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Subject: "how common is it for men…" Previous topic | Next topic
Trinity444
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41673 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 05:50 PM

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"how common is it for men…"


  

          

to check out other woman while with their lady.

I quit someone over the weekend because his is excessive.

let’s start there…

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
i dont see the foul in a quick undetected glance...but when you
Oct 04th 2021
1
for me common...because my wife will point fine women out
Oct 04th 2021
2
^
Oct 04th 2021
4
^
Oct 05th 2021
32
VERY healthy and secure relationship!
Oct 05th 2021
38
LOL @ y'alls standards for what is healthy....just because it may (or ma...
Oct 05th 2021
42
Right. We both have eyes, and we both know who's hot.
Oct 07th 2021
76
A quick look is common but I don’t stare
Oct 04th 2021
3
I never NOT see
Oct 04th 2021
5
funny...my wife and I have different ideas of what I like
Oct 04th 2021
6
i look but i dont stare
Oct 04th 2021
7
That’s why God made sunglasses.
Oct 04th 2021
8
it's pretty frequent.
Oct 04th 2021
9
If you don’t get your girl to look with you on some
Oct 04th 2021
10
facts!!!
Oct 05th 2021
17
Just cause you're tied to the fence
Oct 04th 2021
11
Excessive is a problem. Looking really isn't.
Oct 04th 2021
12
we're not children. my wife points them out
Oct 04th 2021
13
and y’all don’t think anything is wrong with that?
Oct 05th 2021
14
if thats your boundary why question it?
Oct 05th 2021
18
I question if I’m being fair…
Oct 05th 2021
21
      control is the perfect description
Oct 05th 2021
22
      you have a boundary....
Oct 05th 2021
23
      frfr, fuck fair.
Oct 05th 2021
27
      we have complete control and using it to look.
Oct 05th 2021
24
      I don't think it's fair.
Oct 05th 2021
26
      let’s clear up the misconception…
Oct 05th 2021
28
           I had no misconception. I knew you were talking about the 'looking'
Oct 05th 2021
34
           It depends on the look, the situation etc
Oct 05th 2021
35
           there was no misconception
Oct 05th 2021
37
           Everyone has boundaries lol
Oct 06th 2021
66
           depends how you peep the crotch
Oct 05th 2021
39
      Well is he looking? or staring, grunting, craning his neck, etc
Oct 05th 2021
30
I'm 99% sure it'd be frowned upon.
Oct 05th 2021
19
Haha for once you're actually not trippin 😉
Oct 05th 2021
57
Out of respect, it should either be discreet or shared
Oct 05th 2021
58
lmao.. good luck finding a man who doesn’t
Oct 05th 2021
15
Me and wifey ogle together...
Oct 05th 2021
16
stands in this line minus the oogling men together part.
Oct 05th 2021
41
Now ninjas is oggling other men to make a point. SMH.
Oct 05th 2021
45
nah.. she knows unless its his attire I don’t give af about that dude
Oct 06th 2021
62
it happens everytime you go out together...
Oct 05th 2021
20
Very
Oct 05th 2021
25
ppl are generally unrealistic af
Oct 05th 2021
29
I believe the idea is that the practice of restraint in front of one's m...
Oct 05th 2021
36
      try as a may, try as a. might.. I can't ignore a phatty
Oct 05th 2021
40
      I wear a lot of sun glasses.
Oct 05th 2021
48
      RE: I believe the idea is that the practice of restraint in front of one...
Oct 05th 2021
47
we BOTH look
Oct 05th 2021
31
Yeah...
Oct 05th 2021
50
Matt 5:27-28?
Oct 05th 2021
33
Y'all can have all that "We BOTH look" mess....
Oct 05th 2021
43
n**gas proud too…
Oct 05th 2021
44
of having stable marriages and positive relationships
Oct 05th 2021
51
00
Oct 05th 2021
52
fair shot, nigga…
Oct 05th 2021
53
      if what you're doing makes you happy then I got no problem with it
Oct 05th 2021
55
           because it’s uncommon…
Oct 06th 2021
75
                what do you know about what's common among married people?
Oct 07th 2021
77
                     smh…
Oct 07th 2021
79
                          I can’t stand him but he is correct
Oct 07th 2021
82
                               well, that theory is silly…
Oct 07th 2021
84
                                    nah.. just means there is more than 1 way to view marriage
Oct 07th 2021
85
                                    A: I didn't say you could speak on anything or not
Oct 08th 2021
96
why wouldn’t we be? We get to look at people
Oct 06th 2021
64
goose and gander can't do the same thing?
Oct 05th 2021
54
LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!!!
Oct 06th 2021
67
I can't really articulate it...but I know something about it don't sit r...
Oct 06th 2021
69
      I mean if it's my responsibility to protect her then I'm going to
Oct 06th 2021
71
      Hey, it works for yall and that is all that matters
Oct 07th 2021
81
           *daps*
Oct 07th 2021
83
thanks??
Oct 06th 2021
63
you play it off by commenting on her shoes or what color she's wearing.....
Oct 05th 2021
46
Another tactic.
Oct 05th 2021
49
I married, not dead.
Oct 05th 2021
56
What was your guy doing that made it excessive?
Oct 06th 2021
59
if he doesn't make you feel like he CRAVES you, then i think it's
Oct 06th 2021
60
it is very common and to be expected
Oct 06th 2021
61
RE: how common is it for men…
Oct 06th 2021
65
Been with my wife so long she would prolly think
Oct 06th 2021
68
why undersell?
Oct 06th 2021
73
      RE: why undersell?
Oct 07th 2021
86
      I can live with that…
Oct 08th 2021
87
      but was she dressed like an old lady?
Oct 08th 2021
88
           JUST when you think you follow what ¾ is going on about, she throw a cu...
Oct 08th 2021
89
           I’m wondering if dude actually been staring down women
Oct 08th 2021
91
                in essence…
Oct 08th 2021
93
                     Fam, that's not objectifying...that's just talking shit lol...
Oct 08th 2021
94
                          quit hanging out with leg’s, lol
Oct 08th 2021
95
                               wait.. so this isn’t about him staring down women.. just commenting
Oct 08th 2021
97
           even if, why would it be HIS business?
Oct 08th 2021
92
                so that means she does dress like an old lady
Oct 08th 2021
98
                I’m asking sincerely…
Oct 11th 2021
102
                i was providing jimaveli with more insight…
Oct 11th 2021
104
                     gotcha, thanks
Oct 11th 2021
106
                are you bothered that he was looking at her in general or
Oct 11th 2021
103
                     I’m bothered by the lack of discretion…
Oct 11th 2021
105
We grown. If he cared he'd figure out ways to look without you noticing
Oct 06th 2021
70
you get it…
Oct 06th 2021
74
and then there's that.
Oct 11th 2021
101
Can he see? If so he looking at every ass that passes
Oct 06th 2021
72
lol
Oct 08th 2021
90
There's a full spectrum of how to handle this, and each couple
Oct 07th 2021
78
it's all communication
Oct 07th 2021
80
first ask yourself if you're only noticing cause you noticed too
Oct 09th 2021
99
my wife told me the lady near us, with the big booty,
Oct 10th 2021
100

