It's time for me on these polls again - NYC gritty Diamond D: "I only hit grand slams...."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging

Negging

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Negging (derived from the verb neg, meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.(1) The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.(1)

Negging is often viewed as a straightforward insult rather than as a pick-up line,(2) in spite of the fact that proponents of the technique traditionally stress it is not an insult. Erik von Markovik, who is usually credited with popularising the term negs, explains the difference thus: "A neg is not an insult but a negative social value judgment that is telegraphed. It's the same as if you pulled out a tissue and blew your nose. There's nothing insulting about blowing your nose. You haven't explicitly rejected her. But at the same time, she will feel that you aren't even trying to impress her. This makes her curious as to why and makes you a challenge."(3)

Neil Strauss, in his book Rules of the Game, also stresses that the primary point of the technique is not to put women down but for a man to disqualify himself as a potential suitor. On this account he refers to negs as "disqualifiers", although the technique described in the book is recognisably the same as von Markovik's. Strauss is equally clear that negs should not be used as insults: "a disqualifier should never be hostile, critical, judgmental, or condescending. There's a line between flirting and hurting. And disqualification is never intended to be mean and insulting."

The term has been popularized in social media(4) and mainstream media.(5)(6)(7) According to the Guardian, the opposite of negging is pozzing, whereby one pays a person a compliment in order to gain their affection.(5) However, pozzing can also refer to the transmission of HIV.(8)

Poll result (3 votes) White folks ONLY can "vibe" with that "negging" "taming of the shrew" ... (1 votes) Vote Nah...ALL folks can rock with the "negging" boogie. Join in!!!! (2 votes) Vote

Literally had a grown Black woman tell me “I don’t get you…you don’t be talking shit to me”

I don’t like putting people down for fun in my regular convo….unless we’re close

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I should put that in a song

@nategoodness
www.nategoodness.com

The avatar is old. And, no, that hat was not a groovy style back then, either.

which is a big deal.

And....

The seemingly consensus of the youtube "Manosphere" is that approaching a woman is "Beta" meaning, a (Black) man HAS to approach a woman with compliments and requests for dates and flattery, etc. so (Black) men (in order to avoid THAT kind of "bad", "ineffective" simping, etc.) must focus on themselves getting status and THEN women will flirt, show "choosing signs" etc.


So....

It seems white men (with the pick-up artist thing) seem ready to play "passive-aggressive" "taming of the shrew" games with women (probably not just white women)

So...

Let's get this going...I know this is a winner

<--- Big Baller World Order

>but I looked up some examples and that shit sounds abusive. Just cutting someone down til they no longer have any self worth.


So...we got something to discuss if you think it's "playful" and Legs seems to think it is "abusive" (according to his research)

I crack jokes and shit but really dogging a person out to break down their self-of-steam is wack af.

I had the finest Indian woman on campus at UT tell me “I was mean to you because I liked you” but to me it was just corny little digs and jokes to keep the convo going. It was young shit tho


This shit reminds me of grade school where you teased the girl you liked because you didn’t know how to say “I like you” without feeling all exposed.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

defying the expectation to try to please/cater to a woman

but...

feel free to point where the OP definition says "break someone down" because Nativesun07 and BrooklynWhat seem clear about it NOT being "that"

Specifically the first few lines of the definition. “Emotional manipulation” to “undermine their confidence” sounds just like intention to “break someone down.”

“Negging (derived from the verb neg, meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.”

" in spite of the fact that proponents of the technique traditionally stress it is not an insult. Erik von Markovik, who is usually credited with popularising the term negs, explains the difference thus: "A neg is not an insult but a negative social value judgment that is telegraphed."


So....


I guess I'm swayed less by "charged terms" and I let "elaboration" sway me a bit.

but...

obviously this post shows people can pick up on how much a "phenomenon" can be common or very specific, go too far or be understated a bit..'

So...'

this post is about exploring is the "common view" of this sort of thing for ALL Folk ("playful bantz" "just f...") and...the SPECIFIC definiton for just White folk ("abusive" "goes too far" "breaks people down")?

?????????????????

Discuss

negging as i've understood it is essentially what i call just fucking w/ folks. the problem is you get people w/ no social skills doing it so where i might drop a joke on somebody, one of these weirdos might drop a legit insult on some "i just negged you" shit

<--- Big Baller World Order

which is why this is a poll

but i think most people do it in some form they just have actual social skills and naturally know what falls under playing around, and what falls under actually being a dick.

