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Lobby Freestyle Board topic #58315

Subject: "perfect storm" Previous topic | Next topic
ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Fri Jul-07-06 11:44 PM

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"perfect storm"


  

          

overcast
eye can't see
the blurr keeps
prayer even at bay
children's voice
a call for help
only they don't know it
so rebellion they show
mother's cry
in 7 days homeless am i
no job day care welfare
noise so thick
i can't hear my whisper
surgery left toe bunion row
seems crooked is the walk i take
masturbate the pain to shake
fall into fantasies playground
get up wit an easy fate
natural affection lured away
babies again comin soon
parents tell an ugly mate
is my son they say
forgetting the past
the weed did not last
quiet is my ear to listen
to a mother's fear
trouble so thick torrential rain
forcast below
trials masked temptation
to trade faith
and find rest beside the fear of a
perfect storm?


"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: perfect storm
Jul 08th 2006
1
thank you...
Jul 08th 2006
2
i love the rhyme scheme in this poem...
Jul 09th 2006
3
RE: perfect storm
Sep 07th 2006
4
RE: perfect storm
Sep 08th 2006
5
      RE: perfect storm
Jan 22nd 2007
6
RE: perfect storm
Feb 12th 2007
7
RE: perfect storm
Feb 12th 2007
8
      RE: perfect storm
Feb 13th 2007
9

gsquared
Member since Oct 26th 2002
3647 posts
Sat Jul-08-06 12:58 AM

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1. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I like the the staccato phrasings, like complete in their own right but building something bigger together...

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Sat Jul-08-06 12:21 PM

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2. "thank you..."
In response to Reply # 1
Sat Jul-08-06 12:22 PM by ASIEM

  

          

and i must say at this point in life on these boards coming from you, a name wit respect in okayplayer, i reognize the smallest yet biggest thing is the sign that this post was your 3333rd a sign for me at least 3x4=12 a number symbolic of so much all i can say is Allahu Akbar (God is Great)
staccato true and like a storm building to something greater
i may be verbose right now but hey you got me at the right moment so qsquared hats off to you

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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mindful
Charter member
41306 posts
Sun Jul-09-06 05:08 PM

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3. "i love the rhyme scheme in this poem..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and these lines, especially.

noise so thick
i can't hear my whisper
surgery left toe bunion row
seems crooked is the walk i take

*nods* Peace~

-----------------------
Pinwheels and Hula Hoops: my book
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318

http://msmind.blogspot.com

no shit in 06.

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Thu Sep-07-06 10:59 PM

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4. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

wow who wrote this?

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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ms mimi diva
Member since Feb 05th 2006
589 posts
Fri Sep-08-06 01:35 AM

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5. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

forcast below
trials masked temptation
to trade faith
and find rest beside the fear of a
perfect storm?

these lines were the clencher for me---the subtle alliteration flows nicely.

http://worthwatering.blogspot.com
Can it be I stayed away too long?/
Did I leave your mind when I was gone?/
It's not my thing trying to get back/
But this time let me tell you where I'm at-- Jackson Five

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Mon Jan-22-07 10:31 AM

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6. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

thanks mimi

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Mon Feb-12-07 11:34 PM

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7. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

some people survive storms some don't thing is nobody can say just exactly what will happen till u get in one
and live to tell or write about it
hhhmmm?

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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PhotoSynthesis
Charter member
16101 posts
Mon Feb-12-07 11:54 PM

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8. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 7


          

Sounds like the voice of experience speaking here -- So uhhhh -- You "were" going thru the storm back in July? -- (Maybe/Maybe Not)

I hope there's sunshine & rainbows going on in your life right now --


Sorry I missed this when you first posted it -- But I don't think I was around back then -- *shruggs*


~Felt~


A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence --
I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/photosynthesis_music.htm

  

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ASIEM
Charter member
4154 posts
Tue Feb-13-07 04:47 PM

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9. "RE: perfect storm"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

yeh to say the least
it was most definitley a tsunami of a time last year 3 surgery's ,moves, children with several issues relationships relationships and more relationships

"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..."
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder

  

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