mikediggz
Member since Dec 02nd 2003
9514 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 05:55 PM

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1. "i dont see the foul in a quick undetected glance...but when you "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

start doing double takes and lookin back/staring...thats somn different. how far did homey push the limit?

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16613 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 06:18 PM

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2. "for me common...because my wife will point fine women out"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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kinetic94761180
Member since Jul 05th 2002
17533 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 06:34 PM

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4. "^"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

_____________
if racism is a cancer, black thought is the answer.

Rjcc is code for "bitch-ass troll"

DROkayplayer™

  

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infin8
Charter member
10343 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 02:20 PM

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32. "^"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

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bibblegolf
Member since Oct 19th 2004
21833 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 02:45 PM

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38. "VERY healthy and secure relationship!"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

..kudos to the both of ya'll!

"The more a country produces..the richer it is...the better it should take care of it's people. - Dr. Aleida Guevara"

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43866 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 03:14 PM

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42. "LOL @ y'alls standards for what is healthy....just because it may (or ma..."
In response to Reply # 38


  

          

work for his relationship doesn't mean it's any sort of common marker for a healthy & secure one...let alone a "VERY" secure one.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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Frank Longo
Member since Nov 18th 2003
84565 posts
Thu Oct-07-21 12:34 AM

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76. "Right. We both have eyes, and we both know who's hot. "
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

Why try to bury our heads in the sand and pretend there's not a hot motherfucker over there? lol

For beer lovers: http://thebeertravelguide.com
For movie lovers: http://russellhainline.com

  

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makaveli
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15607 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 06:25 PM

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3. "A quick look is common but I don’t stare"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43866 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 06:51 PM

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5. "I never NOT see"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          




"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
22017 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 07:54 PM

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6. "funny...my wife and I have different ideas of what I like"
In response to Reply # 0
Mon Oct-04-21 07:55 PM by double negative

  

          

1. super mega peripheral vision. I'm always looking, but not looking directly yamean?