<--- Big Baller World Order

discussions

or struggle to talk to women.

Buying books and classes on that shit and looking for the cheat code.

Back in the day I worked with this hilarious white dude. He was broke as fuck but was the lead singer of a band. So he bagged some dimes.. had a real slick tongue too. We had this idea for a Book.

“Love in Black and White”

The premise would be obvious. Different date scenarios or problems and we respond with the correct way to navigate as a white or Black dude.. with jokes of course.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

he actually joined a group that was to help men learn to 'talk' to women. the group wasn't even in the US. can't remember exactly where he'd go, but it was definitely more about learning how to manipulate women and situations.

he'd talk to me about it. I could see it was nothing but a confidence issue. some because he's short and balding, but also because he got divorced not too long ago. hadn't been in the dating game for while.

I'd try to help him understand that he just needs to relax a bit with his convos. don't always try to be funny because his funny was digs. he also had an overall smug, I'm smarter than you personality. not sure he realized how that was turning folks away from him. he'd debate you about whatever trying to prove you wrong, but also trying to make you feel dumb about your side.

he's grown a ton since I've known him. whatever he's done recently has gotten him into a relationship. not bouncing from tinder to tinder.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

I was out bar-hopping with a mixed group of old co-workers and one of the women in the group was getting on my nerves. Truthfully, she always had but I always stayed cordial with her.

Anyway, this night, I didn't give a fuck and I was telling her all the ways she was being annoying. Still playful, not demeaning, but not cutting any cards.

At the end of the night, we're all going our separate ways and I'm starting to feel guilty. I'm about to apologize when she invites me back to her place. *Weebay face*

I got to know her a little better in the months afterward and it turned out she had some serious self-esteem issues that made her vulnerable to that kind of interaction. And that really wasn't the kind of person I was trying to attract so it was never something I did intentionally afterward.

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>was never something I did intentionally afterward.

gotta try that on a few to see if its an actual type that it attracts.

Not sure if I understand what the definition is but it sounds like a little shit talking instead of a lot of compliments and praise.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

wife in 2001. I wouldn't have the first CLUE how to operate out there in the game after being out for 20+ years, along with the fact that I was in my early 20's back then and I'd think that the game is different based on age in addition to the current digital era.

But second, this entire conversation in the context of spitting game seems extremely misogynistic to me to the levels of some Patrice O'Neal type ish...where the go to in spitting game is making a woman feel bad about herself as an opening and then going from there? Again - I'm WAY out the game, and I know that with a sense of humor you can get away with certain things. But I wouldn't even be interested in the type of women that would work on. And even if a great relationship came out of it - it would never feel right to me, like it was all built on a wack foundation.

..."spheres" seem....

...to be agreeing that women DON'T LIKE PLAIN NICE APPROACHES.

so....

Black men MUST FOCUS ON SELF/GET STATUS to attract women


White men MUST NEG - CLEVER PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE knock women off-balance challenge women.


So...do all men do the same thing....or IS IT RACIAL?

is that really how you build your foundation or how you broke the ice?

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/women-sharing-moment-realized-were-004502419.html

BuzzFeed

Women Are Sharing The Moment They Realized They Were On A Date With A "Nice Guy" And Lord, I'm Ready To Swear Off All Men

Sun, March 20, 2022, 8:45 PM

Recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share when they realized a friend or a date was a "nice guy." Here are their infuriating stories!

1."I was in high school at a house party. When I first got there, my friends immediately ditched me and I was cornered by a guy and let me just say, it got awkward very quickly. He started off by complimenting my height?? (I'm 5'10). Then he immediately went into self pity mode telling me his whole life history and how his parents think he's a disappointment and how his grandma had just passed away. I didn't really know what to say (we'd just met five minutes ago) so I just did an awkward grin with a 'sorry about that.'"

"I tried to make up an excuse to go away, but he wouldn't leave me and proceeded to absolutely insult the shit out of me trying to play it off as flirting.... everything from my nose, my hair, my clothes to my fucking VOICE. I tried to run away but he dragged me to where the drinks were and pressured me to have a shot of tequila. I said no, so he got really close to my ear and whispered 'do it for my grandma.' Most passive aggressive flirting I've ever experienced."


8."Ok, I had a fake 'nice guy' talk to me online back in the day. He was too young for me and when I told him so (I was trying to be nice) he told me 'maybe you’d better be more welcoming to me because not every guy appreciates big girls.' I didn’t even know about negging and other red flags back then but that response got a permanent block."

