Printer-friendly copy Email this topic to a friend
Lobby Freestyle Board topic #58431

Subject: "one of the first ones, lets get some feedback" Previous topic | Next topic
bbballboy90225
Member since Jun 22nd 2006
1911 posts
Thu Jul-13-06 04:42 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
"one of the first ones, lets get some feedback"


  

          

"they call me the empire / imma take this city down / know the name man, yo im world renowned / you can ask ya girl, i get around / whether its over here or uptown / when im done this shit'll be a ghost town / the only thing left will be a crown / ill put it on my head and laugh / then you'll realize who gets the last laugh / man you dont know the half of this / you'll be sitting there confused, waiting for the mist to lift / when im done with you no one will remember you exist / all you see comin at you is a fist / oh man check it out, here comes the twist / ill ruin you people over your own beat / you need to move over there and stand on the reinforced concrete / watch out before ya girl becomes a woman of the street / i may be only 16, but i bring the heat / with me around, there is no other white meat / ... (lets go lets go)
i shine light on everyone like the moon at night / wear some eye protection if it gets too bright / im like a gallon of gas -- you dont wanna see me ignite / ill blow up like a bomb site tonight / im a maverick like my name was Dwight / straight dunkin and rebounding over you bastards / come at me you get stuck like plaster / im a master of disaster, i cause destruction / there really is no need for an introduction / this is the empire boy, ill ruin your day / you'll wanna see me get locked away / look man, your tracks are wack / sit back and take notes about this lyrical attack / yeah boy, the empire just struck back / keep this up and you'll get whacked more than Shaq / im the center of attention, no one can post me / i come with various styles like popourri / your stuff is elementary like the ABC's / im sick with it, i already got a college degree / this has been talk from a real emcee"



what does everyone think? ; thats some of the first stuff i ever wrote...
and last night i thought of something real quick it goes like this::

"they ask me, how do you rap without cursing? / well i come through in the first with the sickest of verses / takin care of y'all people like registered nurses / i burst on the rap scene like a bubble / man i dont need a crew - i go no huddle"


---sig---
<-- WHO ELSE SEEN DA LEPRECHAUN SAY YEAH!

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top


Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback
Jul 17th 2006
1
RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback
Jul 18th 2006
2
RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback
Jul 23rd 2006
3
RE: HUH?
Jul 26th 2006
6
I had 2a read it a few times...
Jul 25th 2006
4
RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback
Jul 25th 2006
5
RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback
Jul 26th 2006
7

bbballboy90225
Member since Jun 22nd 2006
1911 posts
Mon Jul-17-06 06:35 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
1. "RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

^

---sig---
<-- WHO ELSE SEEN DA LEPRECHAUN SAY YEAH!

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Frank Parlous
Member since Jul 15th 2006
33 posts
Tue Jul-18-06 03:22 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
2. "RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

You've come to the right place my friend,

Keep posting and reading
and in 6 months re-read this piece
and you'll see what i was about to say
but didnt because i saw this
and wanted to let you know i did
because thats important
unlike what i almost said
cause if i said it
it wouldnt be as relevant
as when you tell it to yourself
6 months from now

^ up up and away !!! ^

amaZing
isn't it?

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
bbballboy90225
Member since Jun 22nd 2006
1911 posts
Sun Jul-23-06 10:04 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
3. "RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

huh? ^^

---sig---
<-- WHO ELSE SEEN DA LEPRECHAUN SAY YEAH!

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

        
Grah_fik
Member since Dec 30th 2004
81 posts
Wed Jul-26-06 01:18 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
6. "RE: HUH?"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

Dont be so puzzled. he was saying this shit sucked, but geep working at in 6 months yo shit'll be that much better to where you'll look back at this and say, "hey that shit sucks" . Look at the bright side... it might not take you six months. Stay ^ and, keep posting.

They talk alot of shit, but thats after I'm gone, cause they the fear me in the physical form. Let it be known Im troublesome.
~~Tupac Shakur~~


Get yours by any means. Otherwise you just might not know what any means.
~~Me~~

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

    
Lex_Roofa
Member since Jul 24th 2006
189 posts
Tue Jul-25-06 08:49 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
4. "I had 2a read it a few times..."
In response to Reply # 2


          

But... O SHIT!!!