2. I'm like...goddamn might as well be on the spectrum. My wife notices sexy stuff about women while I tend to notice other weird stuff.

Wife: ga'damn, honey got cakes. Y'see the donkey on her?

Me: Yo...is she wearing a wig?

Wife: uhwhat. LOOK AT HER PHAT ASS, and yes, that's a wig, that's a very very bad wig.

3. the people I tend to eye fuck are like...people not even on her radar. The women she feels threatened by are not on my radar. I like weird shit when it comes to what I look at in public.

Like...ol' Miss Johnson has a ripe ass. I KNOW SHES GODDAMN 59 years old. I never said I would, I'm just sayin' I'm not - NOT going to sneak a glance at her plump, glazed-ham looking-ass 59-year-old rump.

Or, meth bike chick in the acid wash jeans has some phat tiddys

Or, awkward dr. out on a morning neighborhood, run is looking mad right in her neon onion skin shorts.

Anytime I see "sexy" done in an intentional, giant-flashing-sign sorta way, it feels like a put on. I like unexpected shit.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
81878 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 08:00 PM

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7. "i look but i dont stare"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and if i didnt catch her in the first glance, then hopefully she crosses my natural vision

one of my best friends will stare across the room like Kobe at a chick.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Eso76RSUYAAgICG?format=jpg&name=900x900

i used to get on him about creeping women out at the gym doing that. and sure enough this chick he was seeing called him out on his 10000yd stares at women

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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shockvalue
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241 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 08:40 PM

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8. "That’s why God made sunglasses."
In response to Reply # 0


          

.

  

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tariqhu
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16140 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 08:43 PM

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9. "it's pretty frequent."
In response to Reply # 0


          

but it shouldn't be obvious or obnoxious.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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Fishgrease
Member since Feb 13th 2006
34445 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 09:16 PM

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10. "If you don’t get your girl to look with you on some "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

“Wow, look how big her ass is” then you’re living wrong within your relationship.

---------------------------------------
blog: www.wonderfullyhorrible.blogspot.com
instagram: Fishgrease
twitter: wooly_caesar
Podcast www.soundcloud.com/circlegang

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70961 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 09:25 AM

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17. "facts!!!"
In response to Reply # 10


          

my wife is like “nigga you slippin’” if I miss something nice.




****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Oak27
Member since Apr 17th 2005
12691 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 09:32 PM

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11. "Just cause you're tied to the fence"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
27487 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 09:42 PM

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12. "Excessive is a problem. Looking really isn't."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Overly obvious would likely be a problem too. Though she usually knows when I'm gonna take a look cause she already peeped it herself and knows it's coming Haha

  

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Rjcc
Charter member
93712 posts
Mon Oct-04-21 10:27 PM

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13. "we're not children. my wife points them out"
In response to Reply # 0


          



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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Trinity444
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41673 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 09:02 AM

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14. "and y’all don’t think anything is wrong with that? "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

if your lady is cool with it, fine. I’m asking those who didn’t mention their lady…do you think it’s cool that you do it?

I just wanna make sure I’m not tripping ☺️

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16613 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 09:41 AM

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18. "if thats your boundary why question it?"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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Trinity444
Charter member
41673 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 11:15 AM

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21. "I question if I’m being fair…"
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

it’s a red flag because in my mind it shows that he has no control. I also wonder if men even realize how it can be perceived.

I’m open to correction…



  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70961 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 11:27 AM

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22. "control is the perfect description"
In response to Reply # 21


          

but it sounds like you want to control where he looks.

Unless he is hollering or on some “Dayummmmm!” with his mouth wide open I don’t think its lack of control.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16613 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 11:28 AM

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23. "you have a boundary...."
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

you felt it got crossed....
i dont see the problem

now would I date a women with that boundary
no

but we would probably butt heads on other issues too

fair isnt the point

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 12:06 PM

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27. "frfr, fuck fair."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

Now I think the larger point is are you being reasonable.

I don't think so, but ultimately, if this bothers the fuck out of you, us telling you we don't think you're being reasonable isn't going to stop it from bothering the fuck out of you.

there is a dude out there who doesn't do this, or does this in such a way as to not let you see it. So just find that dude.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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tariqhu
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16140 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 11:39 AM

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24. "we have complete control and using it to look."
In response to Reply # 21


          

sounds you think it's a slippery slope to hooking up elsewhere. can't say that never happens with some dudes/chicks, generally it's just a quick mental 'she fine' and keep it moving.

it's not a question of fairness. you aint like it and it was your breaking point.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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Heinz
Member since Dec 26th 2003
20359 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 12:01 PM

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26. "I don't think it's fair. "
In response to Reply # 21
Tue Oct-05-21 12:05 PM by Heinz

  

          

Control is not acting on it when you see somehing you LIKE when you already have what you NEED or LOVE. That's the red flag.

