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Subject: "I'm going to a Halloween-Themed Adult Play Party: Ask Me Anything" Previous topic | Next topic
Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Wed Sep-29-21 07:51 PM

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"I'm going to a Halloween-Themed Adult Play Party: Ask Me Anything"


          

the party is being thrown by a friend who runs The Tantra Institute. I've attended his event before and it was truly a wonderful experience

i've been to many other adult play types of experiences through the years, as well.

ask me anything about play parties, if you're curious

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
What’s your costume going to be?
Sep 29th 2021
1
I've decided to honor a legend:
Sep 29th 2021
2
      awesome choice.
Sep 30th 2021
4
           RE: awesome choice.
Sep 30th 2021
11
                How'd that work out.
Sep 30th 2021
13
                     fine for the party. not fine for regular life lol
Sep 30th 2021
16
                     While I think we would follow our rules
Oct 01st 2021
22
                          RE: While I think we would follow our rules
Oct 01st 2021
24
                               True indeed.
Oct 01st 2021
25
What goes on at these parties?
Sep 30th 2021
3
I don’t want to know - Carl Thomas
Sep 30th 2021
5
You do tho.
Sep 30th 2021
6
      If I was single.. sure
Sep 30th 2021
7
           lol, y'all can just watch.
Sep 30th 2021
8
           RE: If I was single.. sure
Sep 30th 2021
10
           lmao
Sep 30th 2021
20
generally, anything you want
Sep 30th 2021
9
      This sounds great and a really fun time
Sep 30th 2021
12
      I love this idea, and I'm stealing it.
Sep 30th 2021
14
           so simple yet so revolutionary lol
Sep 30th 2021
18
too risky during the pandemic....
Sep 30th 2021
15
Prolly, but how long we doing this, tho?
Sep 30th 2021
17
cracks me up how people scream pandemic
Oct 01st 2021
21
      Me too!
Oct 01st 2021
23
      super
Oct 03rd 2021
32
leaving your house is risky in a pandemic. period.
Sep 30th 2021
19
is it wrong to change partners mid stroke or mid pump?
Oct 01st 2021
26
are you actually curious or HS level trolling?
Oct 02nd 2021
27
      damn.. you said ask anything
Oct 02nd 2021
28
           yes but it looked like you were trolling
Oct 02nd 2021
29
Do people use condoms and dental dams
Oct 02nd 2021
30
Dental Dams no, condoms yes, and yes some people go raw.
Oct 04th 2021
33
RE: Do people use condoms and dental dams
Oct 05th 2021
34
No questions, but I’m intrigued.
Oct 02nd 2021
31
intrigued by what, exactly?
Oct 05th 2021
35
how strict are they with covid rules
Oct 13th 2021
36
meaning
Oct 13th 2021
37
everyone must be vaxxed.
Oct 14th 2021
39
      ahh
Oct 15th 2021
41
is it anything like the orgy scene in eyes wide shut
Oct 13th 2021
38
nothing like it.
Oct 14th 2021
40

calij81
Member since Jan 17th 2007
12666 posts
Wed Sep-29-21 08:43 PM

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1. "What’s your costume going to be? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

What do you think the m/f ratio is and average age of such an event?

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Wed Sep-29-21 08:59 PM

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2. "I've decided to honor a legend:"
In response to Reply # 1


          

https://www.gracejones.com/

>What do you think the m/f ratio is and average age of such an
>event?

At this event, because its more centered around authentic human connection, there will be more women than men. probably 60/40

at most "swing parties", where the goal is just to be fucking wildly and performatively while people watch, its almost always more men than women... 70/30

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 09:15 AM

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4. "awesome choice."
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

have you ever attended one of these while partnered? If so, what were your boundaries?

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 11:39 AM

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11. "RE: awesome choice."
In response to Reply # 4


          

>have you ever attended one of these while partnered? If so,
>what were your boundaries?

yeah with an ex. the only boundary i can remember us discussing is that we wanted to only enjoy play together. like not me going off alone w/someone or him going off alone..that we'd fully share any experience

d



"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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Thu Sep-30-21 12:59 PM

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13. "How'd that work out."
In response to Reply # 11


  

          


>yeah with an ex. the only boundary i can remember us
>discussing is that we wanted to only enjoy play together. like
>not me going off alone w/someone or him going off alone..that
>we'd fully share any experience

I've had that rule before. Didn't work out so well for me. How'd it work for you?

