2. "crazily enough my girl calls me today and tells me that her good friend" In response to Reply # 0
came by emotional and upset because i guess she slept with this new guy shes been talking to and as a result she was worried about being preggo..not sure if a condom was used or not. but my girl took her to target and she copped a plan B.
I would have no problems copping a plan B if i were in this situation. not 100% if i would suggest it rgt off the rip, but id figure a round about way to introduce the idea. ive got a son about to be 20 and im not trying to hop onto that merry go round again and start over...but id be more cautious than dude was unless the issue is that he strapped up and the jawnt broke.
3. "I think if your friend is on the same page with said partner" In response to Reply # 0
about things being casual then emergency contraception shouldn't be an awkward topic at all. No matter who brings it up.
I am a (older millenial aged) woman and would not have been offended by a casual partner raising the issue of plan b. I also think offering/insisting to pay would show class.
That said, the few times I did use emergency contraception were completely autonomous decisions and purchases which didn't involve the guy at all. Lol. I just viewed it as handling my biz. And the one unexpected pregnancy I ever had happened while I was on birth control, so go figure.
Some key advice I would give your friend tho, if there's discussion, is to emphasize his own concerns (eg. no desire for any/more children, not ready to father children, etc) rather than insinuate anything whatsoever about the person's fitness for motherhood/co-parenting.
Seems obvious, but some men have major emotional intelligence delays and/or even get a kick out of putting women down (think Kevin Samuels). Especially if he's decided she's not 'marriage material' or whatever else. That would take the convo from responsible to unneccessarily mean real quick.
But ya, other than that, men being responsible about their seed is sexy. No need to tiptoe fellas
28. "Yes men who value their sperm is sexy, but beforehand." In response to Reply # 3 Mon Jul-12-21 10:38 PM by Mori
I agree with everything said, but the burden of reproduction unfairly falls on the woman. I really don't understand why there are not more options for men and birth control.
The entire dating, marriage and family landscape would equalize if men could decide if, when and whom they had kids with.
Fewer unwanted children, fewer murdered pregnant women and more intentional families where the kids are wanted.
This whole thing of women controlling who gets to get born creates a ton of anger, animosity, mistrust and bad feelings in relationships.
Men are scientists and can create something that works for everyone.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Mon Jul-12-21 08:44 AM
6. "if the man doesn’t want a baby he needs to get a plan b pill" In response to Reply # 0
but he can’t force her to take it..
good luck!
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Mon Jul-12-21 08:50 AM
7. "when I drove uber I had to take a woman to get a plan b pill" In response to Reply # 0
she had no shame either.
went thru the drive thru and yelled for her plan b pill like a G.
I thought she would want to go inside and be a little more private but I guess she was on the clock or maybe she was getting it for a friend.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
8. "Really shouldn't be awkward at all" In response to Reply # 0
They've gone out a couple times. If either of the parties involved are thinking "hmm I actually hope I'm/your pregnant" then they are probably a fuckin psycho. But you should definitely talk about getting it first.
I've bought it a few times. I imagine its a lot easier than talking about getting an abortion.
When I lived in SF, hetero people used condoms for STD prevention not pregnancy prevention because birth control use was everywhere. Pill, ring or implant, something was in place. So, when condoms tore the discussion was never "baby or nah?"
it was
"where you been, when was the last time you had a test?"
or
"so...that was interesting, any interest in doing that again? but if we do, now we go together and that *waves hand around genitals* is mine. MINE."
I think in this scenario you are jumping to the part about talking about it with the person.
In my young and dumb days (about 22) I vibed with a lady and it was one of those "we NEED to have sex rightthisfuckingsecond" moments. We were living in a hypothetical world were everyone we knew would be dead if we didn't run off to her house and jam our bits together. So - we did the thing, and while post nut clarity filled our brains we calmly realized it was a good idea to have sex, but a bad idea to go about it without any sort of barrier. Then, we decided to go with plan b and that was that.
11. "My situationship asked me to take a Plan B" In response to Reply # 0
We had unprotected sex. He freaked the hell out. He was a very straight laced, professional, divorced dad of a 12 year old. He never wanted to have kids ever again.
I on the other hand am a single mom of an unplanned child with a jump off. I had no problem getting pregnant again and even raising a kid on my own.
He begged me to take the plan b and I didn't. I wasn't pregnant. I told him, if he was so adamant about not having kids, he should have brought a condom or get a vasectomy.
We remained friends but never had sex again. I guess that was the flag we both needed to recognize we were not right for each other.
Both people should discuss views on pregnancy early. Now I ask every man what he would do if I became pregnant before we have sex.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Mon Jul-12-21 12:27 PM
12. "whew.. he dodged a bullet" In response to Reply # 11
seems like that convo should’ve happened earlier and yes, if he didnt want kids he needs to protect himself.
my brother was a dummy and believed a woman who said she couldn’t get pregnant.
