1. "As in like, purchases?" In response to Reply # 0
Or bills, orâŚwhat exactly?
If itâs a household bill of some sort - always. If itâs a purchaseâŚI might not think about it enough to bring it up but itâs not like itâs hidden or anything. My wife is the same way.
* if I spend like, up to 200 bucks on something I might not think to mention it until the box arrives or I wear it or whatever, butâŚyeah. I remember telling my wife I bought a Kindle and she was like, âWhy do you sound like you splurged on something?â đ
2. "income related? sure. if it makes a difference in how we're moving." In response to Reply # 0
debt related? same answer, but I don't have any debt besides the mortgage at this point.
spending related? not normally. if I'm buying something 'expensive', we'll talk because I'm probably waffling on the purchase, but otherwise no. unless we're talking cars or something significant, then there's no need to really discuss.
I know a guy that always talked about hiding his income and bonus from his wife. not sure why he did that, but he also could've just been talking shit.
4. "RE: income related? sure. if it makes a difference in how we're moving." In response to Reply # 2
Points noted. Did the guy ever say he didnât trust his wife? Was she frivolous with spending? Was he supporting an outside boo too? Did his wife do the same? I know not much may have come from that conversation then but just wondering?
11. "the way he said it was half jokey every time." In response to Reply # 4
I do think he was actually keeping that bonus to himself though lol.
I didn't get the impression that it was for any untoward reason on his side. he talked about buy gaming systems and nerd stuff. I remember him talking about his wife trying to run a business. She also didn't work. that combo was probably the reason.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79629 posts
Mon Sep-25-23 08:48 AM
13. "I remember someone on here said they donât tell their spouse" In response to Reply # 11
about bonuses or an increase in a bonus.
this was back in the day but I thought it was weird.
for me though, I found that discussing finances is uncomfortable yet necessary for the best outcome in a relationship.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
19. "Definitely sounds of trust issues" In response to Reply # 13
I can kinda understand if their spouse is a heavy spender and perhaps given an allowance by the bread winner, which seems odd af in this day and age. And even if so, they knew who they were marrying. I can only assume also that life insurance is also not discussed.
now, I donât tell her before a $100 purchase but anything house or income related, definitely.
how do you not tell your spouse about a change in income? Especially if its less.
is this about hiding money?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
28. "RE: right I'm old school, I pay the bills, she pays her bills, she could..." In response to Reply # 20
>Have you two places equal investment in anything aside from >children if yâall have?
We donât do âequalâ 50/50 as far as money goes, I make significantly more so I pay more, she buys groceries and stuff for the house, I made it possible for her to finish her education and invested in her now adult childâs education and currently pay half her bills lol
Now understand I said I would be good âfinanciallyâ if she left but I would be a lost puppy dog otherwise lol
I know some people think is weird in 2023 but she excels at being a great homemaker while working mostly full time, I come home to a clean house and a hot plate, our situation works for us
39. "definitely old school in this day & age" In response to Reply # 28
In situations like yours it makes sense that the main breadwinner would not discuss every major expense, but I would think a financial loss of income would spark a discussion especially if shows up as a major change for the household.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79629 posts
Tue Sep-26-23 02:46 PM
26. "old school as in you pay for everything in the house" In response to Reply # 18
and she just pays her personal bills?
That is OLD school af.
She aint never leaving.. lol.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
40. "sounds very balanced and no reason for him to leave either" In response to Reply # 26
she provides the comfort of a clean home, home cooked meals, sex, companionship, love, trust and more. At least four of those could be paid for but it would cost him much much more and as soon as times got a little rocky those comforts would break down.
32. "RE: naw, my pockets straight" In response to Reply # 21
>Does that mean you two donât discuss finances? If you were >to catch a hole in your pocket, would you inform your spouse?
not really, I was single for a while so I'm used to inventing and picking up side hustles to keep things afloat if my primary income were to take a hit, but she could probably hold things down for a few months if needed but I wouldn't expect her too
22. "Makes good sense not to mention" In response to Reply # 16
If youâre not discussing it and something negative comes up, how do you approach them if youâve been withholding financial info? Shouldnât feel like a game of spades when it comes to financial matters in a marriage.
We typically have 3 main accounts in theory. Her money, my money andour money.
I use to track every single purchase in quicken so I use to know where every dollar was spent. She doesn't really keep track like that but she could if she wanted to.
She makes her own money so she buys what she wants and doesn't run it pass me. I do the same but I am cheap so it's not that big of an issue.
I think we do try to run past each other given money to family. Other than that, we mainly try to keep each other posted to make sure we don't get caught with no money in the joint account.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
The 3 accounts is always a good idea as well as communicating with your spouse when giving money to family members. I recall a cousin who decided to give a portion of his rent to his mom and his wifeâs portion to their landlord. He called to borrow money in attempt to pay up. Made no sense at all, but he felt it was right cause it went to his mom. SMH.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79629 posts
Tue Sep-26-23 02:43 PM
25. "everyone couple should have a joint account for bills " In response to Reply # 23
if they are both working and paying bills together.
I had a coworker who didnât have his own separate account and he was shocked when I told them my set up.
Then he changed his set up.
