|
>When I think of Poly or Open I think of 2 people who are
>still physical and emotionally in love but can. get down with
>other people.
I get that this is what comes to mind when you hear the terms, but those are not the only definitions that exist.
I would classify ours as “open”, I guess, though I’m sure a more accurate term exists. We do, on rare occasion, interact sexually, and do still have a day-to-day physical closeness, but nothing crazy on that front either.
It’s like best friends with their own lives, who fuck around every so often, but otherwise cuddle frequently. I’ve had those relationships in the last, and this is just a more intimate version of that.
I have a friend who is still married, still financially tied, but don’t have any ohysical interaction at all, and they live separately. She still handles things when he’s hospitalized, the whole nine. His girl was cool until he was hospitalized and my friend was the one dealing with the doctors.
Neither of us have a whole lot of interest in a serious relationship, but we’ ll cross that bridge when we get there.
>Your situation sounds like 2 people who are roommates with
>children
Nah it’s deeper than that. Nothing really changed. The physical and sexual aspect of relationship was already so far gone that there wasn’t much of a transition on that front.
Everything else is exactly the same.
Our finances our intertwined, joint accounts, all that. She still asks me if she can get her nails or hair done, if she can go to vegas with her friends, all that. In fact, since there’s no longer any expectation on the romantic front, it’s allowed our friendship to strengthen.
You subtract the physical/romantic aspects of a marriage, and what we have is stronger than a lot of traditional marriages I’ve seen. We still have our differences/issues. But by and large, we have each others back and run things as a team.
It’s just taken on a non-traditional format. Which is why I brought it up in relation to the Smiths, because poly/open may not even be the right definitions for what they have.
IMO, regardless of the label or details, it takes the right set of people for a non-traditional, non-monogamous to work. And as with any relationship, the degree to which it “works” can often be very subjective
Obviously, what they have works. It just doesn’t fit most standard/tradtional/puritanical ideals of marriage, and any problems they have aren’t necessarily due to the form their marriage has taken. Will is heavy on “the universe” and “god” and law of attraction type shit. He adopted a lot from his parents and grandmother, and while a lot of that explains his ridiculous success, some of that can explain the way he does other shit too, including his relationship with Jada.
>Are you still holding onto a slim chance you guys could get
>back together?
Not even a little. Most of my pining is due the impact of my upbringing in a toxic, loveless, neglectful, and abusive family. She’s a good person, but there’s a lot of shit about her that just doesn’t work for me relationship wise. Shit I left her twice very early on but she pressed hard for me to come back.
So for that piece of me that wishes we could have worked out, I know what she is and isn’t- and given that knowledge, I’d rather have the freedom I currently have.
Not that I’m out getting it in like that, but even on a minor level, I’ll take this over monogamy with her any day. Because I know what she can and can’t/won’t give on that front.
So in this scenario, I get to have my cake and eat it too, with the vast majority of the benefits of a strong marriage, and the ability to go out and do what I want, free of scrutiny, questioning, etc.
We both do.
>One the kids are out of the house do you see yourself
>continuing this arrangement?
Who knows. There’s a genuine attachment there. That’s 11 years away at minimum. Who knows what happens between now and then?
Shit by that point, it might be even better this way.
>Ionno man.. that shit sounds like torture.
Nah. Less than ideal, yeah. There was a certain amount of torture going through that initial breakup, and when she started dating. But through it all, it was better than the alternatives that existed.
It’s not for everyone though. Two people have to be on the same page for any relationship, of any kind, to work. And we’re the right people to make this situation work.
|
Printer-friendly copy 
Email this topic to a friend
General Discussion
(1 votes)
(23 votes)
(10 votes)
(1 votes)
(8 votes)