9 months later..
its a miracle!!!
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
13. "LMAO! I also dodged a bullet! " In response to Reply # 12
This dude could not speak his truth because he feared not getting some pussy.
We had surprise sex in a strange location. He loved it but then regretted it worried about pregnancy. I knew that we were not on the same page. He wanted me to deal with all the consequences but he didn't come prepared with a condom. It spoke to why he was divorced and I was completely turned off. He still wants to be intimate but the way he handled his fertility disappointed me and I couldn't find him attractive.
I definitely had baby fever. He was a good guy and I told him I had no plans on getting married but would love to be a mother again. I wasn't necessarily trying to make him a father. We had used condoms on every previous encounter.
14. "when yall had sex previously, was he the one would bring the condoms?" In response to Reply # 13
just trying to get a sense of if it was understood that he should be prepared at all times lol...and if not yall could have stopped by the store right?
>This dude could not speak his truth because he feared not >getting some pussy. > >We had surprise sex in a strange location. He loved it but >then regretted it worried about pregnancy. I knew that we were >not on the same page. He wanted me to deal with all the >consequences but he didn't come prepared with a condom. It >spoke to why he was divorced and I was completely turned off. >He still wants to be intimate but the way he handled his >fertility disappointed me and I couldn't find him attractive. > > >I definitely had baby fever. He was a good guy and I told him >I had no plans on getting married but would love to be a >mother again. I wasn't necessarily trying to make him a >father. We had used condoms on every previous encounter.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Mon Jul-12-21 03:24 PM
16. "wait.. flag on the play" In response to Reply # 13 Mon Jul-12-21 03:26 PM by legsdiamond
surprise sex? While dude should have used the pullout method I think I have to side with him on this one.
based on limited info it sounds like you may have been playing a bit of a game since you admit to having baby fever.
Unless there was a previous convo about kids I think its kinda wild to be on some “welp, you shouldn’t have had surprise sex with me”
what bullet did you dodge? Did you think he was daddy material or a good sperm donor?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
26. "He should have more self control" In response to Reply # 16
I think in 2021, men cannot default to the old, "A man can't say no to pussy" narrative. If you know you don't want kids, either bring a condom, say no to sex or get a vasectomy."
He enjoyed the sexual experience but wanted to push the guilt and stress off on me. I wasn't stressed at all. He was stressed that I wasn't stressed and tried to use the plan B option to reduce his anxiety.
I felt that he was too old (40 something) to let his sexual desires compromise his integrity. If no kids are that serious, he should handle it or be prepared to deal with the outcome.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Tue Jul-13-21 01:57 PM
33. "I hear you but its still wild to me that yall were so far apart " In response to Reply # 26
when it came to a baby.
especially at that age.
I can see in your 20’s but at 40 it seems like that convo is discussed before sex happens
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
dudes are too scared of getting snipped. I dont get it. Or husbands who make their wives get their tubes tied because im not letting anyone near my nuts! Man the fuck up and go get cut. Getting tubes tied is so much more invasive and a longer recovery.
November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Mon Jul-12-21 06:10 PM
20. "I hear you and agree" In response to Reply # 18
but when I went to have my first meeting for the procedure a dude came out on a stretcher.. lmao. Could’ve been for something totally different but the visual fucked me up.
wife went with me and we simply weren’t fans of the doctor when he acted like we were annoying him by asking questions.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
25. "A vasectomy is fast, permanent and simple" In response to Reply # 17 Mon Jul-12-21 09:51 PM by Mori
I told him to get a vasectomy instead of stressing me out about talking pills. I am not the one who had a problem with the scenario. I made it very clear to him my stance on pregnancy, abortion and birth control.
Surprise sex is sex when you don't expect it.
We had been dating for one year with no expectations, discussion or obligation to exclusivity. But I was sexually exclusive with him.
He said he was happy with condoms as birth control. But if so, he should always hae them or say no to sex. He just refused to get a vasectomy and I just found that to be very selfish.
29. "I thought surprise sex only happened in prison lol" In response to Reply # 25
>I told him to get a vasectomy instead of stressing me out >about talking pills. I am not the one who had a problem with >the scenario. I made it very clear to him my stance on >pregnancy, abortion and birth control. > >Surprise sex is sex when you don't expect it. > >We had been dating for one year with no expectations, >discussion or obligation to exclusivity. But I was sexually >exclusive with him. > >He said he was happy with condoms as birth control. But if so, >he should always hae them or say no to sex. He just refused to >get a vasectomy and I just found that to be very selfish.
27. "snip snip. being proactive would eliminate this issue. " In response to Reply # 0
but in this case, there shouldn't be a question about who buys. ultimately, it shouldn't be an issue for either to buy if that's the direction we're going.