Looking is just looking. Being tempted is another conversation. Looking at strangers in real life and being attracted is normal. To think that you are the only person they will ever be attracted to is setting yourself and that relationship up for failure.

The only red flag I see in this is why does it trigger you and what are you doing to work on that trigger. I mean if you want to date someone who doesn't look at people or their surroundings then date a blind person? LOL

If it's that much of an issue there needs to be worked done together to build that trust and be cogniscent of what triggers you and how its handled on both sides.

  

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Trinity444
Charter member
41673 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 01:22 PM

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28. "let’s clear up the misconception…"
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

it’s not about him finding someone else attractive…I’m reasonable in that sense.

it’s the “disrespectful”…the total disregard of me that triggers me!

by way of example…
say, you and I are dating…how would you feel if I checked out the crotch of every man that walked by?

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 02:26 PM

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34. "I had no misconception. I knew you were talking about the 'looking'"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

not the 'thinking.'

It's a thing, men are visual creatures it takes an incredible amount of restraint to keep from looking and mostly we do it.

That being said, again, FUCK fair. If this is a no go for you, it's a no go.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Heinz
Member since Dec 26th 2003
20359 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 02:26 PM

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35. "It depends on the look, the situation etc"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

It's a red flag if every time you look it's taking away from the connection via the conversation, eye contact, etc then yes this is a red flag. I guess I would need more information or description on what exactly happened during these looks and what you guys were doing etc.

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16613 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 02:28 PM

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37. "there was no misconception "
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

you have a boundary....thats it
questioning it is the real problem

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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Heinz
Member since Dec 26th 2003
20359 posts
Wed Oct-06-21 01:22 PM

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66. "Everyone has boundaries lol "
In response to Reply # 37
Wed Oct-06-21 01:23 PM by Heinz

  

          

People sometimes create boundaries that aren’t healthy. They are still boundaries. I think its fair to question them because sometimes they aren’t always rational. Having that “im set in my ways” is a red flag if we are being honest lol

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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39. "depends how you peep the crotch"
In response to Reply # 28


          

but I have enough women friends and family to know women tend to look at fingers and other body parts as well... lol.



****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
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Tue Oct-05-21 02:14 PM

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30. "Well is he looking? or staring, grunting, craning his neck, etc"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

Cause if he’s just looking and you mad then yeah that’s a little much
But I can easily see it surpassing just a look

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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19. "I'm 99% sure it'd be frowned upon. "
In response to Reply # 14


  

          


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
27487 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 09:13 PM

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57. "Haha for once you're actually not trippin 😉"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

From the info presented it sounds excessive. I see how that would be an issue for sure.

  

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Cocobrotha2
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58. "Out of respect, it should either be discreet or shared"
In response to Reply # 14


          

It would be disrespectful to you for him to be flagrantly sending a signal that he's interested in other women.

But we're all interested in other women, even if it's purely superficially. So you're gonna to drive yourself crazy trying to police every stolen glance.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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15. "lmao.. good luck finding a man who doesn’t "
In response to Reply # 0


          

everyone looks.. including you.

as long as he isn’t slobbering or burning a hole in their ass it shouldn’t be an issue.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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kwez
Member since Aug 10th 2003
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Tue Oct-05-21 09:24 AM

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16. "Me and wifey ogle together..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Of course that means I have to do the same when she spots a good looking dude. Ahem.

  

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PROMO
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41. "stands in this line minus the oogling men together part."
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

but i mean, if my wife sees a fine dude and makes a comment or whatever, it don't bother me.

STAND OUT HAND OUTS: http://basquiatwhenipaint.tumblr.com

TWEET ME: @PROMO206

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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45. "Now ninjas is oggling other men to make a point. SMH. "
In response to Reply # 16


  

          

just kidding.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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62. "nah.. she knows unless its his attire I don’t give af about that dude"
In response to Reply # 16


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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My_SP1200_Broken_Again
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20. "it happens everytime you go out together... "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

...getting caught though?


< Live Mixshow - Thurs 10PM/EST >
< Live Mixshow - Fri/Sat Midnight/EST >
https://twitch.tv/djchiefone


----Mixtape Archives-----
https://soundcloud.com/djchiefone

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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25. "Very"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I can do 2 things.