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 03:09 PM

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16. "fine for the party. not fine for regular life lol"
In response to Reply # 13
Thu Sep-30-21 03:18 PM by Damali

          

>I've had that rule before. Didn't work out so well for me.
>How'd it work for you?

my ex happened to be a lying manipulative cheater, which had nothing to do with the rule itself...the rule isn't the problem..its the person who's promising to follow it and their lack of ability to be honest with themselves and with their partner.

i do what i say i'm gonna do, and if i can't, i talk to the person about it...alot of folks don't know how to do that.

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70962 posts
Fri Oct-01-21 10:47 AM

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22. "While I think we would follow our rules"
In response to Reply # 13


          

once that party gets started and people get aroused..

nah yo, heard too many horror stories about people that go in with a plan and come out in a jam.

“mess around and het your feelings hurt” - Ray Parker Jr.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Fri Oct-01-21 12:04 PM

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24. "RE: While I think we would follow our rules"
In response to Reply # 22


          

>once that party gets started and people get aroused..
>
>nah yo, heard too many horror stories about people that go in
>with a plan and come out in a jam.

that's a people problem and not a party problem.

getting aroused does not remove your ability to make the right choices. people can't just use that as an excuse. if somebody does that, then y'all got bigger problems than the party.

d



"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Fri Oct-01-21 12:55 PM

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25. "True indeed."
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

Sometimes that means you're dealing w/a dirtbag
Sometimes it means y'all don't feel comfortable talking about what you REALLY want.
Sometimes it means you don't really know yourself as well as you think you do.

This is Varsity level shit. You gotta come prepared and act accordingly.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13073 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 07:59 AM

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3. "What goes on at these parties?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

>ask me anything about play parties, if you're curious

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70962 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 09:27 AM

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5. "I don’t want to know - Carl Thomas"
In response to Reply # 3


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 09:33 AM

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6. "You do tho. "
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

In the right mood, with the right people, these parties are fun as fuck.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70962 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 10:51 AM

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7. "If I was single.. sure"
In response to Reply # 6


          

but married

nah.. I’m good

Have us riding home in the car silent af

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 11:07 AM

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8. "lol, y'all can just watch. "
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

That's how a lot of people do their 1st party, and frankly that's the way I would recommend.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 11:34 AM

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10. "RE: If I was single.. sure"
In response to Reply # 7
Thu Sep-30-21 11:35 AM by Damali

          

>but married
>
>nah.. I’m good
>
>Have us riding home in the car silent af

depends on the type of marriage you have. if its one where you don't communicate well about sex and sexuality and your own desires, then yeah silent car ride home

but if its one where you both know the others' fantasies, and enjoy seeing them fulfilled, then its a chatty, excited, lets pull over the side of the rode and quickie again car ride home.

but like folks already said, alot of couples go to these parties and don't interact w/anyone sexually...its like live porn to them, and that's cool too

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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kinetic94761180
Member since Jul 05th 2002
17533 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 03:29 PM

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20. "lmao"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

>but married
>
>nah.. I’m good
>
>Have us riding home in the car silent af

on god.

_____________
if racism is a cancer, black thought is the answer.

Rjcc is code for "bitch-ass troll"

DROkayplayer™

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 11:30 AM

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9. "generally, anything you want"
In response to Reply # 3
Thu Sep-30-21 11:32 AM by Damali

          

"you want" is the most important part though

there's no pressure to do anything at all. if you want to just watch, you can do that. if you want to BE watched, and not physically interact w/anyone, you can do that too.

The point is, its a space of freedom & consent.

