, her situation... I could even see what she was wearing,its weird...
"I've come to realise that I never loved Hip-Hop as a whole, just a particular era that happened at the same time as I was actively checking actively for new music."
21. "consistent improvement" In response to Reply # 0
if there's one thing that i wish i cld take from you
it's that.
quotes:
>she's so close to him, >smelling the tobacco stench >bedded in his mouth, she decides >to turn and face their window. her >hair is matted from years of half-assed >combing and lack of conditioner, >she scratches it >to somehow remove the thought of him. >*it's so crowded in here* she lies >in bed knowing he'll wake up >wanting to play with her pussy >before their alarm sounds. he snores, >calling his ancestors to their room >and closing the space between them; >her only thought is *i got to >get away* chained to him for >6 years and counting, she has >lost her smell. the woman she >once knew has packed herself up >and gone to heights she'll never >reach. > >he awakens. arms rustic and tinman-like; >he adjusts the string in his jammies, >slaps his lips together, and pulls >her deep into his chest. she >cannot escape his hold, his grip, >his smell. she cannot escape >this life.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much going on in my life, I have no room for me. Thanks for putting this into such a beautiful description.
http://worthwatering.blogspot.com Can it be I stayed away too long?/ Did I leave your mind when I was gone?/ It's not my thing trying to get back/ But this time let me tell you where I'm at-- Jackson Five
I was not on the board at the time ^this^ flow was posted -- -- *mini~vacation steeze*
Never~The~Less -- I ain't got a problem diggin' in the crates for diamonds & gold -- Or OIL! --
Eureeeeka! -- I've struck oil -- and with gasoline going ^UP^ -- I'd say this pCe is priceless!
~Better Late Than Neva~
A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence -- I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥
>chained to him for >6 years and counting, she has >lost her smell.
was where the poem started.
those words made me stop.
arresting.
perhaps find a way to set it up in less words, & drag the reader into the still-beating heart as quick as you can? 'cuz that word: "smell"...just so unexpected & poignant.
"I've come to realise that I never loved Hip-Hop as a whole, just a particular era that happened at the same time as I was actively checking actively for new music."
"chained to him for 6 years and counting, she has lost her smell. the woman she once knew has packed herself up and gone to heights she'll never reach."
how many of us suffer this fate...
thank god for the poets who can snatch our sistas' thoughts from the night air and put them to paper...
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