He better have it written down cuz 6 months from now it ain't gon be on these boards... but I know what you're sayin...

But why's it gotta be relevant?

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Lex_Roofa
Member since Jul 24th 2006
189 posts
Tue Jul-25-06 09:10 PM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
5. "RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback"
In response to Reply # 0


          

K... I'ma break this down

>"they call me the empire / imma take this city down / know
>the name man, yo im world renowned / you can ask ya girl, i
>get around / whether its over here or uptown /

That don't flow 2 smooth-- that last line you gotta pause or SUMTHIN 2a fill in the blank... That's not a good thing. It's left a lil short

when im done
>this shit'll be a ghost town / the only thing left will be a
>crown / ill put it on my head and laugh / then you'll realize
>who gets the last laugh /

I dunno mayne... when you're performin, I'm pretty sure you don't want anything around you 2a be empty. N the last 2 lines got me thinkin I'm missin sumthin



man you dont know the half of this /
>you'll be sitting there confused, waiting for the mist to lift
>/ when im done with you no one will remember you exist / all
>you see comin at you is a fist /

Aight... This is a lil better. But the next line is juss stranded---
It's a lil break in the verse

oh man check it out, here
>comes the twist /


ill ruin you people over your own beat /
>you need to move over there and stand on the reinforced
>concrete / watch out before ya girl becomes a woman of the
>street / i may be only 16, but i bring the heat / with me
>around, there is no other white meat / ... (lets
>go lets go)

You're stretchin with that concrete line. And you talkin bout beatjackin... haha... And you talkin bout the second pause... where's the first???


>i shine light on everyone like the moon at night / wear some
>eye protection if it gets too bright / im like a gallon of gas
>-- you dont wanna see me ignite / ill blow up like a bomb site
>tonight /

Those first 2 lines is like Kansas... but that ignite line ain't 2 bad.

N Once again you got a stranded line

im a maverick like my name was Dwight /


straight
>dunkin and rebounding over you bastards / come at me you get
>stuck like plaster / im a master of disaster, i cause
>destruction / there really is no need for an introduction /

Readin this it's like... you pausin juss a lil after every line? I dunno... it juss seems like it would be spit that way

>this is the empire boy, ill ruin your day / you'll wanna see
>me get locked away / look man, your tracks are wack / sit back
>and take notes about this lyrical attack /

What's this empire you speakin of? haha My dad's watchin sumthin on the TV n ya know... I dunno what it is



yeah boy, the
>empire just struck back / keep this up and you'll get whacked
>more than Shaq / im the center of attention, no one can post
>me / i come with various styles like popourri /

Empiyyyaaa!!! I'm kinda tired right now... I been outside playin ball and ran like... 1.864 miles earlier today.



your stuff is
>elementary like the ABC's / im sick with it, i already got a
>college degree / this has been talk from a real emcee"

And it was my grandparents' 35th anniversary so I went over to my uncles. We went 2a some Asian buffet n they was rushin me out cuz they had 2a get home 2 feed their newborn--- (Talkin bout my Uncle n Aunt)
>
>


>
>"they ask me, how do you rap without cursing? / well i come
>through in the first with the sickest of verses / takin care
>of y'all people like registered nurses / i burst on the rap
>scene like a bubble / man i dont need a crew - i go no
>huddle"

Speakin of... who's winnin tha AFC West this year?
That ish is gonna be hella tuff.



Your writin reminds me of mine 2 years ago--- Unstructured, each line irrelevant 2 the next... how long you been writin?

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

ms mimi diva
Member since Feb 05th 2006
589 posts
Wed Jul-26-06 05:49 AM

Click to send email to this author Click to send private message to this authorClick to view this author's profileClick to add this author to your buddy list
7. "RE: one of the first ones, lets get some feedback"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Not a diss to the cussers but my mother always said it takes more imagination to curse someone out without using profanity. I think the worst one I heard is "It wouldn't be worth the spit to curse you."

http://worthwatering.blogspot.com
Can it be I stayed away too long?/
Did I leave your mind when I was gone?/
It's not my thing trying to get back/
But this time let me tell you where I'm at-- Jackson Five

  

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top

Lobby Freestyle Board topic #58431 Previous topic | Next topic
Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.25
Copyright © DCScripts.com