What I love about my friend's parties, is that we spend time discussing and practicing requests, consent, denials, negotiation etc in a closed "container" (meaning, by a certain time, no one else can come in, and once you leave, you can't re-enter) before any play occurs...he builds trust and mutual understanding/connection during a ceremony called a puja.

then once its "free play" time, it goes how it goes...but its very respectful of everyone present

he also has a caterer onsite, who makes fruit salads and other body-friendly small bites...there's also usually cacao to drink, and other soft drinks, but no alcohol.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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calij81
Member since Jan 17th 2007
12666 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 12:10 PM

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12. "This sounds great and a really fun time"
In response to Reply # 9


          

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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Thu Sep-30-21 01:02 PM

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14. "I love this idea, and I'm stealing it."
In response to Reply # 9


  

          


>What I love about my friend's parties, is that we spend time
>discussing and practicing requests, consent, denials,
>negotiation etc in a closed "container" (meaning, by a certain
>time, no one else can come in, and once you leave, you can't
>re-enter)

That right there, is GENIUS, and I'm shocked I never thought of it before. Totally stealing it.

>he also has a caterer onsite, who makes fruit salads and
>other body-friendly small bites...there's also usually cacao
>to drink, and other soft drinks, but no alcohol.

I've never understood this at some parties. No alcohol, no weed... I mean, they are lubricants (social) They can help.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 03:14 PM

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18. "so simple yet so revolutionary lol"
In response to Reply # 14


          

>
>>What I love about my friend's parties, is that we spend time
>>discussing and practicing requests, consent, denials,
>>negotiation etc in a closed "container" (meaning, by a
>certain
>>time, no one else can come in, and once you leave, you can't
>>re-enter)
>
>That right there, is GENIUS, and I'm shocked I never thought
>of it before. Totally stealing it.

please do!


>I've never understood this at some parties. No alcohol, no
>weed... I mean, they are lubricants (social) They can help.
>

the point is to not need any kind of social lubricant/help..to learn to exist in your natural state..confident, free, powerful...or nervous, anxious...whatever you are, you are perfect in that state. and in time, you'll get comfortable and more relaxed as you CONNECT to other humans who respect you exactly as you are.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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kingjerm78
Member since Jul 05th 2007
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Thu Sep-30-21 03:04 PM

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15. "too risky during the pandemic...."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

have fun tho

--------------------------------

one half of the most dynamic tag team on the net...nappyafro's FROCAST!

http://www.frocast.com
www.nappyafro.com
store.nappyafro.com

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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Thu Sep-30-21 03:10 PM

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17. "Prolly, but how long we doing this, tho?"
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

We working on year 2 now, right? Pressure bust pipes, fam.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70962 posts
Fri Oct-01-21 10:44 AM

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21. "cracks me up how people scream pandemic"
In response to Reply # 17


          

until its shit they want to do.

all a sudden people get real lax and defensive


This includes myself. I always see football games packed now and think about the pandemic. But I paid good money to watch my Steelers get their ass kicked.

We were masked up but most people weren’t.

I think we are at a point where we have to live our life and hope for the best.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
42712 posts
Fri Oct-01-21 11:05 AM

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23. "Me too!"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

I think this is where we at. I'm still wearing my mask. Haven't been to a movie theatre since the panny hit, and likely won't go back anytime soon, but after the shot I started going back to bars. (socially distanced of course) I'm largely working out at home and not at the gym.

Like you said, there's shit I'm willing to give up, and shit I ain't.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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grey
Member since Apr 04th 2003
1926 posts
Sun Oct-03-21 01:45 AM

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32. "super "
In response to Reply # 21


          

mrs be on my HEAD about being careful.. let it be some crowded shit see wanna see smh haha.

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Sep-30-21 03:18 PM

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19. "leaving your house is risky in a pandemic. period."
In response to Reply # 15


          

there are ways to mitigate & reduce covid risks w/events, which we've all learned by now

-guests are fully vaxxed and can wear masks if they choose to
-rapid testing
-not showing up sick
-keeping the guest list small

and yes, thanks i'll have alot of fun

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70962 posts
Fri Oct-01-21 02:09 PM

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26. "is it wrong to change partners mid stroke or mid pump? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Sat Oct-02-21 01:51 PM

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27. "are you actually curious or HS level trolling?"
In response to Reply # 26


          

first you say above that you don't want to know

then that you're married and ya'll don't get down like that

now its asking about some rudimentary ass "mid pump"

clearly your ideas around sex and sexuality are still living in the "what base did you get to? kee kee" era so this might not be the post for you, my dude.

d

"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
70962 posts
Sat Oct-02-21 02:33 PM

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28. "damn.. you said ask anything"
In response to Reply # 27


          

I’m being serious

its something I know I wouldn’t do but I’m curious if there is some type if “contract” when it comes to pleasuring a person.