Look elsewhere conscientiously so that she never sees me looking. In this instance I've noticed, but I didn't look.

or 2. I look briefly to satisfy my curiosity.

shrug

That being said, I believe it is fair to quit someone who makes you feel small or disrespected, for whatever reason, as long as you've given them an opportunity to fix the situation.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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rdhull
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29. "ppl are generally unrealistic af"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

its biological that folks will be attracted to others..aka looking as well. It has nothing to do with their love etc towards their mate

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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36. "I believe the idea is that the practice of restraint in front of one's m..."
In response to Reply # 29


  

          

Shows a level of respect and appreciation for that mate. It seems as if that is what the OP is seeking, and I get it. Unfortunately, as far as regular, degular dudes go, it may be a bridge too far.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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40. "try as a may, try as a. might.. I can't ignore a phatty"
In response to Reply # 36


          

once it's in my site

thank goodness my wife peeps with me.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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48. "I wear a lot of sun glasses."
In response to Reply # 40


  

          

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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rdhull
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47. "RE: I believe the idea is that the practice of restraint in front of one..."
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

>Shows a level of respect and appreciation for that mate. It
>seems as if that is what the OP is seeking, and I get it.
>Unfortunately, as far as regular, degular dudes go, it may be
>a bridge too far.


Oh..he JUST started doing this?

Wait..ya know what..nvrmnd. Not gonna do it..not today

  

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infin8
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31. "we BOTH look"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I'll try to NOT look and she'll be like

"...I KNOOOOOW you seee it...." (c) Yung Joc

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
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50. "Yeah..."
In response to Reply # 31


  

          


The little lady used to run all kinds of 10ks and 15ks and stuff.

After the race is over, I would peep her checking out the diesel dudes that run with no shirt on. I don't call her out or anything.

It's not like we're outrageous about it. I don't yell out, "Damn, did you see the ass on her?!?"

A glance or something like that is fine. I'm not worried that she's gonna run off with every nice looking dude that walks past her.

  

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infin8
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33. "Matt 5:27-28?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Is that at the root of the issue?

That when we look at other women we are 'othering' you and committing adultery with other women? Eye-f--king?

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43866 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 03:16 PM

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43. "Y'all can have all that "We BOTH look" mess.... "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          




"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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Trinity444
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44. "n**gas proud too…"
In response to Reply # 43


  

          

🤷🏽‍♀️

  

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Rjcc
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51. "of having stable marriages and positive relationships"
In response to Reply # 44


          

I guess we could be single and complaining about what our exes did, but we'd have our dignity tho


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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52. "00"
In response to Reply # 51


  

          

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Trinity444
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53. "fair shot, nigga…"
In response to Reply # 51


  

          

I may have offended some.

  

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Rjcc
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55. "if what you're doing makes you happy then I got no problem with it"
In response to Reply # 53


          

idk why you'd feel differently about others

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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Trinity444
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75. "because it’s uncommon…"
In response to Reply # 55


  

          

just because she points out something you like doesn’t mean she’s cool with it.

  

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Rjcc
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77. "what do you know about what's common among married people?"
In response to Reply # 75
Thu Oct-07-21 07:47 AM by Rjcc

          

or people in really any kind of mature adult relationship?

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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Trinity444
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79. "smh…"
In response to Reply # 77


  

          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70961 posts
Thu Oct-07-21 11:27 AM

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82. "I can’t stand him but he is correct"
In response to Reply # 79


          

its odd to tell people what is common in a marriage.

Especially when a lot of people in here are going against your opinion on how common it is

I think some folk simply have a definition of what a marriage should be and once they are actually married they find out its nothing like what you expect.

Its prolly why the divorce rate is so high. Its not like the movies or a biblical marriage. Its 2 regular ass people who don’t actually change who they are once they become married.. and when people admit or accept this reality they fine tune their marriage to work the best way for them..

or they say fuck you and bail

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Trinity444
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84. "well, that theory is silly…"
In response to Reply # 82


  

          

it implies, because I’m not married I can’t speak on it. when I’ve been in committed relationships and the other thing separating us is licensing.

not to mentioned, I’m a woman and I have married friends.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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85. "nah.. just means there is more than 1 way to view marriage"
In response to Reply # 84


          

there is no “common” or “uncommon” way to be married.


****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Rjcc
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96. "A: I didn't say you could speak on anything or not"
In response to Reply # 84


          

B: Having friends that are married doesn't teach you shit about what it's like to be married.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Wed Oct-06-21 11:33 AM

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64. "why wouldn’t we be? We get to look at people"
In response to Reply # 44


          

without the threat of being cut

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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tariqhu
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54. "goose and gander can't do the same thing?"
In response to Reply # 43


          

or can do the same as in nobody's looking?

