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and prolly full of spelling and grammatical errors, lol. My bad in advance... I was introduced to a pastor through my best friend...she was starting a church out of her home. She asked me to visit. My homey already "went" there. It was legit a bunch of folding chairs in a kitchen/living room/dining room type floor plan. They had a little boom box for music and a mic. I started hanging around a bit more and took a liking to some of the folks and vice versa. In time, a building was in the works...but the lot where it would be built literally had to be cleared by hand. I was there...in the weeds (pun intended). Long ass Saturdays and Sundays...and even some weekdays when possible. We got that lot ready. When the actual church building was built, I was a regular attendee. Fast forward years and I'm a deacon, counting money after church, heavily involved in decisions pertaining to the church, coming up on days off and cleaning/cutting grass, the whole deal. The pastor was a former school teacher, the assistant pastor was her sister. Two black women running a church. Kinda new at that time. Over time, like anywhere else you start to see the human side of people. There became a division in the church. Some folks like the stylings of the pastor, some preferred the style of her sister. It got to a point where folks wouldn't come if they knew one was preaching and not the other. They both had children who were involved and soon you had cousins going at cousins, members going at members...it was like you had to choose a side...you simply could not rock with both. Ultimately, the pastor's sister left and went to a different church...mad people left and followed her. It was shitty. The church was crippled. There was resentment, gossip, you name it. I felt caught up because I genuinely loved both of those women. They taught me a lot. I became jaded and just like, whatever. Where I used to religiously be at every service, bible study, concert and anything else going on in that building...I began to get lax. I would miss Sundays and not call anyone, stop showing up at bible study, just generally checked-out type behavior. Eventually I stopped going and despite several calls and visits from folks, never went back. A former member passed and at the funeral I saw the pastor. She gave me the tightest hug and said..."baby, you need to come home". I told her I needed to think about it...but, I knew I wasn't. It hurt me that I lied to her instead of being straight up...I just didn't feel that was the time or place...but, also I never made it right and that is a regret I have. A few years later, she retired and dissolved the church. The building was sold and became a daycare center. One day I drove by it and just sat in the parking lot in my car and cried. Not even sure why. These days, the slightest mention of church makes me roll my eyes so fucking hard. I wish people could just get together and look out for each other and be genuine with each other without all the other bullshit...because for a while we really had a great thing. ...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft
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