Best part about a new terrible movie coming out is that every critic breaks out all the shit they been saving since Gigli.

Ebert's review of Transformers 2 is inspired this post:
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090623/REVIEWS/906239997/1001

I remember reading some dude in the post saying that Battlefield Earth "breaks new ground for bad". LMAO.

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http://instagram.com/yogikenan
http://instagram.com/shotbykenan
http://stackoverflow.com/users/43089/triptych
http://github.com/djtriptych

lol
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http://www.last.fm/user/Boogiedwn/

http://card.mygamercard.net/lastgame/boogiedwn43.png

May be back
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But, yes, essentially Roger Ebert runs this shit.

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www.albumism.com

Checkin' Our Style, Return To Zero:

https://www.mixcloud.com/returntozero/

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My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

"There are many great-looking babes in the film, who are made up to a flawless perfection and look just like real women, if you are a junior fanboy whose experience of the gender is limited to lad magazines."

http://io9.com/5301898/michael-bay-finally-made-an-art-movie

This one isn't too shabby either

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http://talestosuffice.com/
@kennykeil

LOL

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20040719/REVIEWS/40719002/1023

(The ending is) so witless, in fact, that when we do discover the secret, we want to rewind the film so we don't know the secret anymore.

And then keep on rewinding, and rewinding, until we're back at the beginning, and can get up from our seats and walk backward out of the theater and go down the up escalator and watch the money spring from the cash register into our pockets.

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http://talestosuffice.com/
@kennykeil

The opening paragraph is industrial grade ether:

"'Mad Dog Time' is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I've seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching 'Mad Dog Time' is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line."

Here's the rest:

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19961129/REVIEWS/611290303/1023

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www.albumism.com

Checkin' Our Style, Return To Zero:

https://www.mixcloud.com/returntozero/

Brilliant line.

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

"There is a scene in "Exit to Eden" in which the hero butters Dana Delany's breast, sprinkles it with cinnamon, and licks it before taking bites from a croissant. I'm thinking: The breast or the croissant, make up your mind.

The whole movie is like that. It's supposed to be a kinky sex comedy, but it keeps getting distracted. On the first page of my notes, I wrote "Starts slow." On the second page, I wrote "Boring." On the third page, I wrote "Endless!" On the fourth page, I wrote: "Bite-size Shredded Wheat, skim milk, cantaloupe, frozen peas, toilet paper, salad stuff, pick up laundry.""

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

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Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

Here are some highlights from Armageddon:

"So predictable it could have been written by a chimp who's watched too much TV, the huge movie is as dumb as it is loud, and it's way too loud. Watching it is like putting your head in a tin washbucket while weightlifters whack it with golf clubs."

"It's craven, sniveling, self-degrading in its mercenary need to be a hit. It leaves no stone unturned in its search for the perfect cliche, for the lowest common denominator. It leaves no chord of piety or patriotism unstrummed in its hunger to play a billion-dollar tune. Flags? Babies? Sacrifices? Heroism? Multiethnic brotherly love?"

Patch Adams:

"There should be a special room in Hell where the makers of films like "Patch Adams" are sent. There they will be force-fed treacle through a funnel and made to endure lectures from the morally superior.

For that is exactly the experience they are selling in this movie, which pretends to be about humanizing medicine but is really about canonizing Robin Williams."

Tomb Raider:

"Some movies have no subtext; this one has no text. It has no anything – I couldn't even convince myself that it was there, though I was in a theater for 92 minutes and have no other explanation for the lost time. It's a vapor, a chimera, a gossamer. It certainly has no performances, because of course it has no characters; it has no plot, except as a dim pretext to set up the occasional slaughter-violence so beloved of the video gamer generation; it has no emotion, because nothing is at stake and nothing is real. I would say it has no soul, except nothing these days has much soul, so what's the point?"

Leathel Weapon 4:

"Among the SIG-Sauers and AK-47s and Colts and Berettas and Smith & Wessons that decorate "Lethal Weapon IV," the most lethal weapon of all turns out to be the script.

This curious document must have been written on one side of a postcard using a very fat red crayon. That's about the amount of story the movie contains, and I know it was a fat crayon because there are four people listed in the writing and story credits and it must have taken all of them to maneuver it through those complicated zig-zaggy letters like "w" and "x."

Swordfish:

"Swordfish," then, is the almost pitch-perfect modern thriller. That's not to say it's good, since "good" and "bad," as concepts, have no place in the same sentence with "Swordfish." Nor does "sense" or "restraint" or "humanity"..."

Freddy Got Fingered:

"Yes, I know whom he is married to. Yes, I know he is still famous on MTV. Yes, I know he had cancer in a nasty spot. That's fine, but this fellow is simply not ready to make a movie for a major American studio, and may never be. He has no skills. He has no gifts. He has no instincts. He has no resources. He knows nothing about story structure, comedy construction, visual humor, jokes, punch lines, satire, parody or any other comic art. He only has his peculiar species of nerve, which evidently some grown-up who should have known better confused with ability."

Another of my personal favorites, also from 1996.

First graf:

``Little Indian, Big City'' is one of the worst movies ever made. I detestede very moronic minute of it. Through a stroke of good luck, the entire third reel of the film was missing the day I saw it. I went back to the screening room two days later, to view the missing reel. It was as bad as the rest, but nothing could have saved this film. As my colleague Gene Siskel observed, ``If the third reel had been the missing footage from Orson Welles' `The Magnificent Ambersons,' this movie still would have sucked.'' I could not have put it better myself."

Full review:

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19960322/REVIEWS/603220306/1023

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www.albumism.com

Checkin' Our Style, Return To Zero:

https://www.mixcloud.com/returntozero/

This is the review where he got the name of the book mentioned above.

First graph:

"I have no idea why Rob Reiner, or anyone else, wanted to make this story into a movie, and close examination of the film itself is no help. "North" is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails."

And the third to last graph:

"I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Link to full review:

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19940722/REVIEWS/407220302/1023

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www.albumism.com

Checkin' Our Style, Return To Zero:

https://www.mixcloud.com/returntozero/

he gives more movies a fair shot then most critics. he definitely doesn't hate on them for the sake of it like alot of critics.

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you can tell he *really* thought those joints sucked

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Sean Burns, Philadelphia Weekly:

“Has M. Night Shyamalan lost his goddamn mind? That’s the only logical excuse for Lady in the Water, the Philly-based writer/director/egomaniac’s convulsive seizure of narcissism that’s so nakedly personal–and also so unintentionally, hilariously revealing–watching the movie feels a bit like walking in on your roommate while he’s masturbating … to a picture of himself.”

This dude WENT there.

I loved it.

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Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

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-sans sig

"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

ebert




for house goodness:

http://djrsenalsopenhouse.podOmatic.com

ahhh, why the hell not:
www.myspace.com/thedjrsenal
www.twitter.com/djrsenal

I like that about him actually

http://www.last.fm/user/Olu/
http://ghanageek.wordpress.com/

http://www.bigempire.com/filthy/