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70961 posts
Wed Oct-06-21 01:25 PM

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67. "LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!!!"
In response to Reply # 54


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43866 posts
Wed Oct-06-21 01:38 PM

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69. "I can't really articulate it...but I know something about it don't sit r..."
In response to Reply # 54


  

          

personally....
but if it works for y'all then kudos....

I'm just providing an alternative viewpoint for the discussion.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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micMajestic
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71. "I mean if it's my responsibility to protect her then I'm going to "
In response to Reply # 69


          

expect her to keep it reserved and preserved around strangers whether I'm there or not.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70961 posts
Thu Oct-07-21 11:09 AM

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81. "Hey, it works for yall and that is all that matters"
In response to Reply # 69


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
43866 posts
Thu Oct-07-21 11:57 AM

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83. "*daps* "
In response to Reply # 81


  

          


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70961 posts
Wed Oct-06-21 11:16 AM

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63. "thanks??"
In response to Reply # 43


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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ThaTruth
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Tue Oct-05-21 03:27 PM

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46. "you play it off by commenting on her shoes or what color she's wearing....."
In response to Reply # 0


          

or feign disgust like "wow, I can believe she has her ass out like that?!"

________________________________________
"Stay out the dark, cause if I catch you when the sun is down..."
https://youtu.be/eaaTxVRG06c?t=89

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 03:39 PM

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49. "Another tactic."
In response to Reply # 46


  

          

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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mrhood75
Member since Dec 06th 2004
43533 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 06:48 PM

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56. "I married, not dead. "
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Oct-05-21 06:49 PM by mrhood75

  

          

So yeah, I notice. She does too.

-----------------

www.albumism.com

Checkin' Our Style, Return To Zero:

https://www.mixcloud.com/returntozero/

  

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Boogie Stimuli
Member since Sep 24th 2010
13417 posts
Wed Oct-06-21 07:48 AM

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59. "What was your guy doing that made it excessive?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Was he looking at a lot of women, or was he commenting too much on the ones he was looking at, or both?

I feel like any judgment calls are pretty empty until we know that.

Plus it's probably good for you to be able to articulate what constitutes too much for you.

~
~
~
~
~
Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

  

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EMATI
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Wed Oct-06-21 11:06 AM

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60. "if he doesn't make you feel like he CRAVES you, then i think it's"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Oct-06-21 11:06 AM by EMATI

          

insensitive, rude, disrespectful...etc

ugh...i despise this saying low-key, but it's not necessarily what you do, but how you do it

does he make you feel like he goes further than looking when you aren't there?

if i don't feel like he is really into me then i'm going to create distance

but i don't think that looking at other women is indicative of that....necessarily





  

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EMATI
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Wed Oct-06-21 11:09 AM

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61. "it is very common and to be expected"
In response to Reply # 0


          

i'm a people watcher, tho


smh...i realized i didn't answer your question

  

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jimaveli
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Wed Oct-06-21 01:13 PM

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65. "RE: how common is it for men…"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>to check out other woman while with their lady.
>
>I quit someone over the weekend because his is excessive.
>
>let’s start there…
>

I have homeboys who have to feign blindness or face the wrath. I have homeboys who will turn their head around like they're ole girl on The Exorcist to check out every girl who comes around. I have homeboys who will see some celeb lady on TV and go out of their way to say something about her being hot/him being in love with her/whatever. I don't understand any of those options and wouldn't love it from either direction.

Me?

I will look. My wife is aware. We talked about it early on. She said 'you never stay on anyone long enough to make me worry, you make me feel special all the time/I never feel insecure because you don't look at them the way you look at me, and I trust you'. I pointed at her like she threw me a good ass pass during a pickup game and we've been cool on it ever since.

When I'm by myself, I look more than I do with her around because duh. But really, no matter what, I'm just looking. And my wife is keenly aware of this. She's got me all the way / I ain't going no damn where / that woman is the love of my life / I look at her harder than I look at pretty much anyone else.

Not sure if this helps, but I am not sure if my wife knows the type of women I like THE MOST or why. We're around them ALL THE TIME. BUT because my volume of looking is about the same no matter what, she doesn't totally know.