His wife makes more money and wears the pants in the relationship so I think he was just dumping all his money into once account. But they also track each others phones which I think is a but weird but its their relationship and it works for them.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
27. "we've never had joint accounts." In response to Reply # 25
it never made sense to me based on how we run things.
we separated based on who would pay what. initially, I was paying for everything. as her income increased, I took the big stuff (mortgage, car notes). she grabbed the utilities and groceries. we both actually buy groceries as I will get things that she doesn't or stuff for the day.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79629 posts
Tue Sep-26-23 05:57 PM
31. "interesting⌠but I guess since you started out paying everything" In response to Reply # 27
its easier to operate that way.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
35. "I think a lot of has to with the age the relationship was entered..." In response to Reply # 34
people in their 20's are more likely to combine incomes to live a certain lifestyle, people that enter relationships when their older and more established sometimes like to keep certain things separate
we were in our early 20's, but didn't get married until early 30's. anecdotal, but who knows?
we thought about having one account for bills, but as I thought more there was no reason to switch since what we had was working. plus I thought it would be more cumbersome to move money from our individual accounts into a joint when we could just assign who pays what from our own accounts.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79629 posts
Fri Sep-29-23 08:49 AM
54. "nah, they just think its normal" In response to Reply # 41
I think its odd as hell but she wears the pants in that relationship
dude actually said he wouldn't do a guys night out because he "loves his wife"
said that shit like dudes hanging out with the fellas means banging strippers
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
37. "That's how we do it." In response to Reply # 17
I make significantly more so while we both contribute, I handle the bulk of the household and kid expenses. That said, we each buy what we want and it's not a big deal.
36. "No, not all decisions..." In response to Reply # 0
We split the monthly bills and other joint expenses (new appliances, home repairs, vacations, etc). And we have a couple of joint savings accounts for stuff like that.
But after that, she does what she wants with her money and I do the same. We each have our own personal savings for our own things.
45. "RE: Married or cohabiting OKPs, do you inform your spouse on all financi..." In response to Reply # 0
My wife and I have all our post tax money go into the same joint account. Out of there we have an automatic transfer to our personal accounts for a set percentage (very small) of our income for guilt free, spend as you want money. The rest of the money is joint money because we live a joint life with joint responsibilities. Out of that pot will come all of our monthly expenses including self care. I only need a hair cut for example, where as she gets her hair done, nails, etc. Doesn't matter that she spends more than me in that category because its about us, together, and our kids. We prioritize expenses top down from joint expenses, to individual ones but it will still come out of joint funds. The individual money that is transferred into individual accounts is literally for shit like impulse purchases or hobbies that do not add to the building of our family and future. Clothing, eating out, vacations, all that shit is out of joint. We also discuss any major purchases beforehand, that are not already included in our budget, and cannot be covered from the individual money. So there is some flexibility in using joint savings for an individual money type of expense but we need to talk about it first. On the flip side, sometimes there is a joint or family expense that may need personal funds to cover but that is not a given so we also have a conversation about that. We each have full access to each others full financial pictures.
My life is lived through words and how I mold them into poetry- Jorge Luis Borges
46. "It seems like having your own account is the norm these days" In response to Reply # 0
I'll admit I was old school in this regard and thought we were going to just put everything into one account
Over time I have definitely seen the advantages of just having my own account where I can buy the silly shit I want lol
As far as informing her, only for the big purchases like a car or a boat. I did buy myself a new golf cart recently without asking and I was reminded that I need to do so lol
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79629 posts
Fri Sep-29-23 08:58 AM
55. "if he lives in a beach community or gated community" In response to Reply # 51
they use them shits ALL THE TIME.
People love golf carts these days for some strange reason.
I will admit, when we go visit my MIL at the coast I'll use her smart car to whip around town and its fun as shit and easier to find parking spots.
but all day, every day her street has golf carts zooming down with rims, speakers and white ass families in them living their best lives. They love those things. Black folks are now joining in on the fun.
but to buy that shit without consulting the wife? That sounds like the typical comedy episode on TV.
Golf Carts are the new Harley Davidsons... lol
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
48. "depends on the account" In response to Reply # 0
most are budget driven (and joint)...just stick to the budget.
The only account where we have to coordinate is the account where my adjuncting (and other side stuff) Monet goes. Adjuncting can be feast or famine at times. It can look like there's a butt tonne of cash, but it has to last through summer when I typically don't teach or if I don't get as many contracts / side gigs. But that account is for splurging/entertainment/tuition payments.
When the Misses hear me yell "Fuck" when checking email (if I didn't get a new teaching contract), she knows that means there's a drop in income lol.
~~~~~~~~ A bad Samaritan averaging above average men (c) DOOM
56. "The community colleges aren't that bad" In response to Reply # 52 Fri Sep-29-23 09:36 AM by nonaime
plus I only accept asynchronous online adjunct contracts (asynchronous just means there isn't a set lecture time/lectures are pre recorded...I can record a lecture at midnight and post in morning).
I design my own courses at the community colleges and that's great, because I have more control (content, textbook,lab platform to use, etc). Downside to the community colleges are that the courses are typically 16 weeks, so the contract money gets spread out over the 16wks and there's more variability in enrollment.
I generally teach cyber, cloud, and networking courses. Generally, a Masters and a certification related to the course is what you need to teach.
The non community college classes are pre-canned and yes, those do suck...a lot of me explaining that this isn't how you'd do something in the real world. A lot of technology issues. But, they're generally accelerated courses like 8wks. So, I can teach more classes per year AND the checks are bigger per month. Also, I'm almost always "guaranteed" to teach the courses I teach.
Most Unis want doctorates even for adjuncts (I only have a masters). The plan is to get a doctorate and then teach at one of the Unis here when I retire...because then I can get a GA/TA to grade crap...grading suck balls.
~~~~~~~~ A bad Samaritan averaging above average men (c) DOOM
Frank Longo Member since Nov 18th 2003 86673 posts
Thu Sep-28-23 04:03 PM
49. "lol of course I do. I'm a partner in a two-income household." In response to Reply # 0
We both have our own individual accounts, and we don't give a shit if the other buys some clothes or a Blu-Ray or whatever. Big purchases, bills, etc., obviously we talk about together. We have to. It's a partnership.
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