—jenniferdunivant

and yeah. any dude that says he is a nice guy on a first date is prolly the opposite.

its like people who say they are humble.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

...White guys using the tactic of negging (whether starting off with it or ending with it) to try to "mess with" or "turn tables" or "surprise" or "intrigue" women.

So the actual niceness of the guys doesn't matter - it's that they thought the "negging" tactic would "work"

but I looked up some examples and that shit sounds abusive. Just cutting someone down til they no longer have any self worth.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

it was done with the hopes the women would try to see why those men went that route (as opposed to the men trying the legendary "Ain't too proud to beg" - "baby, please, baby please" route)

Defy expectations rather than "blow somebody off.

who cry when the toy is taken. nothing about those examples displayed nice guy. it showed I'll try to get make you cooperate, but call you a bitch when you don't.

that's not the same as what the OP describes.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

...were hoping for a successful result when they put down those women in those examples - they weren't looking for the interaction to end at that point.

We've all seen aggressive hood "hollas" where when the rejected brother starts goin' off, he's sending the woman off with finality (though I'm sure if the 2 people were from the same area, a hostile Holla might eventually lead to a "change" in tone at a later date - apology given or somethin')

a lot of people who are shy and awkward get pegged as nice. when a lot of them go home and act like trash onlne. but when they try to act like the confident asshole in person you just get weirdo shit like "do it for my grandma"

but the way they say "nice guys" in this article it almost sounds like a self described group like "proud boys" made up of bitter incel type white dudes who call people cucks and read pick up artist books

theres some men who think it works on all women, there's men who know better.

its not a good look either way.

who really cares tho. these generalizations are beneath all of us.

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

We are a part of the media (media people come here for topics, etc.)

So...

We're supposed to explore what is going on in the media - not just only talk about politics, etc.



>who really cares tho. these generalizations are beneath all of
>us.


BrooklynWhat says it's "playful". Legs did research and said it's "abusive" so....we got some "divergent generalizations" goin' on here.

at latest.

--

"You can't beat white people. You can only knock them out."

After several replies (some where research was done and the OP definition was examined)

it seems many here (Black) are unfamiliar with "negging" and NOT liking what they are learning about it.

So...


The, uh, POLL shouldn't be at 1 vote for "negging" as a MAINLY White thing and 2 votes at ALL folks do "negging"


Don't seem like ALL folks do negging (from the replies)


yep

Boys start teasing girls in grade school but they hopefully mature and develop a full range of ways to attract women and hold their attention as they grow older. Knowing how much to push or pull in the moment is part of the "game" that we talk about.

"Negging" can be a part of that game where you push her away and she may instinctually try to pull closer... but the unsavory thing about the PUA movement is that it became THE move for a lot of guys. It became robotic and formulaic instead of just something that organically happens sometimes in relationships.

I also think the concept of "game" is stronger in black culture than the mainstream so some of the stuff that the PUAs put into books were things many of us were learning organically from friends or figuring out ourselves.

I never developed a whole lot of game; I learned how to find women that "understood my story", as Nas once said. My brothers, on the other hand, are completely game-less, except for what one of them picked up from some of that PUA stuff back in the day. The difference between us Is that I mostly hung out with black people socially while they were mostly with whites. So I don't think they were able to observe as much game that they could use as I was.

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Turn on any reality show and you will see this shit done in a variety of ways.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

about dating

like I wrote in reply #8 most people (men and women) seem to think women DON'T LIKE PLAIN NICE APPROACHES


Don't know how things got to this point but now that we're at this point: Men don't want to do the OBVIOUS anymore and please a woman with the approach (generally)


So men now think of all these "defy expectations" "play it off like 'she ain't all that'" stuff.


Does anyone think making a woman feel good will make her interested?

most people think a woman all "complimented" up will feel "too much better than" the man complimenting her.

So...defy expectations AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

the things people do for attention.

I used to do uber and I picked up 2 girls who were on Bad Girls Club.. they were at the strip club but those places are like clubs now. Anyway. they proceeded to shit all over a Carolina Panthers football player because he only had X amount of instagram followers.

Not because he was a rookie, ugly or a special teamer.. it was his lack of followers.

These shows are entertainment and people know they being an ass gets you more air time than being a nice dude. But it really comes down to attraction

If you look good you can say mean shit and win. If you aren’t attractive you are a bully or an oger.

Kinda like the whole “don’t speak to people you don’t know” movement. Its harassment unless they find you attractive.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*