And yes, if someone shows up with the biggest something or other in the whole place and she's wearing something that says 'hey, check this out, yawl!', my wife MIGHT bring it up. I will usually, out of respect, not make it clear that I noticed it from the jump. Then, we'll have a completely reasonable conversation about whatever the big stuff and/or the outfit is. I'll undersell my thoughts on it (nuff respect!), bring the convo back to how much I like MY WIFE, and then we finish eating/drinking/shopping/whatever and we're good.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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68. "Been with my wife so long she would prolly think "
In response to Reply # 65


          

I had a thing going on with a woman if she had on a “look at me with the big ole something” outfit and I didn’t peep or say something.. lol.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Trinity444
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73. "why undersell? "
In response to Reply # 65


  

          

you mentioned it something discussed beforehand…do you mind sharing the details?

me and mines, happened to be discussing the attire of a couple we just finished having drinks with. basically, he said the wife was dressed like an old lady. It snowballed from there…



  

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jimaveli
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86. "RE: why undersell? "
In response to Reply # 73
Thu Oct-07-21 05:17 PM by jimaveli

  

          

>you mentioned it something discussed beforehand…do you mind
>sharing the details?
>
>me and mines, happened to be discussing the attire of a couple
>we just finished having drinks with. basically, he said the
>wife was dressed like an old lady. It snowballed from
>there…
>
>
>

I don’t mind at all. The underselling is my call. Its nothing ridiculous.

My thinking is this: my wife ain’t my homeboy, this ain’t my bro phase, and when I’m with her, me and her aren’t just sitting around wasting time at a low stakes, low expectations happy hour somewhere. We’re partners in a relationship FOR LIFE. And I want to do my part to make it great for her while not insulting her intelligence. So that’s why I’m not gonna just go blind or completely lie if some obviously attractive lady shows up around us and my wife notices AND says something about it.

Just because my wife SAID ‘she knows that dudes are gonna look. It’s cool cuz you don’t linger and I trust you’ doesn’t mean I wanna take that as an invitation to go all in on some comments about how slamming some other woman is at the bar at some restaurant or wherever. I don’t want to mess around and say anything that would make her have ANY ill feelings about herself or me over some good-looking lady who showed up somewhere. So, out of respect and what I consider reasonable caution for my wife (and myself too..I’m not all honor!), I keep it short and simple when I’m being even remotely complimentary of some other lady’s looks. And I’m almost guaranteed to follow it up with something about her cuz I want to make it ultra clear that it doesn’t matter how bangin some other lady is. I see that lady, I can appreciate her from a distance, and yeah..back to you, Mrs. jimaveli. To me, it just makes sense to handle it that way. And she seems to appreciate it so I roll with it like that. It makes sense, yes?

  

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Trinity444
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87. "I can live with that…"
In response to Reply # 86


  

          

thanks for explaining 😊

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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88. "but was she dressed like an old lady? "
In response to Reply # 73


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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Fri Oct-08-21 10:45 AM

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89. "JUST when you think you follow what ¾ is going on about, she throw a cu..."
In response to Reply # 88
Fri Oct-08-21 10:46 AM by FLUIDJ

  

          

and leave you like "???"

lol

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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91. "I’m wondering if dude actually been staring down women"
In response to Reply # 89


          

or is this about him discussing what the wife was wearing?

I’m mad confused

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Trinity444
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93. "in essence…"
In response to Reply # 91


  

          

why would a man objectify another woman in front of his lady. that’s the issue!




  

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FLUIDJ
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Fri Oct-08-21 12:43 PM

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94. "Fam, that's not objectifying...that's just talking shit lol..."
In response to Reply # 93


  

          

this is a whole OTHER conversation....you got everybody riled up about a totally different issue lol....


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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Trinity444
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95. "quit hanging out with leg’s, lol"
In response to Reply # 94


  

          

you got lost.

him mentioning her attire is what triggered me bringing up ALL his shit.


  

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legsdiamond
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97. "wait.. so this isn’t about him staring down women.. just commenting"
In response to Reply # 95


          

on someone’s wack fashion choice?

yeah.. no shade but I swear its like some people just make up shit to stay single.

All dude said was she dress like an old lady

Did he say she needed to dhow her fat ass or tig ole bitties?

Sounds like you used that comment to turn a throw away joke into a whole lot more

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Trinity444
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92. "even if, why would it be HIS business? "
In response to Reply # 88


  

          

  

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legsdiamond
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98. "so that means she does dress like an old lady"
In response to Reply # 92
Fri Oct-08-21 08:11 PM by legsdiamond

          

its an observation.

Did he slide her a Macy Gift Card or offer to take her shopping?

If the old ladies husband showed up in some gators looking like a pimp from the 50’s would you really be in his business if you clowned him once they left?

You that insecure that his joke really made you feel like you were disrespected?

Did you give her that dress? Is that what this is really about?