35. "I don't think it is an asshole move. Just irresponsible" In response to Reply # 34
If the man didn't do his part to prevent pregnancy, such as bring a condom, pull out, get vasectomy or say no to sex, then he is equally responsible and all the pressure, expense and health care shouldn't fall on the woman.
36. "Isn't the discussion about Plan B part of him being equally " In response to Reply # 35
responsible? On the other hand I get it - from the woman's perspective I could see how they might view bringing up Plan B as no different then a guy trying to convince her to get an abortion. So yeah if he was concerned he needed to handle his business earlier.
Reading this entire thread I'm just glad I've been out of the dating game for 20 years...
44. "Men are not smart is not a good excuse" In response to Reply # 39 Tue Jul-13-21 06:10 PM by Mori
So many murdered pregnant women (especially black), as a result of men not being honest about their feelings towards children, married, single or causal encounters.
Yes I would still feel the same way if I did or did not have kids. So many fractured families and we can't keep putting the burden on women.
I always told men my stance on pregnancy. Some men held their own and brought condoms or declined the sexual opportunity. Others played roulette and just prayed. But I always tell men who I have sex with how I manage my body. The best that they could do is be more honest about their feelings.
There are tons of women to have sex with. Why put me through the drama?
45. "it’s where we differ…" In response to Reply # 44
not that I’m excusing the behavior. If he expressed he doesn’t want kids and we take preventive measures but…the condom breaks. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to ask about plan b. Ultimately, it’s her decision on what to do. Just recognize the power that comes with it…
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79604 posts
Thu Jul-15-21 12:53 PM
62. "Both people have a responsibility to protect themselves" In response to Reply # 45
and no one should get offended over hearing about Plan B, condoms or not wanting kids.
If you didn’t have these convos before having sex no way you get to be all high and mighty about expectations after sex.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
42. "If a man doesn't want a kid, he needs to control his body" In response to Reply # 40 Tue Jul-13-21 06:00 PM by Mori
A man should not pressure, threaten, manipulate or coerce a woman into terminating a pregnancy.
Every couple should discuss pregnancy and prevention BEFORE sex. Both people should agree on terms before sex.
But the old days where women mutilated our bodies to appease a man who decides post nut that he is not interested in the consequences of unprotected sex are no longer balanced.
48. "Cool but that wasn't what I asked." In response to Reply # 42
Many are suggesting if a man doesn't want kids...get a vasectomy.
Which Again...fine except getting ones tubes tied in the scenario I described would be pointless. The sex has happened getting a vasectomy for the man at this point would be like getting insurance after you've wrecked your car.
My question was would you suggest a woman who doesn't want kids get her tubes tied.
43. "The difference is that the choices available after the sex happens " In response to Reply # 40
are within the woman’s body. As a man our choice is gone after sex, so if we want to be in control we have the options of vasectomy, no sex, or condoms (while taking into account the risk of it breaking.)
Women have getting tubes tied as an option, but other options like Plan B are actually in their direct control since it’s their body. They could make that decision on their own and be comfortable with knowing that if things get a little “sloppy” that’s an option available to them. As man though, we can’t bank on that option since it’s her body.
53. "sure. there are also less drastic measures of birth control " In response to Reply # 40
>I am curious...do you also believe women who don't wanna have >kids should get their tubes tied?
this feels a lot like shifting blame, i.e. "what about her role in this?"
which is to say maybe stop having sex if you struggle with accountability for your actions and/or think you should be springing a Plan B pill on her without a conversation
54. "Almost EVERY time a condom broke, I FELT it.... " In response to Reply # 0
>Condom is used but...oops. It tore.
The very first time it happens, it's a new experience so mistakes c2an be made.
But after that? When all of a sudden it starts feeling MUCH better and wetter? Time to check the condom, not keep going. At a minimum, pull out before the splash just to make sure.
The difference between condom sex and raw sex is so great that the difference should be immediately apparent.
___
I'm a man, and I'd go buy the plan B if she wanted me to. They (the couple) needs to have a real talk with each other first tho. This is some real shit.
>I gave em the speech about being careful about wearing >protection > >they asked me "IS there really a difference tho?" > >I said...go look at STD and unplanned pregnancy rates. It's >that damn enticing. People routinely risk it all.
58. "This isn't complicated. " In response to Reply # 0
I wouldn't flinch at all at asking a partner to use Plan B.
I don't think it's an asshole ask either.
If I was using a condom, then the woman knows I'm protecting myself, her and trying to avoid a baby. If she would get offended at me asking her to use Plan B, then she should have been offended that I strapped up.
If the condom breaks, we're heading to the pharmacy after we're done. ______________________________________________________________________________
lmao at the visual of a woman getting upset because you pulled out a condom.
unless you want to have a baby how the hell is asking about Plan B disrespectful?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
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