Do you have to finish what you start or can you move on if you aren’t feeling it and see something more interesting.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Sat Oct-02-21 04:04 PM

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29. "yes but it looked like you were trolling"
In response to Reply # 28


          

>I’m being serious

and that's why i asked. if you're serious, then yeah, ask away

>its something I know I wouldn’t do but I’m curious if
>there is some type if “contract” when it comes to
>pleasuring a person.

>Do you have to finish what you start or can you move on if you
>aren’t feeling it and see something more interesting.

this is addressed and practiced during the opening conversation. its definitely ok to decide that you no longer want to continue something or that you want the interaction to shift in some way. from what i remember, he encouraged us to say something along the lines of "can we try something different"..but i can't remember the exact phrasing

but yes this is extremely important. if at any time, your consent changes, its important to let the other person know. and they will be fine with it because that's a part of the sacred container that was agreed upon before the play party began

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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luminous
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Sat Oct-02-21 06:10 PM

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30. "Do people use condoms and dental dams"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Or are people going raw?

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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spades
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
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Mon Oct-04-21 09:59 AM

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33. "Dental Dams no, condoms yes, and yes some people go raw."
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

at least in my experience.

********************************
http://www.last.fm/user/Nspades

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt
www.wickedradionetwork.com

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion" - Paulo Coehlo

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 07:44 PM

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34. "RE: Do people use condoms and dental dams"
In response to Reply # 30


          

>Or are people going raw?

its whatever is agreed upon between those 2 (or more) people.

d


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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JFrost1117
Member since Aug 12th 2005
23143 posts
Sat Oct-02-21 09:40 PM

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31. "No questions, but I’m intrigued."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

____________
Twitter & IG: @rulerofmyself
SC: rulerofmyself17

Yes! She's on the drugs. (c) BoHagon

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Tue Oct-05-21 07:45 PM

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35. "intrigued by what, exactly?"
In response to Reply # 31


          


"But rest assured, in my luxurious house built on the backs of people darker than me, I am sipping fine scotch and scoffing at how stupid you are." - bshelly

  

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madwriter
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12217 posts
Wed Oct-13-21 06:20 PM

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36. "how strict are they with covid rules"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

i haven't even been to any indoor concerts since they reopened venues

2019 fall was the last time I was at one and it was star trek themed and a bit too nerdy for my tastes lol


--------
<--------- my cousin
www.richardlouissaint.com
photobloggin' it:
http://blog.richardlouissaint.com

  

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madwriter
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Wed Oct-13-21 06:23 PM

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37. "meaning"
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

i am all about the nyc mandates for requiring vaccinations for being indoors with other people.

once you leave those borders it's up to whomever. wild to see movie theatres in long island not have any requirements in their spaces versus NYC movies
--------
<--------- my cousin
www.richardlouissaint.com
photobloggin' it:
http://blog.richardlouissaint.com

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Oct-14-21 10:15 AM

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39. "everyone must be vaxxed. "
In response to Reply # 36


          

its indoors at an NYC hotel so that's the general requirement to even enter the building

he's also requiring a rapid test the day before.

  

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madwriter
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Fri Oct-15-21 09:53 PM

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41. "ahh"
In response to Reply # 39


  

          


--------
<--------- my cousin
www.richardlouissaint.com
photobloggin' it:
http://blog.richardlouissaint.com

  

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falafel stand pimpin
Member since Dec 26th 2006
4311 posts
Wed Oct-13-21 07:53 PM

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38. "is it anything like the orgy scene in eyes wide shut"
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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Damali
Member since Sep 12th 2002
35338 posts
Thu Oct-14-21 10:55 AM

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40. "nothing like it."
In response to Reply # 38


          


"Chappelle is now a wealthy cishet Black man with little else to offer to his audiences, but low-hanging uninformed fruit. And cishets who claim LGBTQ+ have too thin a skin also lack the range to confront their own prejudices in a meaningful way."

  

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