Help me out.. cause once I meet up with people its my gotdamn business to observe what people wear, say, do, etc.

So yeah.. dont ask me to double date or meet with your friends if I have to act deaf dumb and blind and cant comment on dudes turned over shoes or ole girl’s Mama’s family dress.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Dstl1
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102. "I’m asking sincerely…"
In response to Reply # 92


          

cuz I could be misunderstanding…but, I swear I read this about five times. You said y’all were already talking about the couple’s attire…and then he said she dressed like an old lady?

when I threw the rifle in the river,
it looked like Bol Bol was diving in the river - Action Bronson

  

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Trinity444
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104. "i was providing jimaveli with more insight…"
In response to Reply # 102


  

          

with this mind, him criticizing what she had on is an example of the behavior. the deeper issue is how much he does it when we’re together and why he’s comfortable doing it.




  

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Dstl1
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106. "gotcha, thanks"
In response to Reply # 104


          

.

when I threw the rifle in the river,
it looked like Bol Bol was diving in the river - Action Bronson

  

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tariqhu
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103. "are you bothered that he was looking at her in general or"
In response to Reply # 92


          

that he was judging a lady ? you feeling like he's secretly judging you and your attire?



Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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Trinity444
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105. "I’m bothered by the lack of discretion…"
In response to Reply # 103


  

          

  

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micMajestic
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70. "We grown. If he cared he'd figure out ways to look without you noticing"
In response to Reply # 0


          

I would never trigger someone like that if we were exclusive. How exactly does that convey exclusivity? He is sending a message to you that you should be uncomfortable all the time whether he knows it or not. That's not going to work. Even if you were to figure out his little sneak peek technique down the line, you'll know he cares enough to not make you look like a fool.

  

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Trinity444
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74. "you get it…"
In response to Reply # 70


  

          

  

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spades
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Mon Oct-11-21 09:38 AM

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101. "and then there's that."
In response to Reply # 70


  

          

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Binlahab
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72. "Can he see? If so he looking at every ass that passes"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

The trick is to be subtle Abt it

Or wear shades.

  

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Boogie Stimuli
Member since Sep 24th 2010
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Fri Oct-08-21 11:36 AM

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90. "lol"
In response to Reply # 72


          

>Or wear shades.

~
~
~
~
~
Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

  

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soulfunk
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Thu Oct-07-21 07:53 AM

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78. "There's a full spectrum of how to handle this, and each couple"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

should handle it in a way that is respectful and they are both comfortable with. So for some couples maybe it's a very subtle glance, and nothing said verbally at all. Some couples maybe it's "look at that booty!".

There's only an issue if there's an imbalance in expectations/comfort level between partners, and if that's the case then just communicate about it. If the communication has happened and there's still an imbalance, than at that point red flags need to go up...

  

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Rjcc
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Thu Oct-07-21 09:59 AM

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80. "it's all communication"
In response to Reply # 78


          


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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dgonsh
Member since Aug 14th 2002
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Sat Oct-09-21 04:17 PM

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99. "first ask yourself if you're only noticing cause you noticed too"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

if you noticed and catch your date noticing, are they looking at all types of people or lusting after attractive people? you might not notice your date is just a people watcher but you're only noticing when they notice attractive people cause you caught it too. i people watch. it's my ADHD. I can focus on a conversation with my SO, sure, but my eyes wander indiscriminately and she knows that and mocks me for it.

I'm always aware of the situation around me. if i see someone particularly attractive, I'm not a dog licking its lips staring at a steak, I'm probably just acknowledging the existence of a passerby who happens to be conventionally hot. In the same way i'll take notice and track a guy with a long ass beard, or a woman who is not discernably attractive but is wearing something kinda funny or talking loudly on the phone. I'm easily distracted. Not a cute trait, but it is what it is.

if you are saying they're crudely staring and getting hot in the collar eyeing down a clearly hot person but they are completely focused on you when other, non-hot people pass by? yeah that's creepy and disrespectful in a new relationship where you have not initiated pointing out that person's appearance. As others have pointed out, deep in a relationship you might both be comfortable enough to just point it out. or not. but you'll know your partner. in a new relationship, its definitely messed up to creepily ogle people

********************************************************************




"I *always* quote myself. I'm the only reliable source on *most* subjects" - OKP's First Lady of Knowledge, Janey

  

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tariqhu
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Sun Oct-10-21 12:27 PM

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100. "my wife told me the lady near us, with the big booty,"
In response to Reply # 0


          

had matching hair and pants color. I said word? oh yeah, she does.

of course, I'd already seen her, but didn't put the hair and pants together. we both laffed and continued our bike ride.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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