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Sincere question.
Because I saw this and laughed, because where I'm from, this is completely normal.
Frankly, I'm more surprised at families that don't have this sort of strife. It sounds like you have a healthy, loving family life (not perfect, but healthy). So in that case, I can see where this would be something of a curiosity to you.
But where I'm at, this is the landscape.
I look at my wedding party.
Between me and my five groomsmen, only half of us had a father in our lives. Right today, the one with the best father-son relationship? His father is dead.
One of the other two no longer speaks to his father, and it's over some shit like your OP- but not really. The last straw was something most would consider minor.
Of the six of us, only two of us have any relationship of note with our mothers, and one of those is at extreme arms length. I can look at the final straws on those, and they'd probably look like something far too small to walk away from such a relationship.
But as Mighty Mos Def reminds us, regarding that proverbial straw?
It's a million other straws beneath it.
It's just not that simple.
And, frankly, it's extremely hard for people who don't have to deal with these extreme situations to get why those relationships can break. And in the cases I'm talking about, it's damn near all on the parents, with perhaps one exception, where religion is the great barrier. I can't speak on your friend, and won't assume anything. I can only relate my experience from the other end of that equation.
As a father now, one of my great fears is that I become that parent whose kids don't fuck with them in adulthood. Maybe that fear is enough to make me a good enough parent, teacher, guide, leader, etc, that that doesn't happen. We're close but I see so many mistakes on my part.
And I do have a small amount of empathy for my parents, because being a parent means being selfless, and making decisions with respect to their impact on your children. I haven't always made the right calls in those scenarios. Not to the degree my parents did/do, not even close.
But I absolutely believe that, regardless of how our relationships wind up twenty years into the future, it's up to me to pursue reconciliation, and also up to me to be loving enough to welcome them with open arms if they made the move toward me.
I do think a parent's role never ends, and if I have any opinion at all, it's that your friend needs to be the one to initiate reconciliation. He shouldn't put that on his child.
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